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Bobkittybsn

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Posts: 7
 #1 
I lost my 9 year old golden retriever to hemangiosarcoma this past Thursday. We got her diagnosis on January 2nd as a complete surprise. I got home from work that day and noticed she had a bit of diarrhea, so I decided to take her to the vet for medicine. The vet noticed her gums were pale and did an ultrasound where he found 3 masses on her spleen and 3 more on her liver. We were referred to a surgeon who tried to push for surgery, despite the fact that it would only buy us 2 months and there was no guarantee she would survive the surgery. We opted to not put her through surgery and were told she would only be with us for 2 more days.

A month and a half later, thanks to a fantastic hospice vet, my girl was still with us. She was eating, drinking, and following cats. My husband and I decided to take her out to go potty one last time before we went to the store to buy more food for her. She made it up our stairs and to her potty spot. On her way back inside, she stumbled then collapsed and couldn't get up. We carried her into the house and found a vet who would do an in home euthanasia, since our hospice vet had gone home for the day. The home euthanasia vet was very nice and made sure she didn't feel anything at all in her last moments.

So much of our lives were spent cooking for her, cleaning up after her, giving her herbs and medicine in the past month, that now, without her, I feel lost with the extra time. I got most of my grieving out when we got the diagnosis, but random things hit me and start the mourning all over again. For example, tonight I was brushing my teeth before bed and I had a random thought that, what if, when her spirit first made it to the rainbow bridge, she didn't know that she had passed away and was scared and confused? My husband keeps telling me that she will be with us again in a few days when we get her ashes, but I can't pet ashes. I can't kiss the forehead of ashes. I know someone who got a puppy 8 days after her golden passed away and I always thought "wow, that was too soon. She didn't even give herself time to grieve. " but, after losing my girl, I would give anything to fill the emptiness I feel right now.

Thank you so much for letting me ramble on about my feelings. It's so hard to express myself to my family and friends, but it feels easier to talk to a group of strangers who are all going through the same thing that I am. I wish you all strength and peace in your grieving process.
Always__there

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Posts: 123
 #2 
Hello BK,
Yes, the cycle is broken, the once caring and doing for Our pets. The routine of the day is disrupted. Nothing compares to the void. Been (1) month since my wee chihuahua,16y paid to rest. Hard to face the facts with the odds stacked against him so the humane thing to do was to lay him to rest. I concur with You and Your husbands decision to lay your precious retriever to sleep. Peace at last. Nine years of age, a good age but there is never enough time when one is an animal lover. I feel your despair.    God Bless,     Sherry/Perryxx
Bobkittybsn

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Posts: 7
 #3 
Thank you for your kind words. My condolences on the loss of your Chihuahua. I don't think any age is enough time to have with a fur baby.
PoisonIvy

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Posts: 60
 #4 
Bobkittybsn, I'm sorry for your loss.  My 11-1/2-year-old Aussie was diagnosed in September with an oral tumor. She died two weeks ago today, at home, peacefully, after a morning when we went on three walks, she had three meals, and she took a few naps. I know she wasn't euthanized too early and I don't feel guilty.  But I feel very sad, my life feels empty and somewhat meaningless, and I HATE CANCER! 
goofygirlinva

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Posts: 1,191
 #5 
Bobkittybsn, I am so sorry for your loss. I know what it is like to go to the vet for what I thought was a routine visit only to be hit with the dreaded cancer diagnosis. My Squeeker was diagnosed with oral squamous cell carcinoma last March 1 and given a few weeks to live. We tried an alternative treatment for his cancer but it did not work, and I had to let my boy go last May 26. The cancer journey was filled with so many ups and downs, so many hopes that were ultimately followed by the reality that cancer was winning the battle. I have other cats in my life, but the void in the house, in my life, that came once Squeeker passed away, was and continues to be enormous.

So...like you and countless others on this board, I HATE CANCER!!!

Hugs and peace to you as you adjust to your new life without your precious one...

- Kelly
Angel Blackie's mom
Angel Squeeker's mom
Zoeys_mommy

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #6 
I’m new to this forum, and wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss you’re story really hit home to me, as I atm experiencing something so similar right now. My Zoey was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoman February 2nd. We took her in for what started as diarrhea as well and a cold. They did X-rays and found her heart double the size We spenti the entire day with a cardiologist and he diagnosed her with This awful cancer. We opted against surgery as well since the prognosis was still so bad:( we took her home and loved on her. Every day she got worse and worse as the tumor was so large and pressing against her lungs. We had to put her to sleep this past Monday bc the difficulty breathing became too much. She was my absolute best friend and was so young at only 8! Thank you for sharing your story, and letting me share mine. Again, I’m so sorry for your loss as I literally feel it myself.
Bobkittybsn

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #7 
Hi Zoeys_mommy. I'm so sorry for your loss. My Maggie has been gone for an entire week and i wish i could say it gets easier, but I'm still waiting. Just keep reminding yourself that it is ok to not be ok for a while.
Keefcat

Registered:
Posts: 79
 #8 
Hemangiosarcoma is the worst.. A golden, a lab golden mix and a German Shepard mix all died from this terrible disease. Another mix of mine died from lymphoma......all cancers.

I just posted a memorial to Crow Baby who also died of cancer.

And you're right, cancer sucks.

You mention the part of your day that is now empty. Even though it's been 6 months since my golden died, I still feel like I have to let him out, or I almost put a bowl on the floor to let him clean it. Now I put my ice cream bowl on the floor for the cat....obviously it's not the same.

I wish you peace in theses next months. I know you can't replace your beloved companion, but there are other fur friends out there who will make your life a better life when you are ready.
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