Petloss.com Logo. Puff and Midget under the rainbow

ALL the Pet Loss Message Boards are moderated to make this an ABSOLUTELY SAFE place for you to find support.
You must REGISTER before you can post or reply.
Posts and replies cannot be viewed until after they have been checked for content & released by the Board Moderators. - EdW
Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board
Sign up  |   |   |  Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment  
disneymom

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #1 
We put our Twinkie girl to sleep on Friday and, while I knew it would be hard, I wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of guilt I would feel. She was nearly 16 years old, a large rat terrier, and we’d had her since she was old enough to leave her momma and become part of our family. Twinkie had been increasingly incontinent for the past year or so, and it was really, really bad these last 6 months. She had also been nearly deaf for at least a year and a half, her vision was going (lately she’d been walking into the patio door at night, tripping over things like wastebaskets, the kitchen table chairs, and her water dish), and perhaps most disturbing of all - over the last year she’d been standing in random corners and parts of the house, in front of her doggy bed, just staring and looking confused. When she wasn’t standing and staring, she would pace back and forth, back and forth on our living room floor. She definitely had some times where she acted like her old self, and random spurts of energy where she would run and jump like a pup, but the majority of her days were spent either in these weird behaviors, or camped out in her upstairs doggy bed. She still enjoyed all of our petting and attention and love, even if she didn’t seem like she was quite all “there” in the process. This past winter I let her out to potty in a blizzard, and she got confused and scared, and ran off to the neighbors house, poor girl. She was eating and drinking, but had lost a ton of weight over the past 3 years and lately kept going up to her water dish and standing looking confused at that as well.

I keep thinking that perhaps I misjudged her quality of life and I let her go too soon. It was so hard not having a cut and dry answer - it is just awful.

kat_gonzo

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #2 
I’m so sorry for your loss. I put my girl down yesterday and am also plagued with regret at thinking I’d done it too soon. I posted just after you did.

I know nothing I can say will make you feel better especially as I’m in the same boat. There’s got to be a way to get over this grief and regret. I hope we both find the answers and support we need in this time. I’m here if you’d like to chat.
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #3 
I am so very sorry that you had to,let Twinkie go. I know how hard it is to make that dreadful decision. What you describe is almost the same experience that I went through with Termy except he had a heart murmur. He was just over 16 years old also. I let him go while he still had dignity and his quality of life didn't include any pain. I struggled with the guilt (still do) but I have been talking to a counselor about the guilt and I know I need to let go of the guilt and negative thoughts. We made out decision out of love and we did what we thought best at the time. Try to let the guilt go but cry when you need to. The guilt doesn't and will not honor our babies. They loved us to the very end and trusted us to do the best for them. You were a good mom and only wanted the best for Twinkie and she knew that. Please come here and talk about your feelings. We are here to help.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
disneymom

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #4 
Thank you, Termy’s mom. I’d like to think that I let my girl go at the right time also, just as you did with Termy. It was just so hard when she was showing signs of pep and energy right up until the night before we put her down : ( I just have to keep reminding myself that those times were quickly becoming fewer and farther between. I was looking at photos of Twinkie from 6 months ago vs. the night before we put her down, and I was amazed at how much older she looked just in those 6 months, and the difference in the look in her eyes. We put her to sleep at home right in her little doggy bed. The first time the vet tried to administer the injection, Twinkie growled and fought, she actually nipped me in the finger (I was cuddling her and should have probably been more careful). It was like a knife in my heart. We let her go, and after a few minutes I went to get her, picked her up and bright her back to her doggy bed. By then she was very relaxed since some of the medicine had entered her system from the first attempt. After that it was a quick injection and only a matter of a few minutes before she was gone. I scratched her head gently and looked into her eyes as the life drained away. It was quite possibly the most horrible thing I’ve ever witnessed. I’m glad I was there for my girl in her final moments, but that image of her open, lifeless eyes will stay with me forever. : (
flexy633

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #5 
Hi, disneymom. I know how you feel regarding the guilt. I put my Franklin (boxer) down on May 26. At first, I thought it was the right decision. But, now I am feeling guilty. He was diagnosed with kidney disease in January and fought it like a trooper. There was a lot of expense involved in this. On May 9, the vet took his blood and said the disease had progressed even further than when he was first diagnosed in January. She said we were looking at the end, but it wasn't time yet since he was acting normal and still had his spunk.

I did everything I could to fight this - prescription food, IV treatments three times a week, and giving him special supplements for kidney disease.

He took a turn for the worse on the Thursday before Memorial Day. My ex came over because he was Franklin's papa and we are still friends. He felt as if we were watching him die before our eyes. Franklin wouldn't eat and even refused a piece of steak! His breathing was becoming heavy/labored and he had a glassy look in his eyes. Yet, he was still going outside on his leash and not stumbling around. The vet had said that when he starts to refuse food, isn't himself, and doesn't want to do anything, he quality of life is not good and you need to make that dreaded decision. I was very concerned with his lack of pooping and not eating. Yet, he was drinking lots of water, but vomiting it up.

Now I wonder if I should have let him go on his own and NOT euthanized him. Maybe he would have bounced back? I know there is no cure for kidney disease and it's pretty much a death sentence unless you catch it very early.

Sorry to go on and on, but I just wanted to let you know that someone else understands exactly how you feel.
disneymom

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #6 
Hi Flexy - thanks for the reply. It sure sounds to me like you did the very best for Franklin. The vet can make recommendations, but they don’t know your pet like you do. You chose to spare him the pain of the tough battle with kidney disease. When we have such an emotional investment in the situation, I think it’s nearly impossible to make these decisions. In my case, my husband was the one who told me it was time. When I thought about it, it seemed like the right thing to do, but my heart just didn’t want to let her go : (
flexy633

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #7 
disneymom, my ex-boyfriend and my sister both thought it was time to let Franklin go. We were all worried about what would happen since it was Memorial Day weekend and the vet's office would be closed Sunday and Monday.

I know he wasn't going to make it or bounce back from this. There is no cure for kidney disease. Yet, I do still kind of wish we would have waited.

Also, I'm going through the thoughts of "what if I had taken him in sooner like in December when he was having peeing accidents?" "what if I had not given him liver sausage on his food"? "what if I had fed him a home cooked meal instead of the expensive dog food I would buy him?" On and on these thoughts trail through my mind.

Heck, my ex even said, "Maybe if we didn't break up two years ago and you moved, he wouldn't have gotten kidney disease." OMG!!!! I even thought the same thing!

It's tough and I hope that we both can get through this. Hopefully, the guilt won't consume us forever and will find a way to get peace. Today, I cried a lot! I thought the crying was subsiding, but today feels like the first day of my grief all over again.
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.

If you can, please help support this Message Board with a donation: