Petloss.com Logo. Puff and Midget under the rainbow

ALL the Pet Loss Message Boards are moderated to make this an ABSOLUTELY SAFE place for you to find support.
You must REGISTER before you can post or reply.
Posts and replies cannot be viewed until after they have been checked for content & released by the Board Moderators. - EdW
Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board
Sign up  |   |   |  Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment  
EileenD820

Registered:
Posts: 20
 #1 
Hello Everyone.  I'm new to the board.  I joined because I am having a really hard time coping with the loss of my 9 year old Chihuaha mix Midnight.  Just some background.
 About three weeks ago, I noticed she couldn't jump on the couch anymore.  I thought initially she was starting to show signs of arthritis and made a mental note.  Then another week passes and she becomes lethargic, barely moving anymore, barely eating and laying around all day.  I decide to take her to the vet at that point.  The vet runs her blood work and tells me her liver enzymes are elevated and she shows a faint positive for valley fever and prescribes her meds.  They also sent for the titer antibody test as well.  After hounding my vet for those titer results (the vet only comes in twice a week), I make the resolve to switch vets and then make an appointment that Monday for that appointment.  At that appointment, the new vet says her white blood cell count is extremely high, that she doesn't think she has valley fever, and takes her off all medicines except only an antibiotic.  At that time, we set up an ultrasound of her abdomen to be performed on Thursday.  Wednesday prior, I noticed my girl couldn't walk that well and I got concerned, so I took her to the vet on an emergency basis.  (I really wasn't sure if she was going to make it the night).  This vet (not the original one, but a second one), did an exam and THIS ONE tells me she has a mass in her belly.  He then proceeds to do a quick ultrasound and I find out her spleen is enlarged, her gallbladder is calcified and her liver is metastized.  He says they could remove the spleen, but then what do we do about the liver and suggests that I think about euthanasia.  I go home and speak to my husband about it.  He wants to wait until after the ultrasound.  Well, the morning of the ultrasound, we had to physically pick her up to go outside where she just stood there with her tail between her legs, not moving and then plopped down.  At that point, my husband I made the decision to euthanize without going forward with the scheduled ultrasound.  (I should note she had stopped eating and drinking entirely the day before).  We had the nurse come to the house because of COVID restrictions and I wanted her to be where she was comfortable.  I felt at peace while they were doing the procedure, certain I was doing what was right.  Later that night, I break into tears and these following days I have been riddled with questions like, "Maybe we should have had the ultrasound" "Maybe she would have been okay", and I can't shake this guilty feeling.  Has anyone else put an animal down and at the time you felt it was the right decision, but then later regretted it and plagued with what-if scenarios.  I cry constantly.  Any words would be appreciated.  I am glad I found this group and look forward to any responses.  I had my husband crying for me today.  I need help.
sophie93

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #2 
Hi Eileen,
I have just gone through a similar situation with my beloved dog who was 10 years old. Long story short he was suspected to have eaten rat poison but then the possibility of a stomach ulcer or tumor arose when it was too late. He was euthanised yesterday morning after a week of medication with minimal to no improvement. I had an option of continuing with medication and just having to wait and see if he got better but the vet was very doubtful as she thought his body was rejecting the other medication. So I decided to let him go. At the time I thought it was the best thing I could do for him, to let him go peacefully instead of continuing to suffer. But today I can’t stop thinking about all the what if’s.. What if I tried the new medication and he came good. What if I gave him another day to get better and it worked. I haven’t stopped crying since he left me and I can’t stop thinking about the moment the injection was put in, the sound of him hitting the table and no longer breathing. I just feel so empty, I’m sure you can relate. It’s such a horrible feeling, but I think the thought of them being at peace and no longer in pain is comforting and I’m sure your little one as well as mine knew how loved they were. Hang in there.
sophie93

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #3 
My biggest regret and guilt is that I wish I had asked them to do it at home. I also can’t stop thinking about that. His last moments were spent somewhere he felt most nervous and scared after having to be there for a week. I spent most days with him so I hope that made him feel better.
Debd4111

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #4 
I understand what you are going through we beat ourselves up with the what ifs
I feel so guilty I've been crying for going on 3 days now Idk what to do
EileenD820

Registered:
Posts: 20
 #5 
Thank you all for your replies.  It helps to know we're not in this alone.  I'm feeling pretty good this morning (just having a good morning I guess).  I was going to call my psychiatrist to see if I needed more meds, but I think I just need to go through this in my own time.  I'm feeling a bit less guilty this morning (not even sure why).  I'm sure I'll break down into tears later today, but for right now, I feel okay.

I'm glad I found this group.  I'm hoping to join the candle memoriam tonight if I can make it.

Sophie93, I had them come to the home to peacefully help her cross the bridge.  While I am glad I made that decision, unfortunately, every time I go into the living room, I think about it which isn't great.  I'm trying to get over those feelings as well.  

Debd4111, I've been crying as well for three days.  I was told to let the tears flow.  They heal.  

May we all find peace.  
sophie93

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #6 
I definitely think time heals everything, it will always be painful but it will get easier to cope with it. Don’t pressure yourself or try to rush into feeling better, grieving is a process and I think it’s kind of beautiful because it shows we obviously loved our babies so so much. Letting tears flow does help, just two days after saying goodbye and crying non stop I myself feel slightly less crippled with emotion. Glad that you’re feeling better
Julesnjemma

Registered:
Posts: 11
 #7 
Hi Aileen just to respond to your original post I am feeling the same way our Gemma dog she was 12 years old was perfectly healthy a week and a half ago and running around playing Fetch with her stick..
She hurt her leg and was limping and I had taken her to the vet to get that check though and the vet said that her leg look perfectly fine and it was just a bad sprain..
We had her on light pain medication and I noticed each day that passed her breathing was getting worse and worse when we finally were able to get into the Vet she said that the x-rays looked good for the heart but that hurt lungs are completely full with fluid..
Because of the covid-19 he said that if he went in and drained the fluid there was a high chance that it would just fill back up again and that if she crashed on the surgery table they would not have oxygen to revive her..
He basically told us that the chance was very low that she would survive this so we made the very hard decision to put her down she's not been breathing properly for the past 3 days and I had to had to carry her on and off the bed and to and from the bathroom all night and all day..
I totally understand the feeling of going through your mind of what if I should have done this or what if I should have let the surgery go so I am in the same spot and I'm hoping that it will pass as time goes by.
Hugs julie
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.

If you can, please help support this Message Board with a donation: