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YellowLabBailey

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Posts: 6
 #1 

One week ago today I lost part of my heart.  My yellow lab Bailey was 11 years old and last May was diagnosed with an enlarged heart which was pressing on his trachea.  He also had an aneurysm on his heart that could rupture at any time.  I faithfully administered his medications twice a day.  I put them in wheat bread.  He loved the bread and made sure he let me know when it was time to take his medication.  He would not slow down, still thought he was a pup.  If he was totally still, he was somewhat comfortable, but when company came, or if he saw a bird or rabbit in our yard, he would run just like he always did.  He struggled so hard to regain his breathing.  We took him to the vet to see if they could help him, not sure euthanasia was the best thing.  We could have tried a last ditch attempt with lasix, but the vet said he was suffering and there was no guarantee it would work in his advanced condition.  My husband and I cried and decided to let him go.  Bailey licked the tears from my face and I left the room.  My husband and I are trying to deal with the emptiness, but it is nearly unbearable.  I feel so guilty for not trying the lasix, but the vet agreed that Bailey was very sick, Yet he carried his leash in his mouth and pranced through the waiting room, struggling to breath with every breath.  He kept going from me to my husband as we were unable to contain our emotion.  The only thing that keeps me going is giving all my emotions to my cat, Miko.  She misses him too.  Thankfully, I have found this board because I can see I am not alone.  Thank You for taking the time to read this. 

 

Bailey's Mom, Gen

CRB

Registered:
Posts: 32
 #2 

Gen,

 

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry about Bailey but totally understand your feelings. They are normal...no less painful, but normal. I have a Bailey too, only he is a cat. Your Bailey sounds so precious. I had tears in my eyes as I read your story.

 

Unfortunatley, there are few things in life that we remember more vividly than those last hours with our babies. We second guess ourselves, somehow thinking that if we had done something else we could have saved them. We don't want to acknowledge that sometimes there is nothing we can do, we have to surrender to the fact that eventually our beloved pets will leave us. The pain seems forever seared into our minds and hearts. But, I'm glad to hear in your writing that in the midst of your grief you are doing what Bailey would have wanted....to remember the wonderful things about your time together.

 

I wish there were some words I could offer you that would make you able to skip this awful part of the grief and move to a time when you are able to think of Bailey and only smile. I can only say I am thinkning of you. I shared a poem on this site about my Baxter - The Amazing Heart - a few days ago.

 

Sometimes it scares me when I look into the faces of my pets and know that most likely I will have to go through the pain of loss again. But, I couldn't imagine life without them. I would miss their love, the laughter they bring and the consistancy and purity of friendship that only our babies can bring us.

 

Gen, hang in there. Take comfort in the words and thoughts of those here that truly understand your sorrow.

 

Take care,

CRB

Baxter's Mom

Pamela

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #3 

Hi Bailey's mom,

 

I am so very sorry for your loss of Bailey. He sounded like an absolute sweetheart. There are no words to say to ease the grief you and your husband and your cat, Miko are going through; please know that I am sending all of you warm, loving thoughts and hugs. I just lost my cockatiel, Sweet Pea very suddenly on 10/1 and I share your grief and sadness. Know that I and we all are here should you need to talk, cry, or just need some comforting. I just joined this board yesterday and already have felt the warmth and genuine loving concern from a lot of the people here. It is SO wonderful to connect with other people who love their babies as your family and I do about ours.

 

Warmly,

Pam

jetsonsmum

Registered:
Posts: 332
 #4 

Gen,

 

I cried when I read your post. Your story is very sad. I am so so sorry for what you have gone through. Bailey was a lucky boy to have parents who love him so much.

 

I understand the sense of guilt you are feeling about not trying the lasix, but really as parents we DO know when our babies best interests are not to be helped to stay here, but rather to be helped to go...to the Rainbow Bridge. There comes a time in their treatment when we just know any further attempts at keeping them alive are in all honesty, futile. They serve only to keep them here for our sake, and because we love them more than we love ourselves, we make the heartbreaking 'decision'. It is a selfless gift of love, although a harrowing, mortifying, deed.

 

Bailey had a wonderful life with you, and he sounds like he was a fun-loving, active boy.

 

I too know how heartbreaking it is when they are unwell in their body, but mentally, they still think they are a puppy, and they want to run and play and chase....but they just cannot. It absolutely levelled me when I saw my beautiful Jetson go through that. It broke my heart.

 

All I can say to you Gen, is that it really does help to be here at Pet Loss. There are many many of us who truly understand. We understand your love. We understand your loss. So come here often and read, and talk, and tell us all about your beautiful baby. Do you have any pictures? We'd love to know him.

 

Sending you many comforting hugs,

 

Barbara.

 

 

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