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Northerndoll

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Posts: 1
 #1 
Just put my sweet baby to sleep Wednesday at 555pm. I never left his side. He was 21+ yr old tabby cat who we adopted Aug 7 '98. He was a gift for my 4 yr old son who wanted nothing more than a cat. He was Mr. Personality with the biggest heart. I was diagnosed with a brain tumour after we got him. He kept me company during my long recovery. I never returned back to work so he was my constant companion from then on.
He was amazing 6 yrs later when I had another child. He loved the new baby.
We got a kitten to keep him young and company when he was 13. They became fast friends.
He developed a very small lipoma in his teens which as he entered his 20s started to get large. This past couple months I notice he was slowing down. The vet agree the lipoma was likely to outgrown its blood supply and cause grief. It wasn't operable at this point. 11 days ago it suddenly changed and developed a seroma that started to bleed. I had just left home when my son called panicking to say the mass was bright red and bleeding. I took him in prepared for the worst that day. But the vet said he wasn't in pain and that we had a week or two. It was best I booked euthanasia the following week. I did so for this past Tuesday and took him home. It meant we would have a week with him. I treat the seroma and we spent time with him. He remained happy, eating and active. Come Monday the seroma closed and he was looking good. I agonized and decided to cancel the appt but rebooked for the following week.
The next day my poor baby stopped eating and lost his balance. I spent the day holding him and crying until 4am. In the morning I made the call and booked an appt for 520pm that day. He spent the day with my kids, laced in the sun with the other cat for a bit, cuddled in my lap. When he did not want to be held I laid on the carpet beside him in his bed and held his paw. It was heart wrenching. I carried him to his litter box and tried to keep him drinking so they would have an easier time accessing an IV line. I took him out on our front porch and sat with him on my lap in the beautiful sun for the last 30 min at home.
I stayed by his side through the process and was face to face telling him I loved him when he passed away.
It was peaceful and the perfect day. Had I done it on the Tuesday I would have had to take him out in the middle of a thunderstorm.
In the past 48 hrs I have cried buckets. Told my kids funny stories about him but my heart is so broken and shattered.
This silly little cat has meant so much to me. I lived with him longer than anyone other than my son. He was loving and trusting. The painful journey my son and I went thru with my brain tumour was eased by him. My son held on to his kitty when I had to leave for a 10 hr surgery not knowing if I was coming home. His kitty comforted him. We feel so lost. I know we will get through this but most people just dont understand what this cat meant to us.
I am at peace with my cats passing. I just miss him so. I know all about the stages of grieving. I have seen many people die and helped families through the process. But losing my precious cat is the worst experience I have had to go thru.
afiroma

Registered:
Posts: 11
 #2 
I am so sorry Northerndoll for your loss. No matter how many times we go through this situations or how much we know that we will see them again, IT HURTS SO BAD. Many Hugsssss

Bubi's Mom
Yakelin
featheredwolf

Registered:
Posts: 9
 #3 
Dear Northerndoll,

I am so very sorry for your hurting heart and soul!  Our sweet fur babies give us so much throughout their lifetime and when they are gone the pain isimmeasurable!  How blessed he was to have such a very long life and the love he so deserved.  It sounds like he brought you so much love and support throughout the years he was with you.  This is the hardest part of accepting that unconditional love we receive from our pets.  I know he was so grateful to have you near him during his final days.   What a true gift you gave him!  Just like he has been there for you and your family, you were there for him too! 

These precious souls I call our fur persons.  They just give us so much unconditional love.  They are with us at our most vulnerable times, they offer us comfort, companionship, love, joy, laughter, security.  The pain is so vast because our world as we knew it changes and it takes time to adjust to this change.  For me, as well, losing a pet was far more devastating than losing a human relationship.  It does not mean I loved them any less.  We have a bond with our pets like no other and we miss that so much.  It is normal what you are going through.  Also, the fact like you said you lived with him longer than anyone.  You have a lot of years with this precious soul.  It is just day by day and sometimes hour by hour.  Allow yourself to grieve and don't tell yourself you "should" be over this in a few days, weeks, etc.  This journey takes some time. 

You can feel good about the fact that his passing sounded very peaceful and that you were there.  It is the most wonderful testament of love we give them by allowing them to be free of their diminished quality of life, pain, and/or illnesses.  Be gentle with yourself in the days ahead.  Try to stay hydrated and eat small meals if you can.  Grief is exhausting and sometimes the body experiences physical signs of grief as well.

I am so glad you reached out here on the message board.  This place has been my salvation for many years offering such compassionate understanding and support.   I invite you to check out our chat room as well in the evenings starting between 8:30 and 9:00 Eastern time where a few of us get together to help each other through our grief, as well as the Monday night candle ceremony which starts 10:00 Eastern time.   You are in my thoughts!  I know this pain so well!  Those tears you cry are a testament of love to your sweet fur person. 

Big Hug,

Linda (Featheredwolf)
the_sweetest_one

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #4 
What a beautiful love story! This is truly touching & my heart goes out to you.

It’s wonderful that your sweet tabby was able to bring you such comfort and happiness for so many years, especially during your recovery. I’ve been at home the past few years recovering from an illness myself so I know how incredibly important our constant companions are in our lives. We develop a special bond with our little shadows when so much of our time is spent with them right by our sides. I had my little one for 18 years, but it’s never enough time, is it? It’s been just over 2 weeks without her. I didn’t used to get lonely even though I spend a lot of time alone, but now I do find myself feeling lonely. But I know that with great love comes great loss, and great grief. I know how truly gut-wrenching and agonizing those last days can be when you see your dear friend in pain. It takes great strength to be able to provide the kind of comfort and care that you provided your sweet kitty in his final days and moments. What a wonderful gift you have given your little friend — a familiar and comforting presence with him until the very end. I hope you are able to take some comfort in knowing that & also that time has been helping your heart heal somewhat.

Thinking of you & your special little tabby during this incredibly difficult time.

Elle
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