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fallinstarxx

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Posts: 5
 #1 
I just lost my Jack Russell furkid Jojo 3 days ago and coincidentally it was on my birthday. She was 16. She was suffering from kidney problem and cancer. For the past few weeks, we visited the vet twice a week. It was tiring, it was expensive but all those didnt matter to me. All I wanted was for her to recover, even though I knew in my heart it was nearly impossible. I knew her day was coming, she became disoriented and she lost her appetite.
It was during the last vet session when I heard about a clinical trial which is some sort of chemotherapy and it had positive reviews. It gave me hope. I wanted to sign her on the trial as soon as the vet clinic opens on its next operational day. Wanted to bring her outdoors on the same day as well. But she left me the very morning itself, before I could do what I wanted for her.

It has been 3 days and I keep on thinking of her. All the good memories. Even the sound of crushing paper reminds me of her shaking her body when she wakes up. The smell of coffee reminds me of the smell of the terrible tumour that she had. I keep imagining her tagging along as I walk around the house. I see her everywhere and I would cry to myself at times. I know I should be happy for her but I just cant pull myself together. I am not sure what I should do. I feel so empty, so lonely. There is a long break this coming week but I dont know what to do. Wanted to spend the time going out and taking care of her but I am no longer able to.
pansy

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Posts: 599
 #2 
I'm going through the same thing right now so I know exactly how you are feeling.  The lonely feeling and sense of loss can be overwhelming.  It's been three weeks for me and the constant crying has stopped but I have waves of inconsolable sadness. I can't seem to get rid of his litter box of all things, as it would really mean he was gone.  I suppose at some point I will as I've gotten rid of other things like toys, beds, etc.  I'm sorry for your loss.  Time usually lessens the pain and we adjust to a new normal even if we don't want to.   
Dog_Lover

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Posts: 9
 #3 
So sorry for your loss. I’m grieving for my little boy of 8 years. He died four weeks ago and I am still so heartbroken. It was sudden and he was fine hours earlier. I don’t know how to truly cope with a loss like this, although I know it takes time. Very sad.
fallinstarxx

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #4 
@pansy, yea i have waves of sadness too. And its really lonely as well. I have nv been so afraid of being alone. Used to be able to talk to my furkid if i am 'alone' at home but now i can only do it through a photo and its really sad.

I am sorry for ur loss too. Stay strong. We can do this.
fallinstarxx

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #5 
@Dog_Lover, im sorry for your loss as well. Yea it was sudden for me too. She looked okay when i woke up and so i went back to sleep for awhile more. The next moment i woke up (an hr or so), she was just there motionless. I didnt get to say my real final goodbye n its truly saddening.
Dog_Lover

Registered:
Posts: 9
 #6 
Fallinstarrxx I am so upset at times because I wasn’t home when he had a fluke accident. I got him to the vet who took an X-ray and then said I had to go to an ER. He died in my car on my way to try and save him! I can’t explain my anger and sadness over losing him and being sent 2 places!! My heart is so sad. Thank you for listening. I feel your pain as well.
fallinstarxx

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #7 
I sent my furkid to 2 diff vets previously too and both diagnosed differently. I couldnt stop wondering if it was because i listened to the first vet and caused my dog to be wrongly treated. I am still feeling v sad too. When i look at her pictures, i will still tear. I really miss her. Even when i act like everything is okay, it is still not okay. Thank you for listening as well.
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