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EricG

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Posts: 3
 #1 
I lost my cat Raja three years ago today. My world was crushed, and for the longest time all I did was cry. I had guilt too for the longest time, and still do. I didn't feel I did everything I could have done to save him. He started having seizures, and lost his balance, had trouble walking. It just came on so suddenly, and it took him before I had a chance to react, and take him to a better medical facility. Three years later, I put my fingers in his cast of his paw, and cry with him. He was my baby, and always will be. I don't think most people understand the pain of losing an animal friend, especially one like Raja who I had for 17 years. I literally thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. It was the hardest thing I ever had to go through in my lifetime. I still cry occasionally driving to work and talking to him. After his death, I hired a pet psychic on two occasions to try and get some closure. It did help me, as she told me things about him, and details that nobody knew about. It helped me deal with things tremendously. Now on the 2nd of every month, which is the day of his death, I reflect on our time together, and tell him how much I loved him, and still do. Today is the three year anniversary of his death, and I wanted to honor him today with this post, and let him know how badly Daddy misses him. I lost a piece of my soul the day he was taken from me. I have pictures of him and his sister Simba, in a shrine I built on my bookcase. I also have both their casts of their paws that were made. I put my fingers in the casts and talk to them often. It helps me ease some of the pain. I just needed to express myself, because most people don't understand how much this effected my life. I know the people on this board understand the pain, and it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone in these feelings. Thank you for reading this. And Raja, know that I will love you forever, and as long as I'm alive, will continue to talk to you, and keep you in my life through the beautiful memories I keep of you. 
grievingmom

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Posts: 639
 #2 
What a beautiful tribute and how loving and caring for you to be doing so on this, the 3rd anniversary.

I like how you put your fingers in the cast of his paw and have pictures of him and Simba in a shrine.

Emerald my cat lived to be 19. I adopted her as a kitten. I have never lived with anyone (humans included) for 19 years. I left home early on. She died in 2015 and I would say just this year...2019 have I experienced noticeable relief from losing her to death. Noticeable relief does not mean a painless existence. It means relief that is noticeable, that's all.  Nonetheless, I miss having her in my life.  She was family for sure. No one would understand this unless they are super special or have experienced it for themselves. She was truly above and beyond human relationships.

My heart turned bitter after she died. She was family....we were together a large portion of my life.  I have now taken up meditation to undue the bitterness.

Take care,
Stephanie
EricG

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #3 
Thank you Stephanie. I too have experienced the bitterness. I had a very hard time dealing with his passing. I felt like he was taken from me too soon, and in an unfair manner. I felt anger, including anger towards religious things. Why would anyone take a loving animal in such a manner? I still have a hard time coming to terms with everything. I lost Simba a year and a half after Raja. But with Simba, she was 19, and I felt like I had done everything humanly possible to extend her life. She had a cancerous tumor removed from her side at 17, and another small growth from her mouth after that. I didn't care about the cost, but it was in the thousands each time. She came back happier after both experiences, and grateful for feeling better. It gave me another year and a half with her, which I wouldn't trade for the world. She had a great quality of life until the end, when we discovered her body was full of cancer, and she was ready to go. It was a natural progression, and I think she was starting to lose her sight as well. It was time. It hurt of course, but not like Raja. I wasn't given that extra time with him, or prepared for his passing. It devastated me. It still eats away at me deep down. I found a great state of the art medical hospital for animals after Raja had passed. It was the reason I was able to extend Simba's life. I wasn't prepared for what happened to Raja however. When those things happen, you go numb, and don't think clearly. I will never make that mistake again. I have two new Bengal cats, Sajah and Raina. The names are similar to honor Simba and Raja. They are 1 and 3. I have promised myself I will learn from what happened before, and be ready in the future for any medical conditions that may arise. But I still have grief over the past. It still hurts.
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