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Luckysmum

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Posts: 3
 #1 
Hi all,
We put our beautiful girl Lucky to rest on Sunday. 
I am completely distraught. The rest of my family is sad, but they're getting on with daily life.
I haven't been able to eat,or sleep....I feel so much sadness that I won't see her again.
Just 2 weeks ago she was going for her usual long walks and happily excited for her treat upon
getting back home. And then she struggled to get around the block. And then we really noticed she was losing weight, and fast. We took her to the vet and she was diagnosed with splenic cancer that looked like it was also on her lungs. She had also started to breath very fast, and it was a bit laboured. The vet did not know how long she had, could be weeks or months. This was just last Tuesday.  I started cooking her her favourite, salmon and rice, and she loved it. On Saturday she stopped eating. She paced around and couldn't get comfortable for long when lying down. Her eyes were different, and she was despondent. It was agonizing to watch her go downhill so fast. The decision to euthanize her was agreed on by all, so I know it was the right decision. I have struggled with that a little but, but I think that is normal. When the vet gave her a sedative on her gums so she wouldn't feel the sedative with needle, it made her vomit. She was such a polite and beautiful girl who would never vomit on her bed, so she stumbled into the garden (we were outside because COVID) and vomited, and collapsed. After that the second sedative was given and she was relaxed - and then the final drug and she was gone. I can't stop crying, I can't stop thinking about watching her eyes as she was dying, and watching them turn to stone. I miss her so much and I can't believe she is gone. I see her everywhere. I want her back. I long to turn the clock back and none of this happened....she's happily looking out the front door window....
I can't be around my family because I have nothing to offer but sadness.
I suffer from clinical depression in general, so I think this has triggered a deeper depression.
I know it will take time, and thank you if you are reading this - it has helped to put some words down.
-Carolyn


GinaXOXO

Registered:
Posts: 28
 #2 
Awe, Lucky sounds lovely.  You clearly were a loving Mom to your furbaby.  It is hard.  You're going to miss her.  Jasmine has been gone for 2 weeks and just today (twice) I saw a pillow on the floor where she normally sat while I was getting ready and thought it was her.  I still try to check to see what she is doing when she isn't coming with me as I move around the house.  I miss her.  I loved her with my whole heart.  I can tell you loved Lucky the same way.  What you said about Lucky going on her regular walks resonates with me too.  Jasmine was so normal just days before she passed.  Sometimes it doesn't seem real.  It is an adjustment.  I am sorry for your loss of Lucky.  We were so blessed to have them.  I try to focus on what a blessing she was.  She really really was.  


Luckysmum

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #3 
Thank you for those kind words Gina, I am so sorry for the loss of your Jasmine. Be well....
Heidi4907

Registered:
Posts: 39
 #4 
Lucky looks so sweet and beautiful. I'm so sorry. It's been 2 months since I lost my cat, Coco, a big boy who was very dog-like. A best friend. The first couple of weeks were as you described. Didn't seem real. I felt so completely lost without him, like I didn't even know what to do with myself. I also couldn't eat and lost 8 pounds. I am doing better, but still always aware of his absence. I suffer from depression too, which of course makes it even more painful. My husband wasn't nearly as distraught as I was, but he is understanding. Keep some focus on what a blessing she was, as you said, and other than that it just takes time. I have meds for anxiety, which helps somewhat, but it's just going to hurt for a long time. If it didn't I'd worry there was something wrong with me. I think in the early days we're hyper-focused on that final day, then gradually the whole life comes into view.
Take care. This site helped me to feel less alone.
Luckysmum

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #5 
Thank you Heidi for these comforting words. It really helps to hear from others who have gone through the devastation. I too suffer from depression - and my doctor prescribed some meds for sleeping which are helping me sleep at least. I know in time I will feel better, and I can't wait to get to the point where I think about happy memories and not stay stuck in her past week of life. I hope you continue to remember coco the way he was, and I hope you have a nice summer : )
Thank you again
Carolyn
Candice

Registered:
Posts: 28
 #6 
I had to put my best little buddy, well I chose to...that's part of the hard part...almost two months ago. It was really bad for a couple of weeks and I still tear up . He went downhill really fast too. I could have done more tests and stuff but I didn't think he was going to get better and couldn't put him through any more. He was 17. I still picture him walking down the Hall towards me. I'm so sorry for your loss. Let yourself cry it out. That's how I got through it. Felt it all. It's awful that they can live forever with us but they do stay in our hearts forever.
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