Registered: 1197839779 Posts: 1,328
It seems from all of the posts I've read and currently read that
guilt is a common and re-occurring theme. Does anyone have any ideas on how we can all mitigate this? God knows, I have mine right now with my ill cat. I will beat myself up mercilessly with thoughts of "Why didn't I see this, maybe this would be different?" "Why didn't I do this, maybe this would be different?" I lost a cat to kidney disease in Jan. I know that was unavoidable and she was quite old. But, with the other 2, I have my own guilt, not picking things up early enough, or just not knowing when something was wrong early. With 4 animals all aging at the same time--it's been so difficult. I feel objectively that I've done more than anyone could, yet my feelings seem to run against my rational thoughts about certain situations. I am merciless to myself, esp. now and wondered how other people feel/cope with this?
Registered: 1192815206 Posts: 1,198
I have been trying to avoid playing the guilt game with myself, but I have been reading a lot of posts that raise questions in my mind about whether I was vigilant enough in monitoring Blackie's health and behavior. My Blackie had kidney disease and hyperthyroidism and his vet back in Virginia said he had a very slight heart murmur but that it wasn't to the point where it was serious but we still needed to keep an eye on it as he aged. My vet here in MN never said anything about his heart murmur and I trusted that she would let me know if it had progressed to the point where I should truly worry about it. There were little things that, looking back on it now, make me wonder whether my MN vet was being as diligent with Blackie's care as maybe she should have been. I wonder if I should have been a more proactive pet parent. I think I was - I would bring Blackie in for examination at the slightest sign of trouble, but I also think that because I called the vet clinic and brought Blackie in so much the techs and doctors at the clinic kind of started rolling their eyes and perhaps even discounted the seriousness of the symptoms I would call about and therefore didn't take my calls as seriously as I would have preferred. I did my best but in retrospect I think I missed a lot of warning signs with Blackie's deteriorating health. I also think I should have demanded better care from my vet. But I didn't, and now I can't help wondering if Blackie is possibly dead because because I didn't do these things. Because I have concerns that my vet wasn't as thorough and proactive with Blackie's care as I would have preferred, I have since switched vets and found another one for my Rufus and my Squeeker. The drive is longer and this place is halfway across town, but my initial consult with the vet for the lump I found on Rufus' shoulder put my mind more at ease that this vet really knows what she is doing. Her examination was a lot more thorough, she really took the time to listen to me and she gave me thoughtful and thorough answers to my questions and concerns. Oh how I wish I had brought Blackie to this vet, maybe he would still be alive today if I had listened to and acted on the concerns I had about Blackie's vet. I will always wonder about this and I think it will be a long time until I am able to bring these questions to some kind of resolution in my mind and in my heart. Kelly Blackie's forever mommy
Registered: 1206744372 Posts: 174
I lost my Sherry to kidney disease last month and hers was undiagnosed due to my neglect of her symptoms. I have 6 cats, one of whom has CFR and has been on medication for 4 years and is doing fairly well and another is being treated for hypothyroidsm. My cat Daisy who was 21 died in November and was being treated for pancreatic cancer for several years and was on steroids. Then in November Daisy finally succumbed to it and she was Sherry's best friend, then my husband arrived home with a kitten 2 days after Daisy died and poor Sherry was under stress and started eating less and withdrawing a lot, then my CFR cat and his sister were hospitalized for unknown viruses and eventually got better with medications and treatmen. The vet bills in a 6 month period were astronimical and I think that's why when Sherry bloated up and started to eat more we were in denial because she was younger and we waited too long to have her examined at the vets. A week before the scheduled appt. we found her on the floor convulsing in great pain and semiconsciousness and rushed her to the emergency hospital where the vet looked at us in horror that we had waited that long to have her seen and now had to be pts immediately. So guilt is my way of life now and forever and I think I understand exactly what you mean about blackie and having other aging cats to take care of all the time. It's rough and a lot more difficult than having fewer pets. Now I feel that having too many at a time might do more harm than good. I don't know. Rena