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Jlynnsilvia

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Posts: 7
 #1 
It's been 4 days since I accidentally ran over my cat Boo. I found him as a baby during a hurricane 4 years ago and he decided he wanted to be a indoor/outdoor cat. He slept with me at night and rambled the neighborhood during the day. All the neighbors loved and fed him. He had a terrible habit of chasing cars as they came down the driveway. I would always keep treats in my car and open the door when I saw him running at my car. Usually he would either jump in my car and eat the treats or run to my steps and wait for me to open the door instead of going through his cat door. This has been our routine for years until last Thursday. I was coming home from work as usual and saw him running so I stopped and opened my car door for him to jump in. He didn't and appeared to run to my steps as usual, but that is not what happened. I felt my car tire roll over something then i saw him run and fall over. I picked him up and he gasped his last breath. I was immediately sick. I have not been able to live with the guilt. I can't look at my driveway and I haven't driven since I killed him. I've got to go back to work eventually and I have other animals to care for. I just don't know how to get over this guilt. I have been drunk and sedated on valium since Thursday and I know that's not the answer. I can't eat or sleep or do anything, so if anyone reads this please give me some advice on how to move on because I am desperate. I've never felt this kind of guilt and pain and it's consuming my life. I miss Boo so much and I never meant to hurt him. Please if anyone has any advice for me I need it. Thanks
JoeR

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Posts: 67
 #2 
Thank you for sharing your pain.
Jlynnsilvia

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #3 
I felt so blessed to find this site and read similar stories to mine. My family doesn't understand why I'm so upset, this site has been a blessing.
buddy2k

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Posts: 103
 #4 
I lost my Lilly on Saturday.  The pain is almost unbearable.  Coming here to be with other people feeling the same helps a bit.  You are not alone.  We all understand how you are feeling. Hugs for you. Please take care
Jlynnsilvia

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #5 
I understand the pain is absolutely unbearable. Communicating with others on this site is really helpful. Sending hugs and prayers your way.
Jlynnsilvia

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #6 
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain is unbearable, but this site has been helpful. Sending hugs and prayers your way.
kclaura

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Posts: 44
 #7 
I can understand completely how horrible the pain in your heart must be.  Perhaps some thoughts that could comfort you - Boo was running to YOU.  You were there.  From the way you describe the accident, you felt the bump, he ran, fell over and gave his last breath.  It was fast.  It wasn't a lingering death.  And YOU were the last thought in Boo's mind.  And YOU were there when he passed.   
You know that you can come here, always, and will find comfort in like-minded folks.  We ALL have had something happen to our fur kids that bring us guilt.  Things we NEVER meant to happen.  And you will find understanding. And hopefully, in time, comfort and peace.
HUGS to you.  I'm so sorry
Jlynnsilvia

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #8 
Omg, thanks for this response. This is such a good way for me to look at my situation. I've been beating myself up since the accident. I haven't even been able to park in my driveway because of the guilt I've been feeling. Thanks so much for your response and perspective, it really means a lot to me.
kclaura

Registered:
Posts: 44
 #9 
The pain and guilt you've been feeling are so natural, and REAL.  Come here, come to the chat room, find some comfort letting some of it out with like-minded folks.  Grief HURTS.  And losing Boo the way you did, well, it's even more natural how devastated you are.  

Please, be gentle with yourself.  Treat yourself well.  Love yourself the way Boo loved you.  Smile when you remember him.  I won't tell you that healing is a linear process, because it's NOT. You will find yourself overwhelmed at times with a flood wave of guilt, of horror.  But someday you will remember his sweetness, how he loved his treats, how he loved his momma.  And you will smile with those memories

RIP Boo.  Your momma loves you always
Lasweetbaby33

Registered:
Posts: 377
 #10 
Oh my your story breaks my heart so much :( I'm so sorry for your loss of your lovely baby.. Please don't blame yourself for what happen it was just an accident. You never meant to hurt your baby. you were he's momma you always wanted what was best for him. it looks like you had a daily routine like you said, of coming home and greeting your boy by stopping your car and him waiting for you just to jump inside. What a lovely way of showing affection to one another it looks like your Boo love you unconditionally. He already knew he's momma was coming home and waiting for him to get inside the car. Now the day that horrible accident happen to me your baby was just wanted to greet you by your door steps, he's mind and take off running to your car just to get in.

It's devastated and hurtful seeing our babies take their last breaths but at least you were able to say your last good-byes to him, and he was able to say I love you thank you so much for iryou have done for me. I know your baby Boo will not want to see he's mommy sad, instead he will want you to remember him with all the good times you both had. I know it's not easy right now since your grief is still fresh and new just give yourself time to cope and express all those  emotions you are having right now with people that due understand what you are going through, such as these site family members/friends other support services etc. I know that help me when I lost my kittens years ago. I was in such tremendous distress that I couldn't even sleep, eat, or continue with my own things, it was also consuming my whole life. I also had a tremendous guilt that I was always blaming myself for the passing of both of my kittens princess & blanca.

But you know what help me move forward coming to these site reading other people's stories, joining the chats in these site. Calling counselors that these site also have that are students that are whiling to listen to your grief. Also keeping myself busy such as activities maybe going out with family/friends if you have any that will keep your mind busy and it will kind of help you keep your mind off of the guilt that you have. Now I know that is not going to be easy to forget everything in a instant but at least try to, when these happen to me I had no one to support me. My whole family though grieving for a pet was something awkward, because to them like they said it was just a cat and you can get over it that quick. Well guess what it's not just a cat like people call it. It was our fur-baby it was part of our family and crying and having these emotions is normal.

I really hope that I was a bit of a help to you, I know that their is nothing that I could do to make you feel better right now. But I just want to say that I'm here for you and I share the same feelings like you do. if you ever need someone to talk to you can always private message me. Ever since I been in these site I been having communication with a few people that are very helpful and had been with me ever since I lost both of my babies. Please accept my most sincere sympathy again in the loss of your lovely boy Boo. You will be in my thoughts and prayers..  rest in peace little angel  ((((BOO)))) your mommy loves you and misses you don't forget about her.

Sincerely,

Mayra ( Princess & Blanca's mommy)


Jlynnsilvia

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #11 
I really appreciate all the kind words and advice I am receiving on this forum. I am still feeling so guilty and missing my baby, but at least I have been able to drive and leave my house again. I know it's going to take time to heal, but coming on this site and reading others stories really helps. I really appreciate the time spent replying to my post. It means a lot to me.
Karmacat

Registered:
Posts: 167
 #12 
What a terrible thing to happen to you and your cat. There's no way you are not going to feel horrible about it, but you know you never meant to hurt Boo. Clearly, you loved Boo very very much.

When I lost my cat, I also turned to booze and pills to get through the initial weeks of intense grief and mourning. It was the only way to cope, and I did it for quite a few months. Eventually I felt slightly better, enough to stop those things. I'm sure you will too.

Going forward, it's gonna be emotionally very tough on you for probably a while. It could probably be months to a year before you get through the worst of it. Just be prepared for this, and be patient with yourself. This forum has been a great source of support - everyone here understands your pain and has gone through it themselves as well.
arosettamason48

Registered:
Posts: 32
 #13 
I know your pain.. all I do is lay in bed and take sleeping pills to try to sedate the pain or fall asleep but neither work. I can't even go into my own room or to my own bed where it happened.
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