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nneess01

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Posts: 4
 #1 
A few days ago I lost my boy of 14 years.  We battled congestive heart failure for 2.5 years until it could not be fought anymore.  At the end he was in such bad shape that the vet could not even take him from the oxygen tank in order to put him down.  This made things a little logistically awkward as only myself or spouse could really pet and comfort him while the vet did their thing.  When the vet gave him the sedative, I was with him petting him and talking to him until he went down and to sleep.  As the vet gave the euthanasia shot, I stepped away as I didn't want to see his the life leave his body.  My spouse stepped in and starting comforted him the rest of the way.  I'm now feeling some guilt for staying right there, even though I feel like I was there for the end of his conscious life when the vet sedated him for the final shot.  Has anyone else had a similar experience? 
jakeyboy

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Posts: 14
 #2 
I'm so sorry for your loss.

I know how all-consuming this kind of guilt can be. Lost my Jake in December. He technically wasn't mine as my mother was listed as his owner, but it always felt as if he was mine. I was unable to be there for his final moments, for the last few days of his life as a matter of fact, and I know that it's something I'm going to regret for the rest of my life.

There's absolutely no doubt that your boy felt your presence, despite the fact that you weren't physically touching him. I'm sure that was comforting enough for him, plus the fact that your spouse was there to do what you could not.

Wishing you all the best.
grievingmom

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Posts: 639
 #3 
 You did not abandon your boy.......you were there to the end. That is what your boy is going to remember.
nneess01

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Posts: 4
 #4 
Thanks grievingmom - as the days go by, I'm starting to realize that I was there with him till the end.  I think we all get lost in the heat of the moment and then go back and think we should have done this differently or that differently...when everything we did was done because of how much we loved our pet.

I'm also realizing that day, in its entirety, is something want to kind of block from my mind as I don't want any of the devastation of that day to cloud the 14 years of companionship.  Easier said than done though...
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