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Cosmocat

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Posts: 26
 #1 
Hi,

I am new here. I started looking for some forum online because I feel so lonely and misunderstood in my pain.
I lost my most beloved Cosmo, who was only 5 years old. He was hit by a car two days ago in our street.
We loved him so dearly and deeply. He was a member of our family, who brought him from France when we moved here 5 years ago and he has been here for all the beautiful moments of our lives. Our wedding, when we bought and choose a house with him in my mind, when our son was born.
Tuesday morning, like any other morning he went out. He would always stay very close, he rarely leaved the backyard but that morning he went far and got hit by a car. A person who knows us saw it and called us right away. Another neighbor found him in her front yard dead. It was the worst calls I ever received.

I am so lost. I am at home taking care of my son and he spent all his days with us. I feel like hear him, see him everywhere.
I wish I could go back to Tuesday. Keep him inside. We tried to keep him in for a while but he was so happy to be able to go out a little. He would never go for a long time.
If only I kept him in. He would still be with me.
He had the best funny personality, he was a real sweet character. And how much he loved our son. He was the sweetest amd so gentle with him.

I feel like people don’t understand my pain. They expect me to be over it. But I will not be for a very long time amd I don’t want to feel guilty about it. He was a family member.
I miss him so so much.

I can’t believe he is gone, it seems unreal. I am also so mad at myself amd at the person who didn’t slow down. I am so sad that he was so young, healthy and beautiful and that his life got cut so short.

I want him back. I want our lives back as they were with our beloved Cosmo cat. All his stuff are still in the house of course because it’s still his house. We burried his favorite toys and bed with him. Everything reminds me of him or what he would do at a certain time of the day...my son who is a toddler can’t understand the concept of death but he talks about our Cosmo. We explained without details but without using euphemism that Cosmo is dead. Our son misses his cat too.

It is so tough, and painful...
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #2 
Please don't be hard on yourself. It wasn't your fault, it just happened. I know your heart is broken and asking all the what if won't make you feel any better. It's normal to do this but there aren't any answers. It's part of grieving, I did the same thing too. My circumstances were different than yours, but the pain is the same. Losing our babies is such a deep pain that crushes us. It will get easier, in time. You will have ups and downs. You came to the right place, here we understand and care. Cosmo was very lucky and special. Sounds like you did a lot with him in mind and he knows that. Don't be hard on yourself. Cry when you feel like it and try to smile to. Think of Cosmo, He loves you and you love him. Hold him tight in your heart, for there he will live forever.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #3 
Thank you Termy’s for all your kindness. It does a lot. You are right he will be there in my heart and my mind forever. He is my 4 paws baby.
I am sorry you had to go through this pain too. I don’t wish that to anybody. It’s excruciating I have no other words.
I miss him so much. It feels like this horrific feelings and emotions will never go away.
My sweet cat...
Thank you for all you said. It helps me a lot.
Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #4 
I don’t understand how he can be gone so suddenly. I mean of course I understand what happened but 2 hours before it happened. I pat his tummy and played with him.
It may be silly to some people but I got him new toys that we would have give him for Christmas and he would have had prawns(his favorite). All that now vanished.
He will never greet me at the door anymore. Never take nap with my son. He will never wait for me to go to bed and lay at my feet. He will never lay in the sun on the deck. He will never push my head with his to cuddle...
How can all that disappear just like that. A happy family of four and now we are just three.
He was there for all the important moments of our lives. He won’t be there for the rest.
I love him, I hope he felt loved and cherished. He made us all so happy.
Cosmo was only 5 years old. He was our cat.
VickyMJ

Registered:
Posts: 71
 #5 
I’m so sorry for your loss of Cosmo, yes you are right, it is excruciating especially in the early days.

My precious boy cat Raisin died very suddenly just over 7 weeks ago, he was only 4, and I felt like you. I couldn’t (still can’t really) except that one day he was here, happy, playing as normal then life can suddenly change in an instance and he had gone. I just couldn’t get my head round it, just devastating.

There are so many small rituals and routines we share with our fur babies and the emptiness we feel when it’s suddenly taken from us is unbearable.

All I can say is that as cliche as it sounds, time does help. You begin to accept a ‘new normal’ and the rawness of your grief will start to lessen over time. I know that is so hard to imagine right now, I couldn’t eat or sleep for the first week, barely functioning, but coming on these forums and knowing people understand really helps. Even now, I’m still not ready to look at his photos as it’s too painful and there are waves of grief that hit me, but I’m coping better with them now,

My boy is buried in our garden, I’ve tried to make his garden (I don’t like saying grave) look nice and I go out and talk to him everyday and this helps me also.

Please don’t punish yourself, it wasn’t your fault. As Cosmo loved to go outside it would’ve been mean to keep him in, as I’ve seen quoted on these forums ‘it’s better that he had a short happy life than a long miserable one’ this is so true.

Look after yourself, there’s no time limit to grief, just do what’s right for you.

Xx

Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #6 
Dear Vicky,

Thank you so much for sharing all this with us. Your words, your kindness help me so much I hope you are right and that one day for us too it will be a little easier, as you said less raw. We burried our Cosmo cat in our backyard too with his toys and favorite things, a can of his favorite food..

I keep replaying in my head how that morning went. I can’t stop but it is killing me. I want it to stop and just think of the good things but somehow my mind can’t. I hope that my baby cat didn’t suffer. He tried to come home but his injuries where fatal and he died in a stranger’s front yard. Not in his beloved home with us. I hope he knew how much we loved him.

It actually helps me to look at his pictures recent and older. To see him happy and so goofy. Playing with our son, with my husband, me cuddling him.
I am so scared that one day I will forgot his face. He had beautiful eyes and the sweetest face, full of love and kindness for us. I am so scared that I will forgot that.

I hope that it will get easier, less painful with time but I am also so afraid of the new normal.

Vicky I wanted to tell you thank you and wanted you to know that your raisin was so lucky to have you as his mama. Your kindness in words and sharing all this with us shows how much love you have to give and what a wonderful person you are.
Thank you.
VickyMJ

Registered:
Posts: 71
 #7 
Thank you so much, that’s so kind of you to say. I just know exactly how you feel. I know so many people don’t realise how attached and how much we love our animals.

I’ve found the loss of Raisin harder than some human losses in my life, I know it sounds strange to some, but he was my special buddy, just always around me, he had such a huge presence.

That’s nice that you buried your Cosmo with his favourite toys and food, he will know for sure how much you loved him and how lucky he was to have you. I buried my boy with his comb which he loved and as weird as it sounds, a nail file! Whenever I filed my nails he used to come running to try and bite it, strange but that’s one of the things I loved about him. I couldn’t file my nails for weeks after.

I know it’s so hard when you keep replaying that awful morning in your head. It’s still so fresh in your mind, but again with time the memory will not be so vivid and fades a little, then the happy parts of his life will start to creep into your thoughts. It’s a very slow process, I kept replaying the moments of when I found my boy and I do sometimes now but it gets less and less.

Sorry if I’ve gone on about my situation too much, but I just wanted to tell you that it does get slightly easier and to give you some hope.

You’ll always be bonded to him and you’ll always love and remember him and he knows that.

Xx

Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #8 
Please Vicky don’t apologize we are all here to share our stories and the love for our furry babies. We are here to comfort each other.
You helped me so much already with your posts. Thanks to you I feel understood and you gave me hope and comfort.
What you said about the loss of your Raisin being tougher than the loss of certain human beings in your life doesn’t sound strange to me. I know a lot of people will find this controversial but for me as well loosing my Cosmo is more painful than loosing people in my life. It doesn’t mean I didn’t love these people.
Because I knew Cosmo since he was a baby, because he was in our lives for 5 years, he was here for all the big moments in our lives, but also and mostly because I have spend more time with him than any of my friends and most people in my family except for my hubby and my son these past 5 years it makes so much more painful, not acceptable and horrible. He knew me probably better than almost anyone. He could feel my emotions. He was my pal. And the same goes for me towards him.
My son loved his cat and Cosmo loved our little boy. They had a special bond since the first day they met when we brought our boy from the maternity.
That also makes it so tough, my little boy asking why his cat isn’t at home, or laying on his bed. My little boy asking me to sing him a song about our Cosmo before going to sleep, my little boy asking his Daddy to put batteries in our cat so he can “live” again. He understands his cat won’t ever come back but doesn’t understand the finality. We were a family of four, all sharing a special bond and having a special relationship with our Cosmo.

In a society that praise and glorify pets so much why are people so judgmental and so not understanding when we grieve our pet family members.
It makes me sad and even mad that some people, friends and even family act like nothing happened, that is only 4 days after my beautiful Cosmo ran out of life. Like it’s ridiculous for me to grieve my baby cat.
It hurts even more.
I love Cosmo and will always love him. He loved us unconditionally.
I guess like my husband say they don’t understand because they never were lucky enough to share something as special as what we shared with Cosmo.

I am sorry for this long post but I got so shaken by some reactions of people around me. Enough of that...I am sorry again.

Your Raisin like Cosmo seemed to be quite a comedian. They all have such beautiful personalities, beautiful souls our furry friends.
Cosmo always wanted us to go with him to the kitchen while he ate. He was very smart to get himself understood. He loved that so much when we were by his side while he ate.
He also ate with his paws. He would nit always put his face in the bowl but would literally use his paw as a spoon to scoop. It was funny and adorable.

I told my husband that I want to keep his stuff in the house. I am not ready to move his bowls and cup (Cosmo never drank water out of pet bowl nor a water fountain, he only drank water out of “human” cup or the sinks in the bathrooms), I can’t move his litter...nothing that belonged to him. I couldn’t change the sheets as I do every Saturday because he will never lay on them anymore and it may sound very dirty but I don’t want to wash off his hair...
It is and will always be Cosmo’s house. The house he loved so much.
My husband understood very well. Cosmo loved to lay on his convertible car. The top is covered in his hair and for him too it’s like he’s still here.

Vicky, what color was Raisin? His eyes? If you don’t want to talk about this I understand and I apologize. He sounds like a great cat so fun and sweet.
Cosmo was a very long brown tabby with light green eyes. He was 14lbs. Not overweight at all but he had a strong big body he was tall.
I adopted him when he was around 12weeks old, in France.

Warmth to all of us who are in pain and to our furry babies that we miss and love so deeply.

Cap.
VickyMJ

Registered:
Posts: 71
 #9 
Hi, I’m glad I can be of some help. All of us here understand how it feels

I guess we should just feel sorry for the people who don’t understand as they clearly have never felt the love of these special souls. I had someone ask me a week later after losing Raisin ‘are you feeling all better now” it’s just not fair how we have to hide our feelings, although my family are pretty good, they know how I am with my animals.

That’s so cute how Cosmo wanted you in the kitchen when he wanted to eat and bless him how he ate with his paws, that’s so sweet. Sounds like a gorgeous looking cat too. If you can figure out how, post a picture if you can. I’d love to see him.

Raisin was a black tabby with huge eyes and a very loud purr, I miss hearing him so much. He was so laid back and I used to love the way he would flop over in front of you and roll on his back for a belly rub. He did love his dry food and he was a little tubby, I just couldn’t resist his cute face when he wanted food. Him and his sister Rum used to snuggle up together, she really misses him.

Raisin was born in my house, well actually in my wardrobe. His mum was a stray and we took her on (not knowing she was pregnant), she had 4 kittens who we called Rum, Raisin, Mitzy & Muffin. The plan was to give them away, but I couldn’t part with them. Unfortunately we discovered their Mum (who we called Mittens) was very ill and she passed away when they were 9 weeks old. It felt like she chose us to look after her kittens as she knew she wouldn’t be around for long. I was devastated at losing Mittens, but had the 4 kittens to focus on and right from the start I had a special bond with Raisin.

Anyway, I won’t go on anymore as this is turning into an essay.

It’s so sweet and also so sad that your little boy asked if you could put new batteries in, bless him. It’s just all so heartbreaking and so painful.

I’m sending healing thoughts and thinking of you.
Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #10 
Thank you for all your kind words Vicky.

This is such a sweet story about Raisin. He was truly your baby. You are right when you said Mittens choose you to care for her kittens. They know human, they can read thourgh us.
I can tell Raisin had a beautiful happy life with you, your family and his siblings. He sounds like he was such a happy cat.

It must be really tough for Rum without her brother. I can’t imagine her feelings. I have heard stories of cats totally changing their behavior after the death of their pal. Poor little kitties don’t have a way to talk to us and share their distress and pain.
I am sure you’re getting her all the love and comfort.

I tried to upload a picture, I guess it has to be reviewed before it’s posted.

I miss Cosmo so deeply tonight. Every night, every minute, second. The house feels almost empty without our boy cat. I want to play hide and seek with him like I used to do. He was so smart, when he found me he would get all excited and jump! Then he would start to look for me again. My son would laugh so much, the beautiful giggles of children. Then we would grab his monkey plush that he had since the first day we had him. We would throw it in the air, his ears would flatten as he was concentrating (he kinda looked like Yoga like that) and finally he would jump sometimes so high and catch monkey.

I just can’t believe he is gone. Our great wonderful “Cosmidou”.
I still say goodnight to my cat as if he was laying on our bed.

Our babies are with us Vicky. They’re living through us, through our love for them. Today in Northern California it was a beautiful day that Cosmo would have loved so much.
Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #11 
[cosmooctober] 
Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #12 
[funnycosmo] 
VickyMJ

Registered:
Posts: 71
 #13 
What an absolutely gorgeous boy, so handsome. I can tell he had real character 💗 he looks so cute with his little toy.

When I’m feeling brave enough I will post a photo of Raisin.

I keep getting hit with waves of grief lately, I do miss him so much.

I hope you are doing ok. Remember to keep talking if it helps you.

Sending hugs to you xx
Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #14 
Thank you so much Vicky. I hope one day we will be able to think of our babies without hurting so much. I am selfishly afraid that it will mever be the case. It is so painful.

I am sorry I wish I could comfort you.
Raisin was a very lucky cat to have a mama that love him as much. And you are so lucky to have Raisin. I don’t use the past because you will always love him and have him. Forever he will be your boy cat.

It’s such a tough day today. So painful...y baby cat got killed a week ago today and it feels so unreal but he’s not around me so it must be real. It’s real but I can’t accept it.

I think of you and Raisin, Vicky. You’re both in my heart.
Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #15 
I feel so much emptiness without my Cosmo cat. I think I am just starting to process that I will never see his cute face with his giant whiskers. I loved his whiskers, so long and full.
I feel my stomach contract every time I see or hear something that reminds me of him. And it’s pretty much everything. All the neighbors with their leaf blowers blasting...he hated that. If he was outside when he heard one he would run inside and wanted to be loved and cuddled than after a big hug he would run under my bed.

I will never see my Cosmidou again. That thought is so, so painful.

One of my favorite cuddle was to pick him up under his belly and put my head on his back. He would purr so loudly and meow. I would put him back on the floor and he would run to the kitchen. My son would help me give him his food, pet Cosmo and he always said “good kitty, very good kitty”.

I love my Cosmo forever...
Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #16 
I hope you are ok Vicky?

It helps me a lot to talk and if it helps you too, I am here.
When you will be ready I would love to see your Raisin boy.

Maybe you do like me and try to keep busy, as much as possible. My little man keeps me busy 😊

VickyMJ

Registered:
Posts: 71
 #17 
Hi there

Sorry to take so long to reply, I’ve not been doing great lately. I keep getting the horrible waves of grief hitting me and like you say, sometimes I still can’t believe I won’t hug my boy again, well not in this life anyway.

I try to keep busy but some days I can’t find the motivation, today being one of them. I’ve had some good days lately so it always comes as a shock when I feel so sad again. I start even questioning myself whether I was a good Mum to Raisin and what if he was in pain when he passed and I didn’t hear him. Urgh, I know thinking this way doesn’t help so need to try and be more positive.

My son and daughter keep me busy, although they are a lot older than your boy, they are 10 and 15! My son (my eldest) was such a comfort and very sweet to me when Raisin left us. They had to look after me rather than the other way round!

I will post a picture of Raisin soon, when I’m feeling brave enough.

Anyway, how are you doing? I really hope you are ok and sending you lots of warmth and hugs to you. xx
Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #18 
Hi Vicky,

I know exactly how you feel and wish there was something I could say to help.
Last Sunday I felt a bit better and was able to enjoy a good afternoon with my hubby and our son, but when we came home I got hit by a wave of grief. And as you so rightly said it is a real shock.
I know it’s because I tried to “block” everything for a little bit. And then the reality hit me.
Please don’t ever question if you were a good Mum to Raisin. Your story with Raisin tells me that you were an amazing Mum to your boy cat. It’s so obvious that he was loved, cared for and cherished and it sounds like he had a whole family to love him, you gave him a beautiful life.

I do the same and wonder if Cosmo suffered all alone. I know for a fact that he tried to come home. And that makes me want to fall on my knees. It hurts so much. Thinking about all this is too painful. We know it won’t help at all but we still let our mind wander to these terrible thoughts. I get mad at myself for doing that because I should be thinking of how happy he made us all, all the love, laughter and companionship he brought us. It sounds silly but if I tell myself to stop, I do it even out loud and tink right away of something I loved to do with him or something that me laugh...than sometimes it really works, these terrible thoughts go away.

You children are so good and sweet. They seem to be very caring and loving. That shows me you’re a great Mum to them and therefore to your baby cat.

We can’t just be positive like that at least I can’t. My husbamd tells me that but I don’t think hiding or lying to yourself about your emotions, feelings is good. I try to accept the way I feel instead. I allow that to myself. I don’t care what people think or judge. All I care about his being a good mother to my son, love him, take care of him, to honor my Cosmo’s memory. I explain to Alexi that I am sad but that we will all be ok, etc

When it’s tough to handle the pain, my thoughts, when I miss Cosmo so bad that I feel I won’t handle the pain I get a big hig from my boy or my hubby. I ask them to squeeze me strong, hold me tight. It doesn’t make the pain go away at all but it brings comfort and warmth.

Raisin and Cosmo were two very happy cats. They both had a great life and were loved so much. They were respected and cherished. This is true and we should remember that to honor them.

Lots of warmth to you and know that we are here to support each other.


Cap.
VickyMJ

Registered:
Posts: 71
 #19 
Hi there

Sorry to take so long to reply, I’ve not been doing great lately. I keep getting the horrible waves of grief hitting me and like you say, sometimes I still can’t believe I won’t hug my boy again, well not in this life anyway.

I try to keep busy but some days I can’t find the motivation, today being one of them. I’ve had some good days lately so it always comes as a shock when I feel so sad again. I start even questioning myself whether I was a good Mum to Raisin and what if he was in pain when he passed and I didn’t hear him. Urgh, I know thinking this way doesn’t help so need to try and be more positive.

My son and daughter keep me busy, although they are a lot older than your boy, they are 10 and 15! My son (my eldest) was such a comfort and very sweet to me when Raisin left us. They had to look after me rather than the other way round!

I will post a picture of Raisin soon, when I’m feeling brave enough.

Anyway, how are you doing? I really hope you are ok and sending you lots of warmth and hugs to you. xx
Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #20 
It is 2:20 am, and probably like many of us who lost their cat, dog, fur, feather companion the pain and the guilt are eating me up.
There isn’t a second when I don’t think of my beloved Cosmo cat. I keep replayingin my head that horrible day, that morning when our lives as a family of 4 changed into the lives of a family of three.
Our home is sad whitout our Comso baby.

I am starting to realize that he’s gone. It felt surreal just a day ago and it still does but for whatever reason now I am starting to process thay my baby is gone. And that feels even more painful and scarry.

I would give so much to have you back my kitty cat.
There are a thousand things that I would do differently that morning to change what happened, so that mean, cruel, heartless driver who went too fast, who didn’t slow down would not take youe beautiful life away from you, would not take you away from us.
My Cosmo I love you so deeply and miss you so much. I am so sorry, so sorry for being an irresponsible mama, for letting you out and for not being able to protect you.
You brought us so much joy, happiness. You were love, kindness, fun. You had wildness and intelligence.
We miss you so much.
Your little Buddy talks about you every day.
Your papa hides his pain until he goes to visit you to “your garden” every evening and let himself go.
I am excruciating.
My Comso cat, my Cosmidou we are so lucky that you gave us your unconditional love and trust. You gave us the most beautiful gift you could and you did it every second we spent as your family, the first time you came to our lives.
Thank you for being my pal, my companion, my baby cat, my friend and my family.
I am so sorry that I was not able, smart enough to keep you inside, safe in your house that you loved so much. You felt so comfortable here. It is your house my Cosmo, it is your home forever.
I love you my baby cat. I love you so so much. We love you so much.
You will always and forever be loved, you will never ever be forgotten.

VickyMJ

Registered:
Posts: 71
 #21 
I’m so sorry you are in so much pain, as you know, I totally understand. I remember very much in the early days waking up during the night and just crying and feeling like I didn’t want to go on anymore.

Your profound grief for your baby just shows how much you love him.

I wanted to reply to you earlier as I have been thinking about you lots, knowing how you must be feeling, but I’ve been having a rough time. I suffer with depression and since losing Raisin it seems to have really ramped it up.

Not that this helps you, but replaying that horrible morning is all part of the grief. I catch myself doing it sometimes now but it is less frequent than the early days. Luckily that horrible memory fades a little with time.

I just want you to know I’m thinking of you and Cosmo knows how much you love him. I like to think of Raisin & Cosmo having fun, somewhere sunny and warm, but always feeling close to us, knowing that they are in our hearts for as long as we live.

Hugs to you xxx
Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #22 
Vicky, how I wish I could find the words to comfort you.
I really want to check on you before I go to bed. I want to share a positive story with you, I am sorry I didn’t reply earlier. This weekend was busy. The nights have been tough since I barely sleep but tonight my body and mind are literally closing on their own. Anyhow I wanted to tell you that I will write longer to you tomorrow.

How have you been these past two days?

I think about you. Just like you, I love to imagine our fur babies playing and just being cats in a stunning place. Eating all their favorite foods. I lite a up a candle for Cosmo and Raisin.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Big hugs and don’t forget to let your kiddos keep you busy.
Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #23 
Vicky, I hope you are ok?
I can’t imagine how it must affect the symptoms of your depression. I have been there before and know how tough it is to live with this illness.
I was diagnosed with depression, it lasted about two years. That was 8 years ago.
We are all different but what really helped me was therapy and forcing myself to a strict healthy schedule. I worked out every day then and even though I had insomnia I was in bed around the same time no matter what. But there is no miracle and everyone is different when it comes to depression.

Your kids and familylove you so much. Your kiddos seem to be so supportive and caring for you.

No matter where they are Raisin and Cosmo are looking out after us and loving us. They are forever alive in our memories and hearts. Whenever I have tough thoughts about Cosmo now I force myself to think of one fun specific memory with him and it helps.
I don’t know if you’re into that and totally respect and understand if you’re not but meditation has helped me. I am sad every day and in pain. I miss him so much. The evenings and nights are especially tough for me. I meditate about 10min every night now and it helps me to cop with it.

Also I treat myself to things I enjoy. Even if have trouble really enjoying things I do it no matter what and that too helps. I am not talking about buying things but a hot bath, a cup of hot cocoa...

Cosmo was always there to comfort me during tough times or when he could feel I was sad. He was always extra loving and would lay on my lap, purring ao loudly. I don’t have that anymore but I know that he did that to comfort me and was happy when I was. So I am trying to remember that.

Please let me know how you’re doing.

Warm hugs
VickyMJ

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Posts: 71
 #24 
Hi Cap

Just wanted to let you know I sent you a private message.

Vicky xx
Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #25 
It’s so sweet to let me know Vicky. I responded to it. 😊

Cap.
Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #26 
Hi Vicky,

I hope you got my private message.
I wanted to tell you that I am thinking of you and Raisin. I wish you a Merry Christmas.
It’s so very painful, Christmas was always a special time as Cosmo loved to lay under the tree and open his traditional shrimps in a box.
I hope you are surrounded by the love, warmth and sweetness of all your loved ones.

Warm hugs
Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #27 
Hi Vicky,

I am having trouble with the website so I apologize if this gets posted twice.
I wanted to check on you and tell you that I think of you and Raisin on this Christmas Eve.
It’s so very painful not to have my Cosmo with us. It was always special as he could feel our joy and always got excited. He would always lay under the tree. On Christmas we would wrap his favorite treat (prawns) and have him tear wrapping paper to get to it. It was our tradition.

I hope you are surrounded by all the love, care and warmth that you deserve from your loved ones.

Cosmo, Raisin are having their favorite treats right now.

Warm thoughts and big hugs Vicky.

Cap.
VickyMJ

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Posts: 71
 #28 
Hi Cap

Thank you so much for thinking of me and my Raisin. I too think about you and Cosmo lots.

It’s just gone 10am in the UK on Christmas Day, I’ve already had a few tears but I did expect that.

I really hope you can enjoy the day as much as you can also surrounded by love with your lovely family and Cosmo looking down on you with pride.

Thank you so much also for your other message. I will reply to you later I hope, just need to get through today and I’m trying my best to not dwell on the sadness and look to positives.

Thank you so much again for thinking of us and I am also holiding your lovely boy Cosmo in my heart next to my Raisin.

Sending all my love and hugs to you.

Vicky
Cosmocat

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Posts: 26
 #29 
I miss you my beautiful Cosmo. I don’t know how else to say it but I am not whole without you. I still wake up every morning looking for you before I realize you’re not around anymore.
Every night while I sleep I keep my legs closer up subconsciously thinking that you’re still laying at my feet. I was always afraid you didn’t have enough space.
I miss you so so much my Cosmo.

Je t’aime mon chat
Renvip

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Posts: 5
 #30 
I saw your post and had to write. I jusLOUIE. He was my soulmate. My life. He was a silver tabby. Large and beautiful. He seemed to be doing better after an upper respiratory infection but was dehydrated. I gave him an iv and he perked up and ate a tiny bit. I thought he was doing better. He always slept with me but wanted to lay under the Christmas tree. I went to check on him and he was dead it was 20 minutes later. I was in shock. I feel like I am dying. The worst pain of my life. I lost my parents a week apart to cancer and the pain was not this intense and I loved them dearly. I totally understand the hole in your heart and being. There are no words. You LOVED your baby. It was real love and a real bond. I don’t think most ever get to love this deep and that is why the loss is killing us. I have no children. He was my boy. My child. I am
Literally dying right now. I MISS AND LOVE YOU LOUIE WITH ALL MY ENTIRE BEING.
Renvip

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #31 
I am so sorry. I lost my beautifu Maincoon two nights ago. He was my life my love my everything. I feel like dying. The emptiness is unbearable. I know what you are feeling. There are no words. It is the most devastating thing to live. We loved so deep and we hurt so deep. He was my child. I lost my boy. I never had children and he was my soulmate. He loved me and I loved him. I really just want to be with him.
Cosmocat

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #32 
Good night Renvip,

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. You are right when you say that it’s one of the deepest love. It is a pure love. There is no game, or interest of any kind. Our animals, our companions love us without any condition.

I wish I could tell you it hurts less with time but it doesn’t l, the pain is different. It isn’t a raw pain like someone literally just ripped my heart but it is true sadness. I don’t know how to explain it. It is an emptiness. What gets better is that as Vicky so rightly said, that terrible moment of your life when it happened, that moment you keep replaying starts to fade away.
For me it’s by wave, the true and deep sadness never leaves me but it’s not always this excruciating rush of pain.

We will always hurt I think when we will think our babies, our soul mates but one day we will also smile. We will honor them by remembering how special they are. I know this may sound silly to some but it’s a reality that he is with you forever in your heart. You shared and bonded so much, your lives spent together, nobody, nothing will ever take that away from you. Physically he is not with you, nothing, no one will ever replace that, never replace him. But he is with you forever, he lives through and by you. Your love for him, every thought you have about him, every memory you have of him, he is with you.

I don’t know your situation but please don’t stay alone with this. It’s great that you came here to talk about your Louie. We all understand here and are all here to support each other.

If you feel like it, you can post a picture of your Louie.
Know that your cat, your Louie was so loved and you gave him all your heart. He knows it and felt it everyday of his life.

I told my Cosmo to look out for him as he and Raisin (Vicky’s cat) look out for each other.

Warm thoughts to you, I hope you’re ok.

Cap, la maman de Cosmo.
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