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Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board
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Posts: 3
I'm new to this forum and I see so many pet lovers who had experiences with losing their beloved pets. I need emotional support...I was a mother of a young Malamute who would have turned 3 in July...she was such a good dog. A sweet special sweetheart. She had an aggressive behavioral issue which resulted to numerous dog fights, including the injury of my 2 year old husky. For the majority of the time, my malamute, Ivy, got along and was even nurturing towards my husky. I tried training her and had her on close supervision and became very hopeful that she was cured when a lengthy amount of time had passed and the fights had deceased.

Last Saturday, she initiated a brutal fight with my husky and injured his ear. I was devastated because I knew that it could not go on like this, but I also knew that giving her up to a shelter was not the answer. The thought of not knowing what was going to happen to her was too excruciating; I knew that no one would take a dog with known aggressive issues. She never went out of her way to bite anyone but every dog fight resulted into either a dog or a person getting bit. Last Saturday I developed two puncture wounds in trying to get her to release my husky's head from her mouth.

Ivy was special, I was married to my ex and suffered an abusive relationship. Before getting my husky, Ivy was my only companion and friend in need. I'm in the military so my work hours were long and hectic, but I cherished every moment I had with her....right now I feel guilty for not spending more time with her.

The day I had her euthanized, a half of me died. I had a vet come over to my place to perform the euthanization. I wanted Ivy comfortable and surrounded by an environment she recognized and by the people that loved her. The vet had me give her sedatives an hour prior to calm her, but I felt they did the opposite. The sedatives had her hallucinating and "drunk" she couldn't walk and she kept crawling until she had herself cornered, I held her close as she attempted to climb on my lap. The vet finally came and Ivy was panting and kept pushing herself back on the wall while gripping me. She laid her head on my lap and I took a moment to put my crying to a pause so I could tell her I love her. I kissed her, and within a minute she was gone. I've felt nothing but guilt and a deep sense of loss in my life since then. I don't regret it, some days I question myself if I did the right thing, but I know deep down inside I know it was the decision I had to go and make. I only regret not knowing more about the breed and having more time to train her. I have been non stop crying, my house feels empty and I find myself demotivated to do anything. I miss my baby girl and wish I could hold her just one more time and make her feel loved.

I'm here because I am still coping and wanted to speak to those who shared my pain. This was the hardest decision I've ever had to make and I had no idea it would hurt this much. I would like to someday get another Malamute, after my husky gets older and ages naturally. I just feel like my world crashed down on me and I can't help but remember the times when I felt like this before, my Ivy was there for me.

Posts: 13
IvyLeague4, Sorry you were forced to make such a tough decision. Her last memories of laying with her head in your lap and knowing you love her are what she has, good ones. It is so difficult saying goodbye. One thing I realized while I have been going through my grief with my Emma Lee is that while I was crying and being upset over guilt, etc my black lab who I still have was sitting and watching me (more guilt). Talking to her about it and spending more time taking her for car rides, hikes, watching moves together has helped. Hopefully you are able to spend some extra time with your husky kid and share your grief and love there. Take care and feel better soon.

Emma Lee's mom 

Posts: 3
Thank you Emma_Lees_Mom. I've felt a bit better as the days go by. The pain is still there because I know Ivy was such a good dog and there would have been many more years of her continuing being a good dog. I thank you for your kind and strong words. They really help. 
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