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skmk

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Posts: 79
 #81 
Bmw2323. What I worry about the most is that I will never get over the loss of my Dickens who was taken so suddenly and unexpectedly. It's been a week and I'm still in shock and grief with terrible anxiety and depression. It's very hard to function.
I cannot see ever having another dog. When they die the second guessing and grief is all consuming.
I'm sorry for your loss and hope you are doing better.
Skmk
1959

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Posts: 12
 #82 
So very sorry to hear all the heartache in this post. Our pets are our most loyal friends and we would do anything possible to keep them by our side. I discovered today that my 4 yr old Golden mix has cancer, most likely hemangiosarcoma. The vet said he probably has 3 to 6 months. Chemotherapy could extend things some. The whole family is devastated, he hasn't shown many signs, still happy barking at anything, loving and good dog that he is. Though now that I know, recent events make more sense. He has been breathing hard occasionally, I was worried he was in pain, but the vet said this means his lungs are already involved. Also, just a bit quieter from time to time, sad seeming. But the next minute barking wildly at the mailman. We had recently discovered a lump on his hip, thus the vet visit to have it checked out, to hear this dreadful diagnosis. So I am happy we know in advance a bit, but horrified and yes angry-he is only 4 years old. i have learned so much from all your posts, I felt I must share as well. Bless you and your family friends, past and present..
doglife

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Posts: 69
 #83 
1959,
I just read your post & I wanted to let you know that I could totally relate to your story. I am so sorry to hear @ your beloved companion having this horrible Cancer. Just live one day at a time & enjoy every moment you have. After what you explained @ your dog breathing heavy & sometimes seeming quiet & sad, that sounds like my Jada. She started going off by herself into the other room, & laying on the couch. And she did look sad. I thought she just wanted to get space away from her sometimes annoying brother. Now looking back that was so not like her, but she’d jump down & everything would be back to normal. Like barking at a squirrel or a bird.
I guess knowing your dog has this disease & you don’t know what lies ahead would be so stressful. I never got to experience that part , so I was completely unprepared when she just collapsed & died suddenly while playing.
If I knew , I would have taken her to her favorite icecream shop & taken her to all of her favorite places with me daily. Take lots of pictures of your dog & videos & enjoy every happy moment. I hope your dog lives for a very long time & that you csn create more special memories.
Feeling your pain.
Jada’s mom



1959

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Posts: 12
 #84 
Thank you so much Jada's Mom for your kind and heartwarming post. You are right about the unknown ahead being stressful and also frightening. Every time I look into Louis' sweet face, I feel tears welling up. I love your advice though, spending as much time as possible with him, going to his favorite places to walk and run. I am so sorry for the loss of your Jada, something so sudden and unexpected would be hard to bear as well. It's strange, we know we are most likely going to outlive our pets, but it doesn't stop us and a good thing too. The joy they bring is immeasurable, though the pain of their loss is nearly unbearable.. warmest wishes to you and yours.
BKool

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Posts: 8
 #85 
I was just reading that out of the 72 million dogs in the country today 2.5 million will succumb to H.S. So sorry you have been chosen for this "club" but at least you aren't alone, if that's any consolation.
1959

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Posts: 12
 #86 
You are right BKool. I am glad I found this message board. Thank you, and I'm so sorry for your loss. Since reading more about this disease, I realize that a German Shepherd I owned over 30 years ago most likely had this cancer as well. Didn't recognize it at the time, but now the symptoms I recall her having and the sad outcome are all too familiar.
Keefcat

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Posts: 79
 #87 
1959
I have had 4 dogs succumb to this awful disease, but never as young as yours. Our Golden, Charlie, died almost a year ago from this, but he was 13.

Give your Louis all your love, hamburgers, pets, snuggles..but I know you will.

My heart breaks for you.

If you need to message me you can.

Peace to you.

Lauren
1959

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Posts: 12
 #88 
Thank you Lauren, I truly appreciate your words, and yes I plan on indulging him to the fullest! He still has an appetite and loves our walks. The main things I am noticing are his hard breathing and urinating more. I found an herbal product that I am told will help his breathing and am hoping that helps. I have seen a few other natural remedies that claim to help support the immune system of dog cancer patients and plan to try one to see if it benefits him at all.
Thank you again, and best wishes.
Debbie
BKool

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Posts: 8
 #89 
1959-

You are going to want to do all those things to extend your friend's life, I know we did, however after all that, we have no idea if it did anything at all, and you can not avoid where this is going anyway, and whatever time you get is going to go by in a flash.. sorry to sound negative but the best thing you can do is to try to prepare yourself mentally for what's coming, the unfortunate inevitability, and know we here sympathize with you, and will listen.
1959

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Posts: 12
 #90 
You don't sound negative, but realistic and I think you did everything in your power to keep your dog alive and comfortable as long as humanly possible. That is my goal too. I am so glad I visited this board and that people have shared their stories.
Sprite1030

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Posts: 3
 #91 
Hi everyone! I'm just becoming familiar with this type of cancer as a result of having to put my amazing little Sprite to sleep last Thursday night, September 20th, a day before my birthday. That morning she was absolutely fine. I get home from work and she's a totally different doggie. She wouldn't eat or greet me at the door as she had done for the past 11 years. She wouldn't even get up. I stood her up and she plopped back down. I put her in the yard and she still plopped down. Her breathing was very rapid, and she was weak and lethargic. I took her to the vet. . .hours later I was told she had cancer of her liver that had spread to her lungs, pericardial effusion, kidney failure, dehydration and anemia. I was in total shock and disbelief. . .this came out of no where. I was left to make a heartwrenching decision to put her to sleep instead of allowing her to endure any unnecessary pain and suffering. I held her and talked to her during her transition. I have never cried so much in my entire life. I'm still crying. . .still in shock. . .extremely depressed. . .guilt-ridden. . .sad beyond words. . .don't want to be here. . .wish she would have taken me with her. She took care of me from day one that I rescued her from the shelter. The most unselfish, caring, loving, grateful and nurturing dog ever. She loved her life and she loved her home, her family both human and furry. This horrible hemangiosarcoma took my baby away from me in a matter of hours, and I feel so alone without her. I joined this site to try and understand how this horrible thing happened to my baby. Sprite would have turned 12 years old on October 30th. She was a Poodle-Terrier mix. She was my baby, and now she's gone.
1959

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Posts: 12
 #92 
Sprite1030

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. One awful aspect of this terrible disease is how it seemingly comes out of nowhere to claim the lives of our dogs. I hope reading the posts of others here helps you, and remembering what a wonderful life you gave your little Sprite too. I like to think we will see our special friends again someday, and as time passes the wonderful times you shared will become cherished memories and the pain of her loss will lessen.
Thoughts and prayers are with you
denj2766

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Posts: 8
 #93 
I'm very sorry for your loss, Sprite 1030.  Sending healing comfort your way at this difficult time.  
 
Sadly, there doesn't seem to be any meaningful way to understand the cruelty of hemangiosarcoma.  It's awful to go through, as all on this board can attest to. 

Please be gentle with yourself at this difficult time.  If there's a pet loss support group in your area, it may help to attend.  

While it's perfectly understandable to feel guilty, the maddening fact is that hemangiosarcoma frequently doesn't show warning signs until it's too late.  I talked to three different vets after the sudden loss of my best friend, and they all said the same thing:  do not beat yourself up because no signs/sudden loss are common with hemangiosarcoma.

We'd like to think that we can do anything for our pets.  Then we come up against hemangiosarcoma.  It's truly a helpless feeling.  I'm sorry you're going through this.
Sprite1030

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Posts: 3
 #94 
Thank you so much for your words of comfort denj2766 and 1959.  This is truly something that the pet industry needs to be looking into and doing some very thorough research.  For this to come out of no where and take away our furry babies is devastating.  I mean, I am trying to understand how can my beautiful and loving Sprite can go from being a happy healthy doggie one minute and a sick dying doggie the next.  Sprite had never been sick the whole entire time I had her, the entire 11 years. . .no vomiting, diarrhea, no ear infections.  The only time she had vet visits was for her exams and vaccinations.  Reading all these posts a part of me is contemplating if it could be something with the food, certain vaccines, certain preventatives, etc.  I guess when this sort of thing happens you're just racking your brain looking for answers as to why you no longer have your precious little furry baby with you anymore.  Thank God for this site!
NC1983

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Posts: 12
 #95 
I just lost my sweet sweet girl Vanilla, a 11.5 year old Cockalier, to cancer this past Wednesday.  She had hermangiosarcoma which had spread to her intestines, and the tumor caused her intestine to rupture.  She was in early stages of sepsis and I had to put her to sleep to relieve her of any pain and discomfort.  A part of me died with her.  She was the best thing in my life, and I don't know how to go on without her.
denj2766

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Posts: 8
 #96 
Sprite1030:  Given that my buddy also showed no signs until just before he collapsed/had to be euthanised (undiagnosed heart tumor that ruptured), here are three things to consider at this difficult time:  1) while hemangiosarcoma is aggressive, it does develop (it's not instantaneous, although it certainly seems like it) 2) as it develops, it can elude detection, and 3) it's entirely possible our dogs may hide symptoms until they can no longer function anymore (my dog went swimming for an hour almost daily as well as did a walk every night, and no signs were apparent to me at all until literally five minutes before he collapsed).

Given that four of us at work lost three of our dogs within one month last summer to hemangiosarcoma, two suddenly to undiagnosed/ruptured heart tumors and one a month after surgery to remove a splenic tumor (very common), I, too, thought there must be more cases now and that some outside factor is contributing to that higher incidence rate.  When I asked a vet about this, though, she said she didn't think so.  If anything, she said h may be more noticeable now due to many popular breeds tending to develop this insidious form of canine cancer (Labs, Golden retrievers, Boxers, German Shepherds).  That said, only time will tell, as more testing and research is done.

[Regarding research, it's a timely call for me personally because, in just under two weeks, I'm scheduled to bring a grief project to fruition for my lost buddy:  since the summer, I've been organizing a small concert to raise money for canine cancer research through a local foundation that currently has five active hemangiosarcoma studies open.  It won't bring my best friend, or the other two dogs lost shortly after him, back (or my college friend's dog who was just lost this past spring after diagnosis of a splenic tumor), but it will, hopefully, ease the persistent hurt that I couldn't save my best friend.]

NC1983:  Very sorry for your loss.
B28uk

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Posts: 2
 #97 
We made the hardest decision to put our beautiful girl asleep 6th nov. She was diagnosed august 13th turned 7 on 31st. She had no symptoms took her the vets with jaundice did blood test and scans and found it on her spleen and liver. She fought till the end but it was time to go. She was more than a dog she was my best friend. Run free our beautiful girl willow!
mthe08

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Posts: 4
 #98 
I hate reading these but there is some twisted sense of relief knowing I am not the only one. I had to put my soulmate cat down 3 days ago because of this evil cancer. I am just so so angry. I had never even heard of such a thing before this happened. Everything was normal on October 20th. On Sunday October 21st he was laying down staring into space. I picked him up and he was a rag doll and his nose was completely white. My husband rushed him to the animal hospital and they gave him fluids and said he had feline leukemia (we were like what??? He has always tested negative for over a decade and always got his vaccine, and was an indoor cat) and a mass on his spleen. I wanted to die right then and there. He had an ultrasound and blood transfusion the next day, and surgery to remove the spleen on that Tuesday. They said they did see that it had spread to the liver and maybe the lungs but gave us false hope that he could live for another year. Looking back I realize how ridiculous it was that they even suggested he could live for a year. He came home on Thursday October 25th. My poor baby was on pain meds completely out of it with a shirt on so he wouldn't lick his wound. I cry thinking about it. After he started to heal and come back to life after being on pain meds he was back to his normal self. Everything was great and he was due to start chemo 2 weeks after the surgery. He went to his first chemo completely normal on November 7th. He came home a shell of himself. The next morning I thought this is just not right. I checked his gums and they were completely white again, just like the first day. I rushed him back to the hospital. They could feel the internal bleeding and knew more tumors had ruptured. They suggested MORE blood transfusions and surgery. My head was racing. I was crying that I wanted him out of pain and they just stared at me like I was an idiot. I am still mad about that. My husband came to the animal hospital from work and we decided to have him put down. I was shaking and half-yelling "I have to get out of here" and I felt like I was trying to literally take my body off and float away. I have never felt that kind of pain or grief. So our nightmare was from October 21 to November 8. I cannot believe he is gone. He was truly my soulmate on earth. Now that it has been a couple days my mind is racing trying to process what just happened? How did this happen? And why did they suggest more blood transfusions and surgery the day he died? Why would they not know that would be a horrible and cruel choice to make? I just am having such a hard time with our new reality. I also feel like I cannot properly grieve or process because I have a 4 month old, 5 year old, and 8 year old and they take all the attention and energy I have. I had to go sit in a parking lot alone yesterday just to scream so I wouldn't scare my kids. I feel like I am losing it. I just feel so lost. He would have been the one I would go to with this pain. I don't know how I will go on. My heart goes out to all of you going through this same nightmare. It just isn't fair.
denj2766

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Posts: 8
 #99 
Very sorry for your losses, mthe08 and B28uk


1959

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Posts: 12
 #100 
We took Louis to the vet today to end his suffering. He was diagnosed August 1st. I am rereading posts here to help me see that this terrible grief will ease eventually. Right now it seems endless, literally everywhere I look, he used to be. The bedroom when I wake up, the kitchen when I drink my coffee, the patio where we played "tug"; he was always right there. I know that time needs to go by, but it seems impossible right now. Thank you all for your shared stories and shared grief. I hope the wonderful memories outweigh the sadness soon.
BKool

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Posts: 8
 #101 
1959 - So sorry for your feelings of loss.. we are all here in sympathy for each other as we struggle through our grief. Here's a couple of quotes I came upon you may relate to:  "Life is like a corridor and death is merely a door."   And,  "Love is truly measured in the hour of the passing."  Perhaps we must suffer as much grief as pleasure we received..? For us with our beloved Mokie it has been 19 weeks since his passing and the pain less direct and just more like a numbness in the heart. People have been trying to give us dogs thinking that would help but we're not ready. Maybe we need to suffer longer, oh well, maybe it's different for everyone, but that dog was something special in our lives. Best of luck on your path of grief.
1959

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Posts: 12
 #102 
Thank you Bkool, I loved the quotes and sympathy conveyed. I'm glad to hear things have gotten a bit easier for you as time passes. I know if and when the time comes that you bring another dog into your hearts and lives , it will be a lucky dog indeed. Best wishes to you and yours in this journey we are on.
1959

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Posts: 12
 #103 
For Louis

Gone, but still here
Everywhere I look
The way you looked for me
Is how I look for you now.

I feel your presence with me
Though I can't see your face
How I want to see your face
How I miss your dear face.

I must tell you goodbye now
Though my heart breaks
Rest quiet dear friend
May we meet again one day.
staceynix

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Posts: 14
 #104 
I just joined this group because I can't stop crying and feel like I will never stop. My Peanut died in my arms while bringing to the ER at 5:00 am today. We were inseparable. I rescued him when he was 9 months old. He was only 7 years old. He was the happiest, most loving and affectionate dog I have ever seen. He was attached to my hip. He would not leave my side. He wouldn't let anyone other than me walk him. We were together 24/7. At 4 am I noticed he was in his cage and not sleeping next to me. He wouldn't come out of his cage so I had to reach in and bring him to bed. Within 1/2 hour he was drooling badly and started thrashing about. His head was cocked to the side. He was totally not himself. I kept calling the 24 hr pet hospital and they thought it was a seizure and would go away. Finally at 6 am when we noticed he wasn't getting better we wrapped him in a towel and took him to the ER. I ran in and told someone to take him and help him. They came out and told me he passed away before he reached the ER. I hope he knows how much I loved him. I am so grateful he was in my arms and hope he felt me kissing his head and telling him how much I loved him.  I'm so scared I am going to go crazy. It's only been a few hours but I miss his kisses, smell, touch, everything about him. Anyone who has gone through this please help me. Thank you.
denj2766

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Posts: 8
 #105 
So very sorry, staceynix. 

It's a terrible disease, and all of us on this board are unfortunately in the "club" from losing our best friends to hemangiosarcoma's perniciousness.  We understand where you are at this heart-wrenching moment because we've all been there, sadly, and there's no way to sugar-coat it:  it's hell on earth, especially the first day of the loss. 

Just feel what you're feeling because it's valid and real:  the shock, the grief, the numbness, the outrage at losing your best friend in this unexpected and cruel way.  Call family/friends, consider looking for a pet loss support group in your area.  There is no right way to grieve.  

Please take comfort that you were with Peanut in his final moments.  How thankful that you could be with him, that he had your love surrounding him.  Condolences for your loss.
queenbee928

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Posts: 8
 #106 
I’m so sorry for your loss, Stacey. I lost my Maggie 16 months ago and I still miss her everyday. I know exactly how you feel and all I can say is does get better. It doesn’t go away but you learn how to go on without your fur baby. I read a book “Heart Dog:Surving the Loss of Your Canine Soulmate” and it resonated so deeply with me plus reading the stories on this message board helped. It’s knowing that you’re not alone in your feelings and grief that helped me the most. And don’t worry, you may feel like you’re losing your mind sometimes, but you’re not. You’re grieving...xoxo
B28uk

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Posts: 2
 #107 
A week ago today i lost my best friend still as hard as day one. Not a day goes by where it doesnt hit me hard. Stil think shes going run down the stairs at me everytime i come in the front door. Stil picture her on her side of the sofa where her blanket stil is. We get our girl back tomorrow.
doglife

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Posts: 69
 #108 
Sprite1020, Denj2766, Stacynix, All of you,

Denj2766,  You mentioned that you knew of 3 dogs including yours with ruptured heart tumors.   I thought I had come to grips with the sudden and unexpected loss of my girl Jada, who was going to turn 8 years young two weeks before she literally died at my side. She was playing in the yard in the water hose with my other 2 dogs and she ran up to me , fell over and she wasn't breathing,  and I was calling her name and trying to massage her chest because I didn't know doggie CPR, and I looked in her mouth and there was no obstruction, she was gone.  In minutes literally gone.  I beat myself up for months trying to figure out what happened to her that day.  The guilt was overwhelming, and I felt like a part of me died with her that day.   I've had several vets tell me it was most likely some form of this HC cancer.  But she wasn't sick, she never showed us any signs , she never stopped eating, never stopped running around and playing, never stopped being herself.  She was slowing down a little due to her spondylosis , but we had a chiropractor that adjusted her and she'd be back to her crazy self.  She was the most loving, fun, German Shepherd I could ask for and I thought they were supposed to live to 15 years old. 

It was starting to get a little better for me because in the beginning I thought I was going to die from my heart being broken.  It hurt, my heart truly hurt.   All of the sudden, with the holidays coming up ,  I am feeling an overwhelming sense of loss and sadness again.  This will be the first Thanksgiving without her and she loved eating,  that was one of her favorites.   And Christmas, we always get our dogs gift and they open them and they get the biggest kick out of it, and they even know which one's are theirs.  I was looking through photos on my phone and I have a thousand pictures and videos and as I'm looking through, I don't notice any signs of illness.   I am starting to go back to beating myself up again.  Did I somehow do this to her?  When she played , she played hard, and she loved it when I threw snowballs at her.  She was hard to hit because she was so fast.  But when I stopped she ran at me and bumped her ball into me to tell me she wanted more.   The day she died, she wouldn't stop with the hose , she wouldn't stop running into it, and I kept telling her to leave it and she was so excited that it was the first day it was warm enough to fill up the kiddy pool.  It was like she loved playing rough and she loved running and swimming and doing whatever she did , and she would never stop until we made her.   She was so competitive with her brother, that when it was his turn to play fetch and she was in a down, she'd usually break it and make a run for it to get it first, even though she was so out of breath and needed a break.  

She never wanted to stop any game we played.   Once at the Lake swimming her frisbee went under the water and she wouldn't come back to us because she wanted to find it, she was determined to find it.  I thought she was going to drown.  I was ready to jump in and drag her back, but she eventually came back herself and my husband and I had to put her leash on and make her lie down to catch her breath because she turned around and immediately tried to go back to find her frisbee.  We were going to take her back to Michigan this summer but she died in May.   I don't know if I can ever go back there because it was HER place.  She made it so memorable.  She would start doing the high pitch screaming as soon as we'd get to the parking lot at the beach.  She would literally drag us and face planted both myself and my husband running us to the water.   I am feeling guilty because I didn't know she was sick and I had no time to do anything to prepare myself for that horrible day.  

Sprite I am so sorry for your sudden loss of your beloved dog.  It sounds like it also happened so suddenly and unexpectantly.  My heart truly goes out to you.  You are not alone. 
 
Stacynix, I am crying reading your post because I know the heartbreak and the nonstop crying and the thinking it's never going to stop hurting so bad.  You are not alone.  The grief seems to come and go in waves.  It never truly leaves, it's just that there are days that are better and you move through some of the pain, but I think I may have burried it, because it's hitting me again now like a huge wave.  The guilt for me is the hardest part, because I just didn't have a clue and it all happened so fast, it's just like a big blur. 
I am so sorry that you had to go through this awful  sudden loss from HC.   I wish I could be of more help to you.  I was told by others on here that your beloved fur babies will show you signs of them being on the other side.  I had a dragon fly that stayed by me for an afternoon about a month after Jada passed.  The dragonfly even played with my other dog Leo,  he's the older GSD, the one with all the problems,  the one that I thought wasn't going to make it to age 8 and he turned 9 this year.  I don't know if that was a real sign or not, but it felt like it was and the dragon fly didn't leave until we went inside. 

Thank you all for listening.  I feel like I"m going crazy.  No One, and I mean no one wants to hear 6 months later that I'm still grieving and having a hard time with my Jada's passing.  I wish none of us had to be here.  I hope we all get to see our dogs again and that they are happy and healthy and running around somewhere chasing butterflys. 

Hugs and love to you all.

Jada's mom 



1959

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #109 
Jada's mom, I know what you mean by the feelings of guilt, but you must not blame yourself. Jada had a wonderful life and there was no way to tell what was happening inside her. I too feel like our pets try to let us know that they are ok. My mom's lab passed quite suddenly and a day or 2 later there was a dog food kibble on the window sill that my Mom looks out of over her kitchen sink. There was no explanation of how it could be there. She believes it was a sign. I am looking for a sign from my Louis, but the grief is still so raw that I see him literally everywhere inside and outside my home. And everything makes me cry. We need to remember that we gave them wonderful lives (though I feel they gave us even more back.) And yes, hope that we might see them again someday , at the very least know they are at peace. Maybe we owe it to them to be at peace with everything too? This sounds corny I know, but I want to be a better person because of my Louis.
I agree with Bkool, the grief we feel now is proportionate to the love we had for our dogs, and also the unconditional love they had for us.
Also as my Mom told me, every first after losing our pets will bring the waves of sadness crashing back. All we can do is weather the storm and try to come out focusing on the happy memories that are left to us.
Best always to you and all on this board.

Debbie
denj2766

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Posts: 8
 #110 
doglife:  Three dogs at my work succumbed to hemangiosarcoma, all within one month of each other last summer.  My dog, who was lost first, and the third dog in the sequence both had undetected heart tumors that only showed themselves when the animals collapsed.  The second dog in the sequence had had a splenectomy to remove a discovered spleen tumor, but she was lost just one month after her surgery.  

Like you, my best friend was in the midst of his main daily exercise, an hour of swimming at the indoor dog pool, when he started acting very unusually.  Within the span of five minutes, I was trying to lead him out the front door of the pool, to walk next door to a vet clinic for an evaluation, when I watched in horror as his back legs simply gave out and he crumpled to the ground, unable to move.  Scooping up all 65 lbs of him and literally running next door, I learned the awful news that he had a heart tumor that had ruptured and, if I didn't do anything, he would die on the table within the hour.  I had to accept, with extreme bitterness and shock, the vet recommendation to put him down right then, doubly hard because we were not at our regular vet clinic so I was meeting this vet for the very first time.  

Like you, due to new posts on this board, the nagging thought of, "How could you not have known?" has re-entered my thought process.  It consumed me in the days after my best friend's loss.  Although he was 11.5 years at his demise, he was routinely mistaken for a dog half his age because of his physical fitness.  As I was walking him up the ramp at the pool for what turned out to be our last visit, another patron said, "I don't think I've ever seen him dry before.  He is a beautiful dog."  It was not at all a case of a decrepit, run-down dog, which made it that much harder for me to come to terms with.  I was sure I'd have him until he was 15.  

Hopefully this makes us all feel better:  I talked to three vets in the days after my boy's painful loss, and they all said exactly the same thing.  "Do not beat yourself up about this; you could not have known."  Sadly, this trait is what makes hemangio so awful:  it develops stealthily and you don't know anything is wrong until it has progressed significantly, thereby many times being too late to do anything meaningful to prolong life.  I keep looking back to the (cherished) nightly walks with my boy and wonder how I couldn't possibly have noticed anything amiss, but I never did until critical mass happened at the pool.  I think there's also something to be said for our wonderful companions:  they will do anything to be with us, so it's very possible in many cases that our best friends mask what they are feeling to please us and keep on with "life as usual."  I have feared countless times that I caused my dog's heart tumor to rupture by having him jump into the back seat of the SUV, as he always did, to go to the pool.  But, that's not rational:  he had the tumor, I didn't know it, if it didn't rupture at that moment then it was going to some other time, and THANK GOODNESS I was with him when it happened.  I could have been out of town, as I was just four days later....  As awful as his loss was, which still brings me to tears eighteen months later, I'm thankful that I was with him in his final moments and that the last thing he saw as the life left his eyes was me.

Just last month the grief project for my boy and the two other dogs lost at work came to fruition:  a concert we put on raised over $4,000 for hemangiosarcoma research.  I'm already looking to do it again next year.  It won't bring back any of the wonderful creatures that were lost, but it helps us to grieve, remember, and feel like we're doing something positive in the face of utter helplessness with this disease.
doglife

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 #111 
1959,
I am so deeply sorry that you had to say goodbye to Louis. I was hoping that the natural remedies were going to keep him around longer. In his short life I’m glad he had a loving mom like you to be his companion. I love the poem you posted, it’s so true.
I hope he shows you some signs that he is happy & out of pain & will always be by your side even though you can no longer see his sweet face. Its so hard the last goodbye. Although the kindest thing you can do for your beloved companion also the hardest thing for you.
Hugs & comfort go out to you
Sadly,
Jadas mom
doglife

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Posts: 69
 #112 
Denj2766
Thank you for your reply. I just read your original post today & realized just now that you are the one I sent an email on here. Sorry if I repeated most of what I already said. I opened up the grief post today & it started from the very beginning so I started reading through all of the post from the beginning and that is what I found yours in yours is the one that really stuck out to me because it was most similar to my experience although I didn’t have a vet next door.

I think that is awesome that you raised money for research on this horrible cancer.

I like you am thankful that I was able to be the one looking into her eyes as she passed. As traumatic as that was. One thing that sticks out to me looking back is that 15 months before she passed, she had a scary breathing episode. It happened at night & it was as if she was gasping for breath so at midnight we took her to the Emergency vet. When we got there she was symptom-free . She hated the vets so much that her adrenaline probably kitten and the breathing episode had stopped so they could not observant . They took her in the back and observed her and did blood test and checked her oxygen levels and everything seemed normal . They did not recommend doing an x-ray at the time because everything came back normal and she seemed very calm and very normal and she was sleeping in the room while the vet was talking to us . It was 3 AM and we were very tired and I just wanted to take her home and go to bed and I do not want to leave her there for further observations or testing. She was already sold traumatize just being there .

I called my regular vet the next day and I took her for follow up that week and everything checked out normal and my vet said that it was probably just a fluke and if it happened again that she would have further testing done but she wouldn’t do anything unless it happened again . I even captured the bazaar breathing episode on video and I am guessing now that it was all part of this cancer and possibly it had already spread to her lungs . LOL I don’t understand how a dog with tumors or cancer in their longs or around there longs could run as fast as she could run and could be as active and energetic as she was. I figured back then if there was something really wrong with her that she would have shown signs of being lethargic or not eating But she never did. The only other thing that she did do towards the last few months of her life was she panted at night. I thought maybe she had a stomachache & I would go rub her belly and told she would fall asleep. She was the kind of dog that would eat so quickly that we had to get her a special bowl to slow her down, it only slowed her down seconds. She would occasionally throw up her meal but she did that since she was a puppy. So I figured indigestion. But now Im guessing if she had a tumor pressing on her stomach & wrapped around God knows what inside of her , that’s what was probably causing the panting during the night. But the next morning she’d wake up & be perfectly fine- eating, playing, & never once did she turn down a meal because that would’ve alerted me to something wrong. Plus I truly believe she didn’t want any of us to know anything was wrong with her. She was not a complainer like my male GSD who lets us know when something is wrong, he mosns loudly. Jada never did- she hid her head under the bed & made it extremely difficult for us to clean her ears. She did have chronic ear infections throughout her life. But thats not life threatening. I TRULY thought she’d be with me until she was at least 15. I feel like there was so msny more fun adventures for us to take. I never knew that day I’d be saying goodbye to my best friend.
I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving. This will be the 1st without my Jada & it’s hitting me really hard. Almost as hard as in the beginning when she first left.

Doggie hugs to all
Jada’s mom
1959

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Posts: 12
 #113 
Thank you so much Jada's mom! I appreciate you and everyone on this message board. It's been 9 days and I'm working hard to stay positive and recall all the happy times we had in those 4 short years. I miss him so much as I know all of our dear friends are deeply missed. It seems a long road ahead.
Loz

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Posts: 35
 #114 
This is my story of my Beautiful red and white collie , My Girl Berry Jenkins. Berry was 4 days short of her 14th Birthday and was still enjoying short walks and playing. Yes she had slowed down this past 6 month but she was an old lady. I loved Berry with all my heart and soul, I was Berry and she was me, we even looked liked each other! We were inseparable, we were always together and she was my world. We'd had a lovely Christmas with her. Short walks and spending our days with her was so special, she was special. On New years eve we went for a 30minute walk she was fine. She ate her tea and I'd gone to collect our Grandchildren. 2 minutes before I reached home my partner rang to say come in quietly Berry isn't well. When I got in the house Berry was lying on the  the dinning room floor staring at the door unconscious. I ran to her saying Berry Berry Mummy's home come on girl its ok now I'm here but there was no response. I looked in her eyes and it was as though a light was  fading  and just went out. We rushed her the dog hospital, they were ready for her but on examination the vet said she has a ruptured spleen tumour and this sort is very aggressive, we had known nothing about it and she had no symptoms. They gave us the option of surgery but at nearly 14 the outcome wasn't good. I pleaded with the vet for some way to make her better but  when my partner said she's dying the vet said yes I'm afraid so. I sobbed my heart over her telling her that I would ALWAYS love her and ALWAYS be with her and  asked her to wait for me on the Rainbow bridge because Mammy was coming and coming soon We had to let her go. That was 5.50pm 31st Dec 2018. I am totally broken. I cry all day and cannot function without her. Berry was EVERYTHING to me  and I feel that my life is pointless without her, this pain is unbearable! I have spoken with my doctor who says time will heal and all these feelings are normal. All I want is to be with Berry. I know people on this forum will understand my pain.
BKool

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Posts: 8
 #115 
Dear LOZ, all of us here feel your pain because we are dealing with loss ourselves. Some have lost their loved ones to this disease with pets who whose lives were cut short before their natural length. Your Berry lived almost 14 and that's a pretty long time in dog years. It doesn't seem fair that a person's life span is so much longer than a dog's since we can become so close, but that's how it is. Every sentient being has a separate path of life to take so you can't follow hers, you have unfinished business here, no doubt. The loss you are feeling is a testament to the gift you were given from the relationship you had, so mourning is totally natural and part of the experience. Good luck to you.
mthe08

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Posts: 4
 #116 
I'm so sorry Loz. Yes we all feel your pain. Hemangiosarcoma is a thief in the night. You do not expect it at all. My Tee, a cat, was the same. It started with a spleen tumor that ruptured. He died in November and not a day goes by that my eyes don't just start leaking out of the blue. I will think everything is ok and then my face is covered in tears. I still don't know how I'm going to go the rest of my life without him. I just want to be with him. Again, I am so sorry. We are here for you.
Loz

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Posts: 35
 #117 
mthe08 and BKool,
I know Berry was nearly 14 but I still feel robbed of time with her. She was our little girl and I feel like my world has fallen apart. How do we go on with the rest of our lives without our beloved friends, I am finding life without her unbearable!
queenbee928

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Posts: 8
 #118 
Loz...I totally feel your pain. It’s been a year and a half since we lost our Maggie. All I can tell you is it does get better. At the time, I didn’t know how I would go on without her. But as time has gone on it’s gotten a little easier. I’ll never get over losing her but I’ve learned to live without her. I still can’t bear the thought of getting another pet. Maybe some day but I don’t see it anytime soon. The book “Heart Dog: Surviving the Loss of Your Canine Soul Mate” helped me and also knowing others have gone through it and that you’re not alone helped. xoxo
queenbee928

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Posts: 8
 #119 
Loz...I totally feel your pain. It’s been a year and a half since we lost our Maggie. All I can tell you is it does get better. At the time, I didn’t know how I would go on without her. But as time has gone on it’s gotten a little easier. I’ll never get over losing her but I’ve learned to live without her. I still can’t bear the thought of getting another pet. Maybe some day but I don’t see it anytime soon. The book “Heart Dog: Surviving the Loss of Your Canine Soul Mate” helped me and also knowing others have gone through it and that you’re not alone helped. xoxo
denj2766

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Posts: 8
 #120 
Loz -

Ditto what queenbee928 said:  it's been a year and a half for me, too (and I haven't gotten another dog yet, either).  The only way is through the hurt, sadly.  Three weeks after losing my buddy I had to go to the emergency room with what I thought were heart attack symptoms (chest pain/light-headed dizziness).  It turned out to be my first-ever anxiety attack, which resulted from a day of particularly hard grief over his loss.  If there's a pet loss support group in your area, consider checking into it because being around others who are going through similar loss can help.  This site is an online version of such a group, obviously, but being around others in person is good.  Channel the hurt into doing things for others or by putting together a remembrance/memorial book.  Lastly, as hard it is, give thanks that your best friend lived as long as she did; that's remarkable.  I was certain my buddy was going to live to 14, due to being in excellent physical shape at 11.5, when the thief in the night, as mthe08 very aptly termed hemangio, stole him (while he was getting his daily exercise, no less).  Sorry for your loss and the emotional pain you're experiencing.
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