Petloss.com Logo. Puff and Midget under the rainbow

ALL the Pet Loss Message Boards are moderated to make this an ABSOLUTELY SAFE place for you to find support.
You must REGISTER before you can post or reply.
Posts and replies cannot be viewed until after they have been checked for content & released by the Board Moderators. - EdW
Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board
Sign up  |   |   |  Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment  
hopps

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #1 
I've kept rabbits for 5 years now, and I've always tried my best to keep them happy but I still blame myself for the losses of 3 sweet little bunnies. I'm sorry if this runs on a little long, but there's a lot to say about them!

I started with 2 tiny baby bunnies in 2012. mine was called Whiskey and my sibling's was Hester -
they were little grey lop eared puffballs, Hester had copper fur on his ears and neck, while Whiskey had white - they were gorgeous!! from the first day I got her, I absolutely adored her. she was so soft and fluffy and patient and I was very new to having rabbits. I brought her and her brother into my room a lot to play with, but one night I put them in their hutch outside and when I came out to feed them in the morning before school, Hester was gone and Whiskey was sitting in the middle of the garden. it was my sibling's birthday and I had to wake them up and tell them I couldn't find their bunny - he was only a few months old. I realised over the next few days that I must have left the hutch door unlocked, which let the bunnies escape, and I never saw Hester again. I only have a few photos of him, and it still hurts to know he never even got to grow up because of me.

Whiskey became my best friend - she wasn't very fond of other bunnies and so she basically bonded with me instead. she'd fall asleep on my lap and insist on being fussed over, and she used to make a buzzing noise whenever she was excited! but I still didn't really know how to keep rabbits properly, and I ended up overfeeding her without realising what I was doing. but she was still a happy bunny, and I loved her with all my heart. I was going through some very tough family times and she was the one thing I could rely on.

after school I headed to my friend's house when I saw my mum parked there. I asked why she was there and she asked me "how would you like to get two baby bunnies from pets at home!" and my heart sank. when I got home, I searched for hours to find my sweet rabbit. she had a habit of escaping the garden and hopping two doors down through the alley to our neighbour's which she loved for some reason, but she wasn't there. after a long time, I found a puff of white on the ground in an allotment a few doors down, and I knew it was her tail. there were drops of blood on the ground and they led to a burrow - I was hoping with all my heart that it was a rabbit den, but I always knew it was a fox's. so, I never got to say goodbye to my little lop baby, and I don't know how much pain she was in when she went. she was only 2.

I know I could've worked harder on making the garden more secure and I should've researched rabbits a lot more while I still had her.

I learned from that, even though it really broke my heart to lose my best friend when I needed her most. my family built a little enclosure around the hutch so my rabbits could have space to run without having to be supervised - it was about knee height but had no roof. it's been 3 years since then, and it still hurts thinking of her, but in a way where I can't vividly remember any good times I had with her, even though I have photos and stories of them - I can only remember finding that little tail and burying it because that's all I had.

after a while I bought 2 new baby bunnies. a brown lionhead (almost like a hare) called Peanut Butter and a harlequin lop called Butterscotch. they loved each other so much right from the start! Butterscotch would hop over to explore the little glass cage at the pet shop but after a minute or two, she'd hurry right back to Peanut's side. they kept me going through my depression and anxiety and my worst days at uni, because I could always come back and see them make each other happy again.

Peanut was very nervous from the beginning, but after 3 years of love I finally got her to come over when I called her! (when she felt like it) she was so pretty and she looked hilarious when she was eating. she also had allergies, so she'd sneeze a lot and end up with a snotty nose which she very often blessed my clothes with. on October 12th, I woke up at 8am to some screaming from outside. I got up and saw a fox in the enclosure, and ran as fast as I could outside, but when I came over my girl was already lying on the floor. she was still warm and limp and her eyes were open. I really thought she was going to just get up.

Butterscotch had escaped behind the shed, and when I found her I was so relieved. we took her to the vet and she'd been bitten, but after antibiotics and pain relievers she's alright again and the bites have healed completely.

when we came back, Peanut was stiff. I was told by the vet to let her partner see her to understand what had happened, but I didn't realise it should be for about an hour. it was about 10 minutes and I couldn't take it anymore. I dug a grave and laid my sweet bunny down near where I'd buried Whiskey's tail. I still can't get the image of her out of my head, it's like it's replaced any positive memory of the years I had with her.

it's been over a month since then, and unfortunately we'd had a holiday booked for a while. I put Butterscotch in a pet boarding place all on her own, and every day since I've cried about my bunny. I feel like I'm not here at all, I found myself disassociating a lot, and every little thing would remind me of her. I've been building a new enclosure to ensure her safety, and she's been in my room for the time being. but she's been different since - kind of bad tempered. I think she misses her partner too, and I want to rescue a bunny to keep her company. but I feel so heartbroken after so many losses, and every day I think about how I could've done something differently. I just don't know if I have it in me to love a rabbit as much as I have, because I don't feel like I can get through this kind of thing again. Peanut was only 3, and I feel like I'm a curse on innocent creatures no matter how much I love them. I just want my bunny to be happy, but I don't think I could bear to give her away either, even though I've been thinking of it. I feel like I'm too old to be this upset over a rabbit, and no one around me has experienced the sudden loss of a young pet, so I don't feel very consoled by them. I think my friends and family think that I should have gotten over it, but it just keeps hurting so deeply.

I'm sorry again for the essay, but I've been feeling really awful recently. I'm just not sure how to look on the bright side.
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #2 
Keep doing what your doing. It sounds like your heart is in the right place. Sometimes things happen that we can't explain. It sounds like you really tried and are willing to keep trying. Do your research and fix the pens like you said. Maybe getting another bunny to keep Butterscotch company. Animals grieve just like us. Don't give up. And no it's not wrong to feel sad for a bunny. It doesn't matter dog, cat, bunny or a bird it still hurts when we lose them. Hang in there. Cry if you feel like crying, it's a way to grieve. be kind to yourself and thing of all the good you've done.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
hopps

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #3 
thank you so much for your kind words. I think I'm just scared that it'll happen over and over and I won't be strong enough to take it anymore.
I'm looking for a bunny friend but things aren't going very well at the moment, but I'll keep hoping.
thanks again, I appreciate your reply so much!
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #4 
Hopps,
Give yourself credit. You have an inter strength that you don't think about. You can do this. I too always think that I'm not strong enough to keep doing this over and over again but I do.I wouldn't want to miss one minuet of sharing love with something I love to the end of the earth. Each time I say I can't go through the hurt again,my heart heals some and I share my love with another four legged love. You can do, again when your ready.
Bunnies need souls like yours
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
hopps

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #5 
hi cosesmom
I read your comment as soon as it was posted and it's been on my mind every day since, but I felt like I couldn't find the words to reply. it is still so painful and lonely without her, but I searched for days and finally found a little bunny at a rescue centre to come home with me and try to help me and Butterscotch feel less lonely and make us happy again - he's coming home on Thursday and I'm really excited for it!
thank you from the bottom of my heart for sending me so much kindness and support. I know it might hurt forever, but I can heal and I can do this.
bright souls like yours are appreciated in this world.
sending a lot of love and hugs to you and Termy!
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.

If you can, please help support this Message Board with a donation: