Registered: 1563774757 Posts: 1
I have had Bailey since I was 10 years old. I just turned age 25, so long story short, Bailey has always been there with me. She crossed the bridge at age 14 yesterday at the vet.
Bailey was always a trooper. She just kind of seemed to always chug along until this last year, everything just kind of seemed to hit fast. She began to lose weight, she is a boxer and yesterday at the vet she weighed 44 pounds. Also in the past year she has fallen down the stairs once, she can hardly put any weight on her left hip, she has fainted/pottied herself a couple of times and also had a couple of seizures. If I’m being honest with myself at times too I could kind of just see that “stare” in her eyes. That she was fading. Yesterday my mom and I took her into the vet at 8:30. I had no idea there were even a possibility of us deciding to put her down. Didn’t even give it any thought. We just were hoping to get her looked at and maybe get some advice since she had fainted Thursday. The vet said her heart actually sounded ok, but that with all her tumors and also hearing she had a handful of fainting/seizures, that she likely had cancer and/or perhaps brain disease. He also acknowledged that she was severely underweight. He gave us some options, such as painkillers etc. My mom and I discussed it and decided we would bring Bailey back to the vet at 1:30 (closing time) and set her free. I have regret about that decision. Looking back on it I feel like I didn’t fight for her, I think Bailey wanted to still be here. She might not have been 100% but she loved us so much I feel like if she could speak she would have said “no! Don’t do this!” But instead of fighting it I agreed with my mom and acknowledged it was time. I don’t even know why I didn’t fight it. I didn’t believe what I was saying. I just think I was so emotionally drained over the last few months part of me just said the hell with it. I regret it so much. I am typing this in bed right now. Bailey should be laying with me. I also have regrets about the owner I was. I played Sports in high school and grade school and just feel like throughout that time I never gave bailey the attention she deserved. I was never abusive but there were a lot of times I would ignore her or even get annoyed or upset with her, especially when I was younger. After high school I went to college and so I was even more busy. Walks were few and far between. I played with her some but mostly I just took care of her in a sense that I made sure she was fed, let out, etc. I should have done more with her man. I’m also angry with my younger brothers because they were around and never did anything with her. They should have been walking her and playing with her etc. I’ll take all the blame though because she was my dog. I hope she knows I loved her so much. I can’t believe she’s gone. It doesn’t even feel real. I’m just so so sad. So sad. Bailey passed away at 1:30 yesterday and it feels like those 14 years we had together were a blur. Here and gone. Just like that. Rest In Peace Bailey. I hope you are running through the heavens right now having the time of your life. Thank you for everything.
Registered: 1563885391 Posts: 4
What you're experiencing is common from everything I am reading. I have a bit of guilt myself after losing my little dog last week. He died suddenly at home at age 13, so I didn't have to put him down. But I do have guilt over being gone so much working and doing social activities. But then I think of all that I did with him. He slept in the bed with me or beside it on his favorite blanket every night. He got treats everyday, was well fed, had a fenced yard to go out in, went to all of my work conferences and stayed in the hotel with me, and never had to be out in the heat or cold. We just have to accept that we can't give our pets 100% of our time or attention. We have to make a living and we have to take care of other life obligations. It's also natural to get aggravated with them at times for whatever reason. Sometimes they wake you up at night scratching or walking around, get into the trash, or whatever else it might be. That's just part of pet ownership. The fact that your little one lived to age 14 is a testament to the care you gave her and I feel the same way about my little guy since 13 exceeded the lifespan of the majority of pugs. I posted this one another posting on this site, but I will post it again. Take comfort in a quote from Queen Elizabeth. "Grief is the price we pay for love". Indeed, if we did not love, we would not grieve.