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AngelFester

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Posts: 23
 #1 
I went outside today. out into the big scary world. I was doing okay until i started panicking about having forgotten Fester at home. My thoughts were racing and my brain kept telling me that I HAD TO GET HOME! FESTER HAS BEEN ALONE FOR TOO LONG! I got in my car and raced home. I knew he wasn't going to be there but I couldn't stop the panicky thoughts. And i sank to the floor in the entryway. No Fester. i could see the area in the backyard where I had to let him go on Friday. I can't believe I'm never going to see him again. I can't believe it. Total shock.
Has anyone freaked out thinking they'd left their baby behind?
WooWooWoo

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Posts: 5,100
 #2 
First of all, I am so very sorry you have lost your beloved boy, Fester.  My heart is just aching for you because I know the pain you are feeling. 

Yes, this type of thing happened to me many times after I had to have my beloved 16 year old terrier, Betsy, put to sleep almost six months ago.  I would suddenly panic thinking, "Oh, God, I forgot to carry Betsy out to potty. I bet she is wet!"  Or, I would think, "I forgot to make up her little bed." 

These moments are sheer hell, because they hit out of nowhere....and then you remember your baby is gone.  And then, the grief knocks you down.

You are going through normal stages of grief, or, as many of us like to say here, you are experiencing "the rollercoaster ride" of grief.  I am so sorry for your pain.  I wish I could do or say something that would lessen it for you.

Your Fester sounds so special and so beloved.  You are in my prayers.

Hugs,
Melissa
Betsy's forever grateful mom
Gruntsmomforever

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Posts: 699
 #3 
Dear AngelFester,

I'm so sorry that you lost your dear little Boy, Fester recently.  The world and life is so different, and yes, even scarey after our Beloved ones are gone.  Everything is in upheaval, nothing seems real.  I know the feeling of a near panic when I've gone out, thinking I must get home to my boy - he was never left alone the last year of his life, but I still felt I couldn't, didn't want to be away from him.  I lost my Grunt in February, but sometimes even now when I'm out, I still feel like I have to rush and get home to him.....and then I realize he isn't here anymore.  I understand.

I'll say a prayer for your precious Fester,

Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever
HerbiesMom

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Posts: 196
 #4 
I'm so sorry about Fester.  I have gone thru it -- I still have this nagging feeling when I leave my house that I need to get back after a while because I need to feed, snuggle, medicate Herbie or Belle.  Intellectually, I know they are gone, but I still have that internal pull to be home.  At the end stages of our pets lives, many of us spend a lot more tiem and energy on them due to medical care and just knowing they will not be with us much longer.  We make that our focus in life in ways we did not when they were young.  Then, they are suddenly gone from our lives and we have so much invested in them in terms of time, love, emotion, our schedules -- that we can't break free.  I still "miss" Herbie when I am away from home for a few hours and even though I know he's not here, i still feel I need to rush home to be with him.  Grief is so cruel.

Herbie and Belle's Mom
Nuggetsmum

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Posts: 251
 #5 
I am so sorry for your loss and for your pain. Our babies are our life and our life truly revolves around them and when they are not here we just fall apart and really don't know what to do with ourselves.

I too have had experiences like yours...I lost my Nugget nearly 7 months ago and still think that I better get home to him, that he must be hungry...my life revolved around my boy and now I still feel so lost without him..

We are here for you as you grieve for your boy...please just take each day as it comes and lean on us.

A big cuddle to you,

Nuggetsmum Alana
RobynMissesSaxon

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Posts: 148
 #6 
I had a thing last night while I was sleeping I had a picture of Saxon in my head, then I heard a scratch at my door. I literally froze, and said I am dreaming, then I heard the scratch again and ran to my door and it was my other dog Rusty. Of course I was happy to see my Rusty but for a moment I thought maybe it was Saxon. I couldn't go back to sleep after that. I am a wreck.
MyDearestPeanut

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #7 
Oh, yes, I do the same thing.  Just yesterday I was out for a while and suddenly had that feeling that I had to get home because Peanut had been alone for too long.  A split second later I realized that she wasn't there anymore and I felt sick.  I hate leaving the house because this is where she was last, except for the vet's office.  I feel the closest to her here.  The pain is so horrible.  I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.

Marie
Peanut's Mommy

AngelFester

Registered:
Posts: 23
 #8 
thank you all for helping me not feel crazy. i know it'll go on for who knows how long. it is so hard to all of a sudden have no pills to give, no drops, no doctor appointments, no dosage schedule. And all of that makes me so sad because it means i failed. i couldn't keep him alive. i know that isn't logical and it was the evil brain tumor that took him, but i still feel as if i failed him. I'm sorry for all of your losses. my heart aches for your separation from your babies.
RobynMissesSaxon

Registered:
Posts: 148
 #9 
AngelFester I'm feeling the whole "failed him" too. I spent over $1000 on surgery (neutering) and tests done just two months ago. The vet said he had stones but then he passed them and they said he was doing better. He seemed better so I didn't bring him back.. I am finding a new vet.
sweetpepe

Registered:
Posts: 143
 #10 
I'm so sorry for your loss. 

I haven't had the same situation but I have had many "flashes" when I'm on my way home and think Pepe will greet me at the door.  Or other little momentary "flashes" when I think I need to buy more pet food or --- any number of times and little moments in the day when he comes to my mind and for just an instant I think he's still here.  But he's gone.  I will miss him always.  I know you will too.  Aren't we fortunate to have this wonderful place to come and share our grief and our memories.  Take care. 
LisaK485

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #11 
I always said goodnight to each of my cats after I went to bed. It was always "Goodnight Willow, goodnight Zoey, goodnight Aimee, goodnight Tash. I love you guys, sweet dreams."
It's been three months since Tash passed on, and it's still weird saying goodnight to just the girls and leaving Tash's name out.
There have been a few nights where I've forgotten that he's gone and said "goodnight Tash" after the girls' goodnights.  The first time it happened, Willow and Zoey both jumped up, looking around, and Aimee started meowing, as if to say "He's here? Where is he?"  They all seem to look for him whenever I talk about him.
Oh how I miss my little boy.
Lisa
debg

Registered:
Posts: 75
 #12 
I feel your pain. I lost my doxie - who was over 15 yrs old - suddenly. He was fine (old, but fine) and he had a hard time breathing one morning. I brought him to the vet and just to be "safe" they kept him over night. He crashed that night - and despite heroic efforts and life supporting meds/machines/ tests - he passed away 3 nights later at the vet. I wasn't there to hold him.... we had visited him that afternoon and I could see he was slipping away and suffering. I prayed for a miracle. I remember just screaming and screaming - I want him home... I want him home... I want him home over and over again. I stayed out of my house for about a week - i kept walking the streets of my meighborhood - becuase I couldn't stand to be in the house without him. I felt anger at our 16 yr old dog - who was in failing health. I thought for sure he would go first - and that my doxie would be around to comfort us. They were both diabetic at the end. WE had to put our 16 yr old to sleep around 2 months later. I was mad at the world... our family was broken... after all those years.... We ended up adopting 2 rescues - and they are great and we love them... but I think about our "boys" every single day and fear I will forget how they felt and smelled. We miss them so.... I threw out all their medicines, all the diabetic equpment -- and it was very strange not to be tied to a schedule which allowed us to be home and take care of them. You are in my thoughts ... it does get better for the majority of us... it's just the worst part of loving a dog -- we usually outlive them....
RobynMissesSaxon

Registered:
Posts: 148
 #13 
Yep! I've been walking in the house and thinking both my boys will be there to greet me and then reality hits and I get freaked out.
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