Registered: 1194063517 Posts: 25
Tomorrow will be 1 month exactly since I lost Crystal to the Rainbow Bridge. Thursday's are always hard for me. Nights are even harder but I am trying. I feel like it has been longer than 1 month. When we were driving to the vet's office that day, I didn't put her in a carrier. I held her in my arms and most of the way, she tucked her head under my chin. I will never forget that. Last night, I had my first dream about her. In my dream, I was protecting her from something and all she wanted to do was tuck under my chin and be close to me. I woke this morning and had a small private cry in bed. I was glad that my husband had already gotten up.
Friday of this week would have been Crystal's 19th birthday. She is one beautiful Siamese cat with the most blue soulful eyes that was truly loved every day of her life and forever. I am trying to just survive every day...and there are brief moments when I smile or laugh...and I feel guilty. This new life I have without her sucks and I miss her so very bad. I have a blanket I kept that still smells like her. I don't want to wash it. I don't want to let go of her. In my mind, I know she is gone...but it's still so hard to believe. Every day the smell on her blanket fades away a little bit more. It hurts so bad... I know you rest in peace my love but know Mom loves you and misses you... "We are Siamese if you please..." "We are Siamese if you don't please"
Registered: 1211242652 Posts: 355
I just read your post. I lost my cat Cheeseburger on May 4th, 2008. He was 10 years old. I too have his blanket and I sleep with it at night. It was the blanket I brought up to the hospital with me and held him in when he passed away in my arms. Crystal sounds like a beautiful cat. I am so sorry for your loss. I can understand you holding on to her blanket. Cheeseburger's Mom (Dee)
Registered: 1175993036 Posts: 440
Just read your post and I'm so sorry for your pain. I can relate to the blanket and trying to keep the smell for sure. I actually put Jasmine's favorite blanket in one of those large ZipLock Storage bags and I open it from time to time and over a year now I can still catch a glimpse of her scent. Perhaps that would help you too. It's still painful for me too and I miss her every day as I know you miss your Crystal. You're right on too that life without them sucks, I feel the same. Hoping healing comes your way and know you are among friends here. Hugs to you, JasminesMom
Registered: 1197098130 Posts: 13
gina i am lin (linda or ladywolf) i am crying now cant see the keys 2 well anyway not point point is my Angel boy dog crossed 2003 >>>and i still have not and will not wash his blanket*****so listen to your heart and your heart will tell when if ever to wash or not wash it------ also if like me you might want want 2 hide all of baby things and that all right because i did / and it took me almost a year before i could look and enjoy memory's with smiles and love and i can now and i am ok with all and also am also ok and have gotten over my small wave after reading your post and i just wanted to reply in LOVE and i will stop rambling and end now thank-you--------take care linLadyWolf
Registered: 1196441749 Posts: 567
I'm sorry about your loss of Crystal. You are so right life without them really sucks. I have Nina's blanket and also the lift I used to help her get up, I put the lift in a baggie. Perhaps you can try that. But sometimes we just need something to hug. The roller coaster ride of grief can get to us, sadness, laughter remembering the fun times and sometimes grief. We all go through it. I know it's tough. You will be in my prayers, the first month was the hardest for me, I truly understand.
Prayers and thoughts, Nina Maria's Mom
Registered: 1205715660 Posts: 763
Dear gday, I also hate Thursdays as I lost my beloved Mr. Meowgy 11 weeks ago today, Thursday. I don't see any need for you to wash your darling Crystal's blanket. I kept many of Mr. Meowgy's things including the bowl and a few pieces of food he ate on that horrible last morning. The last thing his adorable mouth touched. These mementos help me when I need to be near him. My life without my boy sucks too. I understand completely how you feel. I believe Crystal's spirit is with you, all around you. When you need to be with her, hug her blanket, smell it, sleep with it. There is no reason for you not to. I hope your dear Crystal is with my darling Mr. Meowgy. I will think of both of them every awful Thursday. I wish you peace and comfort. Donna, Mr. Meowgy's mom
Registered: 1164162392 Posts: 1,910
Of course you are devastated about the loss of your wonderful Crystal who spent so many happy and loving years with you. One month isn't very long at all, the pain is still so strong so much of the time.
Five years later (some of us are slow studies) I still say out loud, "I love you, Bartholomew", as thoughts occur of this wonderful kitty who left this world at almost age 18. I do think that he must still be around me in spirit, often as I think of him, so have no problem saying my love aloud. :) Don't wash that blanket!! Put it in a plastic bag, press out the extra air, and keep it. When you especially want to, open a little corner and enjoy that little whiff. Eventually the scent will fade, especially for us humans whose sense of smell is maybe one sixth what dogs and cats have. But by then, the fading of the scent will be like the fading of your pain over time. It won't always hurt like this. But while it does, do whatever helps you at the moment. Six years ago I had my darling little Shalimar cat put to sleep (inoperable and untreatable cancer). I put the top I was wearing the day I took her to the vet for what turned out to be the last time into a plastic bag, intending to take tweezers to pluck off the hairs that she shed that day to put in an envelope with the others. Well, that bag remains unopened, the top hasn't been worn since. I know there are others on this board who have done similar things. No one would give it a second thought it you saved the sweater a beloved spouse had worn, or a favorite item. Loss is exactly the same process whether we mourn a human or an angel in a fur coat. Do whatever you can to help you in these early days, and don't give a hoot about what anyone else might think. They just might wish they did what you have.
Registered: 1207026279 Posts: 699
Dear Crystal's Mom/gday,
I can understand how you feel about Crystal's blanket - JasminesMom has a good idea about putting it in a Ziploc bag. My boy, Grunt's smell was always comforting to me, I loved the way he smelled, but over time (it will be 12 weeks tomorrow) it has faded from everything, and it hurts. I wish I had thought of the Ziploc. I am so happy for you that your beautiful Crystal came to you in your dream - it is a bittersweet thing. I have dreamt of my boy, too, and I feel so excited when I wake up, and then so deeply sad. Tomorrow, Friday, will be Crystal's first birthday at the Rainbow Bridge and I'll say a special prayer for her, and for you because you will be missing her especially on her 19th birthday. Hugs, Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever
Registered: 1206151108 Posts: 48
I know what you are going through I lost my Sheba almost 4 months ago and my wife and I still sleep with her blanket every night and my wife wakes up every morning with it clenched tightly in her arms. We cut off a piece of her fur after she passed away in out arms and put it in a medicine container. Every morning I wake up and open the container and smell my little Sheba. I hope it lasts forever but I know it won't. We are still devastated but life seems to just go on like Sheba never existed. I hope you feel better soon and I am sorry for your loss. Hold you blanket tight and dream about your baby. Take care. Michael
Registered: 1200561771 Posts: 251
Hi there Gday,
I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling after the loss of you girl Crystal. You are so right, life does suck without them doesn't it? I know how you feel! Never wash that blanket and cherish all the memories. I still haven't washed my Nugget's blankets and he passed 4 and a half months ago. I found his winter coat and although it was washed from last winter, it still has all his fur on it so I sleep with that and cherish it. Will we ever get over this pain?? I am sending big cuddles Gday. Crystal, your mummy misses you! Nuggetsmum Alana
Registered: 1210028976 Posts: 6
I totally understand. I have a blanket that smells just like my beloved ferret "Cutie". I have made up my mind never to wash it. I love to smell it. It has helped me get through the really bad days. It has only been a month since we had to put him to sleep and it seems like forever. I miss him sooooooo much. Here everybody understands and will help you through it.
Registered: 1198872932 Posts: 1,205
Siamese are such great cats, full of character. I have been lucky enough to have 2 in my life, Tammy and Nicky. I used to sing that song to my Tammy.
I know how you feel about the blanket. I have a very old jumper I wear around the house. My Basil was never a cuddly dog, but the last few months he loved that jumper and would snuggle up when I was wearing it. When he was PTS I was holding him in the same jumper. I just couldnt bear to wash it for ages. I used to smell the arm where he had hidden his little head. My poor boy had really bad breath cos of his teeth, and quite often if you had been close to him you could smell that smell on your clothes. Strangest thing though, after he passed that exact same spot smelled of perfume, my partner confirmed it wasnt one I had ever worn.....I like to think that it was Basils little joke, cos we often called him stinky boy. Love Di xxx