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Nicolettebonno

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Posts: 4
 #1 
I’ve had this dog, Fenway for 14 years of my life. I had her since I was four and fell in love with her constantly. Over the years (especially this year) she started acting strange and very different. We recently took her to the vet and he said she was very ill, cancer, kidney disease, or diabetes, all due to old age. Since my parents split up and moved to separate places money has been tight. We knew we couldn’t afford whatever treatment the vet suggested and if we could, she was eventually going to pass away due to old age. My family and I thought it’d be the best to make her last days as comfortable as possible. Ever since my parents separated, my mother and I couldn’t possibly give Fenway the attention she needed. Mom worked two jobs and I worked 8 hour days. She was in her crate for most of the day for about a month and I knew she couldn’t live sick in her crate so my father took her since he could give her the time and attention she needed for the time being. The day we took her to the vet was unfortunately her last day, we knew she was suffering even when she didn’t show it, the signs were too obvious. That night and next morning she started peeing blood and we knew what we had to do. We couldn’t stand to see her get worse and why prolong her pain. That day my parents took her to the vet to be put down (2 days ago). I couldn’t go, I couldn’t see that. That whole day was a wreck and I’m still dealing with it. I feel so guilty knowing that we couldn’t provide her with the proper attention and proper treatment.

If there’s anyone who had to put their ill dog down recently please feel free to message me and we can talk. I don’t know how to deal with this or grieve. If anyone has any advice i’d love to hear. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
MossimoLove

Registered:
Posts: 23
 #2 
im so sorry for your loss. and you are surrounded by many loving, caring and understanding people who have been through and are still going through this process.  I know my words could never convey the love you and your family had for Fenway, it is so evident in your writing. 

I too am 3 weeks out from having to make a decision that i didnt see coming in anyway, and my little man, Mossimo, was 1 month shy of 13 ys old. I will be honest it has not been easy, but what i do know is that if i can find the courage to face this overwhelm, along with the many others on here, i have trust that you in time will too.  Grief has not schedule, go at your own patience, be gentle with yourself, let time heal as best it can. 

Sending you hugs, lightness, and love to you during this time.
Mossimo's mom - anastacia



Nicolettebonno

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #3 
Thank you for this <3 & i’m sorry you’re going through something so similar. It happens so fast but i’m keeping my faith that in time things will get better. Sending hugs & love to you as well.
-Nikki
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 523
 #4 
Nikki,
I too sent my elderly heart dog to the Bridge but for me, I'm coming up on 2 years. There is no advice I can offer except one day at a time. My beloved Termy was just over 16 years young but his old and tired body was letting him down and everyday he faded a little more. He lost a fourth of his body weight in six months and nothing I cooked for him or tried would urge him to eat. I let him go to the Bridge to wait for me where he would be healthy and happy again. I didn't want him to suffer anymore. He was to wonderful to not live a quality life. His pain ended and mine began.
It's hard to find a way to cope with a loss such as ours. I made a memorial garden complete with a small flag with his picture on it. I planted a yellow rose (because he was my sunshine) I recently added solar lights that look like paw prints. I talk to him every night and send him kisses.I write to him on a post I started here so that it will survive eternity. All I can offer is some ideas. How we handle the grief is different for each of us. I went to counseling for a while and a Pet Loss support group in my town. Most of all I come here often and share my compassion and understanding to all that suffer from a broken heart. Our babies are so strong and keep going, even when it hard for them. Letting them go is an act of unconditional love. They love us unconditionally all their lives and in the end it's up to us to be their hero. You will learn to live a new normal with out Fenway, it'll be hard but one day you can look back on the journey you shared with her and smile. The tears may fall but you will smile. You can go forward and you will never forget your sweet Fenway. Her spirit will always be near, always loving and guiding you until the day you are reunited at the Bridge. Go slow and be gentle with yourself.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
Nicolettebonno

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #5 
Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate you and your ideas, I will definitely use them. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Days will get better and we’ll get happier. Knowing that Fenway is not suffering anymore sets my heart at ease. It’s not easy to think like that but I know it’s the only way to help!
ItWillTakeTime

Registered:
Posts: 32
 #6 

It is almost a year since I put K down at 14 1/2 years old. He also had multiple medical conditions that were not treatable, and his quality of life had become poor and was not going to get better. Putting him down was one of the hardest things I have had to do.

Then came a train wreck of grief and guilt. The guilt I have managed. K declined slowly. I had kept a daily log for months, watching for a tipping point when the bad outweighed the good. I had also taken some video in his last days. Every time I started to tell myself the lie that I should have taken him to another specialist or found his miracle cure or even just waited, I made myself go back and look at the log and at the video. If anything, I may have waited too long. But I wanted to try everything else first and be very sure. When his legs began to fail and he could not manage the the step down into the sun room to go outside, I built him easier steps. When he became incontinent, I started putting diapers on him at night. When he couldn't go down stairs without falling, I blocked the stairway and slept on the floor of the living room with him for several months. As hard as it was, putting him down was the last gift I had to give him. I had the vet come to the house. He passed at home, quickly, easily, without pain, and without fear as I stroked his fur. Sometimes I found myself saying that I killed my dog. But the fact is, my dog was dying. I just made it easier, which is what "euthanaisa" means -- good death.

I planted a tree for him . . . a dogwood, of course. I also took his photos and made a memorial video, which I watched many times. Shortly after he died, I had a terrible feeling as if my memories of him were fading and I was already forgetting him. The videos helped. I kept his harness, leash, and collar and his favorite toys.

The grief is harder to manage. He was the center of my life. K taught me that joy comes from sharing things, and now that he is gone, there is no one to share things with anymore. I still miss him terribly. But I would say that if you are lucky enough to have family and friends, to make a point of spending some time with them, and finding the things that you can enjoy together. When you are ready, come on this board and comfort those who need your understanding. Things do get better, but very very slowly.

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