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supes414

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Posts: 194
 #1 
Not because anything is wrong with him, but because he is a healthy, happy four year old and I am about to get really sick. I don't want to dwell on that, let's just leave it at I've had a really good run, did and saw almost everything I wanted to and it's going to happen fast so I won't be sick long. Also, I'm too old to die young now.

The reason I'm here is because I have to make sure my Bosco is ok before I go and to do that I have to surrender him to a Boston Terrier rescue I have found. They look amazing, their site gives me hope that Bosco will have a happy future. But I have to do this before I enter hospice and as much as I love the people in my life, none of them can take him so I have NO idea what will happen to him once they drive him away from me. People have offered to take him, but the ones I think he will be happy with are people I don't know well enough to trust and the people I trust either already have too much going on or have dogs I don't think would mix well with my spazshot little guy.

Bosco is a high energy dog and we are together 24/7. He's never spent a day in a cage or crate and I don't want that to change. Until very recently I worked for Disney World. He's stayed at the Contemporary Resort with me, I've let him ride the Tea Cups and he loves the Haunted Mansion. Mickey, Minnie, Pluto and Goofy are always happy to see him. And now in a couple weeks I will have to watch someone drive away with him and that is already more upsetting to me than what will happen with me afterwards.

I LOVE this dog. He got me through so much over the past few years. I remember when my pug died I was worried I wouldn't bond with Bosco as I had with LJ. But Bosco was with me everyday as a whole lot of stuff in my life went wrong. He was also with me when a whole lot of stuff went right. Basically, good or bad, he was with me. Part of me (a very big part) wants to be selfish and let him stay with me through everything, but I'm not sure I can trust my loved ones to surrender him after I'm gone. They might keep him just to hold onto someone I love. I love "my" people but not one of them can be with Bosco even half as much as I am. I want to do the right thing for Bosco and in this case the only thing I can think to do is let him go. Seriously, this rescue sounds amazing but I'm having such a hard time thinking about letting him go. Watching them drive away with him and never knowing what happens to him. I'll be honest, we're seriously codependent. The idea that the last image I'll see of him being driven away from me will be confusion or fear in his eyes is really holding me back.

Has anyone here ever known someone that had to do this? I'm really just looking for advice. I've found the right people to take him, I just don't want to let go. In my heart I want him to stay with me until the last moment. But in my head I know it's up to me to take care of him and that most likely means letting him go sooner than I'm ready.

Physically, I'm ok right now. Not great, but ok. I know I should get this done soon, but I feel like I'm betraying him.
Sashalulu

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Posts: 14
 #2 
Oh my gosh I am so sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine how hard it is to be faced with a terminal illness and have to give up your best friend. Have you talked to the rescue and explained your situation? I'm wondering if they would be willing to tell his adopter your story and pass on your contact info so they can assure you he is ok and maybe even bring him for a visit? I realize not everyone would be ok with this but for me personally if I adopted a pet In this situation it would an honor for me to bring comfort to the previous owner. It's worth a shot!
ourbrandy

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Posts: 1,010
 #3 
My heart goes out to you Supes414.  It's an almost impossible decision you have to make, but one that in the end is the best for your Bosco.

I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but I will keep you in my prayers.  I'm sure that the rescue will find an awesome home for Bosco.

Hugs of comfort,
Barb (Angel Brandy's and now Miriam's mom
~forever~
supes414

Registered:
Posts: 194
 #4 
Thank you both for answering and your thoughts, I appreciate it.

It hadn't occurred to me to ask about visitation, I should do that so I'd at least have the option if I can deal with it. I haven't finished the paperwork yet (I have a lot of paperwork for a bunch of different stuff) but they might be open to it. The thing is, I don't know where he'll go and Florida is a big state. There is also the possibility that I will go home to Boston for the last few weeks. My understanding is he will be put directly into a foster home so they can get to know him and then place him with the right person or family.

I know this is irrational but I feel like I'm failing him. Bosco really trusts me. I mentioned that I openly admit that we're codependent, more often than not I wake up with his head on the same pillow as mine. When I had to put my pug to sleep I knew I did everything I could for him and it was the right time but with Bosco he's just going to be taken from me and he'll never know why. I have thought about keeping him until the decision gets made for me but I know that this rescue is better for him than my other alternatives. I don't want to risk him getting caught up in the aftermath and getting shuffled around. He's my dog, his quality of life is my responsibility.
LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,835
 #5 
Sharon...  I'm so saddened to hear what you are going through and the unthinkable decision you are faced with - there is no way to even imagine how difficult this all must be for you.  One thing is for sure... you love your sweet boy and he knows it....  I am sending my wishes that things will fall into place in a way that gives you peace.  

Thinking of you and your sweet Bosco... 
Hugs,
Melanie
~Lee Lee's Mama~ 
Dogmommy

Registered:
Posts: 394
 #6 
Dear Sharon,
 
I am so terribly, terribly sorry to hear the sad news : (
 
I would talk to the rescue people and explain the situation and see if the new family would keep you updated or even bring your beloved Bosco to visit you.
 
My first boxer had belonged to a young vet assistant who had a terminal illness and wasn't able to care for her any longer. My ex-husband found her through an ad in the paper. After my ex-husband brought her home and I learned the story I contacted the vet hospital where he had picked her up and asked them to let her former daddy know that we had her and to please give him our contact information so he could have the comfort of knowing where she was. I remember he called me and we had a very nice conversation and he told me all sorts of helpful things about her. He was so relieved that she was in a good home where she was very loved with a big back yard to run and play in and was sleeping on the bed with me and my ex-husband. He was even able to come over to our house one day to see her.
 
I got my second boxer from the Camp Pendleton pound. You probably read about him in my post Click here: GOD CARES DEEPLY ABOUT THE LOSS OF YOUR PET - Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board  Since he still had his tags on his collar I was able to contact the Marine's family to let them know where he was and that he was safe. I kept in contact with them and it meant the world to them to know how very deeply loved he was and to get pictures and updates.
 
I ended up on the other end with a foster boxer we recently had for five months. My sister and I loved him like he was our own--and he loved us--and we were upset when the rescue man took him away to bring to his new mommy who lives very far away. I told the rescue man that we wanted pictures of him with his new mommy. Thankfully they sent them and oh my seeing the smile on the new mommy's face and seeing how happy the boxer was with her made everything okay.
 
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and am sending you a big hug. And I will also pray for the perfect home for your beloved Bosco.
anhauser3

Registered:
Posts: 9
 #7 
Gosh, I am just sending you both love and light and your love for Bosco will ultimately help you make the right decision for him. Peace and strength sent your way.
supes414

Registered:
Posts: 194
 #8 
Thank you for your replies. I think this decision might get made for me. I just woke up after sleeping for 18 hours straight. That's not like me at all, I'm usually lucky to get 18 hours sleep in a week! Luckily I wasn't alone and there was someone here to feed and give water to Bosco but they have to fly home tomorrow. I've made a promise to myself that I'll finish the surrender forms by Tuesday and then hopefully I will talk to someone that will work with me on this. I doubt that he will get placed in a forever home in time for me to talk to them but hopefully I can talk to his foster home and give them a sense of him, because he's weird but very smart and playful but not aggressive. He's a very sweet, loyal, funny and cuddly little guy. He's not perfect, he can be a little demanding when he wants something and he will stamp his little paws like a parade marcher until he gets it (he gets that from my partner) and he's a bedhog. Plain and simple, whether it's a nap on the couch or a California King in a hotel room, I'm going to be clinging on to the side so my 19 pound dog can sleep on his back, all stretched out.

Dogmommy, I love boxers. I think Bosco thinks he's a boxer. His best friend is part boxer, part mastiff and part something else really big. They are cute together.
Northernlitez

Registered:
Posts: 446
 #9 
First, I have to say I looked  at your pictures, and Bosco is just beautiful as is the tatoo you have for your LJ. I am sending you a huge hug and a shoulder if you ever need one. I was faced with a situation where we had to surrender a partially blind and deaf Great Dane to a rescue. My daughter had found him as a pup on the side of the road. We took him to sign language classes where he learned basic commands, but after a while, I realized he needed so much more than a family who worked full time. It broke my heart, but I surrendered him to a rescue who found him a home with many acres and other danes to play with where he would be taught one on one. I agree it would be more reassuring for you to talk to the rescue and let them know exactly what you want. I am sure they would be honored to fulfill your wishes. I can't tell you how inspiring you are to me and I am sending prayers and wishes for the best for you and your beautiful Bosco. You and Bosco have many beautiful memories and you will be reunited one day. 
supes414

Registered:
Posts: 194
 #10 
I heard back from the rescue yesterday and they have accepted Bosco. They are going to let me keep him as long as I can and they are looking for a foster home near me so he can visit. I'm so incredibly relieved now that I know he will be well taken care of.
Dogmommy

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Posts: 394
 #11 
Oh Sharon that is truly wonderful news for both you and Bosco!
anhauser3

Registered:
Posts: 9
 #12 
I can't imagine the hardship you are facing but I am happy for your relief and for dear Bosco. I am sending you and Bosco Love, Light and Peace.
Rayna

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #13 
It made me incredibly sad to read this. I'm sorry you have to face this illness and giving up Bosco. You are really strong for making the decision you did, I can only imagine how that must feel. I think what makes us feel so bad when we make certain decisions for them is realising that we decide over every detail of their lives, and we can't explain any of it to them. They are completely at our mercy. But you are doing this out of love and wanting the best for him. Good luck with the difficult journey ahead. Sending prayers that he will be placed in an amazing home and be really happy. Please keep us updated if you feel up to it.
supes414

Registered:
Posts: 194
 #14 
Rayna, You hit the nail on the head. Bosco and I communicate very well but I can't sit down and have a talk with him about what's going on or why we will be separated. I have found the next best thing in the rescue organization I have found. The woman I have been speaking to me has given me a lot of peace but that doesn't mean separating from him will be easy. I'm trying to focus on today, stay in the moment but I've never been very good at that.
AmandaWI

Registered:
Posts: 1,415
 #15 
Sharon,

I'm so very sorry that you are going through this.  It sounds as though the rescue is being very understanding and making it the easiest for you possible.  I am wondering if you have considered writing a letter to the future foster home as well as the future forever home?  You could tell them all of Bosco's likes/dislikes, habits, routine, fears, etc so that they will have a head start as far as knowing how he communicates, etc. That way you can feel even more secure knowing that everything is addressed.  I went back and re-read all of your posts from when LJ was sick and passed.  You have been through so much.  Although I have no traditional religion, I hope that you are wrong and that you will be met by LJ and your family when your time comes and you can keep watch over Bosco until he joins you.  I hope that doesn't offend you but I am hoping to have a similar reunion myself some day.  I think of you and Bosco often and just wanted you to know that.  Please check in as long as you are able, I'm sending you both a big hug of support. 

Amanda
Kodiak & Bailee's mom 
supes414

Registered:
Posts: 194
 #16 
Hi Amanda,

I spoke to Bosco's foster mom yesterday, in detail. I put all his info and every digital photo I have of him on a usb drive so she will have that. She's made it very clear that she thinks she might keep him (I'm VERY good with that) but if she does find the perfect place for him, she would allow him to go there. She and I got along very well and she's offered to send photos and updates for as long as I can get them. She's also open to letting my stepkids see him anytime they want to see him. She's coming to get him tomorrow and while I know that I am putting him in good hands I'm still very emotional about it. I keep staring at the clock. I try to stay awake as long as possible to spend as much time with him as I can. She also has offered to bring him to me for visits but everything is happening very, very fast now and I doubt I'll see him again after tomorrow.

I don't find other people's beliefs offensive, I appreciate your thoughts and no one will be happier than me if I turn out to be wrong and my family and LJ are waiting for me.

Thank you for your support and friendship over the past few years.

Be Well,
S

Noor9898

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #17 
May the force be with you.
I am speechless infront of your strength.
Life won't ever be fair.
May your souls reassemble forever in heaven.
Keep us intouch with your state.
Much love and support ❤
supes414

Registered:
Posts: 194
 #18 
I don't feel very strong but thank you. The woman from the rescue just called me, she's running late so I have a few more hours with him. He's asleep next to me on the couch and I'm not budging.
anhauser3

Registered:
Posts: 9
 #19 
We are all here for you
supes414

Registered:
Posts: 194
 #20 
Thank you.

A few hours turned into a couple days and Bosco is still here but he's leaving today. It gave me more time to spend with him and it also gave me more time to accept what is happening. I'm grateful for her and I'm grateful to know where he is going. My step daughter and my ex (we broke up years ago but we didn't break up with our kids, we somehow managed to stay a family) will be here when she comes to get him so I will have support.
AmandaWI

Registered:
Posts: 1,415
 #21 
Sharon I have been thinking about you both every day.  I'm glad you had more time with him.  How are you doing?  Have you gotten any updates about Bosco?  Sending you a big hug.

Amanda
Kodiak & Bailee's mom
Poodlemommy_2004

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #22 
Sharon, you are in my prayers.
Poodlemommy aka Paula, Zoey's mom.
supes414

Registered:
Posts: 194
 #23 
They sent me some pictures. He looks good but confused. he's sticking to his foster mom like glue :-) I miss him, it's like losing a limb. I keep thinking he's there and I have to be careful when I sit down or roll over but he's not.  
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,835
 #24 
Sharon,
I'm so glad that you are able to hear from Bosco.... and see that he is doing okay. There is no way I can begin to imagine what you are going thru, I know you miss him desperately. My thoughts continue to be with you.
Sending warm hugs....
Melanie

klsemfh13

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #25 

I'm writing this today because I feel empty, lost, sad, confused, and like a failure. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year and have one rescue dog who is a boxer/bulldog mix named Tilly. She's the sweetest, most patient loving girl in the world. Since she didn't have someone to play with we wanted to bring another rescue into the mix. Enter Mack. A ridiculous, silly, young bulldog we rescued without truly talking it out. We found out his backstory was extremely sad. He was originally locked up with urine stains on his chest because no one let him out, played with him, or basically really interacted with him at all. We realized we were taking on a lot of responsibility but figured we could handle it. Mack was a handful. His original foster mom had to give him to another family after one night because he destroyed everything in her home. The second foster family adored him and when we adopted him we could tell they truly wished they could keep him. 

Mack was with us for five ish months. He did come a long way, initially he was biting, jumping, peeing, pooping, barking, and essentially destroying everything he could find. He and Tilly got along well and she enjoyed playing with him but he played SO rough. We brought a trainer in who people we know that we volunteer with at a local animal shelter said was the best. She came in and said she had never seen such a difficult case. Regardless we tried to press on. We tried teaching him boundaries and respect with little success. He seemed to listen to me well but my boyfriend just couldn't get the "alpha" thing down with Mack. We also aren't the type of family that wants to lay down hard rules and be super strict. I think that was where the initial match up went wrong. Regardless, we loved on Mack I made sure I went home everyday at lunch and took him and Tilly on a 40 minute walk then we would walk them again after work if the weather was nice. We took him to the vet when he ate a swiffer sheet and had an infection. We did everything we could possibly think of but my boyfriend and Mack just couldn't live together. 

Soon it turned into hostility all around. Mack was biting my boyfriend and me unintentionally while we would play with him, he barked nonstop, he started humping again out of nowhere, the weather was too cold for us to walk him and I think all in all things just went bad very quickly. Tilly started acting hostile and irritable. My boyfriend and I were fighting nonstop and all we talked about was the dog. It literally consumed our lives. We couldn't even relax in the living room because Mack wanted to play play play. We attempted to push through since we knew how he was originally raised and really wanted to make it work. We brought in a second trainer and was considering doing a $2,000 overnight two week training but we just couldn't justify the money. 

Yesterday I reached out to the rescue service and called them absolutely sobbing. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. I basically had to choose between my boyfriend, Tilly, our home, our life or Mack. It was my idea to adopt him so I know deep down the resentment was aimed at me for disrupting our home so quickly. My bf kept his mouth shut about how effected he was by the second dog because he knew I loved him and tried to wait it out as long as possible. Truly, we did everything we could think of. It just wasn't working. We couldn't even have family members stay over without having to put him in a crate because he obsessively was trying to get into their things and eat their stuff. And don't think for a second we didn't load him with toys. I subscribed to barkbox, I would take him to the pet store with me, I truly did try everything I could think of. I am back in school, working full time, and had to pick up a part time job to make ends meet. My boyfriend works until 10PM some nights and is constantly swamped with work. 

I was able to get in touch with the foster family that loved him dearly and they came and scooped him up. It happened really quickly and I've felt so empty inside since but they were so happy as they came to collect him. It's a man and a woman and her daughter. The daughter pulled up to the house smiling and the man said he felt like he really missed an opportunity to adopt Mack the first time around when they fostered him. I cried uncontrollably and am battling insane guilt and betrayal. I can't stop thinking if he misses us or if we've betrayed him. I feel like a horrible mom who gave up on him when things got really hard. I feel like I put myself before him and I feel truly terrible. I know deep deep down this is the right thing for Mack and he'll be so happy with them. They already have another bulldog and absolutely adore the breed in general. He's a good boy and he's so precious. It just hurts so much. Last night I cried for hours while my boyfriend held me and Tilly crawled into my lap and hasn't left my side. We do already feel like we're falling back to the way things were and I know eventually I'll be able to see the silver lining in all of this I'm just struggling right now. Maybe I selfishly need to hear it's ok? I don't know. I know surrendering a dog isn't right, I know it shouldn't be an option and I did it anyway. I feel empty, I feel lost, and I feel like I've abandoned Mack. 

Thank you for reading this. I know it's a lot of rambling I'm just going through waves of emotion. Sometimes I can see where this was the right choice, everyone around us agreed that he will be happier with them but it's hard to see that. Thank you guys again. This message board has already helped me a ton just by reading other people's messages. 


Xoxo

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