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Buster143

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Posts: 3
 #1 
Buster
My bustu baby is now exactly 10 yrs 3 months old.We decided to put him to sleep yesterday and it's been more 're han 24 hrs that he is gone.Bustu has always been a very playful and very active boy.He filled my life with happiness.We are Muslims and it's not a regular feature for us to have dogs as pets.I got him as my little sister fell terribly ill and people said a pet would make the sick feel better sooner.And they were right.He took all the negativity off our house and filled it with happiness.I treated him like my child.Dint put him on leash till he was 8 months as I dint like the idea of treating him like a dog .got him one of the best dog trainers who absolutely loved and adored him.Then I got married and moved to different house and then iy was my little sister who started taking care of him.Eventually she moved out after her marriage too.It now fell on my parents.He started showing signs of his age.He was fed home food and never had any health issues .BUT he had arthritis ...or that's what the vet said ...he started developing bad pain in his hind legs ..he was on steroids for last 2 years.Just 5 days before he passed away he developed paralysis in his hind legs.which made him confined to one place lying down.no poop or per control .My father started thinking of putting him down as the vet said it could be myelomalacia which will set in in this situation and he won't survive.8 days r crucial and she can only say something post that.i researched on myelomalacia and saw that it's very painful and everyday is an increment to the pain.So I also agreed to this horrible idea.but in a day or 2 his pain subsided and started eating a lil and all the other conditions which the vet mentioned wer ent showing.so my sister and I researched again and found it was degenrative mylopathy which was more clear to his symptoms..Mylopathy can be recovered bit in time.Till now my mom and dad had made their minds that he will go.I am in this terrible guilt that I dint try for some more time.i should have brought him with me and tried for his recovery.this guilt is killing me and hope buster can forgive me.i ask for his forgiveness and stop crying ...i have no words ...after 10 long years he gave us...we cou isn't even give him 10 days ... I killed him...dont know how will I live with this guilt.
usa_kitty

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Posts: 32
 #2 
My heart goes out to you. I read what you posted and felt like giving you a hug. Please know you are being thought of. You are not forgotten. I am so sorry for your loss.
rubiabel

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Posts: 15
 #3 
First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. You didn't kill your boy, just did what you thought it was the best for him. You feel guilty because guilt is part of the healing process. If you had try for some more time and he didn't improve, you then could have believed that you prolonged his suffering and you'll also feel guilty. One way or another, you will feel guilty because you loved your baby and missed him badly. But you are not to blame at all. You gave your dog the best of you, looked after him, loved him, and were there for him. He had a happy life thanks to you. Please, keep this in mind. I hope that one day this sadness turns into smiles remembering the moments that you shared with your pet. Hugs to you...
Buster143

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Posts: 3
 #4 
Thank you so much for all your kind words.with time I am learning to live with his absence.but there isn't a day or an hour goes by without thinkin about him.crying has lessened but not gone.. U all are such beautiful souls to have understood my feelings .thanks to you all.
Fionasmum

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Posts: 730
 #5 
I am so very sorry you've lost your beautiful Buster.  He sounds like he was so much a part of your family, your identity, and your belief that love, regardless of whether it's between people, or people and pets - is the best answer to any question.  

No, there won't be an hour or a day or a moment that goes by right now without thinking about Buster.  The grief is new, raw and unexpected.  And it's also tied to guilt, that somehow you should have been able to do more, work harder, try something else that would have given Buster more time, better outcomes, or less pain. The advancement of medicine, including veterinary medicine, offers us the sometimes false belief that we are obligated to try harder, pay more, cure the problem, even though death is inevitable for our pets just as it is with every living creature.  You did NOT kill Buster - his illness forced your hand and you allowed him the dignity of a passing that his illness would never have allowed him to have.  What was probably ahead for Buster was a cycle of increasingly painful and frightening vet visits and interventions, as well as a restricted quality of life where he was not free to be the dog he was.  When my little dog Fiona was diagnosed with cancer, I could have tried increasingly invasive treatments that would MAYBE have given her another week, another month or two.  But I had to ask myself if I was doing this for her or for me - and the answer was clear so I let her go, in peace, and wrapped in the light of the bond we shared.  The hardest thing I ever did - but the right thing also.

But right now, there is just grief, and it takes what it takes to get through it.  I truly wish I could give you a time table or a deadline or a date when it ends, but I cannot.  It's not the passing of time that heals you - for no amount of time will change what has happened.  Truly, it's YOU that changes, starting to realize what it was like to HAVE Buster instead of focusing on what it's like to lose Buster.  Day by day, inch by painful inch, the narrative in your head starts to turn around and one day you realize that the weight of Buster's loss has been taken from your shoulders and turned into a light inside your heart that no one can ever take away.  But not today, and not tomorrow.  Soon, I promise you with all my heart.  So, take a deep breath, and know that you are not alone as I send you every ounce of comfort I can through this board.  I know how much you loved him, and so did he.  And you can never lose him again.  You get to keep the love forever.
Buster143

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Posts: 3
 #6 
Thank you so much for this...it has given me some sense that I am not alone...
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