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LemonTea

Registered:
Posts: 29
 #1 

My darling British Shorthair Kitty of 1yr 2months was killed this Wednesday.We went out and when we got home we couldnt find him and called for him to no avail.My partner found him dead under a bush in our front garden.His face and eyes were distorted leading us to conclude he had been hit by a car and then dragged himself to the bush just under our kitchen window.We were out when this happened and even may have walked by him on our way out.I cant bear that he suffered I cant bear that he was killed.I want him back so much I cant sleep or eat I just want to lie on the side of the bed he slept next to me and smell his smell on the bedlinen.My body feels heavym and I cant stop crying or thinking about him.
When we first got him he was ill and I nursed him back to health even though the vets said he might not make it.I didnt want him to go in ICU which would have been further stress.He had terrible diarrhoea too when we first got him for months but we pushed on the vets indifference and got him sorted.
I loved him soo much. We played with him a lot .I started putting a few space boundaries down as I was paying him so much attention that I felt like I couldnt eg eat my breakfast before going out to play with him after his etc etc.I became a bit preoccupied on the computer and not playing with him quite so much.I feel so awful was it this that pushed him further afield that lead him to die?My partner says no that he had seen him over the road before all this.The day before he seemed alright and I had been playing with him several times in the day.He lay beside me on the bed on his towel and did his usual of stretching out.
We would play TAG in the garden I would hide and he would come and find me omit a little squeak and put his paw on my leg then run away and want me to find him etc etc.Why has this happened.I feel like I hate cars,I hate
him not being here, Im still anticipating him walking through the door his little chirrup when he comes in the room.I love him so much.Why did he go.My darling lovely kitty. I just cant imagine life without him in our family everything feels grey.What can I do to help myself feel better than I do.
Here are a couple of pics of him.
 



CoopersMommy

Registered:
Posts: 66
 #2 
I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty. I know what it feels like to lose your best buddy so unexpectedly and at a young age. Even though we still had another dog, our house felt cold and empty. Lifeless and loveless. The only thing you can do is give it time. Cry as much as you need. Talk about it. You will feel better eventually but it's so hard early on. You feel like there's point in anything. It does get better. Cooper passed almost 14 weeks ago and while I'm still so sad and miss him every minute, I'm able to enjoy life most days and function so that I feel mostly ok. I still don't feel "normal" but I think that will take a while. I guess it'll just be a new normal. Please be kind to yourself as your little kitty would never have blamed you or wanted you to feel guilty. His little heart was filled with love from the moment you saved him on.

jkgibb1

Registered:
Posts: 65
 #3 
My sympathies are with you.  The photos of this beautiful cat show how much he enjoyed his life with you and had all the comforts a cat could wish for.  I don't know what to say...the thoughts and feelings you have are identical to the ones I am experiencing over the loss of Kitten.  I think TIME is the only thing that will help.  I still cry, but not these screaming, agonizing sobs of even a few days ago. 

Are you sure he was hit?  Would an examination by your vet have put your mind at rest?  I know it is not going to bring your pet back, but not sure if you would feel better possibly knowing what had happened. 

Nothing I can say will help this pain and guilt you are suffering, but please remember that it is going to start getting a little easier.  I am sorry for your sudden loss.

LemonTea

Registered:
Posts: 29
 #4 

 Dear jkgibb1 and Cooper'smommy.

Thank you SO much for your replies and support. I dont know if you know how much it means to me that you have taken the time and effort to help and to affirm my experience, it really helps me to share and to read about others stories.You are amazing,special, wonderful, sensitive people that you could give me such words of support when you yourself are having to cope with  terrible loss and trauma and grieving. I really appreciate  your words.

I still feel dreadful.Today we put a light where we buried him.

I have been crying very hard today still, feeling very vulnerable especially around the stomach area and not wanting to be out amongst other people.
Today I have been talking to him telling him I love him and telling him about the time we we got him and how it felt how I wanted him the moment I saw his picture and shared how I felt when we were together how I would do anything to have him back even be woken up every morning at 4am for fish and play.I also got down on my knees and begged begged and begged for there to be a sign from him.

My partner who found him dead said for certain that he had had an impact hit by the way he looked.
I am presently lying where he used to lie on my bed and I can smell him, his beautiful scent.

Thanks once again and to all those who are struggling I want to send my love and peace to you may you find comfort real soon.
Blissings for our gorgeous animals.
KT

LemonTea

Registered:
Posts: 29
 #5 

Yesterday I did something I've never ever done.
I phoned a pet bereavement helpline for support.It was hard for me and I have been putting it off, you see I'm usually the one who supports  supports supports and have previously found it difficult to receive.It went well, it was good to speak to someone who had been through it several times herself.She was warm, and also practical in her approach.She said things like:

'If you had a crystal ball and could see what was going to happen you would have done everything in your power to stop it because you love your animal so much you wouldn't have allowed it to happen.It was an accident and there was nothing you could do to prevent it, you cant control everything and the loss of control and choice is very hard to experience.'            
 I keep remembering that, I need to keep remembering that

'She said that cats are natural roamers and act impulsively if they see something they want or have something they are determined to do you cant control that either.' 

She was affirming ( I'm experiencing that I'm needing affirmation and reassurance so much, almost to an obsessive level) and I did experience that it helped especially when she said

'Phone anytime between our hours and as many times as you need to, we are here for you'
How wonderful was that it felt like water to a burn, even to know and hear that helped make me feel safe and held.

I bought and took some flower remedy tinctures for shock and also one for comfort. Because I can't manage to eat very much I took a multivitamin and multimineral tablet and may try some gentle home made soup later if I feel up to it.

Today we are planning/ thinking of going out to buy some pebbles / small stones and I am thinking of painting them whilst feeling my love for him and am going to put his name on each one and I'm thinking maybe of putting them in a shape of a heart, around and over where he is buried.

The neighbourhood cat came in the garden yesterday who had a love hate relationship with our kitty, (rivals mesuspects) and was extraordinarily affectionate towards us, then he spontaneously went over to where we had buried our sweetheart and was examining and sniffing everything.

I'm still feeling the pain so bad, its so raw, still experiencing the emptiness of the house and aching and longing to see him and touch him, seeing the paw prints on my windowsill are making my heart cry.
 Last night I laid on my bed and curled into a ball and kept repeatedly gently singing out my knickname for him it's a love name in a tune, I don't know if I was imagining it but after a while I felt warmness even a slight glow around my neck and back.

I keep having images of him in my mind of when we found him his injures and how he looked and I am still really struggling with that, does that ever go away?

Also I'm beginning to wonder if my guilt acts as a kind of buffer for experiencing the pain fully, acts as a delay for the full grief, has anyone had any experience of that?

Anyway It helps me to write this all down it's so good to have this forum I feel so grateful  to be able to express and write how I feel and Iv'e been reading lots of posts and finding connection and so much wisdom and kindness

KT

My darling




 


Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #6 
I am very sorry your cat has passed on. Losing a beloved pet to an accident is so painful. Life changes too fast and you are not prepared for their passing. My heart goes out to you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Mare
precious Christoph ~ 2 years at the bridge ~
MandasMomma

Registered:
Posts: 452
 #7 

    KT,

        I want to tell you that your Baby is beautiful and so well loved.  You are a wonderful Pet Mom,  I can tell.

       I have had over 10 Furries put to Rest in my lifetime;  I've never lost one to an accident.  I cannot imagine your pain,  of a sudden,  young,  loss.

       Our minds and bodies play "tricks" on us,  in dealing with intense pain.  I think sometimes we do buffer the full immediate impact of this pain....just so we can handle it.  I think it's a coping skill that just happens.  You're not hiding from anything.  A Counselor told me once,  that grief is a cup that fills,  and when it gets "to the top"....some spills out.  I like that analogy.

     I promise it will change,  ease up,  come back...and eventually become bearable.  I think the Grief Counselor is a splendid move...keep using her when you need to.

      Hugs to you and your Partner,

      Debbie,  The Dude and 'Manda....6 weeks and 3 days, in Heaven



LemonTea

Registered:
Posts: 29
 #8 

Dear Mare and Debbie

Thanks so much for taking time to write,it means so much to me,your words so soothing,affirming, healing and comforting for me.I feel truly grateful.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

Im SO sorry to learn of the losses you have experienced too.

Yesterday was a difficult day as it was the first day since the accident that my partner hadn't been distracted by being at work all day.He's been blocking it out quite a bit he has seemed distant from me.He started to sob really sob and I just sat by him whilst he let go.

We talked a lot about our darling.He was expressing that he's always been the comforter whenever he has had to deal with his pets dying before so he was shutting off his feelings because that was his 'script' from the past and also the conditioning of his childhood
A bit later on we went out and went to a lovely Cathedral city, it was a beautiful day lovely breeze but sunny and blue skies.We lay on the green green grass outside of the Cathedral just talking about Tag and exchanging memories.It was so good to get out of the house be away in the fresh air and stare at the sky.We were watching a beautiful bouncy lively sweet puppy having the time of his life bounding over to other people and scampering about almost bionically! I thought I could see a T shape in the sky with a couple of clouds, which kind of lingered around longer than most of the others.I kind of knew it was my interpretation of the clouds but it was fun to make it out.
We later went into the Cathedral and there was a choir singing Holy music in the background .We experienced feeling peaceful and at the front of the Cathedral was a font with white sand in it.There were lit candles in it so we lit a candle for TAG and stood close together as we placed it in there and I said a prayer mostly consisting of 'Please take care of him, please tell him we love him and miss him so much'
Mr Lemon welled up and felt very emotional I experienced feeling calm.

After that we talked some more, and then we went to Mr Lemon's brother's house.He was TAG's live in kitty sitter whenever we went away for a weekend or week etc or was out for a whole day to late at night, he is unemployed and desperately looking for a job so he loved doing it. He loved TAG very much and TAG loved him and felt safe with him.He asked me if I was ok and of course the tears and sobs flowed like a waterfall.
We shared a lot about him.
We made a decision to go to the coast tomorrow to collect the stones for TAG's burial place.

Last night before we went to bed Mr Lemon and I were talking about spirits as we were feeling so much pain about not knowing if our babe was left in pain a long time before he eventually died.
It's been torturing us continually.Mr Lemon said he is going to ring the vet on Monday to speak about it to him to see if the vet will have any insights.

Back to the spirit talk, Mr Lemon told me that he had seen a spirit of a little girl one night in one of our bedrooms.I told him that that was amazing and that it may mean that if TAG came back to appear to us in spirit he would probably see him.We both felt hugely comforted by that.Additionally last night I was reading stories on the internet about the spirits of cats being reported and the experiences from different people.

I fell asleep and I believe I woke up at some point and heard TAG's little 'I'm here' MEOW.It was wonderful to hear.Sometimes though I've been semi awake and heard the doorbell only to bolt downstairs and find no one there,still, I believe I was awake and heard it.

I feel a little more peaceful this morning and looking forward to going to the coast to find some pebbles for my darling TAG's burial site.

Thanks for reading and much love and comfort to you.
xxxx
KT







goldenboysmom

Registered:
Posts: 1,001
 #9 
Dear KT,
You are going through your own sadness and for you to take the time and to care to write to me was so kind. I do feel that when our hearts are so broken, they are open to compassion and love and it flows back and forth. Coming to this board helped me to share my pain and to share others pain and in the process, i felt myself healing a litle bit at a time. Our sweet angels sent us here without a doubt and wanted us to be okay. You will find so much comfort here and friends of the heart. It is 8 years since my Max has left my side, and it has been quite a journey but along the way i learned so much wisdom. There is so much love on this board and you have come to the right place on your journey. Let out your feelings and write about your kitten and you will see there is healing in this.
I can see what a good life you gave to your sweet kitty and gave so much love. After they are gone from us we put ourselves through so much guilt thinking we should have done this or shouldnt have done that and i did it also for a long time and realized all we do is love them with our whole heart and they know that.
wishing you peace in your heart,
Max's mom Jo
beautifulbaby

Registered:
Posts: 28
 #10 
Your kitty is so beautiful and so loved.  I feel your pain, my precious baby was also taken from us suddenly and traumaticly.  He was taken by a coyote.  He was only 5 years old with so much life in him.  I miss him greatly and understand why it is hard to eat and sleep.  He was the one that would make me feel good when I was down and depressed and now he is not here to do that.  Life seems unfair right now.  It has been almost 3 weeks since he has been goin.  Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday and other times it feels like a lifetime since I have seen him.  The pain is still with me but I have been sleeping better and even eating better.  I have been reading a ton of books, and coming on this website alot.  I also have been sharing my feelings with my husband.  He to is in alot of pain but he keeps his feelings mostly inward.  The best thing that has helped me is eating healthy foods and exercising(natural endorphine high 10 times stronger then any antidepressent.)  I put these suggestions out their hoping they to will help someone else.  If anybody has any more suggestions I would love to hear them. 
Hugs,
Cathy
LemonTea

Registered:
Posts: 29
 #11 

Thank you Jo and Cathy so much for your posts I really loved reading them So soothing to have feelings thoughts good or bad affirmed so good to know from your posts I'm not alone and you know what I am going through so good to know there are so many lovely people who truly care for animals.

On Sunday we went to a place called Southwold in the East of England.It is a lovely town with gorgeous golden sandy beach and very colourful beachuts.The town is quaint and relaxed, very English.
We collected some pebbles for TAG's burial site it was good to be by the sea and soak up the negative ions that make you feel refreshed and relaxed.The day started out well and I felt really positive after the sign the night before.But as the day went on I found myself yearning and aching for him and wanting to be home, even though he wasn't there.We managed to sleep on the beach and rest up for about an hour and also fit some walking in and then headed home.Then as we approached the house there was a feeling of dread in our stomachs.Inside it felt empty, grey and flat.I just wanted to go to bed and sleep, sleep, sleep.
I took my rescue remedy and said 'Goodnight TAG' incase he was listening.

In the morning I felt sad again.It felt so strange to have time on my hands to get ready without interruptions but I wanted to be interrupted by my sweetheart how I LONGED to be interrupted.

Various Texts came through from friends who have been remarkable.Most of my friends (and it's a case of quality rather than quantity) are animals lovers and do a lot of voluntary work for animal causes the others are people who are sensitive,gentle and kind too.I feel so blessed to have them in my life and to have their support.
After reading and replying to their texts drinking in their love and support, I found myself talking to TAG, telling him how much I wanted him back how much I miss him how much I want him to be with us.

Then the phone rang, it was a call from the Vet.
Mr Lemon had asked him to ring him as he wanted to ask some questions about TAG and about whether he thought he might have suffered or not.
Instead I picked up the phone.I wasn't ready or wanting to but something made me pick up.I don't like using the phone as I have a slight learning disability and I am unable to repeat details back to people well.
Anyway I managed to blub out some things.It's so hard when there is someone saying 'You rang,you wanted to speak to me, how can I help you?'
I was finding it difficult to say the words 'My cat....... was killed....um......
um.......do you think he would have..............'

I managed through sobs and blubs to tell him the exact injuries witnessed which was hard because I just don't want to picture them which I tend to do when I speak about them.
He first said 'He may have suffered' 

Arrrgh nnoooooo!!!!I went into more precise detail about his injuries and then he said 'From what you are saying my gut feeling   is
 that the impact and result of that is that he probably died quite quickly'

(Even
though he dragged himself home and under a bush under our kitchen window ?)

He said that he remembered him that he was a 'Lovely little chap'.He was the vet that treated him when we first got him and he nearly died of Cat Flu.The vet then said


'He just wasn't meant to be here....'

 
It was a strange phrase to hear.It was something that I felt upset about but also it gave me deep meaningful reflective thoughts
But eventhough he said this I
experienced feeling
bereft and called Mr Lemon.As I was telling him about the vet saying that he probably thought he died quickly,I experienced smelling TAG's scent around me
I immediately shared that info with him.It was most strange.
Mr Lemon said that it was maybe TAG letting us know that what the vet had said about it being quick was right.

I felt wobbly all day.I went to the Health Food shop I neede dto be somewhere nurturing and
to get some more rescue remedy ( I bought 6!! Slightly pessemistic of  me!)and bought
some RAW Organic Chocolate Bars (Healthy Chocolate) for Antioxidants and a nice brain chem boost.
After for a while just sat in the car and cried.
Then I decided I would attempt some grocery shopping at the Stupourmarket to do things I would normally do I
was thinking of TAG all the time.I felt miserable and also a bit kind of needy almost wanting to grab someone and tell them what had happened so they would comfort me.This made me aware of how vulnerable i was feeling and that I needed to protect myself and get home.After putting the shopping in the car I read a cat magazine,I don't know why I bought it. I
think I
 just needed to see some lovely cats and fantasize about having that energy around me and I
sat and cried in the car it was raining like crazy.

Driving home I took a detour and found myself in the village next to mine and I drove down some rural lanes looking to see if they would be safe for my baby if we moved there.I don't know why I was doing that.

When I got home I sat in my car listening to music.Usually TAG
 would appear as I arrived home and come in with me and be curious about the shopping I had bought.I would hold out things for him to sniff and he would try to sneak into the pantry.All that was gone,
 it was dead, dead, dead.
Awful.

Today I feel low still, missing him round the house, missing caring for him,playing with him, missing his ways, his demands for me to go out in the garden with him.The next door neighbour's
 cat came and was looking for him again and rubbing round me and being very affectionate.I went over to where we buried TAG and told him I love him, miss him, wish he was here.

I'm still experiencing  pain.Today through the mail I received some comforting things.A lovely sparkly crystal bracelet with angels wings and an angel with 'Made for an angel' on it and a little card with 'I'm here for you' from a dear friend of mine.Another friend had sent me a book called 'Pets  Have souls too.' and some lovely words on a bit of paper.
One of my friends has asked if I wanted to join them doing a stall raising some money for animals that are rescued at the weekend.

I'm not sure yet. I think I  may go for a short while.

Anyway it's been good to write and I hope writing this is ok.

My thoughts are with all you lovely people who are feeling pain and I wish you
comfort.

KT


 


beautifulbaby

Registered:
Posts: 28
 #12 
KT,
I can hear it in your words how hard that conversation must have been with the vet.  I would have been crying to.  It breaks my heart even as I write this to think of my baby in pain.  I cry as I type, hoping that he did not feel a thing.  I have been told from others that animals will go into shock.  That they our unaware of what is happing.  It is the same with humans. I worked as a paramedic for a long time.  Humans would go into a shock, mentally unaware of what was going on.  Alot of them would even go unconsious.  It is our bodys way of protecting us from pain.  Knowing this gives me some comfort that the traumatic experience that our babies had did not last long.  It is hard to feel comfort in a time like this, all we want is our babies back.  I long for my baby, he lit up my life.  I can see your baby did to.  I love the pictures. TAG is so precious and beautiful.  What made you name him TAG?  We named creamer because he was mostly white with some small brown spots.  His brother another chihuahua is all brown and his name is Coffee.  We called them our boys.  I find myself sometimes calling out boys to go outside, but then remember Creamer is not here anymore.  I really had a special bond with Creamer, unlike any other pet I have ever had.  Coffe I love, but I don't really have that connection.  Creamer really acted like a baby.  He always wanted to be held. He was very animated and always happy.  I miss seeing that.  He was the light in my world and now it just feels so dark.  I am sorry to go on like this, I just need to vent my feelings out.  I also wanted to tell thanks for taking the time to personally leave me a message.  It means alot to me.  Well for now, have a goodnight.  Hugs from across the world.  May you have peace in your heart and love in your soul.

Cathy
judesmom

Registered:
Posts: 1,901
 #13 
i had responded to this post 2 nights ago but somehow in my clumsiness i managed to erase it all-dang!     i wanted to say how sorry i am for your loss of your darling tag.     years ago when i was still living at home, we lost one of our kitties to a car.   i understand how devastating this is and how much it hurts.    now, none of my kitties go outside unless they are on a collar and leash and i'm with them every second.

i love the pictures that you have posted especially the one where he is laying in bed on his back.   the look on his face says perfectly how he feels about life..................'it just doesn't get any better than this'.    i had an orange tabby male named shannon that has now been  at the bridge since dec 1997.   he was the gentlest soul i have ever had the privilege of loving.   ever since i have had a thing for those orange tabbies.    they are some kind of wonderful.

you are doing extremely well at expressing all of your feelings and thoughts.   this is very very beneifical for you to do so.   it is a form of healing for you even though it may not feel as such.    

and you heard your tag telling you he was there because he was!   many people have either heard or seen their babies after they have made their journey to the bridge.   i am so happy for you that you heard your beloved tag.      sometime (and i am hoping soon for you) you should also receive a dream visit where you can actually see tag again in all of his glorious wonder being very spry, healthy and in peak form.   those dream visits always make everyone feel good.   

what you are planning on doing with the pebbles/stones is a very touching and lovely tribute to tag.    whenever you are up to it, once it's completed we would love to see a picture of it.    

you just keep on doing what you are doing............you are doing it all so very well.     you are expressing your love for tag with every word you write and you are doing some positive things for yourself as well with the health food store visits.    i know it doesn't feel like it at all for you but your heart is going through the healing process.     it all takes alot of time with many ups/dows b4 we reach the point where we can move forward successfully with our lifes.    you have your partner, some lovely friends and this board to walk with you on this journey you are now undertaking.    we all will hold each other's hand when needed and provide ears to listen and shoulders to cry on.    please keep talking all you want and need to.   it's good for your soul to say everything you want to say about your baby tag.   and when you are up to it, we would love to hear what his personality was like.   

please be gentle and easy with yourself as you have been with tag.   and talk to him often.   they hear every word we utter and know every thought on our minds and in our hearts.   i firmly do believe that they watch out over us and are with us far more often then we realize.    i know my kitty jude who has now been at the bridge for 5 months has been with me 4 times that i know of for certain....................once i heard her purring when i sat her water bowl down, a friend of mine saw her sitting by me while i was at the computer although i was sadly unaware of that and twice no less jude has left a chunk of her fur for me to find in plain sight where it had not been 1 minute b4!    yes, i do believe that tag is with you.    love and talk to him and when your mind is open to receiving it he will also love and talk back to you.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
prissysmom

Registered:
Posts: 33
 #14 
The pictures of Tag are beautiful. I once had orange  tabby named elvis and recently lost his sister Priscilla(Prissy). Both of these cats were wonderful but because i had Prissy 3 1/2 times as long as I had Elvis for we have a stronger bond. I am so sorry you had to lose your kitty the way you did. It's bad enough when they get old and sick but to lose them from being hit by car seems all the more tragic.
So sorry for your loss. I know what it feels like to lose a beloved kitty and have lost numerous cats when i was a child because my mom let them wander around outside, had decided to keep indoor cats when i got my own cats years later.
LemonTea

Registered:
Posts: 29
 #15 
Hi Cathy

So sorry for the loss of Creamer.I must admit I love the name so original.I hope the pain lessens for you soon.
His name was TAG because he was given that name from where we got him and he was used to it but also we found out later that his name was very apt as he loved playing TAG with me in the garden.I would hide then he would find me with a little squeak and tap then he would hide and want me to find him.  xxxxx

Judesmom

I cried tears and tears when I read your post in a good way though.You are so warm in your writing and you encourage me to keep on going.I love the story of your kitty purring and feel so happy that you have had 4 signs.Your words wrapped me in a soft faux fur blanket.Thank you so much xxxxxx


Prissysmom

Yes I love the orange cats they are so beautiful.I love the names for yours
Thank you so much for your words and acknowledgement.It means so much to read.It is so hard to get over accidents like this but being on this board and reading posts like yours to me make me feel so supported and stronger.
xxxxxxx
LemonTea

Registered:
Posts: 29
 #16 

I'm still feeling like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster.Still missing him like crazy still wanting him to be here and longing and aching for him
I heard another meow in the night but it wasnt so loud or intense it's wonderful and soothing to hear them at the same time it makes me want him to be here physically very much.

Yesterday I went to the Cathedral again to light another candle for him.I also wrote out a prayer request for him so that tonight the whole congregation and hope fully TAG will hear it.
Here are some photos of my day.Hope it's ok to post them.

These were things I saw on the walk to the Cathedral.
                                                   


                        

And once inside:

    

  
                   


 The Candle I lit for him and later edited 
   It made me feel so peaceful going in there it was a soothing atmosphere.


This morning Mr Lemon thought he felt him  curl around his legs today he's really missing him too. I just can't bear to vaccum away his scent / fur on the chair he favoured.I might just turn it over instead.

I wish he was back with us.I just miss him and gorgeous ways so much.

Here is a picture of him when we first got him.
It's my favourite.



Wishing you all well, sending light and healing to you.

xxxxxxxxx

KT







Bobo

Registered:
Posts: 116
 #17 
Wow, thanks for your pictures, I needed to see them, especially "God loves you". I'm kinda mad at God (there I said it) ATM. I geuss its part of the healing process.

I too havent vacuumed the large rug in my living room, my baby April's hair is on it.

He looks so safe in your favourite picture, look at him, he's home - a perrrrfect fit!

May God comfort you in your loss....I'm so sorry.

Murphy22

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Posts: 1,982
 #18 
What lovely photos, very inspiring to move to England :-} 
I loved the photo of Tag and the banna (?) so adorable.
Thank you for sharing your day and your loving thoughts and photos of Tag.
Sandie
Murphy's Mommy

LemonTea

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Posts: 29
 #19 

Thank you Bobo Thank you thank you its so healing when others understand and express it  :)  xxxxx

Thank you Sandie thank you, love your words :) xxxx

Still feeling sad still missing him still wishing my baby was here.The day before yesterday I heard two meows in the night I reacted by saying 'Hello' and 'I love you TAG'

I did the animal stall on Saturday and it was good, and good to be with my pals who understood my feelings.We shared stories and they comforted me so much there's nothing like connection and affirmation for me at times like this.
They expressed that they have used a medium after their beloved pets passing and recommended her.I am thinking about it but feel scared at the same time.
They said that they felt like that but it was ok and they were so glad they did it.

Meanwhile we bought a beautiful rose bush to put at the back of TAG's burial place and I have got some more stones.Looking forward to creating something for where he is buried that will show my love for him.Love and miss him SO much even when he was a little mad at me and turned his head away I miss that!







Sending love and comfort to you xxxx

judesmom

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 #20 
i love, love, love that bannana picture!  that is just too cute for words.   and i swear that cat of yours can convey a look on his face of true bliss better than anyone i have ever witnessed.  he sure seems like a character.

thank you for posting those lovely pictures of your day.   they were very beautiful to look at.  i especially loved the candle photo.   i have always had a love and fascination for England with all of it's archectiture and history.  

and give your heart plenty of time to mend and go through the grieving process.    it takes a very long time and is one of the toughest journeys we shall ever undertake.    at the end of the road however is the sweet and treasured knowing that your baby is just fine and you will one day be reunited with him along with all of your other loved ones.

and sure seems like tag touched many hearts and he always is coming by for a visit now isn't he?   must be a very sociable fellow.     and if you do contact that medium please tell us what he/she told you if this is something that you want to share.   but i know it will be very personal and may be something that you wish to keep close to your heart.

thank you for loving this beautiful little darling and thank you for sharing him and your love for him with us. 
dshoutz25

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 #21 

I'm so sorry to hear your lovely kitty was lost like this. In his short life, it looks like he was loved an awful lot. What a lucky little guy.

LemonTea

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Posts: 29
 #22 

Dear Judesmom

Thank you SO MUCH for what you said you made me smile and feel warm and comfortable inside.You are really affirming and write so well setting me up a warm glow.Glad you liked the photos, Hope you are doing ok THANK YOU XXXXXXX

DEar dshoutz23

Thank you for your kind words too it made me cry in a good way and touched me deeply hope you are doing ok. THANK YOU XXXXX



Yesterday I wasn't consciously thinking it's 2weeks today since my darling died but I found myself feeling so low and crying most of the day.
 I feel so bereft,the day before I had been feeling okish managing mostly.Today I feel low.

I miss how my darling made my life more beautiful I only realised just how much more beautiful till recently.
I would do ANYTHING  to have him back.
I miss walking round the garden with him and playing TAG the garden just doesn't hold the beauty it used to when he was here.
I miss so much so so much

I miss everything about him, even his muddly legs.




I just want my darling back.






judesmom

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Posts: 1,901
 #23 

one step at a time darlin'........................one lonely miserable step at a time.    one day the steps will be lighter and your family here shall help you to get there.

aussiepaws

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Posts: 732
 #24 
KT

so sorry to hear of Tag's passing. I think it is all the more painful when your beloved fur baby is young. You gave Tag a second chance when your vet felt he wasn't worth it. He was a gift a precious loving gift taken far too soon. Even though his physically gone his love is all around you.

The first days of grief are the most painful. The memories of when you last saw your beloved Tag strong in your mind. Time has a way of healing that pain. And this is a place of healing and sharing your sorrow.

Sending my prayers of healing

Dianne
Zephyr and Odin at the Bridge
Darian

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Posts: 282
 #25 

Look at those muddy little legs!  Now that is a kitty having a good time.  Looking through all of your pictures it is obvious that Tag packed alot of living into his years.  Happiness will come to you once again, and you will mend.  I can imagine him playing tag in the heavenly gardens,  catching mice and releasing (such as it's done in heaven!) running, jumping and enjoying all of God's great gifts.

Cass1

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Posts: 10
 #26 
Hi Lemon Tea....
I've just been reading your post and can feel your pain, as it's almost the same as mine....please read my post on my baby, Barley.....it's just above yours.

Barley was killed on Friday (3rd September) by two Japense Akita dogs, who just happened to be walking past my house alone.  I really don't know what happened, but he was killed by them, and my dad was bitten trying to rescue him. 

All those feelings...I feel like my guts have been ripped from my body.  I went into complete shock....I just can't stop crying.  It's awful....I would kill for one more squeeze with my little Barley Good Boy....

I'm so sorry for your loss....your cat was/is gorgeous.  I love Ginger's.  I've had six cats in my life, all have been adored, and they were all black and white....but I do love gingers!

Take good care.
Cass x
LemonTea

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Posts: 29
 #27 
Dear Judesmom
Thank you so much for your comforting words you are a GEM and I love the realism you bring it's felt healing and grounding and helped me feel less alone.
'Thank you'
KT xxx

Dear Diane
Thank you so much and for your prayers of healing I really appreciate what you wrote.Wise words and so warming and comforting to me. I experienced feeling soothed reading them, I needed / need that.
Take care  and Thanks
KT xxx

Dear Darian

Thank you. It was lovely to read your words and visualise him playing TAG and catching mice and birds probaby too and releasing them.So comforting for me to read I'm so grateful and glad you wrote that 'Thank you'.
Take care
KT xxx

Dear Cass
Thank you for your post when you have been through so much yourself. So sorry to read of your tragic horrific loss, that is truly truly awful.I've experienced that there is such a feeling of helplessness when things happen that are not in our control so sudden, so traumatic.I hope you are healing.Yes I too would do almost anything to have my little one back I can relate to that so much I wish that was possible, I really really wish that.
I too love Gingers or Red's as Tag's breed was known :) Good taste :)
Thanks for writing.
Take care xxx
KT
judesmom

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Posts: 1,901
 #28 
wonderful to see you back here again!    funny but you popped into my head the other day and i was wondering how you are doing.     ya know, you really have a gift with the camera.   i was looking at your pictures again and you definitely have a photographer's eye and can capture images very well.   i think you could do a wonderful collage (sp?) for your tag.   that would be a marvelous tribute to him and beneficial for your heart and soul.    it would be a place where you meet up with him again and your still feel how strongly your hearts are intertwined.

please let us know how you are holding up here.    it still hasn't been very long for your loss.   if you haven't read the book 'animals and the afterlife' by kim sheridan you may want to pick up a copy.    it helped to ease some of my pain and i am hoping that it will ease some of yours as well.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
KeaElsa

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Posts: 113
 #29 
(((((((((((KT, Tag, & Tag's Daddy)))))))))))))
I can see from what you have written here how much love you have in your heart for your sweetie.  My heart hurts so much for you at this time.  I like the idea of lighting a candle for Tag in the Cathedral, being in such a peaceful place and remembering all the good memories you have of him.  Tag is laying in Jesus' arms right now, what a powerful thought.  I know the pain is so strong right now, I wish I could take it away from you.  Please know that we here at pet loss are here for you all the time.  God Bless you both.

Andrea

THERE ARE NEVER ANY GOOD BYES, ONLY WELL WISHES, TIL WE SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN


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