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camilovi

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Posts: 16
 #1 
I lost my Labrador to cancer on March 4 2016. It was a rapid disease that spread to the entire body. She was 8 years old. My best friend and I don't have anyone in my family who understands. I feel very sad. I got a new puppy, a wonderful dog, but my grief has completely overwhelmed me and I am not a good pet parent for my new puppy and I think maybe I should have grieved more before I got. I feel so sad that I can't be fully present with the puppy because of my grief. My family tell me to move on and let go of my grief. Thank you for this place. I feel alone with no humans who understand. I feel like I'm emotionally numb.
colonel3006

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Posts: 20
 #2 
I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my 12 year old collie/Sheppard C.J. back in December to cancer aswell.I too lost my best friend. She was my constant companion and shadow and sometimes I still feel lost without her. Just know that in time it does get easier and the heartache slowly gets less and less. My wife's little yorkie has really turned into my suck since losing C.J. and at first I too felt bad because I wasn't giving her the attention she deserved but after a while I realized that having her has really helped me, and in time you will be so happy to have your new pup as well. I am also very sorry about your family not understanding. I heard all the same comments you are about just get over it. When we have such an attachment to our pet and they become our best friends there are alot of people who don't understand because they have never had that special bond that we have. Just know that in time it will get easier. Keep talking on here if you feel like it, everyone here understands. This site and the great people here helped me more than I can even say through my terrible time losing C.J. Take care.
oliverj

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Posts: 154
 #3 
I read and article a couple months ago that suggested that as we move on with our grief and have other things we have to do like work etc that we find time and schedule times for grieving. I mention this because I'm determined to try this myself and also because I can remember so clearly 7 years ago when my dear Oliver died I was so distraught but a young stray cat arrived on my doorstep and I cried at the sight of him and told him I wasn't ready but he kept coming back and of course I took him in. I struggled in those early months as much of my time was spent in grief despite this little determined furry soul by my side. It didn't take long to fall in love with him and know that he needed me so I tried to do both, both grieve for my lost boy and care for this new one. This darling boy, my Dickens, has recently died at only 6 1/2 years old and I am sorry I couldn't have been more for him in those early days but there are always so many regrets at a time like this. I don't know what I'm trying to say exactly except that as hard as it is I hope you can do both... Both mourn your loss and be present for your new love. Peace to you. Minda
camilovi

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Posts: 16
 #4 
Dear all of you. I am so thankful for your wise replies based on the losses you have experienced. I am sorry for all the pain you have gone through. So glad to find kindred spirits. Thank you so much. Olivia
camilovi

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Posts: 16
 #5 
To Colonel3006 What kind of cancer did your collie die of and did it happen fast? My dog got it in December and it was first breast cancer that spread to her entire body and nothing could be done.
camilovi

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Posts: 16
 #6 
Dear Minda. I am so sorry for your losses too. Thank you for responding. It was great that a cat came to you in your time of grief and you could care for it as you healed. I have been so lucky that someone I know will be able to have and take my puppy as I am unable to care for it. It is like my heart is not open to love another pet. I know it sounds hard, but it would not be fair to my puppy not to be loved unconditionally
Ltb3105

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Posts: 295
 #7 
I lost my boxer mix, Ray, to cancer as well on Jan. 6th.  He, too, had just turned 8.  The very aggressive cancer is called hemangiosarcoma.  I had never heard of this until my Ray was put down.  No one, not even the vet, knew he had this until the very end.

I cannot and will not adopt another pet, as I have a developmentally disabled son who still doesn't "get" what happened to Ray, as he showed no symptoms of being gravely ill.  He still asks about him and has no perception of death.  I tell him Ray's in heaven with Grandpa.....he doesn't get that either but does understand that heaven is a place.

Maybe it was too soon to get a puppy but the deed is done now.  The little one NEEDS you now and I do believe for some people, that a new pet can relieve the grief, while you are busy taking care of him, feeding him, taking him for walks and training him.  You have him now and he is depending on you.  It will get easier with more time.

Please check back with us and let us know how your puppy is doing.

Laura
colonel3006

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Posts: 20
 #8 
Olivia, C.J. died from brain cancer. Up until a week before she was still acting like a pup. One morning I noticed her eyes were half covered over from the third eyelid and very bloodshot and she was staggering a bit. I took her to the vet right away and after lots of tests they determined brain cancer. They gave me antibiotics and steroids and told me the only other thing was chemo and price wise would be thousands. There was no possible way we could afford it and I still feel terrible about that. For a couple days I thought she was coming around and then she went downhill very quick, having panic attacks,falling down,throwing up and wouldn't eat. She loved my wife very much but wouldn't let anyone but me even pet her during the panics. It ended up being 1 week to the day that I made the hardest decision I have ever made and let my big girl go. I know I made the right decision for her but it absolutely broke my heart.
camilovi

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Posts: 16
 #9 
Laura, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing with me. And I also understand it is hard for your son to understand that your dog went to dog heaven. I know they do. The person who will have the puppy already agreed with me before we got the puppy that we are sharing her. I will still be taking of her, just not fulltime. I know the deed is done.
camilovi

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Posts: 16
 #10 
Colonel. I am so sorry to hear about C.J. Cancer is a terrible disease and it is terrible to watch ones beloved dog fade away of the disease. It is so traumatic. I too chose not to give my dog chemo or an operation, because as bad as the cancer was, I wasn't sure it would have cured her or saved her life. The cancer spread too rapidly through her body. Thanks for sharing C.J with me. Olivia
camilovi

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Posts: 16
 #11 
I like to say to people reading this that giving my puppy away to a trusted person I agreed to share her with is an act of love. As it is right now, I can't give the puppy what she deserves. There are other private circumstances here that I can't share online which have led me to that decision.
rememberingroxy

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Posts: 227
 #12 
Hi,

I am so sorry you lost your sweet Labrador to cancer. I, like Laura, lost our dog on January 6. Like so many of you, she was healthy up until her diagnosis and then she rapidly declined. I delayed in making a decision on her chemo. We eventually tried two rounds, but it was not enough to save her.

It sounds like you're making the best decision for you and the puppy right now. I understand that circumstances, often beyond our control, can impact what needs to be done. I really am sorry for your loss and know that this is a safe place to air your feelings.


camilovi

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Posts: 16
 #13 
Dear Remembering. Thank you for your reply and for not judging me for having to make the decision that I am sure is best for the puppy. I am so very sorry to hear that you too lost your beloved dog to cancer. What kind of cancer was it and how old was your dog? It is the worst experience I have had to watch cancer in my dog. She stopped eating the last 3-4 week and I tried to force her to eat, and hesitated putting her to sleep. When I finally called the vet to put her to sleep, she couldn't stand on her feet and had lost so much weight. Thanks again for your words that mean so much to me, Love Olivia
rememberingroxy

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Posts: 227
 #14 
Hi Olivia,

Thanks for your kindness, especially as you are going through your recent loss. Roxy died from fibrosarcoma. I hesitated too and delayed saying goodbye twice until she, like your pup, could no longer stand. I am sorry you had to go through this and are grieving for your dog. Please take care.
camilovi

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #15 
Hi Remembering. Thank you so much for your kindness too. I am so sorry you have had to go through that too with Roxy. All my best to you in your grieving process. I can on this website that the rainbow bridge is mentioned, have any of you experienced spiritual things after your pets' passing? Olivia
deadinside

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Posts: 9
 #16 
So sorry. No one understands me either. People think animals can be replaced like old shoes or clothes which is so not true..........It hurts so much.
camilovi

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #17 
Hi Deadinside. I am so sorry for your loss and no one understanding what you go through. Pets can't be replaced ever. I was naive to think that getting a puppy short time after my dog died could somehow help me grieve and make the whole losing my best friend less painful. Maybe getting a new pet fast as a replacement works for some people, but it didn't work for me. And I made sure to give my puppy a good home. I completely go through what you go through. Again sorry for your loss. Olivia
rememberingroxy

Registered:
Posts: 227
 #18 
deadinside, I am sorry that nobody understands you. Hopefully, you can find comfort with people here who care.

Olivia, I went to the SPCA yesterday to drop off spare leashes that Roxy used to get when we visited the vet. This was a to-do on my list well before she passed, but I decided it was finally time to donate. I also wanted to see a corgi that was there as Roxy was also a Pembroke Welsh corgi.

It turned out this was a bad move. I felt horrible donating the spare leashes, even though I knew they would be put to use. I saw the corgi, and all I could think of was my dear Roxy. I did all I could not to stop crying while walking out. I don't mean to hijack your thread, but I just wanted to reiterate your sentiment that welcoming another pet may work for some but not for all.
camilovi

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #19 
Dear Rememberingroxy. Please feel free to express how you feel here. What I learned from getting the puppy so fast after my dog's death was that you aren't (at least I wasn't) ready for a new dog as long as you are in deep grief. You simply can't open your heart yet. The puppy I got is lovely, but no matter how lovely she is I kept comparing her with the dog I lost. She couldn't take the pain away from my grief. I feel now that the only way to move on is to grieve as long as it takes. Allow yourself to cry and grieve for Roxy. With love, Olivia
camilovi

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Posts: 16
 #20 
I know I am guilty of assuming I could replace my deceased dog with another, but that whole thought of believing that a beloved being can be replaced is completely underestimating a beloved pet's value. I know our pets have souls and live on. I asked if you have had after death signs and will perhaps write about mine. I am sure that our pets play a certain role, help us open our hearts and that is why we feel so devastated when they die and they often touch our hearts and souls more than humans. It is a soul to soul, heart to heart connection. When our pets die, they can't be replaced, if they could, we would have a special connection with every pet we meet or see. And it just doesn't work that way.
MsWitchyNikki

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #21 
Hello, everyone. I have a ten yo sharpei mix named Luke. He came to us just last mid-November in a total stars-aligned kind of way. We'd adopted a dog before him and had her for ten mos before finally deciding she just wasn't going to fit in our home. We tried everything, but no matter what, she just wouldn't get along with our dog and our roommates' dog. We had to take her back to the shelter. We actually just found out that she just got readopted. But Luke came into our lives immediately following the heartbreaking return of our previous adoptee. Like I said- the stars aligned and it was a meant-to-be scenario.

Luke has been an absolute joy for us. He gets along with everyone, he's not overly adrenalized, and he's such a gentleman. We quickly fell in love. What initially was a foster dog badly in need, shortly became another best friend. We adopted him because we knew he was meant to be a part of our family.

On December 29th, we took him to the vet bc he'd developed a limp. We figured it was probably just arthritis or perhaps an injury from playing with the other dogs. Sadly, we were told he had osteosarcoma in his front left leg. A tumor was developing on his shoulder. He was given three months to live. It's a very aggressive cancer, and almost always fatal. The vet said that amputation would be unhelpful, and if he were her dog, she'd try to make him happy and comfortable until the time came to say goodbye.

It's been nearly a month since the diagnosis. The tumor is now significantly larger. It went from the size of a marble, to the size of a racquetball in just 4 weeks. We know the end is coming. He can't get down the stairs, so we take him out the front door to save him the pain. He always wants a "woof," (his word for Walk lol) but he can't go far. He eats well and drinks a lot of water (another symptom). He still insists on sleeping next to me on the bed, so I've put a footstool next to it so it's easier for him.

He took nsaids for 2 weeks, and he's on tramadol every day for pain. We love on him every chance we get, and give him lots of healthy treats (no sugar!). The dog that we nursed back to a healthy weight and a healthy coat of fur continually shows his appreciation in the plethora of kisses and cuddles we get from him. But, I know things will change drastically, and soon.

Our other dog is nearly 15, has arthritis (controlled beautifully by Glyco-Flex II chews), and is almost completely blind AND deaf. But she's healthy! Still, I fear we will lose her this year as well. Given how she has taken to Luke, losing him might do her in, as well bc they have bonded.

I've never had to "make the final decision" for a dog before. I don't know how I'll handle it, but I will. I think God decided Luke deserved a loving home for his last few months of life, so I see it as a blessing that he came to us. Still, for the 12 years we've had our first dog, she's never been sick even once. Now we have another dog for six weeks and he's diagnosed with terminal cancer. There are no guarantees. We'll do our best for him, and pray that when the time comes, we will feel at peace with his passing.

Someone on the forum asked if the spirit of a pet comes to visit. I can tell you that the spirit of my beautiful cat Hemi, who passed away peacefully in my ex-gf's arms at the age of 12, can be heard running around at night in her very favorite home she ever had- our old roommates' house, where she was living when she passed. I've heard it many times. I've even heard her bell tinkling. I've seen her shadow move across the room, as though she was off to have a drink of water. I don't know if her spirit is "residual" or "intelligent." But I do believe that animals often live between this world and the next, for all their physical and SPIRITual lives.

After all, love never dies.

Blessings to all,
Nikki

camilovi

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #22 
Dear Nikki

I am so sorry to hear what you go through with Luke. I know exactly how it feels.  I lost my beautiful dog last year as I wrote here.   It is such a shock, but as you say I know for a fact that their souls continue on, and if you believe in it, they might even choose to come back in some form or the other. True love never dies.  Since writing this a year ago, I have received so many signs from my dog on the other side.  She is well and alive, and still with me.   I know Luke came into your life and it was destined to happen.  Since Luke has been such a short time with you, this might just be a beginning of something you still can't see what is ahead.  I know animal spirits both in body and out of body are very intelligent and there is a strong connection  between our souls and theirs.  We learn so much from our dear Pets.  

All my healing Blessings to you in this difficult time.  

Love, Olivia
AbbyEdwards

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #23 
Camilovi I completely agree with you about having a special soul to soul heart to heart connection with specific pets. I lost my 14 year old dog CJ (also a collie mix) onMonday. I am devastated by his loss. My heart feels empty. We have a 6 month old puppy and have had her for approx 3 months but I don't feel the same connection I did with CJ. I struggle with having to look after her while grieving for my boy. However, I do love her and I know she misses CJ too so that helps. I am comforted by you saying true love never dies. I hope to feel a connection with CJ again soon at the moment that seems to have gone which is why I feel so empty.
camilovi

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #24 
Dear Abby Edwards.  


I am so sorry for your loss of CJ.   I know he is around you, but this is still so new to you and the grief you feel is natural and must be felt.   You are in shock and I know how it feels and how hard it can be to receive a feeling that our beloved pets are still around us.   I was that place too from losing my soul mate dog..   It takes time to heal.    The more we heal, the more we open our Hearts Again that allow us to feel that they are actually around us as spirits.

Love never dies

Blessings to you,

Love, Olivia
Ozvaldo

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #25 

Today we put down our 10.5 year old Cocker Spaniel, Alfie, and I'm numb.

I grew up with him and, even though I moved out of the family home 3-4 years ago, whenever I returned home for dinner, lunch, a weekend or even longer, he would never leave my side.  

I'll miss his little face smiling up at me whenever I'd go to see him after a long time. 
And all the little things that made him him:

  • Hearing him walk down the wooden hallway into the living room (usually with mum close behind him carrying tea & snacks!!)  
  • The look he'd give me when I tickled his belly, and then the way he'd lift his back leg so I could get right into the bit which made his leg kick!
  • How he would jump up on the back of the sofa and stare at me through the window when I left the house.  (And how he'd be waiting in the same spot when I returned).
  • The way he used to pull his lead with his teeth (attached to his collar) when I took him for a walk, as soon as we'd leave the house.
  • All the silly names I gave him and little songs about him we'd sing to him.
He was such a little character.  I've genuinely never met another dog quite like him.

I'm really lucky to have had him as my little pal, but I know the cancer took over really strong in the past week and today was the first time he was in a lot of pain.  It was quite simply his time to go to sleep.

Good night my little Alfie.  I'll miss you and love you forever xxx
BK_122

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Posts: 4
 #26 
I completely understand your grief. I too lost my friend. We fought his cancer together for two and a half years when in a matter of a few days he went down hill. I sat with him as he was put to sleep. The most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. That was two weeks ago and I suspect I will be grieving for a long time. You will never forget your lost friend. The new puppy needs your love now. I wish you peace.
SJ

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #27 
I recently lost my 4 year old lab/pyrenees mix to cancer. We put up a good long fight and went through many rounds of chemo. My sweet Nessie made it almost nine months beyond the initial diagnosis of lymphoma. The last 48 hours were horrible and she suddenly declined very quickly. I spent a week absolutely devastated. I didn't go to work, I didn't cook. I didn't do much of anything. 

I also have a 13 year old corgi who simply didn't understand what had happened. He wandered around for a few days looking for her. Finally he seemed to accept that Nessie was gone. 

About a week and a half after Nessie's passing, I went out and adopted a rescue puppy. She was about six weeks old when I got her from the shelter, so she needs a lot of extra attention. I know people think I'm nuts for so quickly going out and getting a new dog, but I just couldn't handle the massive hole in my life left by Nessie. I'm not trying to replace her, but I just was desperate to have that balance again. 

I was doing well taking care of the new puppy and my older dog is adapting to life with her, but today I received a sweet condolence card from my vet saying that they are making a donation to an animal rescue in Nessie's name and suddenly I was upset again. I know I haven't fully gone through the grieving process. I had a good cry over my sweet Nessie. I think I'm going to be okay and a good dog parent to the new puppy despite my grief. I think the long duration of Nessie's illness helped me get used to the idea that she would pass. It's still hard, but I'm managing. I feel guilty, but I also think it was best for me to go out and get a new dog. I know it's not right for everyone, but I needed that absence filled. 
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