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Ayurkiewicz

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Posts: 3
 #1 
My dog Gremlin was a 12 year old Toy Fox Terrier.  He died today from natural causes, but I cannot begin to explain the overwhelming sorrow that his absence has left me with.

Gremlin came into my life when he was 6-months old, and was my constant companion, confidant, and my best friend.  Though he was a family dog, the bond between Gremlin and myself was something special, and everyone knew that he was "my" dog.  

I lost my other dog, Lilyth (a beautiful black lab), a year ago to cancer.  Until today, that was the hardest, most emotional day of my life.  Gremlin and Lilyth were inseparable, and though her loss weighed hard on us both, my bond with Gremlin became even more special.  In the last month, Gremlin's health began to decline very rapidly, and I knew that his time was short.  I made it my mission to make sure that he was comfortable and cared for.  Nature will take it's course, regardless of how much we try to impede it, and this afternoon I came home and saw that he was listless, couldn't walk, and was near the end.  I called the local emergency vet center to make arrangements to euthanize him, and my wife and I quickly departed to end Gremlin's suffering.

On the way to the vet, Gremlin died in my arms.  As he took his last breaths, I told him I loved him and that he was going to be okay.  I'm comforted in knowing that he passed naturally on his own terms and that I was with him to share his final moments. I'm comforted in knowing that whatever pain or discomfort he experienced is over. But the void he has left in my heart and in my life feels tremendous right now.

As much as I try to reassure myself that he's in a better place and that the time that we spent together was priceless, it still hurts.  Simple things like opening the door and not seeing him there waiting for us resonates with a deafening silence.  It's only been a few hours, I miss him so much.  I'm crying like a child as I write this.  

I know that others on this board have experienced similar heartache, so I guess I'm reaching out for any kind of understanding.

I love you Gremlin.  I miss you so much, buddy.
BenjiandPacosmom

Registered:
Posts: 39
 #2 
I am so so sorry for your loss. 
When Paco got to be skin & bones I knew something was wrong.  The first vet told me it was treatable - he just needed iron tonic with appitite stimulants.  When I went back he looked chubbier but it was a tumor and he weighed less and had to be put down. 
I know it is hard and I suspect it will be even harder when thirteen year old Benji goes. 
My heart & prayers go out to you
fostersmommy

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Posts: 893
 #3 
Oh yes, we understand oh so well. 

It's so new and raw right now.  It will still hurt a lot for a while.  With a bond like that, it will take a long time to get through the loss.

I am so sorry for your loss. The early days are the hardest....eventually it will get better but it does time time.  Lots of time.  You will never forget your special friend, you will always be linked by the bond that you shared.
Darian

Registered:
Posts: 282
 #4 

Opening the door and not seeing him there was the one toughest things for me too.   I guess it's because the simple act of them running to greet you each and every time you turn that knob,  is the most loyal and friendly thing I've ever seen.  Imagine,  us being blessed with these creatures who look past everything else in the room just to get a pat on the head from us.   Gremlin loved you and you gave him a fantastic life.  God blessed you by letting Gremlin die in your arms instead of at the vet's office.  I hope one day you're able to be comforted by the knowledge that he felt so safe and peaceful in his last moments.  And now he is with our babies,  playing in the heavenly fields and waiting for you at the bridge.  God bless you and your wife. 

sunshinegirl

Registered:
Posts: 356
 #5 
I am so sorry Aaron for your loss of little Gremlin. I certainly understand your pain and the deep sorrow after we loose our beloved companions. The grief is so overwhelming and such a roller coaster ride of emotions that only people who have been through the same will understand. Please come often, share your and Gremlin's stories and let us know how you are healing.

My thoughts are with you and Gremlin.
Roman

rottiesrule

Registered:
Posts: 596
 #6 
I'm so sorry for your loss of Gremlin. It's so awfully painful, and it takes so long to come to terms with. We all understand how the knife in the heart feels when that door opens, and your boy isn't there. Everything you do will be a new experience because Gremlin is gone. But look for signs that he's still near you. Bubba sends me feathers, white ones drifting where there shouldn't be feathers. I'm sure your boy knows how much you love and miss him. When you can, I'd love to see his picture.

Godspeed little Gremlin, your daddy loves you.
Ayurkiewicz

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #7 
Thank you all so much for your kind words of support and encouragement.  It's really made a tough day a little more bearable.  I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart, and I'm sure Gremlin does too.

-Aaron
Fionasmum

Registered:
Posts: 730
 #8 
Dear Aaron,

I was crying as I read your beautiful message about Gremlin (what a great name for a little fox terrier!).

My husband and I lost our beloved little Fiona - an almost 9 year old maltepoo - to a cancerous tumour in her heart just 9 weeks ago.  The pain is still raw and I see and feel her everywhere. 

Gremlin lived and died surrounded by his people - the ones who loved him best and loved him from the start.  Your gift to him was a beautiful life where he knew no pain or sadness and could feel free to be the best little dog he could.  His gift to you is a pawprint on your heart that will never diminish.

When I first found this board a couple of days after Fiona died I was so glad to find people who understood what it meant to love and lose a beloved friend.  Someone wrote that death ends a life and NOT a relationship. This helped me enormously.

Although you will never forget Gremlin and the unconditional love you shared, you will not lose that special bond that you had with him.  It's so hard not to see him every day, but it would be so wrong not to cherish the memories of the time you had together.

It does get a little easier each day my friend but oh how I miss my little Fiona as I know you miss Gremlin.  Please know that I am thinking about you and your wife and wishing you peace as you come to terms with his loss. 
Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #9 
Aaron ~ I am very sorry for the loss of your precious Gremlin.  You were blessed with many years with your dear pet and so many wonderful memories to cherish!!  There is nothing sadder than watching your special companion weaken with age and illness.  You would give anything to keep them with you much longer but their time has come.  It is bittersweet that Gremlin passed in your arms....such a loving place!  The final moments spent with a pet will never leave you.  I recall the moment of my bunny boy's passing and it was so difficult.  Their spirit suddenly is gone.....and we're left with all the pain.  Gremlin has been reunited with Lilyth and the two of them are off on new adventures.  My heart goes out to you as you mourn the loss of your special boy.

Mare
precious Christoph ~ my sweet bunny boy

rena

Registered:
Posts: 174
 #10 
I'm so sorry the loss of your beloved Gremlin.  I know what a strong and loving bond you shared and I smiled at some of the funny things that your furbaby did.  After spending so many wonderful years together I know his passing is very difficult for you but that his memory and spirit will live on.  Through your sadness remember what a peaceful passing your Gremlin had.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Rena
Robin1974

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #11 

I am so very sorry for your tremendous loss. He knew that you loved him & repected him enough to end his suffering humanely & I believe thats why he let go on the way to the vets.He knew that it was his time to cross the Rainbow Bridge but I believe he was hanging in there till you realized it as well.I'm forever wishing for more profound words when comforting someone,but I've come to the realization that it's not so much what you say-it's just being able to understand where they are coming from & letting them know that they are not alone.You are not alone my friend-I truly understand your pain & I am so so sorry.

Robin1974

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #12 

My name is Robin & I am trying so hard to cope with the loss of a beloved pet.Her name was Adeline Mae(Ada for short) She was a gorgeous chocolate & white tabby cat.We rescued her during a hurricane & despite the fact that we had said she was going to be a "foster kitty" we ultimately decided to keep her & it was by far,one of the best decisions that we ever made! She was the light of our lives for 7 wonderful years.She loved to be outside & during the day she was allowed out but always came in at night when we called her.She was so good & she ALWAYS stuck close to home.We live in a very safe neighborhood where everyone knew Ada & made it a point to look out for her as well.She was adored,cherished & wonderfully affectionate.We loved the evenings because she would always come when we called her & she would have her supper & then curl up on the couch with us for kisses & cuddles.Then something horrible happened.On my birthday(July 24th) I came home from the local fleamarket after having a garage sale.I didnt see her in the yard but that was not unusual.It was hot that day so I hit the shower as soon as I got home.Our pug,Snickers was laying on the bathroom rug & as soon as I got out of the shower I heard a strange noise-as though there was something running under the house(we live in a very old house w/an old fashioned outside access only crawlspace) My immediate thought was that maybe one of the neighbors dogs had somehow gotten under the house.At this point Snickers began to frantically bark.I knew then something was horribly wrong as I have never heard him bark like that before.I threw my clothes on & ran outside.I saw two large dogs(both belonging to different neighbors)They had something on the ground & they were on top of it.It tooke me just a second to realize that what they had was Ada.I screamed at them & ran inside for my gun.(Knowing they were in a frenzy I knew  not to break them up with my bare hands) It took me 3 seconds to grab my pistol & run back outside.At that point the dogs were gone & Ada was laying on the ground.I ran to her & picked her up & I knew she was dying.Her eyes were fixed & dilated & she was barely breathing.I knew it was over.I was screaming for help & no one came.I brought her inside the house & was crying & begging her not to leave me.She breathed for another 2-3 minutes & she passed away in my arms. I was in shock & continued rocking her in my arms for I dont even know how long. The fallout from this has been devastating.We notified both the dogs owners & they were horrified & extremely apologetic.One of the owners built a kennel for her dog &I've not seen her since.The other dog however has been allowed to remain loose.I've contacted the authorities & was told since we live outside of city limits that leash laws do not apply.I was at my wits end-I couldnt sleep ,I didnt eat & I cannot go in the place in our yard where she was attacked.And I began having panic attacks & not wanting to let our remaining pets out of my sight.(We have 2 indoor cats as well as our little dog)) My anxiety has been at an all time high.Then 2 weeks ago,the dog that has been allowed to roam killed another cat.And all the pain & devastation that we felt on that day came back.I started having flashbacks of that day yet again. I feel powerless,helpless & I dont know where to turn.I used to love this neighborhood so much & our home was our sanctuary,our safe place.Home is supposed to be the safest place on earth.Since this happened I feel like that sanctity has been irrevocably destroyed.I am still having trouble sleeping & I have begun to experience anxiety attacks.This dog lives right next door to us & I have to pass by the house he lives at everyday.He barks at every passing car & I have come to hate the sound of his voice so much that when I hear him bark I immediately slap my hands over my ears until he has stopped. We have a fenced in yard but I have laid down a strict rule that Snickers is NEVER to be outside unsupervised(Our fence is 5 feet tall but I'm still terrified) I can no longer walk Snickers in our neighborhood because of this.With this dog roaming loose there is no telling who he'll go after next. My heart is shredded,broken & I feel so lost. We have begun looking to live elsewhere because of this.But I know that moving wont make the pain stop.I'm at a loss. I miss her so much that I cant stand it & I visit her grave whenever I can.I talk to her alot & i hope that she can hear me.Thank you for listening.

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