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MadduxsMommy

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Posts: 65
 #1 
Today has been a rough day. Another one of my "lows" I suppose. I just really want a sign from Maddux. I need to know that he is okay and knows how much I love him and miss him. 
I woke myself up this morning calling his name. Then I noticed the nose prints he left on my bedroom window. I had a dream last night that I had these four kittens that all fit into the palm of my hand. I rushed them to the vet, just as I did Maddux, because I thought they were dying. Then the vet came out, shaking her head, just as she did with Maddux. I don't know what that meant. I don't feel like these are signs, though.
Then, in the same dream, the vet said something that I think reflects how I feel people perceive me lately. She said, "Why are you crying? Don't you think that's pathetic?" My vet is very sweet and did all she could for Maddux and that is not at all indicative of her personality. But I feel like people are tired of hearing me cry and talk about Maddux. No one has said that, but it's just how I feel. I guess because life just keeps on going. I still have to go to the grocery stores, pay bills, do work, etc.
Can any of you give me any insight? Will I ever get a sign?

mollyboltsmom

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Posts: 991
 #2 
I know how much you miss Maddux. I know what it's like to go on with life when the one thing that was your life is gone.
It was several months before my schnauzer Molly came and started giving me signs. And as others here will tell you, it's the little signs that mean the most. Sometimes things that you don't even think of as signs.
I know what it's like to have people in your life wanting you to get over it. Don't let them rush you. It takes as long as it's going to take.
You have my prayers that you will have a sign from Maddux that will ease your mind and give you some comfort and perhaps even a little joy.
Come here often and post. It really does help so much and nobody here will be anything but compassionate.
Molly's Mom
Kristin

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Posts: 185
 #3 
I am so sorry for you and your dear Maddux. Please know that you can and should grieve at your own pace. It's okay, and we on the forum completely understand. Try not to pressure yourself by seeking a sign from him; it will come when it comes, and may be subtle (or not!).
We're here for you.

lisapo

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Posts: 43
 #4 

i lost my scrappy 2 weeks ago today and i feel like i have to hide my grief because everyone is saying i have to "get over it, and get on with your life".  i am so glad i found this site to see i am not alone.  the crying has gotten better, i can go a couple of hours with no tears, but the pain is still unbearable.  i got a prescription of xanax from the doctor but haven't really taken any because thats not going to help me not wanting my scrappy back.  i feel guilty any time i laugh now because how can i ever be happy again without him?  i know i need some kind of help because i'm just walking around in a fog and its affecting my job.  i always would say to people that have lost someone that time does help but i don't know if i really believe that it will for me.  i really don't know what to do.  Lisa. 

kittiekat

Registered:
Posts: 215
 #5 
Hi Lisa, all,

I know how you feel.  Tomorrow will be two weeks for Smokey and I feel like I am in such a funk.  I cry a little less, but I'm no less sad.  I hope that soon we will all be feeling a little better

Kittiekat
ravendewynter13

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Posts: 10
 #6 
Madduxsmommy,
Dreams are really weird. I have so many odd ones.  I think the meaning of the dream is not that other people are tired of you crying but that you are worried that other people are tired of you crying.  Most dreams are just reflections of our own fears and insecurities.  But its ok to cry. Cry as much as you want. No one has a right to tell you how much or how little you can love someone else.  Its like when you have a relative who's really poisonous to you.  You don't necessarily have to love them if they are bad for you just because you are related. Its the same with our animals. No one has the right to tell us that we can't love them like our children and grieve for them when we pass.  So if you have another dream like that, just tell yourself you are fine and normal and that the dream is representing your own fear that other people are tired of hearing you cry.  You are fine just the way you are and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise! Besides, how can any of us tell if we are annoying other people unless they tell us!  They could be wrapped up in their own troubles.  So don't even worry about someone else being annoyed with you. Just take all the time you need to grieve. 
KimSerenity

Registered:
Posts: 24
 #7 
Hi.  You are certainly in my prayers.  I lost my sweet 15.5 yr. old, 3-legged Brittany Spaniel, Brandy Tuesday a week ago.  The tears still flow and I've decided that there's no proper way to grieve.  Nine years ago, I lost my 18 yr. old kitty, Sabby.  Sometimes talking about her still makes me cry.

My 9 year old Godchild said something very special to me last Friday.  I had almost cancelled our yearly visit, as it is a six hour drive for me and I was a mess.  But, I strongly believe in not disappointing a child unless absolutely necessary.  I am so glad that I didn't cancel this visit.  She saw my Brittany key chain and asked for Brandy.  I explained that Brandy had passed away.  She said, "Don't worry, Aunt Kim.  God growed her a new leg and she's running and playing and happy again!"  Wow!  Just the image I had as Brandy drifted away from us.  I'm glad that my Godchild didn't see the tears streaming down my face, as she was in the back seat of the car.

So, that's what I keep doing - picturing Brandy waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge.  Signs come in strange ways, and my precious Godchild vocalizing my thoughts was a sure sign that my Brandy was now at peace.  I know that your sweet Maddux is playing with all of our "Furbabies" and enjoying until the time comes to meet us again.

God Bless you - you will remain in my prayers.

Love,

Kim
Kristin

Registered:
Posts: 185
 #8 
Why do people feel it's okay to say "get on with your life" to someone who has lost a beloved animal companion? Can you IMAGINE saying that to someone who has lost a human child?! I don't have a human child, so I can only describe what it's like to lose an animal companion, but I think the grieiving can be even more difficult because there is so little understanding and support from people afterwards. When a child dies, the grieving family is supported, loved, and taken care of by friends, other family members, and society at large. Most everyone can empathize and sympathize with someone whose child has died. But it's different for grieving animal parents. That's why I'm so grateful for this forum and for folks like you.
MadduxsMommy

Registered:
Posts: 65
 #9 
Ravendewynter and all of you other loving people,
It's so funny that you brought up the point about the poisonous relative. One side of my family are so consumed with their disapproval of my upcoming wedding (my fiance is blue collar... snobs)... that they have not sent ONE WORD of sympathy to me. I have heard from people from all walks of my life and those I surround myself with have been nothing less than angels. They are also grieving for Maddux, but not at the same capacity that I am. Maddux gave me one more thing before he passed: the knowledge of who truly cares for me. I come here to supplement when I am alone, which is when it is the worst. The day after Maddux died (July 4), the relative and her boyfriend, who started all this mess, BOTH got knocked down off their high horse on the same night, in two separate instances. My best friend (who has a Cocker Spaniel who is her child) told me that Maddux must have gone to Heaven and said, "Listen man, these people are being mean to my mommy and future daddy and we need to teach them a lesson!" That made me laugh.
I really appreciate each and every one of you for helping me through this process. Yesterday, there were a lot of tears; today I am like a zombie.

ravendewynter13

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #10 
Madduxmommy
I used the poisonous relative example because I've got a whole side of the family I never talk to. So, I guess you and I are in the same boat!  I agree, these situations show us exactly who really cares and who understands us best.  I'm so sorry yesterday was tough.  Our Hayden died aroudn the same time Maddux did so we are in the grieving process too.  Just know you are not alone and that plenty of people are not only grieving for your Maddux, but other people are grieving jsut as deeply for their own pets. That always helps me - knowing I'm not crazy for having loved an animal so deeply.  I think people like us are blessed. We have a capacity to love that other people just don't understand. It can hurt terribly but its also a gift. Just imagine the stampede we will receive when we cross over!  Those people who don't seem to care won't get nearly the reception. 
Also, I want to say this because I've had to say this to myself frequently, it will get better and its OK for it to get better.  Doesn't mean you don't love and miss your baby.  I always tell myself my animals go before me because no one will take care of them like me.  Also, when a beloved pet dies, I know there will be another animal in need of the love and affection only I will give them.  A new baby NEVER takes the place of one we have lost.  Our capacity to love is endless, something people who are snobs or don't care about our animals have no comprehension of. Can you imagine what a sad and trully insignificant life that must be? Being a loving person isn't about showing love and kindness to someone who can nominate you for person of the year award, its loving someone who can't nominate you but you do it anyway because it just feels right.
Ok, I'm rambling I see!  I hope today is brighter for you. 
Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #11 

Madduxmommy--Sorry about your loss of Maddux. I'm like a zombie today, too, with my loss. Take care.

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