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TabathaB

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Posts: 2
 #1 
The decision to put down my almost 9yr old Rottweiler continues to eat away at me and there is nothing I can do because he is gone

Mojo started having hip problems just over a year ago, this was odd because he was so young, but this is a common problem among the breed. He had also gained weight despite my efforts to keep him on track. We could only go for 20 minute walks before he was nudging my side to go home, he would limp and not be able to keep up. It was confirmed arthritis by the vet. I had tried glucosamine and then an actual prescribed pain med.

Stairs were difficult, he would sit at the bottom and I would have to coax him up, one stair at a time, he was sleeping more and was not his usual excited self When I would see him when I got home, having to coax him out of his kennel.

He had always been a nervous dog, I have had him since he was a pup and did my best to socialize him but he was always so nervous. I had to stop taking him on trails with people and especially bikes because it was too much, once he even had a bowel movement while walking he was so stressed out.

The biggest change was we could no longer pet him if he was laying down. He would either isolate himself or start to growl if you got to close. Getting up was hard and through the winter or colder weather he would sometimes Yelp getting up. Sometimes I would watch him trying to get up and he couldn’t, it would take a few tries then he’d slowly creep up. He would constantly lick his front left paw for HOURS at night, to sooth himself, there would be large wet spots on my bed from where he had been licking and I would have to tell him to stop.
He slept better at night with pain meds but it didn’t help during the day

A few times his behaviour was unpredictable, even sitting beside me you had to be cautious of certain parts to pet him, he had snapped at me twice and almost bit my mother. You could only pet his head, rub his ears And scratch his neck. He didn’t like his stomach, paws or too low on his hips being touched.

He couldn’t get in the truck anymore to go swimming which he absolutely loved. Too scared to use steps it just wasn’t happening, plus the added weight of him being wet wouldn’t help

Vets were also traumatic, was at the point he had to be muzzled to go in because I didn’t want him to bite out of fear which was a possibility. Being poked for a general sedative that he’d fight was beyond too much for my nerves and his. And every time he went in we would have to sedate him to do a proper exam

The final braking point was when his back tooth got impacted and had to come out. The reality with everything was the cost as well, yes my mom was willing to help but on a disability pension I couldn’t have her go in to debt when she has to take of her self first.

So while that last visit to the vet, that he has to be sedated for again I made the call to not put him through this anymore. If was just the tooth with no other issues I would have fixed it no problem. He was a big boy and took 2 needles to sedate.. I was petting him while he was under general anesthesia and could hear him growling, I knew he hated every second of being there. It seemed so clear the day of that this was what’s best for him but I’m dying with guilt and regret now. My mom was so close to him as well, he helped her through some very dark years as she battled mental health issues and was there for her.

All the questions I’m asking, all the what if’s ... it’s too much... I miss my best friend and I did this to him... I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself
He was so happy for the most part but the only one positive thing I could think for not doing it was that I would have more time with him... this unfortunately didn’t out weigh the fact that he was in pain

Sorry for the long post, I found a lot of comfort in the other articles and thought I’d share my story.

I just miss him so much and can’t help but think of what I did to him ... was it too early? Maybe I could have managed his pain better .... I’m so so sorry mojo, I love you more Than I ever thought possible ❤️
Dawn1118

Registered:
Posts: 58
 #2 
Tabatha....It sounds to me that you loved him so much that you stopped his suffering.  Poor boy sounds like he was uncomfortable and in pain. Euthanasia is such a hard thing to decide but it's only chosen out of love.  He is free to run now.  It will be okay, you did a loving thing~

Mocha's Mom
    Dawn
doglife

Registered:
Posts: 69
 #3 
Tabatha,
The grief and the loss you are feeling is deep and it shows just how much you loved your dog.  There is a poem called Dog Owners Creed, and it is about when as a dog owner, we are called upon to do the hardest thing we could ever imagine to ease the pain and suffering of our beloved pet.   You did it for him.  He was clearly suffering and in pain.  Everything you described sounds like he may have had other issues going on as well.  The growling and wanting to be alone is because Mojo's time was drawing near.   They start acting this way at the end, is what I've been told.  I have a German Shepherd who is 9 years old and he has severe hip dysplasia on one hip, some on the other and his elbows have some too.  He was diagnosed at 6 months old and we were told then that he wouldn't live to be 5 years old, due to his muscle being atrophied, and severe arthritis.  But he is still here with us today.  It is his younger sister that brought me to this thread.  She passed suddenly and unexpectantly 3 weeks ago.  It came out of nowhere.  She was a healthy almost 8 year old German Shepherd.   Back to Leo, because of his severe arthritis , he is having a hard time going up and down stairs and even walking.  He gets extremely out of breath very quickly.  He's always been a happy go lucky dog who loves every one , and loved his sister to pieces, but he could no longer run around with her or keep up with her or his younger brother, which greatly frustrates him.   He's had severe allergies, from puppyhood, irritable bowel, constant ear infections, a tooth that was hitting the roof of his upper gum that had to be dealt with , all when he was very young.   So all we could do is keep him comfortable.  He cannot even tolerate pain pills, as they upset his stomach.  The vets have told us that he will give us signs when he is ready to leave and be done with suffering.  Like your boy showed you, he was done with suffering and having an animal with that much anxiety for the vets and for everything was probably because he was not feeling well, and it made everything more frightening.   I think what you did was the kindest thing that you could have done,  because although you are hurting , he is no longer in pain.  He knows how much you loved him and cared for him.   He felt it every moment of every day, up until the last moment.   They can't thank you in words, but I'm sure he would if he could.  I would have done what you did, and not allowed any more suffering on his part.  Remember you did it out of love.  Don't feel guilty because you gave him the greatest gift a dog owner can give.  Try to remember him when he wasn't in so much pain, when he could run and jump and play and be a normal dog.  Remember the good times.  He would want you to remember him like that because that's how he is right now.   Allow yourself to grieve and cry and process.  It's a huge loss to lose our best furry companions.   If I can find the Dog Owners Creed, I will post it here.
MCKANGEL

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #4 
Hi Tabatha.  What you did you did from love & mercy.  I was right where you are, feeling
full of regret & the "what ifs".  I finally had to realize I did what I thought best at the time based on the information I had.  Cost & vet trips, & constant medicine factored in as well.  It's been about 4 months now, & I can honestly say it does  get better.  I euthanized my beloved Jasper in February.  In April, I adopted a dog from a local animal shelter. I questioned & second -guessed myself for that as well.  I think the timing is different for each individual as  to when they bring another fur baby in their life.  I never thought I would love another dog as  much as Jasper, but I do-there is room in my heart for both of them, & I think Jasper would approve.  Please don't beat yourself up.  Mojo certainly would not want that. You served him well, & he knows that. 

Hugs,

-angel

galyagornishka

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #5 
hello, 
I am so sorry for your loss and for the way you feel. I am going through something similar. My dog Rambo past away this Monday. My dad had to put him to sleep because he had a tumor surrounding his whole heart that they found a few months ago. Rambo is a German shepherd he was 9 so he could have lived a little longer.However, the past three days before they put him to sleep he couldn't eat or drink or walk outside. He hasn't peed or poop for 3 days and my dad couldn't get him to go out at all. He was also starting to have problems breathing because his kidneys were holding a lot of water. We had Rambo since I was 19 years old. My dad got him for Christmas for me and my little brother. I remember the first time I saw him I cried because I instantly fell in love and I couldn't believe how precious he was. He was just a little furry ball looking like a bear haha. Now after I graduated high school I moved to the USA to go to college. I am still living in America and my parents are in Bulgaria. I haven't been able to go home for almost 4 years so I haven't seen Rambo in that long. On Monday my mom called me and told me the saddest news in my life so far. They have decided to put Rambo to sleep because he was really sick and suffering. I wasn't even aware that he had cancer or was sick, they never told me that. So everything came as a huge shock for me. I couldn't even speak or breathe I was crying hysterically, screaming and yelling but not saying anything just crying. It has been 5 days since and I can't stop crying. i can't believe it and I can't believe how selfish I could be to not even say hi to him. I wasn't there for him and I havent seen him for years. This thoughts will hunt me for the rest of my life. My dad is very upset and I have never heard or seen my dad cry before. Him and my mom are divorced so Rambo was his best friend and he used to take care of him and go everywhere with him. They used to call to adventures every day. My little brother still lives with my dad but he just graduated high school so he has a bunch of things going on with his life. So my dad is very lonely and very heartbroken. He blames himself a lot he thinks he rushed with the decision to put rambo to sleep and he wonders if there was something else he could have done to keep him for a little longer. I am also heartbroken and I just do not know how to get through this. I have another dog Gabby she is a rottweiler, she lives here with me and I thought she would make me feel better but when I see her I just hug her and cry and cry for rambo. I do not know what to do I do not know how to offer support for my dad and brother as they were there when they put Rambo to sleep and for them this experience was 100 times harder than it is for me. I am lost and I feel like nobody around me can understand how much Im grieving right now. Not even my husband, my husband gets mad at me for being in a bad mood or being "b****" but it is not on purpose it is just because I am so sad Im mad at the world and I just want to break down and cry. :(
I know how you feel and it is good we found this site to offer support and share similar stories. I am so sorry for your lost. 
TabathaB

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #6 
Thank you so much for the caring responses ❤️ I miss him everyday and can still feel that small pain in my chest, I would rewrite that now understanding that he’s ok and it’s getting easier.
And I’m Sorry for the loss you’re all experiencing :( hang in there.. it does get better :)
Barefoot1

Registered:
Posts: 191
 #7 
TabathaB,
Im very sorry you lost Rambo. You did what needed to be done. I lost my little dachsund on april the 17th. I new it had to be done but she looked to me to take care of her. Everyone on this page knows how you feel. Stay on here and people will talk to you and maybe help you heal. It's a terrible ordeal to go thru but we can help if you let us. If you want type on Miss B pet loss message board. We are some people from around the country helping each other.
Your friend keith..MISS B's dad.
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 96
 #8 
TabathaB,

Losing your best friend sucks.  Reading your post, I can't think of anything you could or should have done differently.  The poor baby had to be in such pain and couldn't tell you exactly what was wrong.   I just lost my Cassie, 9 1/2 to cancer.  She was a golden retriever and totally the sweetest dog I ever knew.  I don't really consider that she was a dog or a pet, but a true member of our family.  Near the end, she started to suffer with her breathing and the vet was kind enough to come to our house to send her to doggie heaven.  I know she's a doggie angel now.  I was in denial, didn't want to believe any of it was happening.  I am crying just about 20 hours a day and wonder if it will ever get better.  It's awful to watch a family member suffer, and for your Rambo, you had the power to help and you did.  It gets no better than that.  Rambo will meet up with you at the bridge one day.............he'll no longer be in pain.
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