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Anne123

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Posts: 6
 #1 
I lost my companion yesterday, he was 14 and he enjoyed his life so much, he died at home with me and I feel like he came to me to tell me he didn't have long left. It was the hardest moment of my life. I am lost, i Don't know what to do. I spent every day With him, I loved him so much, our bond was so strong. I need to see him again,I can't bare the thought of not seeing him again.
Lindakh

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Posts: 12
 #2 
I know how you feel. I still can't get used to my boy not being around. I still run errands and think that I have to get home and let Chevy out, only he isn't there. There's an emptiness now. I do some guided meditations at night, and although sometimes they make me cry, I envision him walking alongside me and we are happy and free from the constraints of this place. I don't know if anything I'm saying helps. I'm sorry you are hurting. But i am so happy he enjoyed every minute of his 14 years with you. What a blessing to go peacefully, at home with the person he loved the most and who loved him the most. I am truly sorry for your loss. Take things one day, one hour at a time. You grieve in your own way. 

My thoughts are with you. I wish you peace
Anne123

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Posts: 6
 #3 
Thank you for your kind words, it means so much. I am so sorry for your loss too. I feel the emptiness and that a part of me has gone with him. Its only been a few days, how do you deal with it? The pain? I'm so sad. I talk to him,it helps somehow. How are you dealing with it? Peace to you and thank you for the message.
Lindakh

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Posts: 12
 #4 
I think that a part of you has gone with him, the same as a part of him stays with you. At least that's how I feel about my boy. I cried...every day for three months. And I still cry and they are violent, searching, universe beseeching cries. I deal with the pain and the sadness by letting myself be sad. I know that this is the worst thing that's happened in my life and there is no right or wrong amount of time to mourn the loss of the most beloved being I'll ever know. To me...being sad and mourning him properly are how I deal with it. I don't push it away, because it needs to be felt. 

I talk to Chevy too...I also still leave space for Chevy. Like he would be laying to my right hand side on the floor when I sat at my desk. I always leave room for him to lay down. 

I have a journal that is Chevy's personal journal. I write him letters. I tell him what I miss about him and how much I love him and how much I wish things could have been better for us. I tell him about all the dreams I have when he's in them. Writing letters to your boy could help. 

I have a little shrine to him in my room, with his ashes and several paw prints and a little glass sculpture I got of him. 

I ordered a custom paint by number of him and I just finished it. It helps to do something creative with your grief. A nice shadow box to hang his collar and tag...create a garden in his memory.

I go outside more than I used to. Being in nature helps. I remember that everything good about Chevy, the universe put there. Now that he is part of the universe again...every time I feel something good...that's my boy. Every time I feel at peace, instead of feeling guilty for not being sad, I remember that I was always at peace with Chevy and whenever I feel peaceful...that's my boy.

Sorry for the long post. Feel free to email me and reach out if you are every feeling low and need someone to talk to...
Anne123

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Posts: 6
 #5 
Thank you so much for your message, it wasn't too long at all and it helped me a lot. I took your advice and wrote a letter to my boy.
It sounds like Chevy was so lucky to have had you, you adored him and I know you find peace in nature because of him. He wants you to feel peace, I know my boy will bring me peace too, somehow. I have my boys ashes on top of the fridge, I know it sounds strange but he loved the kitchen and always double checked I closed the fridge door properly, I hadn't once and he took out some cheese, he loved food! He was a naughty beagle, always finding trouble and keeping me on my toes. I miss that, I would give anything to see him up to no good and laugh as he was so clever. He always slept at the side of my bed, even when he injured his leg I carried him up every night and back down every morning as he wanted to be with me and I with him. I can't believe he is gone. The pain is so strong and I am overcome with sadness, I try to smile when I think of his ways, but I still cry. He went everywhere with me, on holiday, to the shop. I'm so alone without him. He was my heart and life.

I'm literally heartbroken.

I know Chevy and Emilio want us to find peace, enjoy the memories and I know they are immensely grateful to the life we shared with them.

I thank you again. Your words are truly helpful.
Lindakh

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Posts: 12
 #6 
How are you holding up?
Anne123

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #7 
Ups and downs. Many days of feeling guilty and analysing every thing that happened up to losing him. Wondering if I could have done something, if I had known it was his last day, I could have made it so special. I still can't believe it, I'm so sad and would do anything to see him again. I speak to him and some days I feel calm and can enjoy things, then it hits me and I feel like screaming and cry. The process is long. How are you?
Lindakh

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #8 
I know exactly how you feel. I keep going over and over and over situations in my head. How could i have made it different? If this happened then that wouldn't have. If only this had happened I could have saved him. Why didn't that happen? It's all my FAULT it didn't happen! It seems like an endless cycle, I just want him back. I wish things could change. I keep thinking that if I just think about hit hard enough and want him back enough that maybe, maybe he might come back. I know it sounds crazy. I am...I don't know. Some days I see a light at the end of the tunnel and some days it feels like the day he died.

We all do this. and the thing is that if you truly did know it was his last day you WOULD have made it so special. Like, of course you would have. You did the best you could with what you have. I want to say to not beat yourself up but it's part of the process and one day you'll be ready. And maybe a few months after that you might feel that pang of guilt again.  I'm sorry that you're sad, but I take heart in knowing that you loved him so much and were such a great mom to him. 

When you speak to him...what does he say back to you? I talk to Chevy and I imagine his tail thumping on the ground or him coming in close to lean on me like he used to. 

Did you add Emilio's name to the candle light service thing on the site? 
Anne123

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #9 
I'm so sorry for the late reply. I haven't had a good week and couldn't bare to write or do much at all to be honest. I think the waves of grief hit reality. I think I've been in denile maybe, I started looking for pics to print and I suddenly realised he wasn't coming back. I'm so tired and sad.
When I speak to him I can see his face clearly, his expression ..saying ok mum, give me snack now. I say goodnight and he rolls over onto his back, I wake up and see him waiting for a belly scratch before breakfast.
Your words help me loads.
I will add his name but I haven't yet. Have you added Chevy's?
Lindakh

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #10 
It's all okay. I just wanted to check in on you, I know his passing has been hard on you. I will never hold a late reply or no reply against you. I just want to help and I'm glad that I can, even if it's only very small. 

I want a photo book of Chevy, but it's hard looking at his pictures. They make me very sad and in a way it only cements the fact that he's not here and that they are all the only proof in the world that he existed. I know I will never get over his passing and that's just the way it is and that's okay. Some things are so monumental that they change you forever. 

I did add Chevy's name. I never knew so many people named their dog Chevy...you can see the list of everyone's names. Always thought he'd be the only Chevy. The candle ceremony is 10pm eastern time tomorrow night.  I haven't gone to one yet, so I don't know what to expect, but I think I'll show up and see what it's about. anything I can do to honor his memory I try to do.
Anne123

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #11 
Chevy is a lovely name, I didn't realise it was so popular for doggies either, I've only ever met one . I agree with you, looking at photos is important but hurts ...I find that on my phone photo gallery I get memory pics from last year and he is on all of them so it breaks my heart that he won't be on any more. I literally think about him every second still. I feel the same, time will help but there will always be a void. I will add Emilio's name and enter. I think it's nice and it so helpful to know that people are going through the same. I actually haven't told anyone that he's gone, only two friends. I think it's a coping mechanism maybe, I need to talk to people who truly understand the situation. Thank you again, it's amazing to see how many people post on the topic board and how we are not alone in this suffering. Are you having better days?
Lindakh

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #12 
Only my family and two close friends know that Chevy is gone. I didn't post anything on social media because it's none of anyone's business and I don't need people's judgement about the way he passed away. I give myself a hard enough time. Telling everyone wont make it easier on me and not everything has to be shared. It's not something to broadcast to everyone, it's emotional and private. 

Some days are better days and some days all I can see is him lying next me, sedated and I remember crying all over him asking the world what I was supposed to do without my Chevy. I haven't slept well since he's been gone. He used to sleep with me and our bodies would just become one, like two pieces of a puzzle. We would just melt into each other and sleep with my arm around him and his head resting on my shoulder or my belly and every time I woke up during the night he would get kissed and pet and we would go right back to sleeping. I can't sleep without him....I try to use the blanket I laid on when he passed away as a substitute for holding him and it never works. But I can't get rid of that blanket. 

Some days there's a light at the end of the tunnel and some days I wonder what there is to wake up for. I'm sorry, today is a bad day and so was last night. I miss him so much and I wish so much that things could have been different. Every day I think of my Chevy, the great love of my life.

Whenever I came home from work he would know it was me just from hearing my car door close and I would hear him bark for me. And now I come home to nothing and he's supposed to be here...he was so full of life...

Thank you for listening
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