Registered: 1212544762 Posts: 4
I can't even stand the idea that I am not going to hear his meow and his loud purr anymore.
My Felix died today due to liver disease and ultimately kidney failure. It all happened so sudden. We lost his sister on June 25, 2007 also to CRF. She was 18 years old, he was only 8. He was there for me when we lost her, how am I going to cope with his death? Two cats in one year, both died in June ironically. The pain is in my heart, it feels physical, it actually feels like it is everywhere. He was in the hospital for a week and did not improve. The vet called me at work today and asked me to visit since he was in bad shape. When I got there, he already passed away and I did not have a chance to say goodbye. Thank you for listening. Lydia
Registered: 1204786493 Posts: 131
I'm so sorry you lost your precious Felix. He was so young. I, too, lost the love of my life 3 months ago, Pookie was almost 8. He died suddenly at the vet's office. I had dropped him off for a simple procedure & came back to get him & was told he passed away. I'm probably still in shock because nothing matters anymore - he was my whole world. I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but you won't feel good for a long time. The heartache you feel is just that, your heart is broken. I do hope Felix sends you a sign that he's ok now at the Bridge, happy and healthy again. They do send us signs. Come and talk to us anytime, this is a very helpful place to be. ~~Andee
Registered: 1205715660 Posts: 763
Dear Lydia, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Felix. My darling Mr. Meowgy also died before I could get back to the vet. I didn't get to say goodbye either but I at least didn't have to make the decision. My baby did that for me as Felix did for you. You ask how your life will be without Felix, It will be DIFFERENT. In every way. You will be lonely, and angry for a while and sad. If you are lucky the pain will ease in time. After almost 3 months mine has not eased and there is always a hole in my life. I pray for peace and comfort for you. Again, I am so very sorry. Donna, Mr. Meowgy's mom
Registered: 1212086036 Posts: 30
I'm so very sorry for both of your losses. You've lost two furbabies so soon. My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain. I'm sending prayers for you... I'm so very sorry... And yes the pain of loosing them is physical at times... Hugs and hang in there... Agata... Ami's forever mom
Registered: 1208508336 Posts: 820
So sorry for your loss. It must be overwhelming to lose two cats in one year. I lost my Rupert 18 weeks ago and that is overwhelming. His sister is the same age and I am afraid of her going too. She is identical in looks but not in other ways. Your need to take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. Slowly you will come out of the fog. Don't feel guilty you were not there when he passed as he knew he was very much loved. I am sure he is now running free at the Rainbow Bridge. Keep an eye out, sometimes people say they have feelings or flashes of their pets. I am sure my Rupert is around sometimes. All the best Ruperts Mum
Registered: 1199856214 Posts: 774
Hi Lydia; I am so sorry for your looseing your kitty Felix at such a young age, at any age it is always so hard. It sounds like you did as much as anyone could ever do for him. I am sorry he died when you weren't there. he probably wanted to save you the pain of watching him pass. I am sorry
Registered: 1212556146 Posts: 1
I'm so sorry Lydia, for your loss. It hurts so much, and sometimes it's hard even for your best two-legged friends to understand, or sympathize. It does hurt, I can't really believe how much it physically hurts. And it's so hard to have all those empty moments in your daily routine that once were filled with love.
It sounds like you gave both Felix and his sister a good happy home, for a long time. That you miss them both, and how much it hurts, show how much you loved them. It is going to take some time, and that's ok, Take the time you need. Treasure their lives, and all the happiness they gave you. They wouldn't want you to be sad. It's not trivial. They are little guys that you take responsibility for, and love the way you'd love a child. It's just so very sad that they have to say goodbye, and so soon, 8 is still so young.
I know there is no way to take back not being there when he passed. I have been trying to cope with the death of my 10 year old, Figaro, (heh - our cats are both named after cartoons, Figaro was the kitten in Pinnochio) similar story, he got sick, we were in and out of the vet, I knew in my heart he wasn't going to pull through, and was set to bring him home to say goodbye. He died just hours before I would have been able to bring him home for the last time. I can't forgive myself for not being there for him in those last moments. I beat myself up about it. 8 years, 10 years, 18 years, it's such a huge span of your life, they have witnessed it and been your friend all through everything. I really wish there was a vet office more like a hospital, I would absolutely have stayed with him until the end. But there's no way to know the future, he was so young, you had to get him to a vet because there was a chance he could pull through. You did the right thing. It just absolutely sucks that it didn't turn out better.
The only thing I could do to make it better was to think about not the end, but all the years in between. That's what matters most. Take every happy memory, relive it, hold it close, and save it. At the end, the pile of happy memories is going to outweigh the pile of sad. Who can know what final thoughts are as you pass? I suspect they are of the sunshine, the best moments, and knowing cats, I suspect he thought of all the memories you are now thinking of, and knew you loved him.
They are such good friends.
How will life be without him? You will grieve, and maybe more than you would for someone who didn't share life, day in, day out with you. It will hurt, but you will, in time, heal from the wounds. And you will always remember him. Sometimes with tears, but I think he would want you to remember him with a smile.
When Figaro passed, he was the oldest of my three cats. I held him the day he was born, we shared a decade between us. And still, I couldn't believe how much it hurt to lose him. But just one week later, I lost his littlest sister. She was only two, and was my comfort, a light during the hardest of times. She was hit by a car, only a week after his death. Between the two of them... I am just heartbroken.
I would never have thought about replacing Figaro. but with the loss of the little one, there are so many shadows hanging about our house, and I am thinking that a kitten will help bring some sunshine. I want to sit and watch a little baby run around, want a little love to help my heart heal. It will never be the same, they all have their own personalities - but it's actually the only thing I can think of that's positive right now - to have a little one to love on. And I'm sure that I'll fall in love with both the similarities and the differences.
It may / may not be the right thing for you, or it may take some time, but making that decision has been the one thing that has kept me above the surface.
I hope that you find your peace.
Registered: 1161285484 Posts: 58
Lydia, if you are anything like me, you will learn to cope with the death by finding a way to be grateful for the time you had together. You will, hopefully, accept that it is just the way of things, that we should outlive our little ones. And you will cope by knowing you are not alone. I lost my two kitties, after having them both for almost seventeen years, within a year and a half of each other. It has been tough, but I try to balance the sadness, as I said, with immense gratitude that I had the chance to know these amazing beings whose loss I mourn, yes, but who I am so much richer for having loved. Take care. --Van
Registered: 1198872932 Posts: 1,205
It is bad enough when we lose 1 precious baby, but two in one year, that is awful. I am so, so sorry.
Please take comfort that your Felix is with his sister now, I bet she was first to meet him. It is sad that you didnt get the chance to say good bye. We are here for you, we all know how you feel. Much Love, Di xxx
Registered: 1197839779 Posts: 1,328
Lydia--Sorry about your loss of Felix. Take care.
Registered: 1212544762 Posts: 4
Thank you so much for the kind words. Today was really tough. Yesterday I was shocked, today it started to sink in. Lack of sleep and food are not helping either. I keep telling myself that I will get through this, but the smallest things set me off. Today I walked into the door just like any other day and I was about to call him when I realized..... I am so glad that I found this site. A kind lady at the vet's office told me about it. She lost her dog a week ago. I am reading through all the threads and I feel the pain. Somehow I do not feel so alone anymore.