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Libertydad

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Posts: 40
 #1 
  
   My sweet little girl passed Christmas day (2018). Her name was Liberty and she was my world. She was only 3 1/2 years old and so full of life. She died from a blood disorder called IMHA caused from her booster vaccine. She was a 15 lb Pomeranian. So senseless to take such a beautiful creature at such a young age. But I can't change what has already happened.

   I have written several posts on here while going through my grieving process and I know it hasn't been easy to do. I still miss her so very much and always will. The house has been so quiet and my health is actually suffering to some extent, because of my grief.

   So a few days ago I applied for an adoption for a rescue dog. A year old terrier mix. Nothing can replace my Liberty, I know that, and I know all dogs have different quirks and personalities.

   Well, today they emailed me for a phone interview and I AM TERRIFIED. What if I don't really like the new dog, can I love it?  Will I just compare her to Liberty? I want to feel the companion love of an animal again, it truly is the most understanding love you will ever have.

   Please don't say that, "it's what Liberty would want", because if Liberty had her wish she would want to be back here with me.

   I honestly don't know what I am searching for here. Some answers that involve others with getting new pets. What is long enough to grieve? Do you love your new pets? Does it stop some of the hurt you feel in your heart?

   I really want to love again, to feel that special bond, but I don't want to forget Liberty. Is any of this possible? There is so much cruelty in the world when it comes to animals, I want to help them all, but I can't, but can I help one?

   I'm sorry for ranting on so much, I think a lot of people type here just to find their own answers within their own hearts, much like therapy.

   My heart goes out to each and every one of you. To lose a pet is devastating. It has been the most singular heartbreaking event I have ever had and I'm 65 years old! I've had friends, relatives, and parents die, but never was rocked to the floor as much as the passing of Liberty.

   Can you find love again? Or are we in limbo the rest of our lives?  I have not smiled since Christmas, and don't do much of anything anymore. I can't find the peace. I can't find the ground to stand on. What do I do?
Loz

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Posts: 37
 #2 
Hi Libertydad, I totally know where your coming from. I've read your posts and really feel your pain as I'm in the same place with loosing Berry on New years eve ( aged 13 years 11 mth)suddenly to hemangiosarcoma something we or her  had no idea that she had. I know you need to give love and feel love. I think for some people we need a pet in our lives to 'live'. I miss Berry beyond belief as I suspect you do with Liberty. I couldn't have a same type of relationship with another dog , Berry was me and I her but in time I may feel ready to open my heart and love again. You have to go with your gut feeling and it may be the answer to heal your heart. I wish you love and peace.
Karmacat

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Posts: 167
 #3 
Hi Libertydad

This is a tough call. If you feel strong enough, it would be wonderful to adopt a new dog. But a dog requires quite a lot of care and attention daily, so I guess your head and energy have to be up to the task. But saving another dog and giving it a good life would be such a great thing to do.

I feel confident that love will definitely flow for the new dog, if you do go ahead. Being a dog lover, as you spend time with your new dog, how could love not flow? You will never forget Liberty or stop loving her for sure, no worries. Every animal is unique and worthy of our love.

I'm of a similar age to you, and like you, the loss of my cat Karma some 15 months ago was the singular most heartbreaking thing I have ever experienced. I'm still not over it at all, though the nightmare times of the early months has subsided. And like you, I only had her for 4 years before she crossed the bridge. I still can't accept that she's gone, and I miss her everyday..
Avu

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Posts: 18
 #4 
Hello Libertydad.  Try not to put so much pressure on yourself.  I know that's easier said than done.  It sounds like the rescue org you are working with is thorough, which is good for both you and their dogs.  Talk about what you're feeling in the phone interview - they may have advice.  I bet they will allow you to spend some time with the dog before you commit to adoption.  Just see how it goes.

My 6 year old dog Zilla died a little over a year ago - also from a blood disorder.  We adopted another dog about 3 months after that.  It was sooner than I expected to be honest.  We were looking to adopt from overseas and thought the logistics would take several months but it turns out Banshee was available and on her way to the U.S. just a couple days after my inquiry.  We haven't had any trouble bonding with her.  She could never *replace* Zilla and nothing could make us forget her, but Banshee has become just as integrated into our lives and hearts. 

You'll notice ways in which your new dog is different or similar to Liberty.  That's OK.  After the grief isn't so fresh, it's actually amusing to make comparisons.  Zilla was agile and stepped softly like a cat.  Banshee is a bull in a china shop.  Zilla was shy and slow to warm up to strangers.  Banshee considers every dog and human she meets her new best friend.  They both had/have nearly zero off-leash recall and picky eating tendencies.  The only think that makes me sad is that I wish they could have met because they would have made great playmates.

Loving another dog doesn't mean that you didn't love Liberty.  On the contrary, I think it can mean that you loved her so much and she gave you so much that you will always want a dog in your life.
Libertydad

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Posts: 40
 #5 
              

                             UPDATE



   The adoption agency approved the application and we passed the phone interview.

   She will arrive in Canada from Kentucky on Sunday.

   She is from a high kill shelter so I am saving her life, and in a way, she is saving mine.

   I will always love Liberty, and in my heart I will never forget her.

   The house is just too quiet, the backyard so empty.

   I need my routine and my identity back again.

   To Loz, Karmacat, and Avu, thank you for your responses.

   Some things that each of you said resonated within me.

   I promise to love this new dog and I thank each and every one who has ever posted on this site.

   That's why we are here anyway, to grieve and support one another.

   To Liberty:   I just want you know that I loved you very much sweetheart.
                      I cherished our short time together, you were the best.
                      I will remember everything and forget nothing.
                      You gave me so much, I could never thank you enough.
                      Rest easy honey. I will always love you.  DAD
Loz

Registered:
Posts: 37
 #6 
Libertydad, This brought a tear to my eyes and I love the way you say not only are YOU saving a life but your new pet is saving YOURS!
Souls in our pets come into( and leave ) our lives for a reason although we may not know what that is.
I wish you a new found happiness and new beginnings.
xx
Karmacat

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Posts: 167
 #7 
Great on you, Libertydad! You are so right in saying that this dog you save will in turn save your life. Here's to a new pooch, a new love, a new chapter. I admire your bravery in daring to step forward after your devastating loss.
Libertydad

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Posts: 40
 #8 


  Thank you Loz and Karmacat for your comments. 

  It actually makes me stronger having this support.
kramersmom

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Posts: 8
 #9 
Libertydad
I am so happy for you, I’ve often thought of you over the past few months, as both of our beloveds had been at OVC around the same time . I wish all the best for you and your new pup, you were a great dad to Liberty and this new baby will be one lucky one!
Libertydad

Registered:
Posts: 40
 #10 
     
   Thank you Kramersmom.   Yes I remember your Shepperd cross was at OVC as well.
The new one is here now, been 4 days. She came up from Kentucky and is terrified of everyone and everything. She spent her first night in the open door crate in the spare room. I slept in the spare bed beside her. She never left the crate all night, just lay there shaking. By morning she was a little better, I got a tail wag at least. She is almost a year old, not house trained, or leash trained. By noon that first day she started to snuggle me and by the evening she was following me everywhere. Her name is Aster, and we decided to keep that name. She pees and poops all over so my work is cut out for me. I don't know her background, I think she was in a kennel type situation her whole life.
    But by day 4 she is acting better on the leash, only in our fenced backyard, she still is a flight risk. She is very friendly with me and smothers me with kisses and we romp and play all day. When my wife gets home from work, she becomes wary and subdued, she won't go near her and if she approaches Aster she shakes and runs away from her. It will just take time for them to become friends. Its because I am home all day that she has bonded with me. She is the same weight as Liberty but has longer legs. She is all blonde where as Liberty was mostly black.
    To tell you the truth, I still cry some over Liberty, at least once a day. I am a grown man and never emotional about anything but Liberty was something special and she will always be in my heart. I will say that Aster does keep me busy and takes my mind off of grieving. Whether its the right thing to do, I don't know, but it doesn't matter because once I accept a job, I am committed and will love Aster and take care of her. My mind and my heart will always drift back to Liberty (as it is at this moment, with a tear in my eye) and I still feel tremendous sadness and heartache. I had to do something, and this seemed the best option. I don't want to wallow in grief forever, it is not good for your health.
    I went to 4 grief councellors and 2 doctors over the past few months and nothing helped. I am taking anti-depressants and I hate taking pills for anything. I lost a routine and I lost my identity. I need to establish some sense of worth again.

    But enough about me, how are you doing?  Your right, our pets were lost at the companion hospital around the same time so I know your grief is painful as well.
 I hope you are doing ok. It truly is a very heart wrenching ordeal to go through. I never did get your dogs name?
Libertydad

Registered:
Posts: 40
 #11 
  I just realized I asked what your dogs name was, it dawned on me an hour later.

  It was Kramer, I can be such an ass at times. Maybe not enough sleep with Aster around now.

  Sorry.
Loz

Registered:
Posts: 37
 #12 
Libertydad, I'm so pleased that you have a new friend in your life to care for. It will  never take away the love you have for Liberty , you are sharing your love. I am still crying for Berry, she has left such a huge whole in my life maybe one day I will stop crying and being to smile when I think of her. Good luck and lots of love to you.
kramersmom

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #13 
Aster sounds sweet, I’m sure she will come around to everyone eventually! Thanks for asking about me, Kramer was our lab we lost 12 years ago, and our shepherd we just lost was Angus. We got him
3 months after Kramer had passed, it was meant to be, and it was the best thing we could have done. I hope to get another dog in the future but don’t know when that will happen. We have been blessed as a few weeks after we lost Angus we had a new grand baby!! I now have to really think about the type of dog we get as they will visit often. Personally I believe that getting another dog is one of the most helpful things wrt getting back to “normal”, there’s no set time frame one should follow. I’m happy to hear you are feeling a bit better!
Pawprince

Registered:
Posts: 92
 #14 
Hello. I lost my beloved Pomeranian, Arby July 31st 2018. Loved him dearly and still think of him every day. I'm thankful he was my dog and miss him so very much.

Can you meet and greet before you officially adopt this rescue dog? Can you have a day or two with the dog first? Or, do you believe your Liberty could somehow guide you to another dog to love and care for?

Sorry for your loss. xoxo
Libertydad

Registered:
Posts: 40
 #15 
  From Niagara Dog Rescue (NDR) there is the option to foster for 2 weeks with the option to adopt after that time or flat out adopt right away.
  We chose to adopt right away, just from the one picture and incomplete bio. There are no "bad" dogs, they are just lonely and afraid.

  Liberty was our beautiful Pomeranian who passed Christmas day 2018. She was one of a kind and I will always love her. To lose her at just 3 1/2 years old just about did me in. (literally) I was that close, thought there was no point in continuing on with life without her. I honestly don't think Liberty was guiding me to another dog, but I do believe she is helping me learn about the new one. With how she acted during her life will guide me and teach me how to respond to this new dog.

   Sorry about Arby, poms are pretty smart dogs, Lib was my first small dog and she was so intelligent, I was really impressed.
   
   Take care my friend.
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