Registered: 1214916438 Posts: 8
hi everyone I am having such a hard time with the loss of my beau he was 14 plus yrs and I had to choose to put him down do to a very large growth and his quality of life and i have such guilt did I take his life to soon??
Or did I just not want to see how bad he was... i feel this over whelming ache in my heart and stomach it hurts so bad please take the pain away. I have another who is 15 and they have never not one day been apart how is he feeling and how does one move forward. anything you can share does it get better does it get easier and how do you rid yourself of the guilt of was it to soon.. i didnt mind carrying him around and helping him walk but did he? i am so confused as to who am I to have stopped his heart... oh the pain!!
Registered: 1211298031 Posts: 95
I am so sorry for your pain. I can feel it because I too was in your shoes just a short time ago. We feel so guilty for having helped them along - to end their suffering. My husband and I suffered so much protracted guilt over the loss of our Bennie. Unfortunately it is a part of the grieving process, a part we must go through. It too will subside with time. TIME is the key word here. All I can say, and it might not help, is try not to blame yourself. We know in our hearts that what we did was out of profound love for our companions and not neglect or lack of caring. Prayers and peace of the soul to you. You are not alone.
Registered: 1197839779 Posts: 1,328
When they have large tumors it's not usually a good sign. He was older, 14, too. Don't beat yourself up for this. It's such a hard decision and I think guilt after happens no matter what. I hope things get better for you. He's at peace now and would want you to be, too.
Registered: 1175993036 Posts: 440
Dearest Beau's Mom:
Oh how I can understand some degree of the pain you are in. Our beloved shepherd, Jasmine was 10 years old, when I had to make the same painful decision. In our case though, Jasmine was fine one moment and at death's door the next and I too had to choose to PTS. Having to be the one to make that decision haunts me to this day and yes the guilt is part of that. But I realized the grief and pain of her loss was enough to deal with on its own, so I try to minimize dwelling on the guilt whenever possible, though I'll always have nagging questions like you, did I do the right thing? Should I have waited? But in my heart, I know I did what was best for Jasmine. She deserved nothing less and I know that, though my heart aches for her still even after a year and a half. Also I know I will always love and miss her. We all understand the path you are on and I can say having friends here who understand has made all the difference for me personally. There are still moments and days I feel like I'm a complete mess and I know I can always vent here and the love and support with people understanding how you feel again has made all the difference. I am so sorry for your loss but know you are among friends and we are here to help. Hugs to you, JasminesMom
Registered: 1214846998 Posts: 39
Oh I am so so sorry to hear that you had to go through this. I know how you feel.
I have to put my baby Sam down because he has severe arthritis and can't get around on his own anymore. I am devastated and haven't slept in days; I just lay there watching him. I too am struggling with the decision. Part of me feels like maybe I should just try one more medicine, but I know deep down that it's not going to do anything but delay the pain for everyone. I just now got off of the phone with my vet and told her I thought it was time. It's so unfair, for our babies and for us. I'm sure as time goes by we will cry less and less, but we will never forget the joy and unconditional love they brought to us. I hope you find peace. I truly know how you feel, and you and your fur baby will be in my thoughts. I'm sorry for your loss. Mommyva
Registered: 1204552579 Posts: 21
We too suffered so much guilt when we made the decision to let Shadow go. But something I read made me feel a bit more accepting. No matter when you make the decision, you will feel guilt...either you will wonder if you did it too soon, or if you waited to long. I imagine no one can say they felt it was the right time to let their beloved go. But if I had to choose, I would probably choose the guilt of wondering if it was too soon. I would have hated to make Shadow suffer another minute just to make it easier on me. i still ache for her and miss her every day, but the guilt has subsided some now. She was 14 and she even barked a little (a glimmer of her younger self) when the vet arrived at the house. That really made me pause, but I am still sure it was her time. She was so very tired and in so much pain...My heart is with you as you deal with the recovery of the loss. It is not easy. We are here for you.
Registered: 1213807858 Posts: 1,400
I am so very sorry for your loss of Beau and the pain you are feeling. I understand how hard it is to say good bye. We love our pets with all our hearts and they certainly know that all the decisions we make for them is only because of our deep love. You will grieve for your sweet Beau and have many different emotions as the time passes. If I could take away your pain I would, but I can't. I can only tell you that in your own time you will think all the great years you spent together and all the special memories and love you shared. I will pray for you and Beau. Many Hugs, Mary Meisters Mom
Registered: 1210209740 Posts: 143
Please know you are not alone in feeling some guilt.
Our little Pepe had been ill for a couple months and kept getting sicker. He yelped in pain when we barely touched him and could no longer pick him up as it hurt him too much. His back legs would just tremble and at the end he could no longer walk. We kept taking him to the vet and trying new meds and new painkillers but the day came when we knew it was time. Even though I know we did the kindest thing and ended his suffering I still have days even two months later, when I wonder if there was any more we could have done. My husband keeps telling me there was nothing more we could do. Even the vet said so. We go through such horrible pain when we lose our dear pets that it is nearly unbearable. My heart goes out to you.
Registered: 1211860763 Posts: 139
First let me tell you how sorry I am for the pain you are going through. I know it comes from deep inside your very being and I can feel the love you have for your Beau through your words. Guilt (a horrible thing) is just part of the grieving process. No matter when you must make that horrible choice, to late, to soon it will get to you. The one thing I would say is if you have the time right now to write down the reasons you think its time (someone told me to do this but unfortunately I didn't) so in the future you can just read it again and hopefully it will help ease the guilt. Just remember what I truly wonderful life you and Beau had. How much you love him and how much he loves you. You have given him a house to live in with love and together you both made that house a loving home. Your writing tells alot about your relationship with Beau and he knows that you truly love him. If it comes out in your writing I can only imagine that Beau felt it everyday he was with you. I know how difficult this is and the guilt will eat at you if you let it. Just remember how happy and loved you made him feel and that you knew in your heart that he need to be set free from this to be pain free and happy again. The bond that you have with Beau will never be broken, it only changes for a short while and remember he is safe in your heart and will be with you until the day you meet again. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers because I know how difficult this time is for you. I put my girl to sleep just over 5 weeks ago and am finally able to face life and deal with it again. The pain is still there and I still cry for my girl but I believe that she is and will remain with me as long as my heart beats because she found her way into my heart and that is where she will stay until the day it stops beating and then I'll see her once again. Please try whatever it takes to find some comfort today if even only for a few moments. Beau still loves you and you still love your Beau and that will never change. That bond will live forever. Margaret
Registered: 1214916438 Posts: 8
thank you all so much for your kindwords!
My pain as not lessen nor has my ache gone away i am devastated of Beau loss.. its just so truly hard to be happy without him.. when i for a moment share a smile at something I quickly remind myself hey no happy, I know its only be days since he went to sleep and it just may be soon to expect to "feel better" if you ever really do... i would do anything for just to hear his voice. thank you again i cant tell you how much without you all right now i would be worse! Thank you for being who you are to share your time!