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Posts: 3
I know that my dogs would kill me if I said this, but my cat was truly my best friend. There was something special about her from the moment she was born. She was taken away from me too soon. First let me start at the beginning. One day, a cat came to my front porch. I realized that she was pregnant and told my mother. After that, we kept her inside and she found the perfect place to give birth to five beautiful kittens. I had a softball game on the day they were born, so I was able to come home early and see them. It was amazing, and something I will always treasure. Ever since I was little, I always wanted to raise kittens from the moment they were born. Each person in my family picked out a kitten, and the one I chose, I named Kiki.

She was the sweetest thing. If she was under my bed, all I had to do was peak under and she would come out. I put my hand up high and she would jump up and rub against it. I would call her name and she would meow back at me. It’s so hard not having her here with me. It’s been about four months now, and I still can’t help from crying. I’ve tried so many things to not feel this way. I’ve tried writing in a journal, I tried avoiding my room, I tried making a photo album, and I tried crying it out. It just hurts. I was already planning out our future together. She was only 3.5 years old.

I feel so ashamed. I feel like I should of noticed the signs. I should have kept her safe. I should of done the right thing, but I was trying to stay hopeful. Let me just say, my cat was mostly indoors, but snuck out from time to time. We had neighbors that were evicted a couple of months ago that were working on cars and leaking stuff into the water. She got sick, and all her symptoms matched that of ingesting a poison, a poison called antifreeze (which comes from cars). Try searching the symptoms because that is what I had to go through. I loved her so much. She leaves me and her four siblings behind. I did all I could, but when my mother told me that she probably would not make it and that I might have to put her down, I ran into the other room and sobbed my eyes out. I just couldn’t, she was my BEST friend. I kept an eye on her and told her to fight, to fight for me. But I soon realized, as I stayed up with her that I had to tell her that it was okay for her to go. That was one of the hardest things I had to say. Later, at 4 am in the morning in October, she passed. I screamed for my sister who was sleeping in the other room to get my parents.

Of course, Kiki was not the first animal to pass. I had a dog run away in 2007 because she was afraid of fireworks. My family and I looked and looked but never found her. She ended up being hit by a car and I never saw her again. I believe that she was only 4-5 years old. Her death took me forever to get over. It’s this feeling that they had so much more life to live. The feeling that there was a future that they should of had.

I miss them both so much, but there is still something so special about Kiki. One thing I did about a week after losing her was paint her portrait to hang on my wall. Of course, it makes me cry, but honoring her memory is important to me.

Last year was for sure a rough year. At the beginning of the year I lost my grandfather, my dad’s father from medical complications. I also lost my mom’s dad in the cascade fire. Of course, I also lost Kiki. Both my mom’s dad and my cat died in the same month, a week apart from each other. I know this may sound bad, but I miss my cat more than I do my grandpa. It’s just that I saw her a lot more than I did him.

Posts: 237
You should not feel bad about the way you feel, animals are special for your spirit and soul. I am learning that after losing my dog Brandy.As far as what happened to her it was an accident, don't blame your neighbors. Kiki wouldn't want you to blame anyone, animals never hold a grudge. I won't tell you it will get better soon because I am not convinced of that in my case but talking does help. Diane

Posts: 3
Diane, thanks for the response.
It has just been so hard not having her around. It’s hard not to blame them because of what awful disrespectful people they were. It is hard when endlessly searching for what was wrong with her that antifreeze was the closest. It was also weird that none of her brothers or sisters had those reactions. But I guess you are right in that’s animals never hold a grudge. I just miss her so much and it is really hard thinking back at the days before she passed. I look back at photos and even stumble across videos that make me happy, but at the same time very sad. It is hard for me to think about the life we would of had together. I have had other animals pass away or even be put to sleep because they would only suffer. I cried over those moments and weeks past, but non have hurt me more than losing my Kiki.
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