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JanineSnyderMI

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Posts: 16
 #41 
Hi Brian!  Thank you for your reply.  Yes, would you please send to me your website?  I am so angry at canine cancer (all cancer too)...that i feel compelled to find a link or commonality between the dogs who have gotten the disease.  I think this whole horrible experience of losing Daisy is making me fear medications, food, etc...because I feel there is a connection between these things and how they affect the immune system.  I ran across an article about a man whose dog was also diagnosed with this horrendous disease...they gave his dog 6-8 weeks to live. During this time he created a "cancer" diet using holistic medicine...and all of the tumors shrank and the dog was "cured" of this type of cancer.  I am wondering about a holistic vet for any future dogs i have....i just dont have confidence in the way our vet just gave us medications...without letting me know the dangerous side effects, I mainly am speaking about Apoquel.  I am also concerned that Vets tend to over vaccinate our babies....i dont know maybe I am just losing it here.  I just want to do better the next time, is all! Thanks again!
Janine
Brianthedoglover

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Posts: 36
 #42 
Hi Janine,
Something that makes Hemangiosarcoma unique is that when the tumors die that's when they bleed out into the dog. Usually you would think a shrinking almost dead tumor is a great thing but not in this cancers case. It starts out slow then becomes extremely aggressive.I will send you the link in a private message now.
maryellen1952

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Posts: 29
 #43 
My Pekingese who died from this cancer had a very healthy lifestyle with me; he was on a raw diet (no processed foods), did not have any vaccinations after the first year of life, was given various supplements with his diet and still it did not prevent this cancer.  
I did extensive research about hemangiosarcoma and there is very little know about it so there is now known correlation with meds, food, etc.  
If you do a lot of research about hemangiosarcoma you discover that there is very little hope for longevity once it is diagnosed.  The University of Pennsylvania Vet School is doing clinical trials with turkey tail mushroom with various cancers but it is still in the trial phase.  
I'd like to see a link posted about the cancer diet that you read about and if it really stopped the cancer as I did not find anything about that.  I'm very curious to see it and it would help others if you posted the info here.
Brianthedoglover

Registered:
Posts: 36
 #44 
Maryellen,
I m yunity has these mushroom extracts in them. I gave them to my girl when she was sick along with acupuncture I believe it helped her get 5 weeks with us until she passed away. It's a great supplement as I think you were reading an old article possibly about these mushrooms. I will say this there is no way that any diet could STOP this cancer that's just beyond unrealistic. What exactly causes this cancer exactly no one really knows for sure.
maryellen1952

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Posts: 29
 #45 
The mushrooms have limited benefit as with any other treatment including diet.  5 weeks is little consolation and definitely wouldn't consider that success since the pet still died relatively soon.
Brianthedoglover

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Posts: 36
 #46 
Maryellen,
When 50 percent of all dogs that develop hemangiosarcoma basically die before they even make it to the vet then in reality 5 weeks without a successful surgical removal is for sure at least some good. There are no pills and no diets that can control this disease. If anybody suggests that they need a reality check. Considering the condition she was in when she was first diagnosed the fact that that she lived 5 more weeks and actually had good days only common sense would say that the acupuncture and pills helped. So again Maryellen is it a small victory that I got 5 extra weeks with her when It could have ended much sooner? YES!
choochoo

Registered:
Posts: 82
 #47 
I lost my girl Summer at 7 suddenly to Hemangiosarcoma and it was devasting she had little or no signs that she was that sick or could possibly die.I would have given anything to have 5 more weeks with her so any diet that could give some more bonus time with your loved pet would be a victory as much as you can expect without surgery as Brian stated from this horrible cancer which takes away our loved ones basically out of nowhere.I,go back and I wish I could have saved my girl but if I could do something to have her just for another month or 2 I would have done it and while she would still be gone I would had made her last month or two together filled with Love and fun and could have had a final goodbye instead of her just passing away without getting to see her.This cancer is just so bad there is no good ending but even small gains like a diet is a start.
MissingBlaze

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #48 
I just had to put my precious boy Blaze down on Sunday evening with what the vet suspected to be hemangiosarcoma. He was fine that morning and even went for a good 30 minute walk, ate like normal but started having labored breathing by night. It got worse, he was weak and his paws were cold...so I took him to the emergency vet. The vet said he had fluid (blood) in his abdomen and around his heart. He was anemic and she recommended that I euthanize him. It was all so sudden and it still feels like a whirlwind. I didn't have much to process it. The love of my life was gone and without much time to say goodbye. I have been researching this horrible cancer ever since it took my precious boy from me, and it seems to be pretty common. I will never get over the loss of my sweet Blaze. My life will never be the same and there will always be a huge part of my heart missing. I am so sorry for all of you that have been devastated by this horrible disease.
mookinb

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Posts: 2
 #49 
My Jenna was 12 years old and just passed away on 6/17/17 of hemangiosarcoma. Back in 2015 she had a lump growing on the top of her butt and it got big fast. It never seemed to bother her though. We took her to the vet and he tested it and confirmed it was cancer, hemangiosarcoma. She had surgery to have it removed and she recovered really well. They said she was cancer free but it usually comes back. She bounced right back and was the same sweet, silly girl she always was. She was so smart and good, and just happy to be with her family. Last year my son came home from the army and couldn't keep his dogs, so we took them in and they all became best friends. They respected and loved Jenna. The past 6 months I noticed changes in her. Slowing down, she started to get a cough, then her appetite changed. She had good and bad days. But she always made time for all of us and had a good quality of life. Her eating had gotten worse and by this Saturday, she barely ate. It was hot out and she started breathing heavy and we thought she was just warm. My husband calmed her down and took her outside. He called to me. She was peeing thick blood. He got her in the house on shaky legs and her breathing got worse and her eyes were unfocused. Her gums and tongue were white. We rushed her to the vet and they said she was most likely full of tumors and they she would need blood transfusions and surgeries, but it really wouldn't make a difference. A tumor must have burst. She was struggling so I had to do the hardest thing of my life and put my best girl to sleep. I held her head in my hands and kissed her head while she passed. Now it's 4 days later and my house is so empty without her and I am so heartbroken I can't stand it. I miss her so much I just want to stay in bed and sleep. My other 2 dogs are also so sad without her. She was the pack leader. W have been playing with them and keeping them busy, but they are not themselves right now. She was so important to us and brought so much life to our lives, it is hard to go on without her, but we will. We will love our other dogs like we loved her. She lived a long happy life, but I'm so sad it's over. 
Melsterr1973

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Posts: 14
 #50 
I am so sorry to hear about your precious Jenna. It is so heartbreaking when we lose our animal companions. I am going through the same thing right now- it's been a week and a half since my 17 year old cat Mimi was let go. I was in no way prepared for the waves of devastation that poured over me the first week- it's truly terrible. I think we just have to let ourselves go through the grieving process, and reach out to those who understand how hard it is. You gave Jenna 2 more years of happiness after her surgery, followed by a painless transition to the rainbow bridge when it was clear she was suffering. If she could, I think Jenna would thank you for that.
BoxerMom

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Posts: 22
 #51 
Our 8 year old Boxer very healthy for most of his life - never any real health concerns. On May 13th, he had 2 episodes that let me know something was wrong. We took him to the emergency vet and they found fluid around his heart. She said if we didn't drain it, he would die within hours. If we drained it, he would still die within a couple of days. She believed it was caused by cancer. We had her drain the fluid and took him for a second opinion. The second vet confirmed what the first vet said. This vet was able to tell us that it was hemangiosarcoma and there is nothing we could have done to prevent it. She said that it is usually undetected until it affects the heart and at that point it is really too late. 

We didn't want to put him through surgery and chemo and all the suffering that would come with that. The best thing we could do for him was have him put to sleep. We brought him home and found a wonderful vet that does at home euthanasia. We fed him some of his favorite foods while we waited for her. By the time she arrived he was declining rapidly. We feel confident that he would not have made it through the night. We were able to send him peacefully, in his own bed, while we wrapped our arms around him. 

Some days are better than others, but I miss him terribly every single day. 
jfivecents5

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Posts: 36
 #52 
It's been about a month since we lost our beloved Aussie shepherd Mickey to this vicious cancer. I miss him every day, but I'm able to cherish the happy memories more and more. I've been printing out photos to frame and put in little albums and that seems to help. The hard thing about this cancer is how undetected it is. We knew he was slowing down, his appetite was up and down and there was some weight loss--but the blood work came back fine and the vet was unable to provide any clarity. Finally, the terrible news when getting an ultrasound--our story is similar to everyone else's tragic loss of their dear pets. We took Mickey home and loved and cherished him for a few days more until it was obvious he was suffering. Now when I contemplate getting another dog, I wonder if the same thing will happen? Until the fear leaves me, I don't think I'll be ready. I guess the lesson is to try to live in the present moment at all times with one's animal companion, since we never know when this awful cancer will strike.
BeeGees_mom1

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Posts: 5
 #53 
We lost our sweet girl BeeGee yesterday to this horrible disease. It was so sudden and such a shock. We are all just reeling, unable to accept what happened. I went into work and my secretary promptly rescheduled all my appointments and sent me home, but now I'm just undistracted looking at the side of my bed where her dog bed lay yesterday. BeeGee was a Australian Shepherd/lab mix, 10-11 years old, very unusual looking and just so beautiful, Smart, sweet and patient with kids. We rescued her from a kill shelter where we volunteered. I fell in love with her on the very first day. My husband took a little longer to get on board. Eventually she became more his dog than mine. Funny how that works out sometimes. It's only been a day and I feel her loss so profoundly. Honestly, this is no easier than the death of a close human family member. Dogs love so unconditionally and purely. They are far more advanced than humans in that sense. She had been playing with the neighbors dog the day before, stealing our sons meals as she so often did. We would always tell her off for that but were laughing inside at her total lack of control and shameful expression after doing it. My husband told me on the phone at 4:30 PM yesterday that something was wrong and by the time I got there at 6 after commuting and picking up our son from daycare she was almost gone. I will never forget when she heard my voice how she lifted her head and looked in my eyes. It must have taken every bit of strength she had to do that but she knew I was there. The vet was abysmal and was pushing us to euthanize on the spot because she wanted to go home and made us feel awful about deciding to take BeeGee to Emergency to see if something could be done. Well, she died in the car on the way there ten minutes later but at least it was on her bed in my husbands arms with our voices to soothe her and not in that sterile environment with that awful vet. All they cared about was getting our credit card while we were trying to save her. Not like they don't know where we live. They market us every couple weeks. As we walked into emergency it was too late but we were treated with respect and given a quiet room to say goodbye for as long as we needed. I can't imagine getting another dog because I just know they could never measure up to BeeGee. I think that would be unfair to that dog but man, this house is so empty without our girl. I can't imagine recovering from this.




jfivecents5

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Posts: 36
 #54 
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear BeeGee. It is so hard to lose our precious fur family members. Did she have hemangiosarcoma? From your description of sudden decline, it sounds like that might have been what was wrong. It's a terrible, sneaky cancer that gives only the vaguest of warning signs, if any. Our sweet Aussie shepherd died of this about a month ago and he was only 8. I know what you mean about vets, too. The regular vet was clueless about our dog's symptoms, yet the emergency clinic treated us with respect and care, as you described. Your house will feel very empty for awhile, and there's no way forward other than to feel your grief, the "absence of their presence" someone described it. For me it helped to compile photo albums, frame pictures, and journal about all my memories, the story of Mickey's life so to speak. Please read all the many posts on this site, it is very helpful to know that so many have felt as you feel on this grief journey. Take care and remember your precious girl is whole and healthy at the bridge.
ashmarie

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Posts: 1
 #55 
I lost my sweet dog to Hemangiosarcoma on July 4th and I haven't been able to even think straight since his loss. On the 3rd he was happy and active, we went to a friends that afternoon for a cookout and he was just sitting on the porch happy, we came home and he was wagging his tail and happy to see us. The next morning we were going to see a movie as it was a rainy holiday for us and I went downstairs to see him and he was sort of staring off and couldn't get up to walk. I started crying immediately and I have no idea why but I had a sinking feeling that he'd be leaving us that day. I tried to feed him a little bit of doggy ice cream and he took a few licks and just laid his head on my lap, he was a beagle and would eat anything, so I knew then that something was really very wrong. I started telling him how good he was and he managed to look at me and lick my face. We got him to the Emergency Vet who did an x-ray and blood work and he was so anemic he was going in and out of shock, which is why he was so unresponsive. She said the tumor on his spleen was massive and had burst but it was being held in? I sort of zoned out because I knew where it was going.

He was my son's first pet, and my son is on the spectrum so his loss has hurt us both deeply. Jakey was my first baby, we got him when he was 7 weeks old. I feel guilty for not knowing sooner, opting out of the operation even though the vet said he wouldn't make it through surgery, and for not being with him on our last good day together. 

I've been a disaster since and so has my son, Enoch, and I sort of don't know what to do but I can't let go of it. It's the most impossible thing to have a dog that's okay one moment and not okay the next. I got his pawprint tattooed on my hand (a smaller version) and my son wrote his name and that's on my wrist now. My mom got me an angel wing necklace and a pendant with his picture but it's still so hard to comprehend that he's gone and to be okay with it...

I'm so sorry all of you have experienced this too. I hope maybe one day it stings a little less, but for now it's still hard to function most days. 

jfivecents5

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Posts: 36
 #56 
Ashmarie, I'm so sorry about your sweet Beagle boy. Yes, this cancer is absolutely incomprehensible and I hate it so much. One minute they seem fine, maybe getting older and slowing down, the next thing you know you're at the animal ER having to make the dreaded decision. It's awful. Five weeks later, I'm still finding it hard to believe. For me, keeping busy helps. There are constant reminders, though--cleaning and finding my dog's fur, getting out the hose and not having him play with it and growl at it, all the little things. Would your son find it helpful to make a memory book with you? Things like that have helped me process my grief somewhat. Take good care of yourself and one day you will smile at the memories, although now it's so difficult.
BeeGees_mom1

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #57 
Thanks jfivecents5 for your response. I'm really finding this site very comforting and it's helping me to process what's happened. I've learned that what happened to BeeGee i.e. fine one day and gone the next is common of hemangiosarcoma. Makes me feel better knowing there wasn't evidence of it right in my face and I was just unobservant. I'm sure there were times she wasn't feeling 100% and I just attributed it to her being 10. It has been 6 days now and things are starting to get easier. I'm not breaking down at work anymore but at home little things will set me off. I bought her a new collar the day before she died and yesterday I stumbled across the old one she had for so long. That was me in tears again. I found some great video of her and my son chasing each other around the house when he was two, her being so sweet and gentle with him. She was a big dog. Him belly laughing with joy. So glad I have those memories. I'm still not OK with the suddenness of it all. She looked under the weather and within 2 hours of going to the vet she was gone. I really needed one more day with her to say goodbye. I just want my dog back. I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. I hope after a month things are starting to settle in for you and the pain is getting a bit less all the time. One day we will be able to remember them with smiles instead of tears :)
queenbee928

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #58 
First of all, my sympathies to everyone that has lost a pet, whether from this horrible disease or for any other reason...

My Maggie passed away on 7/16.  She was an 11 1/2 year old Lab, Shar pei, mastiff mix..a large wrinkly black lab with the most soulful brown eyes. It was absolutely horrible….I know all of you can sympathize because you’ve all been through it.  She was coughing a little the week before, so on Tuesday, 7/11, I took her to the vet.  Initially, the vet said that it could be hemangiosarcoma so she wanted to keep her there for x-rays and tests.  Of course, I went home and cried my eyes out, especially when I looked it up to get more info on it.  We were on our way to a drs appt for my husband, when the vet called and said good news…not a cancerous tumor but bronchitis.  She said she had some funky donut shaped things on her bronchi and her lungs were pretty inflamed but blood work came out fine.  She put her on an antibiotic and a bronchodilator (pills) and said we could come and get her.  What a roller coaster!  From thinking this was it to another chance.  She was doing ok the rest of the week.  Saturday, she started getting a little weaker and was coughing more and breathing faster  but they did say that it would take longer for the meds to work and her to heal because of her diabetes. (She was diagnosed with diabetes in September 2013) Sunday morning (7/16), she couldn’t get up, so my husband got her up and once she was moving, she was a little weak and out of breath but was able to go outside to go potty.  She wasn’t very hungry, but I tried getting her to eat anything she wanted so I could give her her insulin.  She ate a couple of meatballs (she never refused those!) and a little chicken.  The rest of the day, she just laid on the couch or her bed and wouldn’t eat.  She did drink water when I held the bowl for her and licked a little baby food and peanut butter from my finger. I knew she seemed a little worse but figured I could get her through the day and take her to the vet on Monday.    When we were getting ready for bed, she 
wouldn’t get up again to go out so we helped her up and helped her out.  She pooped but wouldn’t pee and couldn’t walk.  She just kept laying down and was
very out of breath.  We brought her in and got her to her bed in our room and she was really panting and wheezing.  I was petting her and talking to her and
then I got in bed.  I got up again to check the symptoms of bronchitis and then my husband was with her.  He said I better call the vet (by now it was after 11:00).  I started to dial and he said, I think she’s dying!!  I kept saying no, she’s fine (I know I was in shock and freaking out).  By the time the answering service answered, she was convulsing and they said the vet wasn’t on call, I would have to call the emergency vet about 45 min away from us.  I called them and they said they couldn’t obviously do anything without seeing her.  By the time I was done with that call, she was gone.  My husband tried to do chest compressions but it didn’t do any good.  By now, we were both hysterical.  It happened so fast and was so unexpected.  He brought her out to the dining room and we covered her with a sheet (not her face though, we just couldn’t) and put her favorite bear with her and left the  light on.  We stayed with her for quite a while.  The next morning, we took her to the vet’s office because we wanted her cremated.  They said they would also do a clay impression of her paw.  The vet wasn’t in yet but the girl there said that the vet’s first instincts must have been right about the tumor.  Apparently, sometimes the only way to see it is with an ultrasound.  The scary part is, it doesn’t show any
signs until it’s too late and happens very quickly.  I am about going out of my mind…she was our child (I know you all understand), especially since the kids were out
of the house.  I don't work, so we were home all day together and she was my shadow.  We spoiled her, doted on her and would laugh at little things she did.  The house is so quiet and empty and it’s so hard not doing all the day to day routines that we had with her.  I’ve cried and cried and you would think I wouldn’t have any tears left, but not so.  We’re devastated, the kids are devastated and it’s going to take a very long time to get through this.  She was just the sweetest dog….  The only thing we can take comfort in is that we didn’t have to make the decision to put her down (ugh, worst thing to have to do because we've had to do it twice before) and that we were with her.  It would have been horrible if we weren’t home or if it happened during the night and we didn’t hear her.  Though
her bed was right next to my side of the bed and I would wake up a bajillion times during the night to listen for her.  Because she was diabetic, we were in a routine with her and our lives really revolved around her.  We didn't mind though...it was a choice we made when she was diagnosed and we wouldn't have had it any other way.  

The sad part is we kept thinking it was the bronchitis with no idea it was the hemangiosarcoma.  I hadn't really read much on it after the initial time so I didn't know all of the symptoms.  Now that I've been reading about it, I realize that she had all of them.  It was so unexpected...like so many, we chalked all of her symptoms the week before up to other things...not walking good to her arthritis, having trouble breathing because of the bronchitis and it was humid out (though we did keep the air conditioners running to help ease her breathing), not eating so good because of the bronchitis and sometimes she would be fussy about what she ate anyway....a million different symptoms and always having a reason as to why each thing was happening.  Of course, I blamed myself for not getting her to the vet on Saturday but we would have had to take her to the emergency clinic which would have been horrible for her.  She hated going to the vet anyway, so to take her to an unfamiliar place would have been worse.  And now knowing what I know, they would have wanted to put her down there and I would have never forgiven myself for having her die in an unfamiliar place with strangers.  Like I said earlier, at least she was home and we were with her.  I just hate to think though that she suffered at all.  

This disease is absolutely horrible!  The sad part is there isn't much research on it because it doesn't affect humans.  Looking back, I'm sure the 2 dogs we had to put down previously had it, though nothing was said at the time.  
choochoo

Registered:
Posts: 82
 #59 
It has been almost a year since I lost my 7 year old boxer girl summer to probably this cancer.i say probably because the vet said cant be certain if it was cancer or just a burst tumor since she died before we could find out but vet said most likely this horrible cancer.I see everyone's pain as most of the time it is a silent disease that has little signs until most of the time it is too late.You cannot blame yourself because this cancer just sneaks up and kills.I still miss my girl so much and not knowing if it was 100% cancer will always make me wonder if I could have saved her but I realize it was this cancer which is so many others have the same horrible cancer destroy their lives so sudden Please everyone try and remember your loved dog and know it was this horrible cancer which took away our loved ones.And yes only an ultrasound would have detected this which is something a vet would rarely do so when it comes it is almost always too late.


jfivecents5

Registered:
Posts: 36
 #60 
So, so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear Maggie. It sounds like you did everything possible for her, and that she had a wonderful life with you. It's awful to lose our little dog family members. I completely relate to how her symptoms seemed to be other things, and that the vet didn't even know. This is how it was with our dog Mickey, only 8-1/2 years old Aussie shepherd. This disease is truly insidious and mostly misdiagnosed. The only comfort I found was that 1) there's nothing you can really do about it, even with early detection, and 2) many websites talked about how it wasn't the worst cancer for pain, if you can believe what you read. It's been about 7 weeks since we lost Mickey and I still get waves of grief and tears. For me, the unexpected nature of this illness and how abrupt the end was are very hard to cope with. Yet, like you, looking back, I realize that there were symptoms. I think in the end, we hope our dogs know that we would have done anything possible to cure them. In your case as well as mine, they knew we doted on them and did everything we could think of to make them comfortable.
choochoo

Registered:
Posts: 82
 #61 
It has been almost a year since I lost my 7 year old boxer girl summer to probably this cancer.i say probably because the vet said cant be certain if it was cancer or just a burst tumor since she died before we could find out but vet said most likely this horrible cancer.I see everyone's pain as most of the time it is a silent disease that has little signs until most of the time it is too late.You cannot blame yourself because this cancer just sneaks up and kills.I still miss my girl so much and not knowing if it was 100% cancer will always make me wonder if I could have saved her but I realize it was this cancer which is so many others have the same horrible cancer destroy their lives so sudden Please everyone try and remember your loved dog and know it was this horrible cancer which took away our loved ones.And yes only an ultrasound would have detected this which is something a vet would rarely do so when it comes it is almost always too late.


queenbee928

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #62 
Thank you choochoo and jfivecents5...at first I really blamed myself and wondered how I could have missed all of these signs, but like I said, they mimic signs of so many other things and they are just little signs that add up to that one big thing.  I think all of our dogs knew that we would do anything possible to cure/help them and like you said, jfivecents5, it's the unexpected nature and abrupt end that's so shocking.  They're here one minute and gone the next.  I'm just heartbroken and have this sadness deep down inside of me that I can't shake.  I have lost so many people in my life, including my parents, and nothing has affected me so profoundly.  At first, I felt guilty about that, but after reading, realize that we grieve so deeply for our pets because we are with them every day, they are dependent on us and give us unconditional love and acceptance.  If (and that is a big IF) we ever get another dog, I may know what to look for.  Cancer truly does suck.  

Maggie really did have a wonderful life.  Like I said, I couldn't have loved her more if I gave birth to her.  It's all the routines I'm missing too...like I just got home from grocery shopping and she used to greet me at the door and to get a rawhide stick bone.  It just makes me so sad.  I still can't put her dishes away and I have even left the water in her bowl that she drank that last day.  I picked up the extra bed we had for her in the living room and that about did me in.  Her toys are still in her basket.  It's probably the first time they've all been in there.  She used to dig through it until she found what she wanted to play with or which bone to chew on.   I still say goodbye to her when I'm leaving and good morning and good night.  It just gives me some sort of comfort.  I'm having a hard time eating certain things that she loved to "share" with me.  I know it all sounds crazy but I know you probably all understand.  
Keefcat

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Posts: 79
 #63 
Yesterday had to let go of my sweet boy Charlie. My third dog to die from this terrible disease.

He was diagnosed 2 weeks ago. So we decided to give him extra special treats: steak, McDonalds cheeseburgers, ice cream....until Friday when he really stopped eating.

RIP my dear boy. I know you're with Riley, Zella, Scoop, and are now getting to know Hannah, Bailey, Pal, Fraidy, Cody, Moose, and Elsa....

Till we meet again. ((((((((WOOF)))))))))
maddlib69

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Posts: 1
 #64 
I had to put my sweet baby girl Munkee (a California-Carolina dog/North American Dingo down last Tuesday and my heart still is hurting so much losing her.  I was blessed to have her for 7 years before noticing her tummy getting abnormally larger since she was extremely athletic and ate a small diet (I thought maybe it was heartworm or something).  After bringing her to the vet and hearing her death diagnoses of less than 90 days to live (the tumor was attached to her lungs and stomach so surgery wasn't an option), I vowed to try everything to halt or prevent it from growing.  I researched and obtained Turkey Tail Mushrooms, Cod Fish oil without Vitamin E, CBD oil, some herb from china i can't pronounce, and put her immediately on a home-made diet of organic lean meat and veg.  After 303 days the tumor grew enough and shifted enough that she stopped eating, her breathing became shallow, and she couldn't stand easily or go to bathroom easily anymore.  It broke my heart to lose her when i know she had at least 8 more years in her-if not more with her amazingly sweet energy.  I am utterly heartbroken and lost literaly my only roommate and best friend.  I know her soul is no longer in pain and she is in a better place, but i have never felt anything has ever felt as unfair as losing her last Tuesday.  I am so sorry for everyone on this page who had to say goodbye too soon.
I have never not had fur in my life, at most was 3 weeks from losing my last cat to getting Munkee...but the idea of getting another dog scares and hurts my heart so much.
mookinb

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Posts: 2
 #65 
Maddlib69 I am so sorry for the loss of your baby Munkee. I understand the heartwrenching pain and sadness that comes along with this.  Unfortunately when our babies get these tumors there's not much we can do. She lived a wonderful life with you.  It's been 4 months for me since I lost my Jenna to this and I'm still heartbroken. It just takes times but it doesn't mean we love them any less. 
Ltb3105

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Posts: 295
 #66 
Same thing happened with my Ray in January of 2015.  He was only 7.  He was a pit bull/boxer mix.  Vet thought he had the beginnings of arthritis because his back legs would go weak and sometimes he would just lay down.  When the arthritis meds didn't work and he stopped eating, back to the vet we go....after xrays, she said Ray had a large mass on his spleen and that I should take him to the animal emergency hospital for ultrasound and possible surgery.  He was already bleeding internally, thus, the weakness.  We go to the hospital, they do ultrasound, and he's got tumors on his lungs, around his heart and liver.  I had to make the horrible choice right then and there to put him down.  I was so upset I couldn't even go into the room when they put him down.

This disease is horrible.  I never even heard of hemangiosarcoma before I got Ray!  He was robbed of a long life and I was robbed of my best friend.  I still haven't found it in my heart to get another pet, and it will be two years Ray is gone this January.  It's the longest I've gone without a dog since I'm 10 years old.

Much love to you, I know how you feel,
Laura
Chevitz

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Posts: 11
 #67 
I just learned of this horrible disease 4 weeks ago (hemangiosarcoma) and last night my 11 1/2 year old poodle succumbed to it.  My heart is broken.  I see so many posts like mine.  So sorry for all.  I have been distressed for a month trying to find something he would or could eat-he was such a chow hound.  Spent a month crying and saying good bye.  Now I am inconsolable .  I have friends and family that understand and I just wanted to post to others that understand.  It helps to share.   Thanks  Debbie
jfivecents5

Registered:
Posts: 36
 #68 
It's been over four months and I still feel sad and miss my Mickey dog, still see him padding around the house. For some reason I've been especially sad lately, maybe it's the change of seasons and all the times we would snuggle on the couch watching TV. Some members of my family are pushing to get another dog, but I'm anxious about that. I want another dog, but hope that I wouldn't be always comparing that dog to Mickey. I'm also anxious that I won't have the time to devote to a new dog--my job has been pretty demanding--but my husband works from home and really misses the companionship. I just worry. After losing Mickey to that horrible cancer, it scares me that the same thing will happen again. I guess I'm scared about not being an adequate "dog parent" after losing our dear Mickey. All the what if's...will a new dog have issues that cause more heartbreak? Will we be able to handle whatever those issues might be? I've never had to deal with major behavior problems, what if we adopt a dog that we can't handle? Those are my thoughts. Much as I would love to fill this empty place in our hearts, it's scary.
queenbee928

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Posts: 8
 #69 
I'm so sorry about your Mickey...we lost our Maggie almost 4 months ago (July 16th) and like you, the sadness remains and seems especially so now.  She would lay on the couch next to me and keep me warm and I still think I see her sometimes when I walk in the living room.  As far as to when to get a new dog, everyone is different.  Some people want another one right away and others, not so.  I know I am no where near ready.  I have all of the same fears as you...the cancer, behavioral issues, etc.  Maggie had diabetes and we were used to dealing with that but she was such a sweet dog with a sweet disposition and like you, would be afraid that I would compare a new one to her.  My daughter-in-law's mother does rescue and about a month ago, called to see if I could foster a 13 year old Pomeranian rescue for about a week or so.  I really struggled with it but then finally said that we would take her, but only if it was for that long (it ended up being 10 days, but that was ok).  She was a very sweet little dog.  I came away with a few things doing the fostering...first, I am not ready for another dog; second, I like a big dog (we've always had large dogs...not that she wasn't cute, but I almost stepped on her a few times!! ;) and third, I now know why, even though it's so painful, our dogs go before us.  Her owner had passed away, the owner's niece had her and decided she didn't want her, so she was going to have her put down.  Thankfully, the vet said he wouldn't put down a healthy dog and that's how she ended up in the rescue situation.  I felt so bad for the poor little thing, going from place to place and I'm sure missing the only owner she had all of her life.  Fostering may be an option for you and if you fall in love with the dog, you can always then adopt him/her.  
denj2766

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #70 
I lost my best friend to this awful disease six months ago. There were no distinguishable warning signs (exercise intolerance, panting) until just before he collapsed.  Despite our being right next to an animal hospital at the time, the vet's recommendation was for immediate euthanasia due to a ruptured heart tumor as well as evidence of a splenic tumor.

I don't think I will ever fully get over the cruelty of my Lab companion's sudden loss.  One minute it was a normal day, the next he collapsed; shortly after that, I watched with disbelief as the light left his beautiful eyes forever.  I stayed with his body for over four hours, until the animal hospital closed.  I couldn't leave because I knew it was the last time I'd ever spend with him, and I'd had no inkling that morning of what was coming.  Driving home with just his collar and leash on the backseat, where he'd been just a few hours beforehand, was devastating. 

Reading online about hemangiosarcoma as well as of devastated owners helps put into perspective what I went through that awful day.  It was so disorienting to experience:  it didn't seem possible that it could even be happening.  Unfortunately, my experience is not at all unique.  As this forum clearly shows, many have suffered (and it truly is suffering) the heartbreaking agony of a sudden loss from hemangiosarcoma. 

The hardest thing for me to reconcile:  there is no way for me to convey to my buddy how sorry I am about ending his life.  I didn't want to, but the attending vet made it clear that there were no good options for him, based on how dire the situation was when he presented to her after collapsing.  I try to thank the universe for bringing him to me, since I didn't pick him out at a shelter or breeder.  We seemed destined to walk our life journeys together, and I will certainly never forget the great times we had.  In the end, though, the pain in my heart remains.

RIP, buddy.  I can't say enough how much I loved that you were "my boy."
Keefcat

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Posts: 79
 #71 
Deny
Well said. I'm sure your boy had a wonderful life.

Peace to you.

Keffcat
jfivecents5

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Posts: 36
 #72 
It truly is an awful disease, RIP all the beautiful loving animals who succumbed to this illness. We lost our beloved Mickey last June. Over this Christmas holiday, we got another Aussie shepherd pup, this time a girl, who is beautiful. I confess to feeling somewhat guilty and disloyal, and afraid that my memories of Mickey will fade. But I comfort myself with the fact that Mickey always loved other Aussies, and would approve of our choice. "A dog's will" is a helpful piece--Mickey wouldn't want us to be lonely and sad, and would will our love to another dog. This time around I'm giving filtered water and upgrading the food, avoiding table treats, etc.--another source of guilt, since these are the things I should've done for my beloved Mickey. However, HSA can be impervious to even the best care choices, so I must remember that we humans don't control the destinies of other living beings. All we can do is avoid obvious harms and do the best we can for our animal companions.
LindseyH

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Posts: 1
 #73 
We just lost our Copper due to this disease. She would be 13 in April. I really thought I’d get longer with her. I noticed her slowing down, she had a cough, and was panting a lot. We kept taking her to the vet and they couldn’t figure out what was wrong. We thought maybe she was just getting older and slowing down. Some days she’d sleep a ton and others she was more active. Then last Saturday she came out of our room stumbling around and collapsed on the floor. We rushed her to the vet. She was severely anemic and neede a blood transfusion. Then she discovered the tumor on her spleen. We took her home that day because honestly we just couldn’t process that information. She recovered a bit with rest over the next few days and I consulted with a couple of vets who all told us that she needed to have surgery or be put down very soon. I took her for a 2nd opinion and that vet said it would be heroic to try and save her life. We put her down that next day and I just can’t get a grip. I need her. She was my first baby. The perfect dog. A beautiful wise soul. I’m so mad at myself for not trying or letting her just live out her life. I know she died peacefully but isn’t a few more days with the ones you love possibly a greater gift? I’m having a difficult time
denj2766

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Posts: 8
 #74 
Lindsey -

I'm so sorry for the loss of your wonderful companion Copper.  Please know that, as hard it was to let her go, you saved your best friend from days, or possibly only a few weeks, of further suffering due to the awfulness of hemangiosarcoma.  While you could have done surgery, the fact is that the time it "buys" is almost always very minimal, and the dog isn't returned to the vivacious quality of life they used to have.  A colleague's golden retriever had a splenectomy last May, and the dog was put down just one month later, a month filled with pain, stress, and sadness for the owners as well as for their dog.  The hardest thing to accept at this time is that you actually gave your best friend a gift, that of not prolonging her suffering.  From the time my best friend collapsed suddenly to my agreeing, bitterly, to say goodbye to him at the vet's recommendation, it was no more than thirty minutes.  I empathize with you for wanting to keep Copper alive longer because I pleaded with the vet for any option in my case.  In the end, there was no option for a viable return to any quality of life; the vet told me that, if I did nothing, my buddy would expire on the table within the hour.  I so did not want to put him down ("How could this possibly be happening?  He was fine this morning"), but I also couldn't see letting him die "naturally," from a heart that was being choked by its own blood, just so I could have longer to say goodbye to him.  He was in distress and there was nothing that would reverse that.   In the end, a vet is making recommendations for the well-being of the dog, not for our feelings and how much we might want to keep them around.  Please know that all of us who have gone through the angering cruelty of hemangiosarcoma feel deeply for you at this very painful and difficult time.  If nothing else, this board shows that we've all been there, and we're here to help you get through it, too.  While I'm sure it doesn't seem like it now, you did the best thing for Copper that you could:  you allowed her not to suffer any more than she already has.  Please take comfort in knowing that, as hard it was to make that call, and as hard as the next few days and weeks will be to come to terms with allowing her to go with dignity, you did the right thing for her.  Sincere and heartfelt condolences for the loss of your wonderful Copper.
bleff

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Posts: 1
 #75 
I'm so sorry for losses everybody that has posted prior to me have experienced from this awful disease!

This past Tuesday, my wife and I lost our beloved 9 1/2 year old Scottish Terrier to Hemangiosarcoma. Beazley was diagnosed with a tumor of the Subcutaneous form as opposed to splenic form. I figured our story may help others who have to deal with this terrible disease. Most stories I read are about dogs with this form of cancer in their spleen that die suddenly from rupturing. Beazley's story is therefore a bit different. 

The story begins with Beazley's annual checkup with occurred in September 2017. Beazley came into this appointment in very good heath, no major concerns or issues leading up to it. At this appointment, she received a physical exam, had blood/urine/fecal testing performed, etc. All tests passed with no issues noted.

Fast forward to October and for a approximately one week, we noticed Beazley limping slightly on her front left side. I remember feeling around her leg and manipulating her joints to see if it caused pain but nothing seemed to bother her. The limping went away a week or so later, so we just chalked it up to her spraining her leg in the backyard, or just due to old age and mild arthritis. 

Fast forward another six weeks to early December. Beazley was being watched by my parents at their house for a few nights, and they called the first evening saying Beazley was limping pretty badly on the same leg. The also said at one point she walked into a corner and when approached, she starting shivering (she has been known to do this since she was a puppy when she was nervous, like during trips to vet or groomer). When we picked Beazley up from my parents the next day, I again decided to check her leg to see if i could pinpoint any problem with a joint, and nothing seemed to bother her. Then i felt in her armpit, and got a sick feeling inside when I felt a small lump the size of the top half of a large marble under her skin against her upper rib cage. The lump was hard, and felt attached to her rib cage. It had a totally different feel than the fatty lipomas dogs get when they get old. Up until this point, the only real issues we had noted with Beazley were the on and off limping.

The morning after noticing the lump, we called our vet and got in for an exam the same day (December 12 I believe). They recommended aspirating the lump, which we did. The aspiration came back 80% chance of cancer, and they recommended doing a biopsy to confirm the diagnosis and to allow us to plan next steps.

On December 15, we had a biopsy performed. The visual report was that it looked to be cancerous; the tumor was very vascular, had ill defined margins, etc. The vet had hoped to take the tumor out at this time, but given the extend of what they found, the took the biopsy sample, stiched her up, and recommended we wait on final diagnosis from the biopsy before taking action on potential follow-up surgery. 

On week later, on December 22, we received the horrible news that Beazley had Stage II Subcutaneous Hemangiosarcoma. The prognosis was "guarded". We were immediately referred to a cancer specialist for determining next steps.

During the time leading up to our meeting with the cancer specialist, we read up online as much as we could on this terrible cancer. We found out that by this stage, it was likely the cancer had already spread, life expectancy with surgery and chemo was measured in months, not years, etc. 

On December 27, we met with a canine cancer specialist. By this time, the tumor had approximately doubled in size, to about the size of the top half of a golf ball. The specialist told us that we had three options. The first involved performing scans of her body to get better sense of tumor and if its spread, followed by very aggressive surgery to try to remove the entire tumor with clean margins, followed by chemotherapy. We were told the surgery would likely need to be very aggressive and could involve removing ribs and muscle tissue, and recovery could be lengthy. Further surgical procedures could very likely be needed if clean margins were not obtained the during the first surgery. The second option was to do chemotherapy to try to extend her life by 0-4 months. There would also be potential nasty side effects from this option. The third option was to let her live out her final weeks/months with herbal medication and pain killers to help ease her pain, until she either passed naturally or we felt her quality of life had deteriorated to the point where we thought best to put her down.

We made the gut wrenching choice to not put her through the aggressive surgery, as we felt putting her through that to extend her life a few months was selfish. We put her on a cancer diet, got some medication from the vet to help with the pain that was causing her to limp, and had her on this Chinese mushroom pill the oncologist recommended (Yunnan i believe). 

We made that decision on December 27.

During the next four weeks, we gave Beazley tons of attention, helped her up stairs so as to prevent the tumor from hemorrhaging, fed her a  good cancer diet, etc. She had good days and bad days. On the bad days, she would seem very tired, and near the end, she lost her appetite for some meals. She never seemed in too much pain though.....just seemed like a tired old dog. On the good days, she would chase her balls like she did when she was a puppy, jog around the backyard, wag her tail, bark at neighbors, etc. Two days before her passing, she was able to go on a nice hike with me through a local park, and she enjoyed walking in the creek, wagging her tail during the whole adventure.

In mid-January we started noticing some troubling signs, on several occasion, she wandered into a bathroom and closet and hid behind things; this was totally unlike her. She also lost her appetite more and more. We noticed that she would just sit in the back yard on occasion looking out into space. Our vet recommended putting her on an anti-inflamatory druge, which we knew had potential side effect of causing hemorrhaging of the tumor, but we felt at the time we had no other choice and put improving her quality of life above the potential side effect. 

She had several pretty bad days around January 16-17 and we scheduled our vet to come to our house on January 20 to put her down. We cancelled that the day prior because she was acting better and didn't seem in as much pain.

On January 23, she passed naturally at our house. At this point, the tumor had grown to the size of the top half of a softball, I'd say roughly 6-7x the size it was when i noticed it only 6 weeks before. I was at work and my wife came home after being out for 90 minutes or so to find Beazley panting and lying on her side. She had enough energy to walk 20 feet or so and lay down under our kitchen table. I was phoned to come home, which i immediately did, but my drive was 40 minutes. 30 minutes later, Beazley stopped breathing my my wife and father by her side. I feel so guilty that I wasn't there with her when she took her last breadth. They said it seemed like a peaceful death though. Our vet said the tumor had likely ruptured, causing her to bleed out internally. The tumor, which before felt hard as a rock to the touch now felt like a water balloon. This seemed to confirm this diagnosis. 

I'm writing this in hopes that the info will provide some useful knowledge to anyone dealing a diagnosis of Hemangiosarcoma. I've also found that writing and talking about Beazley's death is helping me heal a bit.

This week since she passed been extremely difficult for our whole family. We have thousands of pictures of Beazley over the past 10 years to remember her wonderful life by. 

We adopted Beazley soon after getting married nine years ago, and had human children 6 years later. She is a daughter to us. We’ll always have a special place in our heart for Beazley and miss her so much. The feelings of grief, guilt, anger, etc. are all fresh. One day I feel good she is no longer in pain, the next day I tell myself we didn't do enough after she was diagnosed. We just can't stop thinking about how we will never see her again, and how her light just went out. It's so sad. 




jrinphx

Registered:
Posts: 1,345
 #76 
Lindsey,

I am so sorry for your loss of your pup Cooper.  It brought me to tears as I also lost my girl Jackie to this horrible disease.  She was playing outside in the morning and I had to let her go in the afternoon.  She was my heart dog and I miss her every day.  I had never heard of this disease until I lost Jackie.  I did lots of searching for information and everything I found showed how invasive this is and that life expectance even with surgery and chemotherapy is not long in most cases.  I came to accept that Jackie did not let me know she was sick because she would not have wanted me to put her through more medical stuff (she had lots of medical issues in her life).  We give them the best lives and we also need to give them the best death - being surrounded by our love not dying alone.

JoAnn - Jackie, Chan, Daphne, Scarlett, Noir, Stan, and Thomas's mom and mom to MANY other Bridge babies   
bmw2323

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #77 
I'm so sorry for everyone's losses on this board.  Cancer is an awful thing, and it's often so hard to understand why these things happen.

Our dog passed away this week after a long battle with cancer.  She was at least 14 years old (she was a rescue, so her age is unknown).  She was diagnosed about 18 months ago with B-Cell Lymphoma/Leukemia.  We decided to not treat her with chemotherapy, as her lymphocyte levels were still relatively low.  We were also concerned about her quality of life with chemotherapy, so we opted to just keep her as happy as possible and monitor the situation closely.

Over the last 18 months, she was such a happy and lively dog.  We were shocked that she had cancer- you would have never known that she was suffering from this.  

She started to move around the house pretty slowly about a week before she passed away.  We just contributed this to old age, so we really didn't think much of it.  Other than moving slow, she was happy and everything else was normal.

On Monday afternoon, she awoke from her nap and walked into the kitchen.  I walked into another room for a moment, and I heard this awful yelping sound.  I went running to her, and found her on the ground with her legs sprawled out underneath her.  She was drooling uncontrollably, there was a huge puddle underneath her head.  I tried to pick her up, but her legs kept giving out.  I got her to the vet in under 10 minutes with my two toddlers in tow- and as soon as we got there she perked up and was able to walk.

Since she perked up, I was very hopeful that she was going to be ok.  The vet wanted to keep her for a few hours to monitor her- and said she could go home at the end of the day.  She never made it home that night.

I got a call from the vet about an hour after we left, and she said that her EKG results were showing that she developed a heart arrhythmia.  She has never had this before, so this was a shock.  They weren't 100% sure why she collapsed like she did, but the vet said she wondered if she suffered from a stroke.  They ended up doing an abdominal X-ray, and called me to come back in.

They found a 10cm mass on her spleen, and said that this could have contributed to the heart arrhythmia as well as her collapse earlier in the day.  Without doing a biopsy or surgery, there was no way for them to definitively say it was Hemangiosarcoma.  

About 5 years ago, she did have Hemangiosarcoma on her skin.  It was a tiny spot on her stomach that we ended up surgically removing.  After the surgery, the vet opted for an abdominal ultrasound to make sure it didn't spread to the spleen.  Luckily it did not spread, so at that point they considered her cancer-free.  The B-Cell Lymphoma/Leukemia diagnosis came about 3 1/2 years later.  

Given her history, the vet thought she had a very high change of having Hemangiosarcoma again.  She gave us two options- transfer her to an ER vet and monitor her overnight while we made a decision...or she said that we could bring her home with us.  She did say that realistically, if this is Hemangiosarcoma- the mass could rupture at any moment.  She said that she could pass at any moment, or she could live another couple of weeks.

Another interesting thing to note is that her lymphocyte count was at 9,000 that day.  Previously, it was up around 15,000.  I asked the vet why and how her lymphocyte could could have dropped so much, and she had no explanation.  

This whole thing was such a shock to hear, as our sweet girl was happy and seemed to be healthy just the day before.  I thought we had many more months with her.  

I had to make the heart-wrenching decision to put her to sleep that night.  I so badly wanted to bring her home and spoil her for one more day, but my biggest fear was that the mass could rupture and she could potentially face a painful death at home.

The vet brought her in to me to say goodbye, and the hardest thing was that she was so happy to see me.  She was climbing all over me, as if she was ready to go home.  I said my goodbyes, and tried so hard to be positive and happy for her.  She passed very quickly, it was almost like her heart was already so weak.  She just took one deep breath and was gone.  

I have found this thread to be so helpful over the last few days, so thank you everyone so much for sharing your experiences.  God Bless all our sweet animals who have succumbed to this horrific cancer.
Keefcat

Registered:
Posts: 79
 #78 
So sorry about your loss. Just know you did the right thing. My Riley went undiagnosed with hemangiosarcoma after he was walking a bit funny and appeared almost lame. We took him to the emergency vet and they thought it was a pulled muscle. Gave him Tramadol to relieve the pain.

Fast forward to the next morning. He could barely walk, was panting and was just basically trying to breathe.

Took him back to the same emergency room with a different vet. His tumor was diagnosed as he was bleeding out. We put him down 5 minutes lager after we literally RAN to the vet suite to avoid any more suffering for him. I will never get that picture of him gasping for air as his heart beat furiously to keep his blood pressure up.

So KNOW you did the right thing. He was eased out of life rather than having to fight to breathe.

Please have no reservations about what you did.

Peace to you.
Lauren
BKool

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Posts: 9
 #79 
I wish we had found this site while our Mokie was still alive; it has a lot of useful testimony from owners of pets with hemangiosarcoma, even now it is comforting to know we are not alone in our grief. We are here because all of us are the type that understands that a pet can be as close to us as our own kind, and some even say maybe closer.
I may as well share our story since there is truth in every experience with this disease, as I have read from others, and it may help someone else.
Mokie was just over 8, and living a dog's life on our mini ranch, chasing critters around, being our dear companion and watchdog, although only 40 pounds he would not shy away from chasing off a thousand pound elk or hungry bear. He was a heeler mix of some kind, a Koolie we think.
Then one day this Feb. he felt tired and was just laying around. Before I could get around to getting him in to the vet the next day he was back to normal, so we thought, ok. A week later we woke to him peeing blood in the kitchen, and freaked. The vet said we should take xrays and there it was- a huge mass in his abdomen. We rushed him to an emergency hospital over 2 hrs away and they did a cat scan, and the doctor there told us the news that he most likely had hemangiosarcoma and would we like to put him down now..? No way, we said what about surgery and he said but that will only buy you 3 months so why bother. Then we got out of there and scheduled a removal with a soft tissue specialist from a well-known university teaching school on March 6th. We had to say goodbye to him then and there since if the cancer was in the organs, no waking him. To everyone's surprise it was possible to get it all out, and in a couple of days we had him home where he got better and largely back to old self. BUT the doctor said he won't survive that long, enjoy it. We ended up with an oncologist who gave him a chemo treatment, the first of 5 to come. Well, with chemo maybe he could get 4 months, and then we said no more, let's try all the natural stuff, supplements etc as we were already at over $6,000 and with no hope, according to them.
Well he about made it to 4 months as it turned out.. we tried to make the best of everyday, but there were days he was tired, and that last day I swear he said goodbye to me as he was being extremely affectionate. That night all of a sudden he got this panicked look on his face, started breathing heavy, rushed over and lay his head on my feet. My wife and pet him as he passed, reassuring him, and then he was gone. The finality of it is difficult to grasp. I kept hoping it was a bad dream or something. The next day we had a ceremony where we lay him to rest in a place by the big spruce tree with his favorite toys. My daughter and some other friends of his were there and it struck me how big an influence he had on people. He was so sweet and unique.
Here's the thing though. I was in shock for a couple of days but after that wore off there has been this cloud of depression over me, waves of tears, a loneliness that I am having a lot of trouble with. That guy went with me everywhere and we were the best friends. I know it sounds corny to other people, and overly-sentimental but if you are the type like me you understand, and replacing him with another is going to take a long time, if ever.
bmw2323

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Posts: 2
 #80 

BKool, I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved dog.  It sounds like he had a wonderful, magic life with your family!  What a wonderful life for a dog- chasing critters around a ranch. That just might be every dog's dream!

Your post struck such a chord with me- I had the exact same feelings after we had to put our dog to sleep.  Our dog had a very similar experience to yours.  My two young kids were in the kitchen playing, and our dog just walked over to me with this panicked look on her face.  That's all I could describe it as- a look of sheer panic.  She collapsed to the floor, started drooling uncontrollably, and was having a very hard time breathing.  She did eventually recover after this "episode", as we rushed her to the vet right away.  But later that night, once we realized she had a mass on her spleen, we decided to put her to sleep.  It was by far the hardest, saddest thing I have ever had to experience. 

I knew that it was the right thing to do, so I thought that I would be ok coming to terms with what had happened. It wasn't until the following day that this horrible sorrow and grief took over.  I was crying all day and night, and really fell into a depression.  I would have waves of grief, just like you described.  I kept second-guessing myself, wondering if I really did do the right thing.  It was especially hard being without her, as she was with me for almost 15 years.  I adopted her when I was single and in college- we really did go through so many waves of life together.  She was badly abused before I adopted her.  It took months to nurse her back to health, and years for her to gain confidence and to be a "regular" dog.  We were just absolutely inseparable.  I always swore that she was more human than dog, she had something about her that was so unique and wonderful. 
Having her instantly removed from my life was the hardest thing I ever had to go through.  My 5 year old really had a hard time coming to grips with this also- they were pals.   

I honestly thought that I would never recover, and would never shake that horrible grief.  But I promise you, it gets easier.  Every day it got a little bit better.  I honestly thought that I would never get over this, that I would be all-consumed with grief and sadness forever. I felt that talking about it really did help- with anyone who would listen!  At first I couldn't even look at a picture of her, let alone look at her leash or bed.  I ended up donating all of her beds and bowls to an animal shelter, that really did help- knowing that her belongings could provide comfort for another animal. 

We left her leash and collar hanging in the mud room, and have a big picture of her on the kitchen counter so that we can be reminded of her every day.  After her passing, these little reminders would have made me sob like a baby- but now, it's a wonderful reminder of her life and the impact she had on our family (and so many others, just like your dog). 

Please know that this gets better, it will take some time- but the sorrow will fade with time.  I have talked to so many other people who lost pets who have gone through the same waves of emotions. When they told me it would get better, I didn't believe them one bit!  But sure enough, they were right.  

Hugs to you and your family during this difficult time!


Keefcat- I just saw your response!  Thank you so much for your kind words.  I'm so sorry you had to go through this as well.  The second-guessing was the hardest part of all.  This message board really helped so much.  Thank you!

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