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Jacqui_97

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Posts: 10
 #1 
Hi everyone, I just wanted to talk about what happened in these past 2 months with someone, since I don't have many friends and my family has lived all this with me. It all started to go down at 2017's last months. My dog was fine but had an auto-inmune problem, and his own body attacked him, so he suddenly got random injuries all over his body. That and his legs started to get weaker. We took him to the vet and he started eating calcium pills and other pills for his auto-immune problem. Everything was fine until this February. He had a heat stroke and his fever was super high. At the time it happened no vet was open and we did not know of any emergency vets. So I stayed with him all night treating him and keeping him alive. They were like 8 hours of pain. When we finally could, we took him to the vet and they saved him. But since then he just got weaker and weaker. He stopped eating for 10 days, so he got really skinny. But we managed to make him feel better and he started eating again. The problem was that he could no longer stand up on his own. Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn't, we helped him and then he had no problem and started walking. But as time passed he stopped getting up by himself altogether and when we made him stand up and he went to pee or poop, he could not stay up, he fell everytime. He started to suppress his need to pee, he stayed in the same position for hours and since he was so stubborn he tried to get up and failed, always landing with a tud. He could not sleep many hours, I think he sometimes was in pain. I know he was miserable, he always ran up and down the stairs, he jumped onto the roof of my laundry room and he always jumped to greet you. So seeing him like this was heartbreaking. He ate and drank like he was fine, but we knew he was not. He was getting injuries in his body because he laid down too much. One was a hole in his skin, the vet said it would only get worse. In this last days his eyes looked so tired. The vet himself saw him and told us that his eyes had his third eyelid showing, that was a sign of pain. He said that yes, his head was fine, but his body did not respond anymore. So we decided to put him down. I know that if we let him, he would still be here, but... Would it have been better? I don't think so. He would just be in pain and wanting to do what he could no longer do. We let him go because his life quality was awful. This Sunday I stayed with him all day long. I gave him chicken for dinner since he loves that and I bought ice cream. He always liked it but we never gave him much, just a spoon some rare times. So that night I gave him the same amound I would have eaten and he was so happy. I stayed up with my mom, I slept 3 hours while she took care of him and then viceversa. He could not sleep much, but when he did he did it very deeply. When the time came to take him to the vet for the last time, I showered him with kisses that adorned his face (I had lipstick on) and hugged him. I took my last photo with him and his last photo alone and we went. The procedure was pretty calm. The vet put some anesthesia and while he was falling asleep we talked to him and caressed him, told him we loved him and thanking him. When he was sleeping we left since the vet said it could be unpleasant to see him go, because he could get rigid or pee or poop himself. I think it was fine, my mom and I avoided some extra pain and he was already sleeping, so the last thing he saw was us. While we waited an old lady came in with her dog, that had had a stroke. We cried all together, since we were in the same position. When everything was over, the vet gave us the body and we took him home to burry him. My mom and I stayed like two hours with his body, crying and talking about him. Then we buried him and put flowers over his spot. I can't stop crying, every time I wake up I cry, my chest hurts and I started shaking too. It's too painful. I tried my very best to bring him back to health but it was impossible. He was so loving though, he even played with us when he was laying down. He was 13 and I have know him since I was 7. I am now 20 and this feels like my brother has died. I am an only child and he was my family, we grew up together. This last 4 years were awful, I got sick and failed my first year of college, my mom and dad divorsed and my mom had to go live elsewhere. I still see her everyday, but it's not the same. I have fought with my friends and they left me, I had to hospitalize my mom and she ended up having cancer... Everything is crap. But he was always there. Just seeing him and walking with him, bringing him his food, kissing him and petting him it made everything happier, and life much more enjoyable. Now he is gone and everything seems so sad. He made every empty space full with his presence and personality, now everything seems so big. But I know deep down that this was the best we could do. Maybe you don't believe in this things, but my mom is a very spiritual lady and she sees the souls of people that died. She saw her own father's soul. And today she saw my dog, happier and younger in the garden with us, in my room watching me sleep and in her house keeping an eye on her. He saw him with my grandpa too, he loved my dog a lot but did not get too much time to enjoy him. So I truly believe he is happy and safe. That he is better this way. That he wants me happy and he will always take care of me. His name is Tom and he was, is and will forever be one of the most important parts of my life. I will try to get some sleep, to cry but not let it consume me. I have to be okay for my parents, for me and for Tom. Thank you for reading this testament. I just needed to get everything out of my chest. Please feel free to tell me your stories, I will love to support all of you in this sad times.
ourbrandy

Registered:
Posts: 1,010
 #2 
Dear Jacqui:

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious boy, Tom.  It sounds like he had a lifetime of love with your family right up until the end.  You tried everything to keep him with you but in the end made the decision that was your final act of love for him.

I know this pain so well because we have had to go through this twice.  We had a little cockapoo named Brandy for 17 years and she was the light of our lives.  When we had to make the decision to let her go it was gut wrenching, but we knew we couldn't let her suffer.  We had said never again, we were never going to get another dog it was just too heartbreaking.

But about 4 months after Brandy left us we were so lonely and the house was so empty.  We decided to try and adopt a senior dog that might need us as much as we needed her.  So we adopted Miriam, a 10 year old cocker spaniel.  She brought us so much joy and helped to ease our heartache a little.  She had lots of health issues though and we ended up only having her for 4 years.  We had to say goodbye to her last November, on the same exact date 4 years earlier that we adopted her.

What saved me was this website full of caring and compassionate people that really "get it" and understand what you are going through.  Every tear that you shed for Tom is worth it, because he was your family member.  With great love comes great grief.

I am sending you thoughts and prayers of comfort at this difficult time.  May your wonderful memories of Tom sustain you on the dark days.

Hugs,
Barb
Angel Brandy's and Angel Miriam's mom
And now foster mom to Clarissa

Jacqui_97

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #3 

I'm really sorry for your losses, but I have to say that I really admire you. To open your heart again and to an old dog, that you know is gonna leave soon.. It takes courage and even if you were hurt, you took her in and gave her the love she needed in her last years, and she, thankfull, gave more to you in return. Thankfully I'm doing better, it still hurts a lot, but I managed to sleep without waking up to cry, and I can look at my garden with out crying, remembering that he is resting there. Tom, even with his death, gave me another chance with one of the friends I had lost in these years, she saw what happened and talked to me, me made up and now we are close again. Who would have thought that even in his death he would give me so much? He really was special. Thank you so much for replying to me. This site truly is amazing and I'm really glad I found it. There's so much loving and supporting people, you really feel that someone understands your pain, and sharing it helps you move on. Thank you and have a nice day!

 

PD: I saw your letters to your babies, I really look up to you, and I adore how you honour them. 

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