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haejungkim

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Posts: 16
 #1 
So it's been a month. I let Henri out in the front yard to go pee and I didnt see that a truck was driving by.  He was excited cuz he knew I was about to leave so instead of peeing, he bolted to my parked car across the street. He got hit and died instantly.  I have so much regret and guilt.  I feel completely responsible- how could I not? He was my babe.  I know that I have to forgive myself but how can I when his life was my responsiblity?  I was so good about getting him the best food, grooming products, treats, health care.... but in the end, the most obvious killer took him.  The most avoidable thing took him.

I thought I'd been feeling better but this week I've regressed back to week one.  I went to group therapy this weekend and I almost feel like it dredged up the feelings again.  I look around this message board and almost everyone's pet had died of a disease- not by a car.  At least other people have no control over a disease but I feel like I had a hand in what happened to him.  
basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #2 
I am so sorry that you lost your babe to such an awful accident. 

There have been many here who have lost their babies to accidents but maybe not recently.  However our babies leave us we will always blame ourselves for not doing enough. 

Many years ago I lost my little girl Katy to a car accident.  I had been in hospital for a week, and as she was a semi feral cat she rarely came into the house and only when I was there.  I looked for her everywhere when I came home and finally found her under the trees at the front of our house...........she had been dead for a couple of days..........I found that so hard especially having to explain to my young son that Katy would not be coming home.

There are so many what ifs and I should haves that I dealt with, but we cannot change what has happened, even though we would give anything to turn back time.

It will take you a long time to come to terms with this and you will feel the pain for a long, long time...........there is no harsher critic of our actions than ourselves. 

Please come here often and take strength from the people here, they understand and will support you.

May you find peace in your heart.  Thinking of you and sending love.

Di xxx
Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #3 
I am sorry for the anguish you are feeling for your precious Henri.  I remember reading your story and my heart was breaking for you.  I understand that you are feeling guilty over losing Henri, but it was an accidental death.    You were a loving fur parent and would do anything for your little one.    Your loss is very new yet and I will pray that you will find peace.

Mare
Christoph - 8/5/09  13 months at the bridge

yrdsaleldy

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #4 
i know exactly what you mean ,,,,most animals here have died from illness....i  have horrible guilt i took my dog to the vet for routine shots and
stopped at a friends house on the way home i put her in a fenced yard and she pushed her way out because she was so scared! why did i leave her when i knew she was scared?  talk about not able to get over it ,,i was in charge of taking care of her! i totally get how you feel ....
JanH

Registered:
Posts: 555
 #5 
Please, please don't feel all this guilt, life is full of -  if only's and buts and what if's
..My poodle died in a terrible accident that I felt I could have avoided - if only I'd not done this or had done that instead. I was so distraught that I had to get some medication to help me through.  Life is cruel at times and as you so rightly say many of us have had animals that have died naturally or been gently put to sleep to easy them from pain. But accidents are not like that at all - it is terrible and harsh and we just do feel we are to blame. But youre not to blame, you loved Henri so much it is the very last most thing in the whole world you have let happen, it was an accident.
God Bless you and Henri. You can love him forever Love never dies.
JanH
ZippersMummy

Registered:
Posts: 41
 #6 

((((My heart goes out to you))) 

Accidents like this are very very hard to bear.  You feel you are to blame. You reproach and censure yourself. But please remember you would never, ever have let Henri out if you had seen that truck. Not in a million years. You thought your Henri was safe. This was a terrible accident.

Yes pets are our responsibility but it is not possible to be their eyes and ears every moment of the day. This is asking too much of anyone. Henri would not have asked this much of you. He knew you cared for him because you demonstrated it everyday by providing him with the best food, treats, grooming products available and you gave him much more besides. You sound like a very kind and caring owner. How many care for their pets like this? Unfortunately not many. You are a good and caring person. If you were not, you would not be here. The more we love, the more we grieve. The more time, effort and care we invest in a relationship, the more anguish we experience. Your grief is a living testament of your love for Henri. You would never have intentionally hurt him. You did not see the truck. You thought your Henri was safe.

It's hard to be kind to yourself. Henri's accident was extremely distressing and I am truly sorry for the pain and anguish you must be going through. Di said there is no harsher critic of our actions than ourselves. This is so true. Please lay your burden of guilt down and give way to grief for what was a terrible accident. It's easier to see clearly when standing on the outside. You are not able see this right now because you are engulfed in so much pain.

It is not unusual to cycle back to intense grief and to feel you are at square one again. Your loss has been very traumatic. Your mind and heart will take some time to heal. It's healthy to grieve and cry. Go with the grief. Let each wave wash over you.

As difficult as this might be presently, please try to take care of your health. The mind, heart and body are closely entwined. Taking care of your physical body helps the mind and heart heal. You need rest and regular healthy meals. Walking or other gentle exercises can help the body release the intense stress of grief. These are good healthy things to do. Be kind to yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

With deepest sympathy,
Kalianne

haejungkim

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #7 
Thanks everyone.  I feel like I need to hear this again and again.  That is was an accident... it's not my fault...

But it barely makes a dent in this huge mound of guilt i carry.  I just feel like such a horrible parent.  Guilt is an awful feeling and I know that it's not a healthy thing, but I guess I dont know how else to pay the price.  
GizzyLove

Registered:
Posts: 190
 #8 
Haejungkim, it was not your fault.  You had probably let Henri out in the front yard many times before.  My Gizzy was hit by a truck that my husband was driving July 26th and his death was truly senseless because my husband got behind the wheel when he was angry, now there is reason to feel guilt.  My only prayer is that Gizzy did not die in vain and a lesson can be learned by his death. I have Gizzy’s Legacy posted with his story in the Memorial section.   

I am learning there are many different kinds of pain and tears.  It seems you go from one phase to another. I have lost pets before but Gizzy was more than special.  It may take you many weeks or months but the last thing you need to feel is guilt.  It was not your fault. 

May your tears be washed away by fond memories of Henri.


Jeannie

Gizzy ~ Gone to soon
October 1, 2006 to July 27, 2009


eddiesmommy

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #9 
Oh, that must have been terrible for you. Yesterday, my dog Eddie was hit by a car on a walk with me. You can imagine the guilt I feel too...if I had been quicker...if I hadn't taken him on a walk, etc...the pain is horrific. I am going to try counseling too. I am so sorry that your dog got hit by a truck. Sending peace your way.
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