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MaritzaO

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Posts: 4
 #1 
Lost my little angel suddenly Sunday evening at around 22:00. I know she was old (17 Years) but was not prepared for it as she was not ill even had a good meal that evening.

My heart is broken and I don't know how to cope with it. I only had her for 3 ½ Years (her previous mom did not wanted her anymore), but it felt like I had her all my life. 

The house seems empty without her and everything reminds me of her. I even dreaded going home yesterday after work. 

How do one deal with this?
ItWillTakeTime

Registered:
Posts: 43
 #2 

I am so sorry for your loss.

I can't tell you what your journey will be like, but I can tell you what mine has been like after putting my dog down five months ago. It is awful and sucks but it does slowly get better. Slowly.

For the first three months, it was as if I was hit by a train. I hardly remember anything from the first three months. I buried myself in work and I cried a lot, multiple times a day and sometimes in the middle of the night. I had made a farewell video of his pictures and I watched it over and over again. I had also made videos of his last days when he was sick to remind me why I had to put him down; because I questioned my judgment and felt guilty.

All the firsts were very hard. The first time I took "our" walk without him. The first time I went to the grocery store and walked by the aisles where I would normally buy things for him. The first time I realized that I didn't have to rush home to let him out.

The weekends were, and, continue to be hard, because I used to look forward to weekends to play with him and go hiking and have dog adventures.

I still miss the hell out of him, and I am still sometimes bothered by feelings of guilt. (Could I have done more for him? Did I put him down too soon? Did I put him down too late? OMG, I killed my beloved dog . . . all the things that people go through when they put their dog down.) I still see him around the house -- where he lay on his bed, where he stood looking out the window, where the vet gave him his last injection. I still can't bring myself to clean his nose prints off the sliding glass door.

I don't think it hurts less now. But the difference is that I am more in control of when I choose to feel that grief and pain, rather than being bushwhacked by it all day long. Sometimes it grabs me by surprise, and I cry again. Or sometimes, I can steer myself away from those painful memories and go do something else. Or I can go a few days focused on something else.

Life does feel empty without him, still. At some point, I hope that I will find some other type of companionship. It will never be the same as what he gave me, but it could be different and also good.

Being on this board was good for a little while. Here I learned that everything I was going through was just what people go through when they lose their beloved animal. And everybody feels terribly guilty; that's part of it, too.

Big hugs to you. Everyone on this board understands.

Loz

Registered:
Posts: 37
 #3 
Aw bless you , I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'll be honest its the worst time of all ! I lost my Berry aged nearly 14 suddenly on New years eve so only a few weeks ago. Its only this week that I have started to come though the fog and out of the state of shock. I feel totally lost and empty without her and still crying everyday. I try and think of her amazing life and the special bond we shared and TRY to take some comfort from that but then again it makes me sad too , if that makes sense.
I've read lots of post on here and they are helpful. I suppose its a matter of time to come to terms with not having our fur babies with us and we have to go on living , however for me life will never be the same. We never forget or stop loving. I wish you peace at this most difficult time , be kind to yourself and take care. 
MaritzaO

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #4 
Thank you all for your support. Yesterday was day 3 and was even harder as the day before.

I'm dreading the weekend because I used to up her on the couch on her blanket and then she would watch me clean the house. I'm considering moving everything as the way it is now reminds me to much of her. I can't even sit on the couch we used to share. 

I know it might sound crazy but when I'm alone outside or in the shower I find myself talking to her like she is still there I tell her how I feel.

This was the last photo I took of her.

[cheeky] 
Loz

Registered:
Posts: 37
 #5 
Its perfectly normal how you are feeling, I was the same and 8weeks on only just starting to feel a bit better although I cry every day and had tears this morning because Berry wasn't there. Of course talk to her , keep her memory going she will be with you I'm sure and thanking you for the love and care you gave her , she looks a sweet little soul, bless her. Berry will look out for her and keep her company xx
twinkiesmom

Registered:
Posts: 837
 #6 
I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet little angel. She looks so beautiful. I had the same experience with my first precious little girl, Chico. She was the neighbor's dog, they treated her horribly but she was mine in every way from the first day I saw her. I fed her, took her for lots of walks, even gave her baths so she could sleep with me. The last two years of her life she truly became ours because we rescued her from the pound when they dumped her there. No amount of time with these precious little ones would be enough, they are a part of us forever. Talking to her is good, I do it too. She is with you still, in your heart where she will always remain. Do whatever helps ease your pain. We are here for you whenever you need us, all of us have experienced the sorrow you feel. Please take care. Again, you have my deepest sympathy.
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