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eli_is_struggling

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Posts: 4
 #1 

I guess I'll start with what led up to me having to put down my baby.

For a couple of months he had this cough, at first we (my family and I) didn't really think much of it. Maybe it was just a cold or something. Months passed, he didn't seem distressed/ uncomfortable or anything but his stomach also was swelling? Not a lot, but enough to see it and wonder what was happening.

But starting a couple of days ago he was having issues breathing and his cough had been getting worse. We made an appointment with the vet as soon as we could. Then the other night he start to almost hyperventilate? Again, didn't really think much of this because I thought I freaked him out with how quickly I got up. That same night he hyperventilated he puked and seemed to lose control of his legs/collapsed. But he got back up and was a little slow, but was able to walk okay. We rushed him to the vet anyway because we were concerned.

They looked at his gums and said they had a blue tinge to them so they were going to put him on oxygen. Then the vet came in the room and told us the news; he had congestive heart failure and it was on the 4th stage. He recommended that we put him to sleep and also mentioned he was probably suffocating (I'm assuming because of all of the fluid around his heart.. I only remember pieces of the appointment). I personally just went numb, I couldn't believe what I was being told. I'm an organized person so I like to have questions before I go into somewhere to make a choice. But this time I didn't have any, I didn't expect this to happen. After his death I looked up anything and everything that involved him; his diagnosis, signs of pain, the process of putting a dog to sleep. 

Within about 30 minutes of the diagnosis my other family members had come to say goodbye to him. And then we all watched him take his last breathe... I just... I can't get over this feeling that we didn't give him his "proper" day before he was put to sleep. His last full day on Earth he was all alone and in the dark because we were visiting family and forgot to turn the light on before we left for him :(

I'm just not sure if it was the right choice. I feel like we did it based on our emotions? Or maybe not, I'm not sure. The vet said even if we did treat his condition he would still die from it... I just don't know how to get over this feeling that we did it too soon, I know other people say they felt like they didn't do it soon enough... But he was still eating, drinking, walking around. I did look up after we ptut him down how dogs show their pain and he did have some "symptoms" that I really didn't think were from pain. I regret not looking up questions to ask when a vet brings up euthenia; I now know what questions I would have asked and regret not asking them. If I had asked them maybe we could have let him have a day or two to himself

I just... I don't know... I'm lost and feel so awful.... 


 

jrinphx

Registered:
Posts: 1,355
 #2 
I am so sorry for your loss.  You did the best thing for your boy.  He was suffering and you took the suffering away from him and took the suffering on yourself.  He was surrounded by your love and that is the best thing we can do for our loved ones.  

JoAnn - mom to many dog and cat angels    
Karmacat

Registered:
Posts: 167
 #3 
Hi Eli

So sorry for your loss. For me too, euthanasia was an unimaginable horror, and also the ultimate irony. I didn't think I could go through with it, and yet I also couldn't not do it. I stumbled through it in some kind of trance like altered mental state. The pain that hit immediately afterwards made me bawl like a baby in full public view, and I didn't even give a damn about what anyone thought. Euthanasia to me felt like someone put a gun to my head and forced me to shoot my cat. It's impossible to feel good about it, but not 'intervening' to shorten the pet's suffering might have been even more of a horror. It's really a no win situation but each of us will do what we do out of love for our pets.
eli_is_struggling

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #4 
To jrinphx and Karmacat: 

To start, thank you to both of you for responding to my post and I'm sorry for both of your loss(es). 

Looking back, yes it hurts but it was the best choice in the end... He was 14 years old and sick with something that would never go away and was already in stage 4. If we would have asked for another 24 hours who knows what could have happened... Especially with him getting worse by the day.. But I just have to keep telling myself something I keep seeing "better a week too soon, then a day too late."

I just wish I would have saw the decline sooner so I would have been prepared with questions to ask and maybe had them do it at home. He always hated the vet, it makes me sad he had to go there.  

I think it just mostly hurts because we all had an idea in mind for what we wanted to do with him before the time came.

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