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melissare

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Posts: 13
 #1 
I am so grateful to have found this site. I lost my sweet Dancer about 10 weeks ago. He was a golden retriever. There will always be a hole in my heart without him as all of you know. My 4 year old son has being saying how he misses Dancer and wants to get another dog. I don't know if I am ready yet. I know I do want another dog because life without a dog doesn't feel right. How long did you all wait until you got another pet (child)? I still see him in the house everywhere and sometimes I feel like I hear him.
I feel like I will always miss him horribly so how do you know you are ready for another baby?

Melissa
Dancer's Mom
Meriam

Registered:
Posts: 1,234
 #2 
Melissa,

Maedy was almost seventeen and I had Silver before she died. Silver was an only dog for three years and then we got Hershey. Sil and Hershey were half brothers and when Hersh was two, we adopted Mozart.

Last december, Hersh died very suddely leaving me with Sil and Moz. They were just lost without the brother they adored. In late December, we went together as a family and played with Doxie puppies. Togehter we picked Kuggel to come and join the family. he is a darling boy and is now well loved by Sil, Mozie and me.

Everyone needs to grieve their own way. Going back to when Scahtzie died, I went to look at puppies that very night because I could not be in the house myself. She came home about two weeks later.

Good luck with the new pup. it is difficult, just take your time and establish new routines with the new little one in your life.

Meriam
MusicMagEditor

Registered:
Posts: 76
 #3 
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss.

As for what you are asking, that is a very good question.  I've lost a few kitties over the years, but I've always had at least 1 or 2 others when I lost one.  It's still very painful to loose one of your "children", but the others being there and giving you all kinds of extra love because they see you are hurting AND with you knowing you can't give up because your other babies need you too, it makes it easier to get through.

Two years ago however, I lost my precious Demon Kitty and I have but 1 cat remaining...  I totally love all my kitties, but the one remaining was my favorite of all time and best friend/constant companion.  He helped me through it but became my only remaining kitty.  Because Him (Wizard) and Demon were so close, I waited a while before attempting to get another cat.  I tried a couple times several months later and Wizard wouldn't accept them.  That was totally unusual as Wizard was ALWAYS the one to make friends first and be accepting off newbees to the family.  So, I made the mistake of deciding not to get another cat.

Now, two years later I find I'm loosing my Wizard.  Wizzy, like Demon, will be passing 4 months before hie 17th birthday and I've had him since a tiny kitten.  This time I have no other kitties to hold and cry with; no other loving and affectionate "children" to help me through this grief.  I really don't know what I'm going to so.

Yes, I'll have other cats in my life, but I don't EVER want to feel I'm trying to replace Wizard for a few reasons... 

1) No kitty, no matter how special or loved, will EVER be the same as Wizard

2) I don't want to feel, even in the slightest, that I'm trying to "replace Wizard."

3) If I get another cat as a "replacement" and it isn't like Wizard (which it would never be), I don't want to not show love or not have feelings for or even worse, hold it against that kitty.

So, I don't know how long to wait.  I want to walk through a shelter and when a kitty flings himself up against the cage, reaches his paw out to touch me and begs for attention, meows and talks to me....  That will most likely be my next kitty.

My First kitty Putty Tat was so sweet, nice and well mannered that I truely think all kittys that came after her and grew up with her from (the new kitties) kitten hood learned from Putty and got some of her personality traits.  So, I've been lucky and had 23 years of several kitties that have been totally loveable, sweet, affectionate and more.  Now, I'll be starting from scratch (no pun intended) with a new kitty who has no mentor here in the household.  It will be bery different and I'll have to be very lucky to get yet another kitty that will have similar traits as the kitties I've had thus far.

So, I just don't know....

I wish you the best though!

Bob D
Wizard's Dad

dianae2002

Registered:
Posts: 317
 #4 

Dear Melissa, I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel. Having a pet for many years and then losing it so difficult. You have an empty space and it seems that nothing can fill that again. I lost my sweet little min-pin Jessie two months ago and it was so horrible. She lived with my parents when that happened. Then there was her little daughter Lucy, and at least you have a fur-baby to take care and to give extra love. I moved three years ago form my parents and could not take my dogs. I got married and my husband and I wanted a pet. We decided that we would wait until we had a house to get a dog. So we decided for a cat. He was our first "baby". We don't have children and Neko was so sweet. He always came when you called him, in the evening he laid with you... then last wendsday only after two hours we put him outside he was hi by a car. He was gone. We felt so , we cried, we miss him so much. The next day we talk with some family and together. We thought there would never be a pet that would replace our Neko. Every little animal is unique and special and cannot be replaced. But our house is so empty, it is so sad to see his toys, his food... we decided to get a new kitty. Some family members said that if you want another pet, the best is to get it as soon as possible because that would help you with the pain and the loss. With a new fur-baby you can concentrate your atention to him/her and that helps. Of course you'll always miss the pet that just passed away but think that he would have liked to see you and the family happy.
 
Diana, Jessie and Neko's mom.
maerlyn

Registered:
Posts: 1,604
 #5 
Hi, Melissa ~
I'm so very sorry for your pain.  My Sweet Lady, a cat, went to the Bridge in February, so I understand your pain over Dancer.  It's less acute at this stage, but it still hurts.

On a lovely June morning in 2001, my beloved Merlin, a cat, made his transition to the Bridge from my arms, in his own home.  Merlin and I have one of those special relationships, and I was heartbroken beyond belief to have him leave.  The day after he left, I went to the vet hospital to return some unused fluid bags and settle the bill.  As I stood at the desk in tears, the vet tech/receptionist said, "Wait!  I have someone I want you to meet!" and she ran off upstairs.  I wondered - did she have a counselor up there??? She came back holding an adorable tuxedo kitten; without thinking (having just buried Merlin's body and having Morganna at home, a definite King Arthur theme there), I blurted out, "That's Mordred!" 

He was cute, of course, and playful, but I left without him. That was on a Wednesday; Fourth of July was the following week.  On Thursday, I thought about the kitten, all alone in the hospital, cared for but lonely.  There's no on there most of Sunday, and the holiday was coming up. . . so I called and told them to test him for FeLV and FIV; if he was negative, I'd take him home for the weekend and holiday - just for that.  Yeah, right.  He was negative, so on Friday, I took the carrier to the hospital and brought Mordred home.  Of course I kept him!  So, he came to me just 3 days after Merlin left, and I don't regret it at all.  He couldn't keep my from crying, but he did make me laugh - and there's much healing in laughter.  I love him dearly and call him "my special angel" for helping me to heal.

Visit a rescue; it's possible that the one meant for you will touch your heart.  You have love to give, and there are so many who are in need of that love.  You are in need of healing, and there are so many who can help you to do that.  I admit: I had moments when I resented Mordred for not being Merlin, and that may happen to you, too, but I knew that those feelings were just part of the grieving process and would pass - and they did.

May Dancer's Creator bless you with wisdom and peace.
leileismom

Registered:
Posts: 168
 #6 
My Lei-Lei let go November 2006. Her birthday was March 12 and she would have turned 13. A litter of two schipperkes (like her) were born on that same day in Louisiana,I live in Pensacola. We went to see them when they were 3mo. old, seven months after Leibchen had passed. I really wasn't ready,so I thought, for a "new dog",
but were picked out one anyway. I named her "Echo". Her registered name is Heart-Throb's My Heart Will Go On. That was Lei-Lei's song because it came on the radio the last time I took her for a car ride, just 3 days before she died, ( renal failure). Echo has become a real charmer, but she's not my "little daughter". There is still a void, but having Echo here has helped. Please read my post ( Mother's Day fourteen years ago). Only you will know if the time is right, if ever, for another pet. Don't let anyone make the decision for you Best to you.

bdpringle

Registered:
Posts: 190
 #7 
It is my humble opinion that there isn't a right time to get another pet, but the right pet will find you whether or not you are ready.  We jumped in feet first with Emma.  Jade was pts on March 2nd, and on March 5th I adopted Emma.  Emma and Jade are both completely different yet so similiar in their habits, it's a little freaky at times! 

No matter how ready you are, I think there is going to an odd void at first and then it goes away quickly. 

Best Wishes,
Daun
melissare

Registered:
Posts: 13
 #8 
Thanks so much for all the wonderful thoughts. It is comforting knowing others understand how I feel. My husband said he is not ready yet either. We both grew up with dogs so we know we want another one so I will take a day at a time and wait until we all are ready.

Thanks
Melissa
Dancer's Mom
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