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Posts: 2
I know we’re all going or have gone through the same thing if we’re on this forum, but this is even tougher than I remember it being the first time. We just lost our precious 12 year old beagle Lilly 4 days ago. We had to put her down after losing kidney function and other issues recently. My wife and 2 daughters (18 & 20) and I were all in the room when it happened. I’m having a really tough time adjusting. When we lost our first beagle (Fitch) in 05, it was a very difficult but also very different. We had no smartphones then and now I have hundreds of pictures and videos of Lilly on my phone. And Fitch was much more independent where Lilly followed me everywhere every day. I work from home if I’m not traveling and she was with me in my office every day, or waiting outside the bathroom door if I was showering, or just wherever I was. And walking her was mostly my routine unless I was traveling then my wife did it. Anyway, I feel a hole in my heart like nothing I’ve ever experienced. It feels like clinical depression (I imagine). I’m either crying or on the verge or tears all day long, and I’m not an emotional person at all. I feel guilty if I don’t think about her for a minute. And I’m not ready to give up the routines, like I’ve HAD to walk around the block each morning and each night, like I would with Lilly. And I still find myself talking to her. I know (or hope) all this is normal grief for losing a beloved pet. I also desperately want another dog in the house to at least partially fill the void, but I know it’s not time, and just the thought of it feels disrespectful to Lilly’s memory at this point.
Are all these extreme feelings things everyone else here is going through too?

Posts: 639
The "extreme feelings" you describe might be considered extreme if someone found out their favorite coffee was no longer on sale and proceeded to experience what you describe. 

But this is no trivial matter. For what you have lost, these are not "extreme feelings". They feel extreme in terms of how you experience them, but absolutely nothing you wrote sounds extreme at all given what you have lost.

Given the situation and the facts of the case, these are perfectly normal feelings. In time you will slowly regain some strength. Just not now. And probably not for a while.

You have to roll with the punches until things stabilize. And stabilize they will. Just not for a while.

In the meantime when you experience the depth of what you describe, tell yourself that given the circumstances, these are 100% normal reactions and feelings.

The experience you describe "dries up" on it's own to some degree but not for a long time. It's only been 4 days. If you were acting any other way, I would be surprised.

Good luck.

Posts: 17
Hi Davsug,

Everything you have described is exactly how I feel right now. Our 14 year old Dooley dog passed 5 days ago. I am devastated. He also had renal failure, had lost over 20 pounds in weight and stopped eating completely. We made the difficult decision to have him put to sleep. I feel so guilty. Wondering if it was too soon/too late. I spend all day thinking of him and cry constantly. I don't have any words of wisdom on this but just wanted you to know you are not alone.


Posts: 2
Thanks to both of you. The rational part of my mind knows this is totally normal and that it will pass, but the other part feels guilty at the thought of not being sad and not thinking about her all the time. My wife and I spent Saturday night in the city while the girls were together at my oldest daughter’s dorm for the night. Had a nice time but felt like I was going through the motions. And I DESPERATELY want another dog in the house but That really feels disrespectful to Lilly’s memory at least right now.
Again, thanks for responding and reinforcing that we’re all going through very similar feelings.

Posts: 17
This is a natural part of grief. I lost my older brother unexpectedly at 33 and later my dad. What we are going through is the same. I am either sad or feel guilty for not feeling sad enough. My Dooley was part of my family, my best friend, my baby and constant companion for 14 yrs. To not have him around seems so unnatural and depressing. Reading other people's stories including your's has helped me find moments of peace. 


Posts: 35
It's completely normal.
I lost my girl 6weeks ago. She was my shadow and I still find it hard to function.
I go through the motions, work, dropping my daughter at school, airport runs for my husband to drop him off and pick up from work...just normal every day life. It just doesn't feel real at times.
I still talk like she is around, say goodbye girls instead of girl, when I leave my other dog in the morning, I say good night to her. I even worry I'm going to step on her when I walk into a dark room..
I know it's irrational, but I can't help it. I feel so lost.

I want to get another dog too to fill the void, but I feel guilty thinking about it also. I know nothing will ever replace her, but it feels like I'm dumping on her memory by thinking such things at an early stage.

If you are still feeling a bit weird in the next month or so, make sure you see a doctor. Mine has me on a very mild antidepressant to help with my anxiety over loosing her.

Posts: 17
Missing_Coco, I am so sorry for what you have lost. But I understand all that you have written. My whole day is spent thinking about my boy. I honestly thought I was prepared for this, having gone through grief before. I'm an idiot. This has knocked me. My whole day was based around my Dooley's needs and now there is just emptiness. My husband and I have discussed getting another dog but have decided to wait until the end of the year to think about it. Instead we are going to travel. We couldn't do this for the last year because our Dooley was sick. Honestly, I have no interest but my husband needs to do it. In a way it might be good to be away. Everything in the house reminds me of Dooley. My husband has stored his bed, food bowls etc away, but still there is the couch where he would lie between us while we were watching TV, and I still expect to hear the sound of him following me out of the bedroom when I wake in the night. I can't go into the backgarden. It makes me cry too much. Sorry, I'm probably not making sense. Miss him so much
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