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StephanieC

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Posts: 2
 #1 

I’m overwhelmed with sadness and a panic that it can’t be real. She can’t be gone because I don’t know how to be without her. Macy passed away two and a half weeks ago after me only knowing something might be wrong one week before that - and still not knowing what was wrong could take her so quickly.  She was eight, and I just wasn’t ready for her to leave. I found out two days before she died that her heart was severely enlarged and she had fluid in her lungs. The cardiologist explained that some dogs can live a year with this diagnosis, and I was devastated to hear that she might only have a year. What I would give for that year! She passed away suddenly two days later. She was my world. I’m not married, no kids, and I worked from home for a lot of Macy’s life. She was my best friend and constant companion. After being out of the house for a few hours, I would start to feel like getting back home to her. Now, being home is hard. When I’m home, I picture where she died or I wish so much to look over and see her laying on the couch. I wish I could see her watch squirrels out the window or take her to hike and swim. I wish I could see her do full-body wiggles up to strangers we passed on the street.  I wish I could feel her rest her head on my leg. It just hurts so much - physically hurts.

My family and friends were wonderful after she died, but I feel like they’re back to their normal lives, and Macy was my normal. I just feel like I’m alone in my sadness, so I found this site and wanted to share with people who have been or are in this same grief that I’m in. I feel an overwhelming panic and tightness in my chest that I'm not sure what to do about.  I keep trying to feel anything but that, and yet it keeps coming back every day for the last two and a half weeks.  I will love my Macy forever. She was perfect, and I was lucky.


[macy1] 

skmk

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Posts: 94
 #2 
Hello StephanieC,

I'm so sorry to hear about your Macy passing away.  She was a beautiful girl.  I know how hard it is to loss a pet suddenly.   I lost my dog Dickens all of a sudden and I don't have a diagnosis.  I opted not to have an autopsy.  He was 13 1/2 years old.  On July 11 it was the one year anniversary of his passing and I still miss him so and get weird feelings and anxiety.  I know how much it hurts.   We get so used to the rituals we do daily with our pets and when they are gone we get kind of lost.  Others may not understand but everyone on this site does and they will support you so you don't feel so alone.  Come here as often as you need to.  I too don't have kids so Dickens was my child.  Macy was lucky to have you.  Allow yourself to grieve.
Take care of yourself,
skmk
ourbrandy

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Posts: 1,007
 #3 
Dear StephanieC:

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl, Macy.  Believe me, I understand all your feelings and so do all the people here.  We've all been there regardless of the circumstances.

It is 6 years ago today that we lost our little Brandy girl, a buff colored cockapoo.  We are empty nesters and she was our whole life.  I also worked from home and I enjoyed taking a break each day from my job and taking Brandy for a walk around the neighborhood.  She never met a stranger and loved everybody. After Brandy's loss we adopted a senior cocker spaniel who we had for 4 wonderful years and then had to say goodbye to her also.  It doesn't get any easier....

The initial grief is just physically painful.  I thought I would never stop crying.  As you said, other family members move on and they just can't understand how we feel.

You have come to the right place.  The more you can visit and tell Macy's story and read posts from others it will help you heal a little bit.

I'm sending you thoughts of peace and comfort at this difficult time,

Barb (Angel Brandy's and Angel Miriam's mom and now mom to Bree)
~forever~
ryan

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #4 
Hi there. I wanted to share that I also became aware that something was wrong with my dog only shortly before it got bad, and I also was told that he could live longer. So I can identify strongly with that part of your story. It is so shocking because it developed so quickly, and then, the loss was so sudden even though there was something wrong. When I think about my baby, I do take some comfort in knowing that he didn't have to slowly get sicker and die a horrible, slowly painful death. It was shocking for me, but he was doing well almost until the end.

The physical part of the grief is so unexpected, but it feels so real and visceral. The pain is so intense, and just being home can be so hard. 

Macy was beautiful, and I can tell you loved her so much. The fact that she saw a cardiologist (a specialist) tells me that you got her such good care. I'm sorry that you had to lose her so soon, but please know you are not alone in your sadness.
StephanieC

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #5 
Thank you all so much. Your sweet words have helped me these last few days...more than you know. Thank you.
Sdfurbabies

Registered:
Posts: 14
 #6 
Macy is so beautiful!!! I am so sorry to hear how she passed that must’ve been such a shock.. I totally understand what you mean by physical pain. I lost my boy in May and I have good days, then good weeks but then I’ll still have that moment of realization he’s gone and I’ll break down all over again. Whenever I get down, I just have to remember even though I wanted more time with my boy, I was able to provide him with the best life I could’ve possibly given him.. although the 8 years you had with your Macy felt short, to her it wasn’t. To her you gave her a life full of happiness and love <3
arbitrary

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #7 
Hi Stephanie.  Its perfectly ok to feel how you are feeling, you should only move on when you feel ready. You'll feel a little bit better every day that passes.
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