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Benniesmom

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Posts: 95
 #1 
My life without you angel boy is so empty. I go to sleep crying and I wake up crying. I miss my little angle boy so much. You were supposed to stay and help me through this illness. You were my daily sunshine. You put a smile on my face everyday. Now all there is is sadness and pain. I am trying so hard to find a little happiness, but I just cant seem to. Everytime I do, I think of you and then I just get sad again. I know you are in a better place now and no longer suffering. No more chemo. I felt guilty about giving you that chemo, but I just wanted you around a little longer. I know it made you sick and you lost your beautiful fur, but it gave us HOPE.  I kept hoping and praying that you would be the one who might live a year like Dr. Buckman said. But you weren't and you were gone all too quickly.

I miss you, I miss you, a million times I miss you.

You were the joy of our lives. Everything we did centered around you. We didn't go on vacations without thinking of you, even just overnite.

Please my baby boy come to me and let me know you are ok and that we didn't let you go too soon - because that is one thing we are fighting with. Did we let you go to soon. You just seemed so sick and you kept looking at me with those beautiful, soulful brown eyes of yours. It was like you were begging me to help you. AND I COULDN'T!!!!

A million times I love you, a million times I miss my precious angel boy.

JerryC

Registered:
Posts: 1,569
 #2 
Benniesmom;
I know it is so hard; Please open your heart a little wider, you did the right thing. In reading your post the tears came again as they so often do here for us all. I also would look at our "Peach" during those last few days. She was having trouble standing and when she went out side would often fall to her side. As i watched her sit on the floor I couldn't stand it and would have to have her in my lap constantly. But I to, during the day before we made our journey, saw that same look in her eyes, even though her sight had failed her a few months ago. She would sit with her head down as if saying "Please, if you love me take me away from this world of pain. Please, as hard as it will be release me to run free once again". It was at that moment I knew what I had to do. We do it for them, yes sometimes, no disrespect intended, we are thinking of ourselves and how hard it will be with them gone from our lives. I know we each have to make that decision in our hearts. Some agonize if it was too soon, I sometimes agonize if it was too late. I now wonder as I look back how her 16 years seemed to catch up with her over night and think maybe I should have done it sooner, release her from our world to another free of pain. But it is the same old syndrome we all face the dreaded "What If's". My heart goes out to you both but it was the right thing to do at the time. You did it for the love you had for Bennie, they miss us to and I truly believe each and everyone of those who have left our lives look down on us  from that beautiful and happy place. They more than us know that one day we will be reunited for an eternity, and I also know as hard as it may seem, because they loved us so much would want each of us to not be so sad and going through what we all going through during each of our losses. Best wishes to you both.---------Jerry in Oklahoma.
basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #3 
I am so sorry.  I feel how much you loved your baby, and how the pain is eating you up. 
We will do anything to keep our babies alive, we just dont want to be without them.  You loved your boy just remember that and he loved you, love does not end just because you are not together.  He is with you, and he is sending his love to you, he also knows that everything you did for him was out of your deep love.  I hope that you soon find peace.  Thinking of you, Love Di xxx
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