Petloss.com Logo. Puff and Midget under the rainbow

ALL the Pet Loss Message Boards are moderated to make this an ABSOLUTELY SAFE place for you to find support.
You must REGISTER before you can post or reply.
Posts and replies cannot be viewed until after they have been checked for content & released by the Board Moderators. - EdW
Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board
Sign up  |   |   |  Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment  
The_Olive

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #1 
I lost my boy yesterday. This is the most grief I've ever experienced.
My boy, Oliver was the absolute sweetest, most loving boy.
It's a similar story to a lot of other's on here. He had started losing weigh and started getting grumpier, but I thought it was because we got a new cat, age and possibly the start of arthritis.
He was 14, and to me, way too young to go. He was meant to grow old. It's just not fair.
He started having heavier than usual breathing Friday night. It continued on Saturday, so I took him to emergency vet.
Because of covid, I couldn't even go in with him. 4+ hours later, the doctor called to tell me that she found fluid around his lungs and heart. I kept waiting for her to tell me how we were going to fix him. And then she said it usually means the end. I was confused and devistated.
He's my baby, my boy, the absolute love of my life.
I asked them to drain the fluid to give us time to try and figure something out.
Sunday he was breathing better and much more alert. I was clinging to the chance that the fluid test came back as heart disease rather than cancer, because then, maybe there was something that could prolong his life.
But by yesterday, I could see he was in distress again. The fluid came back very quickly.
After speaking with a third doctor, I decided that putting him through xrays, tests and another chest drainage was just traumatic and unfair to him. Any possible time we could buy, if any at all, would be for me.
I knew then that I had to let him go.
I wasn't ready, not that you can ever be, but a few days earlier I would never have thought that this could happen. Within 2 days of finding out his diagnosis, he was gone.
I have peace in knowing that it was right for him and that I was able to find a mobile vet to let him go in peace at home.
But besides that, I don't know how I'll ever recover from this devastation. I'm single and stuck at home due to the pandemic, but I've been fine with that cause Oliver was always the best company.
I don't know how to go on. My place feels hollow. My chest is heavy. I love him more than anything in the world. Literally.
I'm trying to pay more attention to Nico, my newish cat, but it's not the same. Oliver was one of a kind.
It's nice to see here that there are other people who are going through the same thing and can actually understand.
Candice

Registered:
Posts: 28
 #2 
Hi The Olive,

Thank you for sharing your story and I'm sorry you had to lose your Oliver.

Thank you because this actually helped me.  I didn't even have the xray done on Sunday when the emerg doctor told me that 17 yr old cat Tiger's kidneys were enlarged and painful, and that he had labored breathing and possibly fluid. I had him to the vet last Thursday and found out he had kidney disease - was given three options and chose Sub Q fluids at home (others were iv hospitalization or euthanasia). I had asked the vet of a timeline and she said weeks to months. Well in three days he was trembling and breathing fast...I thought I gave him too much medication and the emerg vet could reverse it, but then she told he his condition and said they would need bloodwork, xrays, and then treatment hospitalization … I couldn't leave him there. And I had no intention of him not coming home with me when we left for the vet. I made the decision pretty fast but had had to think about it for the last couple of weeks.

My childhood family dog was left overnight at the vet and died after his lungs filled with fluid. That always killed me that he went that way. Alone.
I think that when they are going everything stops working. My dog was 16 and only sick for two days when he died.

It's awful the task we are given of making the decision -- especially when it is so often actually out of our hands anyway. I keep going over and over what happened.

Like your Oliver, my Tiger was the sweetest - every time I laid eyes on him my heart skipped a beat - I loved him so much. It has been a painful week.  Sharing with others has made me feel less alone though.

Take care
The_Olive

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #3 
Hi Candice, Aw, I had the same reaction to seeing Oliver! I'd get a little flutter in my stomach from pure happiness. Regarding the decision to leave them at the vet, it's so gut wrenching. You can't explain to them why you're leaving them or why they're getting poked and prodded. All we know is that they'll be scared. Were you able to find a mobile vet to come to your house for Tiger? I've been reading some sad stories of people having to say goodbye in parking lots due to covid. I was very, very grateful to finally find someone to come. It was really difficult. Everyone said no.
Candice

Registered:
Posts: 28
 #4 
I wasn't really sure what was going on I thought I had given him too much medication and they might be able to reverse what was happening he was shivering and breathing fast. So I went to the emergency vet but when she told me what was going on and that it wasn't the medications I had to make a decision but before that I asked her whether they were allowing people to come in for euthanasia and she said yes. I also asked her what she would do if it were her cat and that was helpful because she told me that if it were her cat she'd let him go. So it was unfortunately at the vet and not home. I had looked up a couple of Home vets before that and due to the Easter holiday they were closed. And the one that I did get ahold of said they were no longer doing house calls because of covid
The_Olive

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #5 
But you were there with him. That's what matters.
I think it's inhumane not to let ppl be with them when it's their time to go
Candice

Registered:
Posts: 28
 #6 
Yes. I don't think I could have done it there if they said I couldn't be with him. I don't know what I would have done. I would have wanted to wait til the morning when my vet was open because their policy is to let someone come in as well.
KathyMH

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #7 
I just had the same experience. My sweet boy’s name is Oliver too. We took him to the emergency vet with labored breathing and received the same diagnosis of fluid in his lungs, a result of congestive heart failure.

This past year, my human son was very ill and I neglected (for the first time in decades of pet ownership) to take my pets to their annual physicals. I keep thinking if I had, the vet might have heard a murmur and caught Oliver’s heart disease earlier.

The guilt is crushing me.
Candice

Registered:
Posts: 28
 #8 
Oh sorry that was for KH and I thought it was a new post.
The_Olive

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #9 
Hi Kathy, 
So sorry to hear about your Oliver. It's heartbreaking to say goodbye, especially when it's unexpected.
Please don't feel that it was in your control. My Oliver JUST had a full workup at the end of February. Blood work, urine, full check up and it came back that he was VERY healthy, minus a mild bladder infection. That's why I didn't see it coming either. 
He'd been losing weight and his personality had started changing, which I mentioned to the vet, but it was always chalked up to his age (14) and perhaps because of the new cat that I got in September.
I'm a crazy, paranoid cat mom who was constantly worried about his health, and I couldn't stop it.
So please, don't feel guilty. I know that's easy to say, but I'm realizing now, some things are just out of our hands.
KathyMH

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #10 
Thank you for sharing this. Looking back, I feel like I missed so many signs. He had a hacking cough, which I assumed was just him working on a hairball. He had slowed down a bit, but he was getting older. There were all these pieces of a puzzle that I noticed individually, but never put together.
The_Olive

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #11 
I totally get it. I feel the same way. Now that I know, there were signs. But the doctor who put Oliver to sleep reminded me, that cats are wired to hide when they're sick. It's so hard to tell sometimes.
Candice

Registered:
Posts: 28
 #12 
I was wondering why I was feeling ok today, feeling like i was numb. Feeling bad for feeling ok. Just because I couldn't picture him so fresh. Then I did and I'm soooooo sad. I don't ever get to see his face again. I just want to hug him. I don't want him to be gone
KathyMH

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #13 
I understand. The emptiness feels unbearable. And then the guilt when you start to have better days. My cat before Ollie, Pixie, lived to 19 and I thought I would never get over her loss. I think rescuing Ollie helped. At first I thought I would feel like I was betraying Pixie by getting another cat. But being able to save the life of another cat gave meaning to her passing and was actually very healing.
GuthriesMom

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #14 
I reading this through tears.

I lost my 9 year old Viszla, Guthrie, one week ago today in a very similar way.  On Friday, April April 17th, we woke up to see that he had vomited in his kennel, had very labored breathing and could not walk.  We RUSHED him to the vet.  Long story short, we were told he an acute onset of Pericardial Effusion, and 200mL of fluid was removed from his heart.  We were able to bring him home late that afternoon.  He was slower than usual over the weekend, but he did play outside that weekend and had his usual appetite.  Then, last Tuesday around 2:30am, my husband woke up to the sound of Guthrie collapsing.  In minutes, he died on our bedroom floor in front of us.  The test results from the fluid came back that day - a suspected tumor on his heart.  But we will never know.

He was NINE - which is young for a Vizsla.  There were absolutely no symptoms.  Guthrie was a VERY active dog.  We had been doing on long walks, since my dance studio is closed and I am home now.  We had done a 5 mile walk two days before his first collapse.

The emptiness in our home is palpable.  I cycle through every stage of grief multiple times a day (minus acceptance - I'm not there yet).  Today, I am ANGRY.  And I miss him so effing much.  I'm pretty sure I have become depressed.  I have lost dogs before, and I have lost my father to cancer - but this is somehow different.  Guthrie was the first dog I have ever had as a baby puppy (8 weeks).  My husband and I raised him together, and he was my husband's first dog.  This weekend, we spent time in our beautiful backyard for the first time without him.  It sucked, but we did it.  We said how nothing will ever "go back to normal" for us, because our normal no longer exists.  

I am struggling to function or to do much of anything but sit on the couch and play a game on my phone, while having The Office or something on in the background so it isn't quiet.  I own a business that I have to make big decisions about, but I find myself saying, "I just don't effing care."  My husband has been working from home for several weeks, but plans on going back to his physical office tomorrow.  I am worried about being home alone by myself all day.

We have discussed getting another Vizsla.  I feel guilty about that and at the same time, the thought of a new puppy has been the only thing to give me a bit of hope.  We DO have a another dog (who is surprisingly unaffected by Guthrie's absence), but she is not the loving, snuggle monster Guthrie was.  I love her - it's just not the same.

I guess I don't know the exact direction or purpose of my reply to this post.  I am very sorry for your losses.  At least we know we aren't alone in this?
The_Olive

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #15 
Hi, So sorry to hear about Guthrie.
It's so shocking how quickly they can get sick. I think the unexpectedness makes it harder, but at the same time, it would be horrible to have them be sick for a long time.
I just passed the 2 week mark since losing Oliver, yesterday. I totally understand not being able to function properly. It's like, how do I continue when they're not alive? But we have to.
I'll be honest, I still cry everyday, but it's less and there will be days that are better than others.
What's helping me is to focus on my other cat. Same situation. I love him, but it's not the same relationship. But we're getting closer as he's in mourning too.
It is helpful to talk about it. I also joined a facebook support group. It's sad to hear everyone's heartbreak but, like you said, it's nice to know that you're not alone.
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.

If you can, please help support this Message Board with a donation: