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Martha2

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Posts: 13
 #1 

Our amazing cat J died earlier this month.

He was the best. He was so loving, he always liked to hang out with me. I spend most of my days at home, and he always sat next to, and usually slept on my bed.

He died after surgical complications and a three-month illness. He was only 8.

I found it extremely difficult to understand how he suddenly could be gone. I feel like a part of me is missing. He was my best friend - I talked about him all the time. I'm like a different person without him.

It's been nearly a month: I can't sleep properly, I have really disturbing dreams where I'm looking for him. I cry all the time. But I also don't want to feel better.

I can't imagine that life will ever be good again. I feel like I will always have this sadness now that he's gone.
Maxs_Mom

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Posts: 7
 #2 
Martha, I'm sorry you are in so much pain.  I completely understand the emptiness you feel.  I am a stay-at-home parent, so I'm home most of the day with my kids (both human and fur babies).  The loss is almost amplified because it is constantly right in front of you what is missing.  There is such a huge hole and it's just so overwhelming and consuming.  Distraction is my friend right now.  I run around the house trying to stay busy so that I don't have time to sit and think about it.  Then I'm exhausted and end up breaking down even worse.  It's been awful.  We need to let ourselves have these emotions, to let it out and release it.  It's ok to cry and be sad.  You've lost a family member.  Be kind to yourself.  There's no time line.  Over time they say it gets better.  Hang in there and take care of yourself!  Sending you love, light and hugs.  
michelledimarco

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Posts: 27
 #3 
I feel the same way. My joy died when my baby girl died. When her light burned out, so did mine. A little over 3 weeks now and I think the pain is actually getting worse because I miss her so much
Martha2

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Posts: 13
 #4 
Thank you both for your kind and thoughtful replies.

Maxs_Mom - I agree completely that you have to let the feelings out. In a way, I like to see my sad feelings as honoring him - it's so hard because he was so important to me. In general, I always think it's healthier to let the feelings out, and face up to them - as overwhelming and agonizing as it is.

michelledimarco - I'm so sorry, it's been nearly 4 weeks for me, and I understand that it doesn't get better yet. I have read that for some people, this acute stage of distress can last for two months. Right now, I am still crying every day, throughout the day, and it's still constantly on my mind. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I hope you can take comfort in knowing she had a good life. It's clear from your posts you loved her very much.
michelledimarco

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Posts: 27
 #5 
Martha 2
I still cry every day as well. I have worked mostly part time or seasonal work since she was born so she was part of my daily routine in a huge way. The emptiness is unbearable. I hope you find some peace soon. I know that grief is taking a toll on my body so I wish this would start getting easier. My little girl would want me to be happy. She comes to me in my dreams saying "Don't be sad, mommy. I'm still here with you."
My mind won't allow me the peace I so desperately need 😔
Maxs_Mom

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Posts: 7
 #6 
Hi Martha, just checking in to see how you are doing?  I'm sure you are still missing your fur baby, but I hope you are feeling a bit better.  
Martha2

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Posts: 13
 #7 
Hey, thank you - that's so kind of you to check in.

It's rough - I'm still crying every day, and I cried in public again today while talking about him. I miss him, but I'm also scared that I'm getting used to him not being here.

His death has thrown up so many uncomfortable layers of sadness for me: I'm not just sad he isn't here, I'm sad that he suffered, that he'll never be here, and that I don't know what happens after death.

He's starting to feel like a dream - like I should have known he was too good to be true, and that he wouldn't be around that long.

Someone I met told me she believes we have one 'soul mate' animal - and we only connect on that level with an animal once in our lives, although we can go on to love others. I'm interested in what other people think. I know in my heart I'll never love another animal as much as J.
michelledimarco

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Posts: 27
 #8 
Martha2
This is the truest thing I've ever heard. Chewy was definitely my soulmate 💗
buddy2k

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Posts: 103
 #9 
Martha2
I also agree.
I know Lilly was my heartcat/soulmate.
Absolutely without a doubt.
100%
I feel sick without her
buddy2k

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Posts: 103
 #10 
How are we ever supposed to feel happy or normal again?
It seems like that will never happen.
Maybe it's just me.
I can't seem to accept that Lilly isn't coming back.
It's kind've weird really.  I'm a rational human being, but I just can't accept that she is gone from my life.
I mean, I KNOW that she's gone, but I just CAN'T accept it.
skmk

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Posts: 93
 #11 
buddy2k,     It's not just you.  My dog Dickens was my soul mate.  It's been 6 months and I haven't felt the same since.  I feel like some other person.  I think I died when he did.  I can't even imagine feeling happy or normal.  I too can't accept that he's gone and not coming back even though like you I know it, just can't accept it.  I'm in pain every day with depression and anxiety.  Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.  skmk
Loz

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Posts: 37
 #12 
Definitely agree that we have only one soul mate animal with a unique bond. I had that with my Berry , she was me and I her. My life is empty without her and I feel ill my loss is unbearable! I know I should honour her memory by remembering our amazing life together but my grief is so great that I cannot , I lost her Dec 31st 2018. 
irmaly

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Posts: 7
 #13 
As for the one 'soulmate animal.' I used to believe that. In 2005 I first discovered this site when grieving for my soulmate dog Harvey. I have never felt such a strong bond with human or animal, and I was completely lost without him when he died at 14 years of age. I still have his cremated remains here in my study, and his collar rests on my desk to this day. He still comes to me in my dreams. I will never be without him, nor him without me. Over the 14 years since, my husband and I have loved and enjoyed 2 other fine dogs: Annie and Rosie. They were both very special to us, meant so much to us, and we loved them dearly. Rosie came to us from the streets as an injured pup. She died two years ago at the age of 16. Annie died suddenly and in my arms a month later at the age of just 12 of Hemangiosarcoma, the dreaded thief in the night cancer nightmares are made of. Our grief and loss was real for both these pups. It was hard to pick ourselves up off the floor. Their collars and ashes remain with us too. But they were not the 'soulmate animal' Harvey was for me. Maybe I'm just lucky, but when I wasn't even looking, a dog came to me almost two years ago via a Facebook post from a shelter some three hours from here --a rough and tumble pup of less than a year old at the time who had been chained with his brother and sister and finally rescued. It was the eyes. They were old soul. They were (are) Harvey's eyes--the window to his soul. And mine. We adopted him on the spot. Jake is fast developing into another "soulmate animal" for me. The love, the closeness, the understanding, the joy, that supposed once in a lifetime bond. The bond is so strong, sometimes I even believe he is Harvey come back to me. Perhaps he has.
Martha2

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Posts: 13
 #14 
Hi Irmaly,

Thanks for your perspective - so interesting to hear. It's only been a couple of months, and I don't have space in my heart for another animal yet, but I've been feeling like I never will, and like there would be no point for me (though it's always good to adopt a rescue animal) because I won't ever have that special bond. It's nice to hear you are experiencing that bond again.
Loz

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Posts: 37
 #15 
Same here, I wont ever have the bond with another animal ( dog , pony or whatever) that I shared with Berry.
I used to take a neighbours dog out with us on occasions and I had an affection for him but even that seems to have gone. I pop to see him and have taken him out for a walk but its not the same. My house, heart and life are empty without Berry.
buddy2k

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Posts: 103
 #16 
I agree, it will be hard to find another soulmate type relationship.  I've never had one before Lilly, it was totally unexpected and amazing.
The downside, was losing her.  She was my sunshine and happiness and everything.
I feel physically sick, when I think about her and how much I miss her. 
Totally heartsick.  A pit in my stomach.  Unbelievably sad.
I can only hope that she comes back to me - I'm open to believing that is possible.  Totally open.
Spirit Lilly's mom.

Maxs_Mom

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Posts: 7
 #17 
I've been thinking about the "soulmate animal" comment for a few weeks now and just kind of mulling over my thoughts on it.  I've found it very interesting reading everyone's thoughts. I guess I've settled on my own thoughts and I just want to share my perspective.  I've always viewed a "soulmate" as someone (person or animal) that changes your soul-  they are the reason we are here in this universe and live our lives.  They teach us about love, ourselves, friendship, changes we may need to make in ourselves, lot's of stuff.  I think you can have many soulmates throughout life and they can show up in many different forms--romantic soulmates, friend soulmates, family soulmates, animal/pet soulmates.  While it could be that you may never experience another animal that is a soulmate...I don't know why but my gut tells me that we don't have just one.  I hope that we can all find it within us to open our hearts to the possibility of love, friendship and companionship with another pet.  I know that it will be a while before I'm ready.  Just don't close yourself off to the possibility.  I really truly believe that we are here for this reason.  I know that it will be a while before many of us are ready to move forward with this.  But, I am really hopeful that I will be ready some day.  I really truly believe that this is the reason we are here.  Please don't close your hearts off to experiencing this again.  
Martha2

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Posts: 13
 #18 
I think for me - and maybe others? - right now it feels disloyal, or like having another bond that special would maybe undermine the relationship we had with the deceased animal.
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