Registered: 1554377951 Posts: 9
Hi everyone, first off I want to thank everyone SO much for the words of comfort that have been posted to me over the loss of Lexi. I think I responded to everyone, i tried to, but if I accidentely missed anyone please know your message means so much!
I was doing better for a bit, but then just like when my mom died, I am currently being hit by one of those waves of grief that come out of nowhere. I've been depressed the last couple days and couldn't really find a reason then today I was cleaning house and it just hit me, how she's not here, laying on the couch or on my bed like she always was. As she got older (and most likely sicker) Lexi didn't want to go outside as much. Her brother loves being outside, so he doesn't really hang out in here much like she did. When I would clean house it would always take me ages because I couldn't help stopping every time I walked by her and kissing her and hugging and cuddling her. And now she's gone and the emptiness of this house is just horrible. Hubby is at work, kids are school and here I am. Just alone and miserable. Even when the family is here I just think of her and how she would greet my husband every day when he came home and how he would play with her and lay with her and tell her how pretty she was. I love her brother, don't get me wrong, but he's himself, a completely different dog and personality. It's her I miss. I just want to crawl in bed and sleep until this passes but I can't, too much to do today. Anyway, I know you all know what I'm going through, thanks for letting me vent/cry on your shoulders. Beth (lexi's mom)
Registered: 1192815206 Posts: 1,191
I am so sorry you had a bad day yesterday. I can empathize with you - I had the same reaction when my beloved Blackie died. I would be doing OK and then out of the blue it would hit me that he was gone and I would just break into tears realizing I would no longer see my beautiful boy or hold him or hear his beautiful meow or just simply be with him one more time. Coming home was horrible because he always ran to the door to greet me. Going to bed at night was also awful because he would sleep with me on my bed and would snuggle up next to me as I fell asleep. Waking up was equally agonizing because sometimes he would help me wake up each morning by gently washing my face with his tongue. And when it came time to feeding my other cats, it was yet another reminder that he was no longer with me because I did not have to make his special blend of foods nor did I have to give him his medicine anymore. Some days it was just a monumental effort to get out of bed and go to work and get through the day. My other cats did their best to help me feel loved and know I was not alone. But when you lose one you love so very much, their absence is such an incredible void in your life that, no matter how many loved ones you have in your life, you really do feel alone... Hugs to you as you go through your days... - Kelly Angel Blackie's mom Angel Squeeker's mom
Registered: 1498611382 Posts: 580
I know the anguish you are going through. It's not been that long since Lexi left (I always say left or letting go). You will have days that you feel the world has ended and there is nothing without Lexi that's worth looking forward to. As you know I let Termy go over 19 months ago and I still cry. I think of the times we shared and the sadness hits me hard but as the days go by I find that I can think of him now and smile. There are more good days than bad. Give yourself time. Cry as much as you feel you need to. You and Lexi made so many wonderful memories over the years and just a simple thing can trigger the loss and emptiness of not having her near by. Please try to remember that Lexi is still near you, always.Our pets never really leave us of this I am sure. I had proof after talking with my spiritual reader. I can now think back to over 16 years and now recall the little things that Termy and I shared over the years. I grieve alone because no one understands except those of us here. Please, give yourself time and understand that all that you are feeling is normal it's all part of grieving. Love yourself because Lexi does. Love and doggie hugs Termy's mom
Registered: 1556003058 Posts: 13
My heart goes out to you. It's the quiet times that I find difficult. When there is a time at work when I'm not trying to do three things at once, the drive to and from work, middle of the night. Or when I would be on auto pilot doing the care routines I've done for years, and out of habit start to prepare dishes for Barney. I've lost other pets, but I'm taking this one harder. Like you I still have others in the house, and the fact they need me gets me out of bed. But there will always be a special place in my heart for Barney. Lexi' s brother needs you, he may be missing her more than you realize. Hugs, Hope
Registered: 1556003058 Posts: 13
Sorry I lost my train of thought earlier, so this is an addition. In those moments you find yourself missing her the most; think of one good memory of your time together. Hold onto the good memories. Share them here. We're listening.