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Mmorales008

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Posts: 3
 #1 
I lost my boy American bulldog / pitbull last night. He was 8years old. He passed away at home and I held him but couldn’t control my emotions. I believe he had a heart attack. We tried taking him to the vet to know what was wrong with him on Monday and Tuesday. He was throwing up and had bad throat pain. He would howl and cry with severe pain. However I just received a “he probably has an upset stomach”. He was already developed some health issues. He had eye surgery back in 2014 and within the past year he just couldn’t see properly.
I have so much guilt inside of me I feel as if I did not take care of my boy the way I should have. I feel like he was suffering so much I couldn’t bare to see him in so much pain. I am really depressed I lost my boy, I feel like I let him down, I asked him for forgiveness several times while I was holding him until he took his last breath. I don’t know what I did wrong or what happened. It all happened so fast. My dad buried in my back yard and I haven’t gone to see his grave. I’m not ready.
I wish to turn back time and redo everything and fix him so he would never been in the pain he was.
I believe this hurts twice the pain because back in 2013, I had his mom and I unfortunately had go make the decision to let her go do to the fact that she developed a massive tumor in her stomach. She was only 4 years old. I lost my furry friends and I feel so lost, confused, guilty. At time I wish I was them so I can verbalize what was wrong with them before it got to this point. My mind is racing I’ve been crying so much I can only replay in my mom my babies while I held them for the last time. I would like to know if anyone feels the same way or similar. I know many people don’t understand because they’re “just pets” but it’s so much more than that. They were always there and always loyal no matter what.
I feel like I didn’t give my boy enough love as I should have.
I’m falling into depression and it’s hard for me to get out of.
GoldenMom

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Posts: 22
 #2 
Mmorales008, I am very sorry for the loss of your boy. We all know here that our pets will never be “just pets”. They are our family and when they pass away it is truly one of the most painful things we can ever go through. Their unconditional love and support provides so much joy and comfort in our lives and navigating life without them can be very difficult. Having guilt is a very normal response to your loss. I’ve had those feelings too. I’ve asked myself, “What if I did this?” and “Why didn’t I do that?”. The thought that we might have let down our pets can be very distressing. As time passes I’m beginning to focus on all the wonderful things I did to make my dog’s life happy and special. I wouldn’t for all the world choose to let my boy down and I realize thoughts that I might have were driven by my grief. Be gentle on yourself as you heal. You loved your boy and only wanted the very best for him. I hope you give yourself time to think about all the wonderful things you did for your dog and remember all the happy times your shared. We’re all here to support you.

Sending you healing thoughts of comfort and peace.
JimMillerPetLover

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Posts: 25
 #3 
Dear Mmorales008:

  Your Pit Bull was very fortunate to have had someone like you as his caregiver. Just the notion that you are posting here means that you had immense love for your Boy. The idea that you are experiencing guilt, depression and intense anxiety simply means that you had invested your unconditional love in him. I think he could sense that. Everyone on these forums are pretty much feeling the same way. Please don't beat yourself up. Your dog already knew this. They (pets) are incredibly intuitive and know when someone cares about them. You did the best you could. Things just seem to happen so fast. Forgive yourself. You're a good person. 
Mmorales008

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #4 
Thank you GoldenMom for those words of wisdom. My thoughts rights now are those “what if I paid more attention to him” it hurts every day that I don’t know what exactly happened but it was his time. He gave me the love that I would not receive from anyone or anything. He did make me complete. Now the void in my heart i believe is irreplaceable and I hope to recover from this and like you said remember the good times I’ve had with him. Thank you so much for replying it means a lot to me.
Mmorales008

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #5 
JimMillerPetLover, thank you. I know it will take some time to for me to be myself again. I find myself crying at almost all hours of the day. I’m glad I found these forums and know that I’m not alone in this. I appreciate for the comfort that I find here so far and the stories I read. It is something I can relate to.
babydaisy

Registered:
Posts: 27
 #6 
Mmorales008

I am so sorry for your loss and understand the void, I feel it too and it hurts like nothing else...
Be kind to yourself, you gave your dog so much love and when our pets leave us for whatever reason we unfortunately beat ourselves up thinking 'if only and what if' but during their time with us we gave them unconditional love just like they gave us and nothing' I believe'beats that!
The bond is unbreakable we have with them is unbreakable and to have had this experience I believe is a very special one. Allow yourself time, I cry every day for my baby and every night, morning and when I come home I kiss her storage box which contains her ashes and blanket. I have another box which I need to fill but in my own time, when i am ready..

Sending u comfort and peace
babydaisy
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