Registered: 1599132017 Posts: 1
My cat, Bruin, passed away this past weekend, and I am hurting so much. He was only 6/7 years old. He was a charmer and a gentle giant. He loved to walk on his leash or bask in the sun of my balcony. He loved to talk—even more the my parents’ Siamese—and we’d “chat” throughout the day. He was so special to me.
Bruin was FIV+ when I adopted him. He had already been sick a couple times this year. He’d stop eating and come down with a fever. I’d take him to the vet and they would hydrate him and give him antibiotics and he would get better. This third time he didn’t and just got worse and worse. I took him to the vet four times the week of his death, 3/4 being with the emergency vet because my regular vet could not fit him in. The emergency vet did a CBC and x-rays and had some guesses but couldn’t tell me definitively what was wrong, just that it was probably being exacerbated or caused by his FIV. He grew incredibly anemic and weak, and the last time I took him to the emergency vet, the vet tech looked at him and then me and I knew. The vet said we could try to save him—give him a feeding tube and IV and blood transfusions—but that it would likely be putting a bandaid on a larger problem. So I let him go. I was with him when he was euthanized. It was awful, but I looked into his eyes the whole time and told him, over and over and over again, how much I loved him. Now that it’s over, I’m racked with guilt. Should I have tried harder to save him? Should I have brought him back to my regular vet for a second opinion before allowing him to be euthanized? Should I have given him the ultrasound the emergency vet thought might help discover the problem days prior? I skipped a day with the antibiotics because I suspected they were making him nauseous—was that the catalyst? I can’t get over these what-ifs. I appreciate any advice others have to help me overcome my guilt over my sweet boy. I thought we would be together for so much longer.