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reineeann

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Posts: 1
 #1 

i am out of town and my hubby is home with my baby and animals.  On Sunday, my husband was working in the yard with a friend and when they were done, he checked the gate to our yard and went to change clothes.  Got in the car with his friend and went to get dinner. When he came home, the gate was open.  Apparently his friend had gone back in the yard to get something and when he walked out, the gate didn't latch all the way.  My beloved dog who we rescued last year and had for only 10 months (we think he was about 13 years old), went out his doggie door in to the yard and wandered out the gate and got hit by a car.  We lost him.  I can't even think...all i have done for the last 4 days is cry and throw up. Going home tomorrow.  I am beyond devestated.  I love this dog more than I can explain, but i'm sure many of you understand. I've asked my husband not to tell me details. I need to believe it was quick and he did not suffer. I don't want to know.  I can't imagine how horrible it was to die that way, and although i know how much we love him, i can't stop worrying that he didn't know and feel horrible that he died without us there.  I don't know what to do.  I feel like i want to die. I have not been home since this happened (couldn't get home...long story) and i am going home tomorrow. My husband loves this dog as well. He feels terrible guilt, like it was his fault.  He keeps saying he should have checked the gate again. I know it was an accident and he would never have done anything to hurt him, but I can't understand this and feel like i want to hate him for taking my precious baby away.  He has had a really hard time with dealing with this, and i know i need to be supportive. I don't want to be mad at him, but i can't help it.  Someone please help me. I love my husband dearly and he is devestated. We have four indoor cats that we love as much as the dog, and i'm terrified one of them will somehow get out. I can't bear to lose my wonderful dog.  I need help...i can't stop crying. I have been away from home for 12 days, and missed my husband terribly, but now i don't want to see him since this has happened. Part of me knows it could have happened to anyone, but part of me feels like he caused this, although i know it isn't logical and i don't want to feel this way.  I love my dog so much.

kamc22

Registered:
Posts: 1,910
 #2 
I am so sorry for your loss.  It was a horrible accident, but please remember, it was an *accident*, which no one wanted to happen and could not have foreseen.

To be hit by a car...that is such a fast and instant end to life, there couldn't have been much lingering in pain, if any.  The time was way too soon, and so unfair because now your baby was there with you to be loved forever. 

I do not understand why things like this happen.  WHen so many millions of furred ones are put to sleep each year because a home isn't found for them... and here was your baby in a home full of love- and gone so soon.

However too short it looks to us, your furred one *did* know your love, will never forget it, and will be with you again.

Please be as gentle with yourself as you can right now, and do come here often as you need to.
luba

Registered:
Posts: 105
 #3 
Dear Reineeann, I am so sorry for your loss! Please don't be hard on yourself because you blame your husband.  I think 'blame' or 'guilt' comes to most of us when we lose a Beloved Pet; in hindsight, saying we 'should have done this or that'.  But we are all just human and don't foresee these things happening and the pet dies accidentally or disappears (happened in our case and my husband and I have both suffered guilt). 

You are in deep pain now, as we all are on this amazingly caring website where we can come to share our grief and pain with those who totally understand and don't judge, just help us by listening, by loving comments and posts.  Your husband is already blaming himself severely and is in deep pain, too.  Maybe if you both can talk about your pain to each other without ever using the word 'blame' which is a word I believe just causes more anguish.

My prayers and thoughts are with you today! 

polkadots

Registered:
Posts: 117
 #4 
oh, I am soooo sorry for your loss.
and understand the immense pain that comes with something so unexpectedly sudden like that. I experienced the same thing just last week.  while better I am still terribly heartbroken and likely forever will be. Please take care of yourself and your family. they all need you, and you need them. remember the good things about your lost one- and watch for signs. i am certain they will send you them.

you or your husband should not blame yourselves at all. God has a destined time for all of us, whether it feels like that or not. it's all part of the bigger picture somehow. I know this is hard to believe, especially during an accidental passing. but you must know your baby is not far from you. and can hear you and is watching you still. just over the hill at Rainbow Bridge. talk with them often, let them know they're still with you as well.

lots of love and light to get you through this day.

Pat (Daisy's daddy)

scruffysmom

Registered:
Posts: 438
 #5 
I am sorry for your loss.  Dealing with an accident is so incredibly hard.  Trying to not blame yourself is twice as hard.  I lost my beloved Gimli to a tragic accident Christmas Eve.  He was only two.  I went in the house to dry my hair and he was playing with his brother in the yard.  His brother's tooth got hung in his collar and he choked to death in the minutes I turned away.  Could I have stopped it?  Did he wonder where I was?  All these things still go through my head.  The collars were special break away collars, and they didn't work.  I did everything I could to protect him, but he died anyway.  My heart is stil broken. 

Know that things happen for a reason, although I don't see it yet.  He is in heaven now, but I will miss him forever. 


Mary

Registered:
Posts: 1,400
 #6 
I am so very sorry for your loss.  I understand you pain.  I hope you will be able to talk to your husband and share your feelings.  You need to support each other now without blame. 

When you lose your beloved pet there are so many emotions.
You will feel grief and devastation and sometimes anger and guilt.  So many of us have said "what if" or "I should have done more."  I have been there also. You both loved your best friend very much.  This was a tragic accident and your husband is in pain also.  I wish I could take away your pain.
Please comfort each other.

Many hugs to you,

Meisters Mom


LaylasMom

Registered:
Posts: 11
 #7 
I am so sorry for your loss.  The same thing happened to me on Friday...but it was my husband's friends that let her out.  My husband and I were at dinner.  I am so angry and upset.  I knew we should have put Layla in her kennel when we left but my husband said that his friends would take care of her.  My husband has been friends with these guys forever and now I don't want him to talk to them...not that hw is ready... and they are NEVER allowed in my home again. 

I know it was a horrible accident but I can't stop blaming them and my husband for saying they would put her in her kennel.  I adore my husband and I know that he loves her as much a I do but all I am left with now is questions.

What gets me past blaming my husband is that he did love her and would never hurt her.  However, I don't think I will ever not blame his friends or myself.

I miss her everyday.  This is Layla.


Again....I am so sorry for your loss.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
soulsearcher77

Registered:
Posts: 25
 #8 
I am sorry to hear about your dog as well. I just lost my cat AMBER two weeks ago, to a cayote, I had her for eight years, but for a week i thought she may return. I thought i would die. I did feel that way in my heart.

it is normal to look for answers and point towards who, or what could have been differently, I keep doing that myself and blameing myselfl, please try to move to the next step of healing. I cry everyday yes, i am hurt and sad and look for answers, to why


still today i cry but if we can all help eachother. know that you are not alone, be it dog, cat , human, we love deeply and so deep it hurts when there is a loss. i am not trying to preach i just want to to feel that there is understanding of you and your loss that is how i feel better too.


Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #9 
Personally, I feel this is the worst way you can lose an animal (combined with a lost animal). I would feel the same way you did, honestly. I guess it'll take more time to put it in better perspective.
It's raw right now and your emotions are that way. Emotions aren't necessary "logical" they just are. Take care. I'm sorry for your loss.
Gruntsmomforever

Registered:
Posts: 699
 #10 
Dear Reineeann,

I am so sorry for your tragic and accidental loss of your precious boy.  It is so new and your emotions are so raw, and I know it hurts so much.  There is no comfort, except perhaps that you know that we feel your pain and anguish and you are not alone.  This is a devastating time for both you and your husband, each of you suffering this tragedy in your own way, and mourning the loss of your boy whom you both loved so much.  I keep you and your husband in my prayers, and say a prayer for your Little One.

With deepest sympathy,
Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever 
Luna13

Registered:
Posts: 846
 #11 
I'm so sorry for your loss.  What a tragedy.  I realize your pain is very new and very deep right now, and it's very normal to be angry and point the blame at someone.  The only advise I can give you is to try not to point blame, especially at your husband or yourself.  Easier said than done, I know, I've been there.  It was an *accident* - a horrible, horrible accident.  Remember, your husband is hurting too, and if you could somehow come together in your grief and console one another it would really benefit you both.  We all ask the questions "WHY"; we've all been there.  Unfortunately there just aren't any answers.  It was just his time.  I realize this may not be very comforting to hear right now and I'm truly sorry for that.  I'm just trying to get you to understand that you and your husband did nothing wrong.  You loved your baby with all your heart and that's what matters.  He knows that.  He knows your heart.  He's not angry with either one of you.  He's not even angry with your friend who left the gate unlatched.  He's at peace and wants the same for you.  It may take some time for you to find that peace, but please know that you are not alone.  We've all been on that dark path and we understand your pain.  It's horrible, I know.  Sometimes I find myself asking that same question "why", and I have to remind myself not to - it's just the devil trying to mess with my mind.  It was just his time.  God knows the reasons - only He has the answers.  Try to put all that pain and guilt and blame you're feeling in Gods hands, and try to remember the good times and beautiful memories you had with your beloved dog.  It's only then that you may begin to heal.  But take your time.  That time is different for everyone.  Know that your baby is in a beautiful place and is at peace.  His lovely spirit is always with you.  Come here often and share some stories with us.  Everyone here is wonderful.  This forum is a Godsend. You're in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.  May God lift you up into His loving arms and grant you peace.  Many hugs to you.

Gerlie (Gypsy and Luna's forever mom)
drbones

Registered:
Posts: 111
 #12 
Hello there,
I am so sorry for your loss of your dog.  I, too, lost my very special boy cat when he was hit by a truck in April.  We had to take him to the vet to be pts as his injuries were not sustainable with life.  He was my everything. It is a horrible thing to go through, especially as it was an accident.  I blamed myself on Hanks death as he was running across the road to be with me.  I blamed my husband in the fact that he didn't seem to be grieving (when in fact we were grieving, but in different ways).
I do believe that your dog is watching over you from the rainbow bridge, and that he is healthy and whole again there. 
I hope that you get home safely, and that you and your husband can find comfort in each other.
Many blessings,
Heather, Hank's forever mommy
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