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Rockies88

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Posts: 6
 #1 
I just lost my rescue cat that I adopted last year literally this month on friday evening. She was a Maine coon mix and I became very attached to her in this time frame. She was one the most loving, sweetest, and good mannered cats I have had. She just wasn’t her self for about 2 days and I monitored her in that time thinking nah she’s just being picky with her food because she was always picky with what kind of food she wanted and the rescue place even told me that. The third day she was very slow moving and hiding all day that’s when my gut told me I’m taking her to the vet that day. I did and I received devastating news that she was very sick and had chronic kidney failure. Her numbers were so high they weren’t on the charts. I broke down in tears and felt so helpless and I refused to give up or believe she wasn’t going to make it. I tried the 4 day hospitalization to get things back to normal. I visited those days and she was doing so good and her numbers came back on the chart but still high. then I received the news not even 24 hours later after the 3rd day that she took a complete turn and was declining and wouldn’t eat, hiding in her litter box. They brought her out and I could just tell Suzie wasn’t Suzie. She was trying to hide and she was losing functionality In her back legs. She walked a little and then just was restless and kept tucking her head in and was hugging up against me the entire time which wasn’t her she was very independent and didn’t like to be held but would sit right next you instead. I’m bawling as I’m writing this because it hurts so damn bad. I spent almost $2,000 out of pocket hoping and praying she would get better but the vet told me it wouldn’t be a bad idea to think about euthanizing because they took an ultrasound at no cost and have another vet look at the X-rays and they said that her left kidney was abnormal and not even functioning and her right kidney was in over drive. They said they could try surgery for $3,000 to $5,000 but there was no guarantee and that it could make matters worse and the best option was to euthanize because she was in her final stages. I feel so guilty and sick to my stomach that we put this sweet girl down. I keep replaying in my head what if I brought her in 2 days earlier would she have made it and I’d have her laying next to me. The vet thought she was only maybe 7 or 8 so she wasn’t that old. It’s been hard these last few days because we had a morning ritual and when I opened up my door and didn’t get that headbutt and pawing at me saying get up it tore me up because I’m thinking she’s coming around the corner and she’s not. I feel like I’m crazy and don’t want to discuss it with anyone because I don’t think they’ll understand the pain I feel from losing her after only 1 year and they’ll think I’m nuts. I haven’t been able to stop crying over it and even had a
Panel picture made of her at Walgreens yesterday. She was a very special cat to me. I wound up losing my 22 year old cat and 12 year old cat one month apart due to being sick 2 years prior to getting my rescue. There’s a part of me that never wants to adopt again because I can’t deal with the pain and there’s never going to be another Suzie. I’m so stressed out I don’t even want to eat. I keep thinking what if I took her to another vet and got a second opinion. Did I do enough? Maybe I should have spent the $5,000 and hoped and prayed she came out of it. It’s all these what ifs that are replaying in my head that are driving me mad. I feel like I let her down. Has anyone else gone through this? Did you ever adopt again? I feel like if I adopt at some point I’ll be looking for her look a like even though personalities would be different and the bond very different. They would NEVER be a replacement because no other cat could replace her but I hope she’s up their with my dad playing, not in pain and being given all the kitty treats her little heart desires. I miss her so much! :’(
RF

Registered:
Posts: 46
 #2 
I can relate completely to how you feel.  I've been in the same situation way too many times.  Just a few days ago my beautiful sweet boy Henry died and I am bereft.  He stopped eating, his abdomen filled with fluid, and jaundice set in.  I knew it would be fatal.  I talked to a couple vets and researched online.  Prognosis was grim, even with expensive prolonged vet care, which was not possible for me to do.  My heart is broken.  I've had many cats over the years, and gone through similar situations with most of them.  I've always wanted to fill the void by getting another cat at some point, but sometimes I'm not sure I want to do that anymore.  The lives of cats are so short, and I think I'm worn out and don't want to have to go through the sickness and grieving anymore.

Re intensive veterinarian care, it always seems that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.  I would say, as many others have said to me, don't beat yourself up over what you feel you might have done wrong.  You did take her to a vet, and probably 2 days earlier would not have changed much.  The vets probably have seen situations like hers many times.  But I know how you feel, I know the guilt, the remorse, the misery.

It will take a long time to come to some sort of acceptance, but in the end, we have to, since we can't change anything now.  Your sweet kitty and mine were facing the same situation:  serious disease with no good outcome.  Life can be so damn harsh, and it never seems right to me that innocent creatures must suffer and die.  People tell me that's the way it is, but I still say it sucks.

I hope you come through your grief OK, and the passing of time does help.  There doesn't seem to be much else we can do.  But, if you feel up to it, at some point adopting another cat probably would bring you some happiness again in your life, and especially to the one you adopt.  I'll probably wind up doing the same.

Best of luck to you.  I'm pretty sure if our sweet cats could tell us, they would say we should not grieve so hard, because we loved them and they loved us, and although fate makes the final decisions for us,  our bond can never truly be broken.



Rockies88

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #3 
Thank you RF. I’m so sorry for your losses. I had a 22 year old cat and a 12 year old cat that to be put down just roughly a year and a half before I took my sweet Suzie in but they were both very sick. The 12 year old catactually lost control of his back legs and couldn’t use that anythen lost complete control of his bladder. It wasn’t fair to him anymore because he was already the runt of the litter when we got him and he was a tough cookie when we decided to adopt him and I took it hard when I lost both of them just weeks apart but I was able to prepare myself for my 22 year old cat. I loved them both dearly and would give to have them back but there was just something about Suzie that I’m taking this 10x harder than I did with those two. I had this bond with this sweet girl that I didn’t have with the others. We had our morning rituals where she would wait for me every morning quietly or make these cute but very low quirky meows to let me know she was standing outside my bedroom door and to ope up. She would then jump up on my bed or I’d pick her up because she had such short stubby little legs and she start purring, giving me headbutts, paw at me or walk across my head. She was a beautiful girl and such a silly and seeet girl as well. She would wag her tail like a dog. I’ve never seen anything like it before. I just had this bond with her and it’s making it that much harder. I know she’s up there watching over me and wouldn’t want me to be upset and I know she’s not in pain but it sucks because she’s not here. I took part in the rainbow bridges ceremony last night and tha lt definitely helped bring some closure and comfort as well. Thank you RF for sharing your story and I hope that with time things will get better for you and that when it’s our time we will both be reunited with our furbabies at rainbow bridge.
Missing_Coco

Registered:
Posts: 35
 #4 
Sorry for your loss.
I lost my baby 6 weeks ago. The initial diagnosis was kidney failure, but I have since learnt that she had a genetic disease which leads to kidney failure. (Sharpeis Amyloidosis)

Don't beat yourself up. There is only so much medicine can do it these situations.
Once I brought my girl home, I got a second opinion from the vet that put her to sleep...
The vet told me that in that siutuation, it would be days before I would see a little (if any) improvement and then it would be weeks before the kidneys could start to repair properly.
And even if she did last that long, she would be in pain and miserable the whole time.

Like yourself it was a quick process. She was fussy with food Friday, then took a turn Saturday morning and was diagnosed Saturday evening.
The numbers were off the charts.

It's hard not to beat yourself up. I did for a long time. If only I had seen the symptoms for what they were. If only I had done something sooner.
If only I had taken her for a blood test sooner.
Nothing will bring her back, but you need to realise that they loved you as much as you loved them. You looked after your baby as well as you could.
I would have spent all the money in the world to save my girl, but unfortunately, God had other plans.

I miss her daily and cry for her a lot. I would say it gets easier, but really, I just think it gets to a point where you can function alone again and do the daily grind without feeling sick to your stomach.. You miss them like crazy, but nothing changes the way you feel about them, the pain you feel for your loss and the emptiness and quiet.
Rockies88

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #5 
Missing_CoCo I’m so sorry for your loss. What we’ll go through for our furbabies! I wish with all of the new technology and medicine they would have found something to prevent or reverse kidney disease/failure and all the other awful diseases that take them too soon. Suzie Q had a little bit of a rough patch in life. When the rescue I got her from found her she was already 4 paw declawed and found in auto body shop. I want to blame the family or owner who let her go as she didn’t even have a microchip when she was found. I am firmly against allowing cats outside if they are declawed. She was just the sweetest girl and that face of hers was so unique and cute I was immediately smitten with her and knew she was coming home with me that day and she did just that. Her little personality came out shortly after that and she would wag her tail like a dog. The tail never stopped wagging. Sometimes I think she thought she was one. Lol. It’s been 4 days and I still feel so awful. I wish I could go back in time and try to fix it but I can’t. I found some closure and comfort in taking part of the rainbow bridges ceremony last night but I know she wouldn’t want me to be grieving as hard as I am and is watching me from above. Again, thank you for sharing your story and I hope and pray that you will soon find some relief and comfort from losing your fur baby. I know it’s hard but I know they are up there watching down on us waiting for that day we will finally meet again.
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