Registered: 1561484630 Posts: 1
I miss chewie so much. Her life was too short. She was taken from us way too early. She was barely 11 yrs old. We knew she had a heart murmur. We knew eventually this would happen. We didnt know it would be so sudden and soon and how it happened. She couldnt breath and was coughing up blood. Her heart was racing and her gums were turning blue. I rushed her to the er and they told me what was up. Congestive heart failure. They had her in an oxygen box with an iv trying to drain her lungs while trying to keep her o2 level up. She kept coughing up blood, her stool had blood in it. They told us she had a 5 percent chance to live another 18 months if she could pull thru this next 72 hrs and she would have to be on medicine the rest of her life. They said she could go home and pass in a few days, they cant guarantee anything. Is this really happening? My birthday was 4 days ago, fathers day is tomorrow, is this real? She was her normal self when we went to bed and literally turned this bad in 2.5 hrs? She didnt look like herself, she looked like she lost 2 pounds, her tail wouldnt wiggle, she couldnt breathe, her resting heart rate was at 140, she couldnt lay down, she wouldnt eat, she looked exhausted. But thats our baby girl, do what ever, i will pay what ever, just please get her healthy and home to us.
I have lost most of my family, i literally have 2 people left on my side of the family. None of their deaths has hit me this hard. Even my own mothers death. I sound like an idiot. But this is my baby girl, she is not just a pet, or a thing. She understands my emotions, she knows me, loves me, takes care of me, is there literally 24/7, has been there through all the ups and downs in my life. 36 hrs later me and chewies mom makes the decision. It was the hardest choice i have ever made. Momma says her goodbyes and then i spend time with chewie. She couldnt stay so she had to go outside, i promised chewie i would be there in the end, i will bring her home. I cant describe the pain and emotions that followed those 2 shots and leaving my puppy there afterwards. I held her and kissed her and looked her in the eyes as i told her we loved her, i love u, we love u, we are sorry. Hoping this was comforting her as the process happened. Hoping my voice, my embracement, my sight would be all she thought about her last few mins of consciousness and life. We chose to cremate and keep her ashes. I also got her paw print in glass. 10 days later and i get the call to pick up her remains. I left work. Picked her urn and paw prints up. First time i get to hold my puppy again. I finally get to bring her home like i promised. Forever. She will be back home soon, where she belongs. Our home still feels empty, quiet. We still look for her since our whole life revolved around her. We cant get rid of her toys and collar and leash. Her blanket is still on the end of the bed where she slept for over 11 yrs. We miss her puppy smell. Her toys and blanket are starting to lose that puppy dog scent. We miss her so much. I know time heals all wounds. We love our chewie. We miss our chewie. We want more time with chewie. I feel so angry, guilty, sad, depressed, pissed off. I keep thinking did we make the right choice? Did i just kill my dog? Should we have waited another 36 hrs? 48? 72? I feel like i betrayed my best friend.
Registered: 1560118667 Posts: 28
I am very sorry for your loss.
Please do not blame yourself but ask yourself the question 'what would I want people to do if I was this sick'. I know it all sounds cliche but you did the right thing. If your vet, who's main concern is the animal, tells you that chances are very low than you did the right thing. I too still have the thoughts of 'what if I did go through with treatments' but I then realise that the chances of my Nani getting through it were so low it would have meant putting her through more pain and suffering just so that I could have had a bit more time with her. It would have meant for her to suffer for my sake, and that ultimately is the responsibility that we take upon us when we adopt our fur baby. The most selfless loving gift we can give our companions is to not let them suffer. Time does heal all wounds but not the sadness that will persist through time because you lost a soul that loved you. And that is okay, to cry from time to time, to remember and eventually sadness will lessen. You will face a lot of new 'first times' again. And each one will hurt, but they too will pass. No, please do not blame yourself for doing the right thing, because that IS what you did, you made sure she would not suffer any more so please have comfort in that. Stay strong.