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jessiebean7352

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Posts: 3
 #1 
I had to put my poor baby Zen to sleep Saturday night. I was drunk, and I had him out like an idiot. After constant rumination and vague memory of what happened I think I figured it out.  He jumped off of my lap and ran under the grill. Chinchillas should never go outside.  So I moved the grill out of the way and caught him.  Brought him inside and I tripped and fell on the doorway with him in my hands.  He ran underneath the couch so I flipped the leg rests up so I could see underneath the couch.  He was standing there on his hind legs making noises at me.  I picked him up.  I heard him breathing funny, and my friend was pulling up just as I was leaving and she drove us to the vet. He was bleeding from his nose. He broke his jaw in 2 spots. The vet said that they could operate and fix the one spot but was not sure about the other spot and that it would cost me thousands of dollars that I don't have and the recovery was 50/50.  Chinchillas teeth are constantly growing so being able to chew on wood is a must and with a broken jaw he wouldn't have been able to. He said that these kinds of injuries in chinchillas are fatal so I decided to euthanize him.  I can't stop crying.  I've barely eaten since it happened. I can't focus on school. I'm depressed. I have 3 more chinchillas at home, one of them is Zens brother, Storm, 3 of them were in the same cage and one is in a separate cage.  Every time I look at the cage and only see 2 chinchillas there I start crying. I keep apologizing to them and saying I'm sorry Zen's not coming back, he died.  I feel so guilty. I keep picturing him with blood coming out of his nose and how he was so still in my arms on the way to the vet.  There was blood all over my shirt and hands. I keep running the events through my head and wishing I could have changed something. I feel so bad for him, I'm supposed to be his protector, his caretaker and I was so reckless and irresponsible. My poor baby Zen. He had the softest eyes, and he was fat. He would run from me whenever i tried to get him from his cage but once I had him he loved to be pet and held.  He was my precious, my favorite.  I hadn't eaten much that day so I got really drunk fast, and I feel like if I wasn't drunk this probably wouldn't have happened. I haven't been drunk like that in months and I don't want to drink ever again. My chinchillas mean the world to me and I'm totally beside myself. 
finalllyfree73

Registered:
Posts: 25
 #2 
I'm so sorry!! Please don't dwell in guilt, unfortunately accidents can and do happen.  Your baby knew how much you loved him and you did what you could after you realized what happened.  It sounds like you gave your boy a wonderful life filled with lots of love and spoiling, you just can't beat yourself up for what was a very horrible accident.  I know words won't help with the pain but please know that I am very sorry for your loss and hope you can find comfort in the special memories you shared. 
jessiebean7352

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #3 
Thank you...:( and I am so filled with guilt too because I was so upset when I decided to euthanize him they asked me if I wanted to say goodbye to him and I couldn't. Now I am regretting having last final moments with my baby to comfort him and love him. I feel like I abandoned him to die...
finalllyfree73

Registered:
Posts: 25
 #4 
:(  I know guilt is a horrible piece of this journey to many of us losing our special pets, I too had/have guilt in not doing enough for my boy's cancer but you can't let it become all consuming.  You didn't abandon him and he knew that...had you abandoned him, you would have not become frantic to take him to the vet, to get him well.  You loved him til the end and they KNOW that sometimes it's too difficult for you to be there for the final moments and quite frankly when animals pass from age, they typically go off away from their "owners" to die away from them.  I've read they do this so that they don't cause more grief to the humans they love so much.  You didn't abandon him, please don't think that way.  Your heart and love NEVER left him and his NEVER left you...and still hasn't. 
jessiebean7352

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #5 
:( I just keep replaying the events in my head its all I can think about I cry myself to sleep every night. I feel horrible that he suffered and it was my doing. He was such a good boy and didnt deserve what happened to him. I wish there was a way that I could talk to him and apologize and tell him I love him one last time. I keep imagining what happened when he was put down was he scared did he make a noise was he wondering where I was I should have been there for him to comfort him.
arosettamason48

Registered:
Posts: 32
 #6 
I know exactly how you feel and I cannot say how sorry I am. I too have a chinchilla myself but my current grief comes from my guinea pig that died tragically and suddenly two nights ago. He was the love and light of my life. He was on my bed and I went downstairs to make him a salad and do a couple other things. When I came back up he wasn't on my bed and I thought I heard him purr but I hadn't found him until at least 5 minutes later. Where I eventually found him is the first place I looked for him but I somehow completely overlooked him. I still don't know what happened but I think he suffocated to death because from what I remember before frantically scooping him up, his face was very close to a wine glass that was on its side and he had also vomited. I cannot forgive myself. If I had done just done thing differently he would still be here. I can't stop wondering if had I seen him where I first looked for him and he truly was suffocating, I could have saved him. The only thing I see in my head is the way I found him and how preventable his death was. I can't stop picturing how much he loved me and how happy he always was with me and the way he would look at me with his big precious puppy dog eyes. All I have done is cry. I can't be alone. I'm nearly 30 years old and I have made my mom let me sleep in her bed the last 2 nights. I can't even go in my room or open the fridge or get my clean laundry because I am so traumatized by the events that happened. He was my best friend and I was supposed to protect him but instead I let him fall off of my bed and die all alone.. the person who he trusted and gave his life to is the reason he died.
Lasweetbaby33

Registered:
Posts: 377
 #7 
Aww I'm so sorry for your loss please accept my most sincere sympathy.. Please don't be so hard on yourself it was just an accident. You didn't mean to hurt your baby it seem like you were very lovely with your chinchilla by taking care of him all the time. It's my first time reading about a pet chinchilla I search them up and they seem like a very lovely pet. I hope that your heart feels better and that you have wonderful memories of your lovely chinchilla..


~ Mayra ( Princess & Blanca's mom)
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