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smurphy39

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Posts: 3
 #1 

Hi everyone... Just this past week on May 16, I had to have my beloved black Lab put down because he was suffering from leukemia. We never knew  until the day before, when I took him to the vet because he had stopped eating and was really tired. The vet took an xray which showed an enlarged liver and spleen, and a large mass in his abdomen. He then suggested a blood test. The results were what the vet was afraid of - accute leukemia. He was nearly 11 years old. Its been such a shock to us. I am so upset and so are my children. The vet said he didnt know how Max had managed to go on as long as he did, based on the results of his blood test. He said it was probably out of his loyalty to us - that he wanted to hang on. I feel awful for thinking my dog was suffering silently and was so sick. I worry that he was so scared at the end when he was put to sleep, and I wonder where he is now. The house is so empty without him. He was my shadow - he followed me everywhere. It happened all so fast - one minute he was here, next I was signing a paper to have him put to sleep. I dreamt the night after I lost him that I had a pet owl and I starved it to death. I havent been able to go to work and I know I have to tomorrow, but I cant stop crying over this. Does anyone please have any advice to make this feel any better? I know it will never feel good in any way to be without him, but just to feel like he is ok, not hurting, missing us, not scared.. Thanks.

rupertsmum

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Posts: 820
 #2 
To smurphy39

Sorry to hear about your lab Max.

You have a bit shock and your world has just turned upside down.  It will take a while to get used to what had happened.

Be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes.  Take time off work, cry when you want and grieve for what you lost.
Max obviously didn't want to leave you anymore than my cat Rupert wanted to leave but someone else had a plan for them and it was time for them to go.  Eleven years was a long time for your companion to be around.  I had my Rupert for 15 years and each day I still struggle to cope with his passing and it has been 16 weeks.

Thinking of you
Ruperts Mum

mykittygirl

Registered:
Posts: 881
 #3 
I'm so very sorry for your loss and it's an enormous one so the pain will be as well. We are all suffering because they have taken a part of us with them when they leave and because we miss them so much.

You gave Max a great gift by releasing him from his broken body...that beautiful spirit and essence that you have always known will never die. Please don't worry about Max being scared because he will be with my Cicio and all the other furangels at the Bridge. Max is in good paws (hands).

I will light a candle for your Max tonight at the Candle Ceremony..just as I've done every Monday since Nov 6 when my Cicio left me.

Many hugs,

Donna
choochoo

Registered:
Posts: 115
 #4 

I am so sorry for the loss of your companion max.It is the worse feeling in the world when we lose a beloved pet>the pain can be so unbearable.I also recently put my 161/2 girl to sleep similar to yours as one day she had a seizure and at the vet she was here one minute and then i was signing a paper to end her life.I think she was hanging on for me also as unknown to me she also was very sick and weak.Animals do not fear death as we do so max wasnt scared at the end.He was very brave to struggle to stay around for you but you freed him from any more pain by letting him go.Now you will feel the pain of being without him but in time you will remember him as he was a loyal companion who loved you and your family.The bond you shared cannot be taken away and his spirit will live on.He is lucky to have such a caring and loving family for so long.And he is alright now free from pain and you will see him again one day.it will take time but max lived to make you happy and you will get better for him.Take care of yourself

WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #5 
Dear Samantha,

I am so very sorry to learn that your beloved black Lab, Max, has passed.   To lose a faithful and loving companion is so horribly painful, but I also think the fact that everything happened so very quickly has made it even more unbearable for you.   Your reaction is normal.   You are missing your little shadow, your boy.   I wish there were words I could say to make it better, or lessen the pain.   I can only offer my support and understanding.

Max is not hurting, he is not scared, he is not lost, and most importantly, he is not lonely.   He is now at Rainbow Bridge, surrounded by our loving furbabies, and he will wait oh-so-patiently for you and your family until all of you can be reunited with him.  Most of us here believe our dear ones' spirits are very close to us each and every day of our lives.  

As you are realizing, grief is so difficult and complicated when you lose a creature that has loved you so completely and unconditionally.  Please give yourself some time.  Your loss is so very new, so fresh, so raw.  You are still in shock.  But, remember, these are YOUR feelings, not Max's.  He transitioned to a life free of all pain.   He is whole and young again.  And, he is watching over you and your family as he always did when he was physically with you.

Please tell us more about Max when you feel up to it and if it will help you.   We will be here for you. 

I have lit a little internet candle for him under his name to light his way to the Bridge.  This candle can be found on this grief board under AurichWolf's Light a Candle Here thread.   Click on the Light a candle icon.  It will burn for 48 hours.

Sending hugs,
Melissa
Betsy's forever mom

Betsy, be a good girl and go find
beloved Max.  Watch over him for his
family.  They miss him so.  Love you
girl!!

 

smurphy39

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #6 
Thank you so much for your kind words. And Melissa for the candle. I will make sure to visit her often as I find this site is very comforting and is helping with the pain. It was a bad day today - lots of missing my boy.

Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #7 
  Sorry about Max. You two shared alot. I'm sure he knows how much you love him still.
 

KaraBear

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #8 
I don't know what kind of advice I can offer as I am still in the same place as you, feeling hopeless and racked with guilt.
I think about my girl constantly, and when I start to get sad I force myself to think about some positive memory I have with her. Instead of thinking about her not being with me, I remember the times when she was laying on my chest while I was reading, or how she would let me hold her like a baby and snuggle my cheek to her cheek. And how she would rub her nose on my chin in a sort of kiss. That's all we can do.
You are going to grieve for your baby for a long time. I'm so sorry that you had such a sudden shock. It's hard because we don't feel prepared. But remember you did what needed to be done, and ended your baby's suffering. He must have loved you so much to want to hang on for so long just to be with the family that gave him love and support.
I don't expect anyone to get over the loss of their loved one any time soon. Pets are our children. We take them into our homes and hearts and nurture them and love them, and get nothing  but pure love in return. Be thankful for the time you have had together and remember how much love he gave you!
One day you may find another pet to love as well, but you will never replace him, because you do not replace a friend.
I was bummed to go back to work too, but it helped, because I wasn't sitting around thinking about my girl (At least not until the looonng drive home...).
Let yourself mourn the loss. Cry all you need to. But in between, try to smile. God bless you, and hugs to you and your children. 
goldenboysmom

Registered:
Posts: 1,001
 #9 
I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved black Lab Max. Somehow we always feel so guilty about so many things after they leave for the Bridge and I did that also . We blame ourselves and think of the what ifs and the whys and we are so hard on ourselves when all we did was love them with all our heart. My Max had been sick for a while also and I blamed myself for not knowing how sick he was but I believe they hide their illness from us because they try to protect us.They are very wise and they accept death all knowingly unlike people. Max is watching over you with all the love he always had for you and he knows you love him and miss him and he led you here so you could heal and not be alone in your sadness.
Coming here to Petloss helped me more than anything could because I found so many friends and writing about Max helps so much in the healing process. Tears are healing also and it is always better to express what you feel and let it out. Time will help the sadness fade and the pain of the loss will diminish to a dull ache but the Love will be stronger than ever.
Coming here and the candle ceremony will bring you some comfort as you walk through your loss.
Peace to you,
Max's mom Jo

dogrispamela

Registered:
Posts: 558
 #10 
Max's Mommy,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear Max.  I know it hurts terribly to be without him by your side.  The first days, weeks and months are such a painful journey for us.  It is so hard to get accustomed to being without their beautiful souls. 

 I agree with Max's mommy (goldenboysmom) that they frequently hide their illnesses from us to protect us and are so much wiser than we humans are.  Your Max is free from pain and is running thru fields of flowers just as he did when he is a puppy.  He isn't scared and took with him in his heart all of the memories and love that you gave him in his life to keep him content until he is joined with you again.  He has so many new friends.  I know that my boy, Golda was there to greet him as he walked across the bridge.  All of our fur kids are there to play with him until he is with his family.  Huge hugs to you at this awful time.  Golda's Mom

 
smurphy39

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #11 

I picked up Max's ashes from the vet yesterday - I broke down completely when they brought this oak box to me with his name on a brass nameplate on it. I couldnt believe it - couldnt beleive this was my big strong boy in this box that I was holding. It took me a while to be able to leave the vets. Everyone was very supportive and caring. Some of my friends think Ive only made things worse for myself by keeping his ashes - but it brings me comfort to know that he is back home with us, even in this final state. Im still hurting so much over his loss. Going back to work  has helped, but being at home without him makes all of us so sad - his bed is still there, his toys, the hairballs. I cant bring myself to clean any of it up. I think I hear him all the time or see him out of the corner of my eye. I only hope that my mourning wont hold him back from being happy at the Bridge.

WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #12 
Oh, Samantha, I am so sorry.  It is so difficult when we first see that little box that holds our baby's cremains.   But, please don't think your mourning is holding Max back.   Because, it isn't.   He has been liberated from his weakened, diseased earthly body and is now in the radiant light of the Bridge.  It is YOU who is left behind suffering.  That is the deal.  We love them so, they leave us, we grieve.  And, oh, how it hurts.  But, we have each other on this website to help us navigate that frightening, rocky path of grief.   Gradually, for most of us, the pain does lessen and we remember our babies in a wonderful light.....the light of the Bridge.   We also remember all the wonderful memories they left with us.

I am so sorry.  I just wish there was more I could do to lessen the intensity of your pain.   All of us here have had to go through it, so we totally understand and can offer you our sympathy.   Just keep posting and talking about your beloved boy if it helps you.  We will listen.

Sending hugs,
Melissa
Betsy Noodle's mom
umaconan

Registered:
Posts: 166
 #13 
Iam so sorry for your loss.  Your story reminds me so much of mine when I lost my Boxer Conan.  It all happened so fast too.  I left for work and he was fine, but little did I know that a few hours later he would be gone.  My husband found him collapsed when he got home from work and rushed him to the vet.  I left work and met them there.  He died a few hours later.  The vets were not sure exactly what happened without an autopsy, but I chose not to put his little body through all that.  They think it was cancer or a ruptured spleen.  I hate to think that maybe he had been suffering inside and just putting on a good face for me.  He did not act sick.  I wondered how long he had been laying there on the floor until my husband got home.  If only it had happened when one of us was home, maybe we could have saved him.  I never expected my day to turn out that way when I got up that morning.  I remember going home and the house felt so empty even though we still had our other dog.  I just sat on the sofa and said "now what?"  What was I supposed to do without my shadow who followed me everywhere.  I just spend lots of time with my other dog and my husband.  I could not be alone.

Take care-Michelle
lifewithoutMaya

Registered:
Posts: 19
 #14 
I hear my story coming from the messages told by both Max' moms, Conan's Mom, Golda's Mom, and all the other Mom's here.  My Lab mix, Maya, left me rather suddenly as well and I have not yet gotten over this feeling of devastation. 

Is it better?  Not yet.  It has not quite been a month yet. We are establishing new routines.  As a family we are trying to find ways to have fun again since Maya was the only one that could get her pack brother Cisco to play.  Some have said to me, "Well she was sick with cancer and old so you should have known she would die."  She was sick for one week and I had hoped it was curable.  I was a "half-full" (glass) kind of person. 

As KaraBear points out it takes time to heal, to grieve a loss as great as we have experienced.  This truth doesn't make it hurt any less or the frustrations dissipate any quicker. 

But I would like to hear one happy thing today to maybe offset some of my grief.  Maybe as you reply to these posts you can tell the story of your furbaby's name or some other happy story?  For me, today was very hard and I did not want to get out of bed.  I forced myself to get up to let Cisco out.  So maybe some happy thoughts would be helpful too.

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